Part 4 of the Odyssey:

Me and Two Buddha Go to Montana & Fernie

Sat 22nd March:

Well, we left Idaho on a gorgeous sunny morning, and admired the weather and scenery through Montana, driving up towards Kalispell. The countryside became drier and bleaker, and reminded me of Australia! TB was snuffling and honking as his cold took hold.

We drove into Kalispell after dark & searched for a cheap motel.A tacky casino caught TB's eye; it advertised free food! So we checked-in there.The drill was we ate for free in the casino, and then TB would blow $5 on the poker machine.

A horrible experience was in store for me that night: The Snoring. The walls rattled, the furniture shook. How did his nose remain in place, I wondered.

He served the obligatory mug of coffee the next morning, unaware that I was secretly planning to either kill him or sleep in the bathtub, using the mattress to muffle the door.

It was a murky morning, and TB was quite ill. However, he insisted on driving me all the way up to Big Mountain so I could ski, while he returned to bed (he said). I thought this was terribly nice, and felt ,quite guilty. More on that later!

The weather was weird all day; foggy, snowy, then clear... The skiing was great and I met some nice people and was enjoying things greatly. Then a strange-looking yellow-grey cloud headed our way, gave me the willies and I decamped lower on the mountain and skiied the slow chairs for a few hours.

In the mid-afternoon I happened to glance over at the main quad, and saw that it was stopped, and they were unloading people with a rope. ,It turned out that the cloud I'd seen brought some freak squawls which ,blew a cable off the chair around lunchtime. ,They were still getting people off after 4pm...

The snow was generally hard packed, even icy up top (luckily I wasn't on ,the Radius's), but there was still plenty of fun to be had. A well laid-out ski area, with plenty of variety and some damn fine cruising.

TB turned up at the arranged time to pick me up, but he had a far-away look in his eye (and a streaming cold). Had he spent the day in bed? HA! That evening, he disappeared (to an AA meeting, he said), and Doggie and I just happened to find a shocking document in his stuff!

To see it, please go to:

http://www.geocities.com/colosseum/1298/licence.html

Doggie was deeply upset at this betrayal. A marriage licence! The next morning, when we got up to ski (sunny, bright and clear, TB decided to test his cold), Doggie insisted on being taken to the vet for a full beauty treatment. Hair cut and blow-wave, nails, new neck decoration, the lot. She had a rival! Time to put on the war-paint.

A great day's skiing was had (high speed cruising just for a change - not). The main chair stopped again, but they got it going, and gave us tickets for free drinks as compensation. The views from Big Mountain were stupendous, the crowds very minor, tons of snow, crafty runs, good skiing. A well-kept secret.

Scott left early to collect the dog, came back and got me, and off we went, back to Canada. (got a huge bottle of Tanqueray gin at the border ,for $16 too).

Headed for Fernie: amazing scenery, big rocky mountains and the Columbia river, still half frozen and a milky turquoise in colour. The town was pretty ordinary, and cheap motels were not to be found (the youth hostel was unspeakable). Ended up in a smoky hotel room (hotel lady saw the dog and made us go in a smokers room as punishment) watching an Aussie grab the best actor academy award (for Shine).

Tuesday 25th March:

Fernie! Another well-kept secret. Easily the most spectacular place I skiied: it is dominated by a massive cradle-shaped rocky pinnacle (no picture, sorry, try Mikey's page) and we had the place to ourselves, almost. We joined a host tour, nice people, met a grumpy moose on one of the runs (I empathised with him but he just shambled off glaring - needed coffee), got bored with the tour and ditched it.

Found some great groomed skiing: Fernie's gradient ratings are spot-on, ,and there were a few black runs which were groomed, and bloody steep.

The Prophet experienced the miracle of becoming Toast (lunchtime, a record, I foolishly thought), but I couldn't leave those beaut runs. The top tow was a pearler: like a rope tow, but it was a thin cable, which you grabbed, with rubber handle things which you hooked around your bum. This took you to some fantabulous cruising; they'd groomed bits straight down the mountain, and they were all totally untouched, groomed powder! I had fun. Shaped skis have their uses. The combination of steep, groomed runs and awesome scenery made Fernie a very warm memory of the trip: highly recommended. Met up with TB again (who was working his way through a jug of coffee and the paper, with Doggie keeping a close eye on him to ensure he didn't get ideas about sheep) and we left for ....Panorama! Pleasant drive in, after shopping in Invermere (where TB shared a Dairy Queen ice-confection with Doggie). Our digs were the main lodge right on the ski slope - brilliant. We smuggled Doggie in through the window, and TB fired up the gas stove for dinner

....and set off the smoke alarm.

Then he went off to sledge the resort hypnotist & I went to bed.

Thus ends chapter 4. Please view the pictures below!

	Hmmmm. (getting ideas)
	Waitin' for November...
	Back of Big Mountain (and Back of a vermin)
	Lake & Kalispell from front of Big Mountain (and unreliable chair)
	Back of Big Mountain without vermin (quite the opposite)
	Beaudy view, eh?! A Mountain from Big Mountain
	Here's me contemplating a nice fang down an immaculately groomed run at Big Mountain
	Scott, Dog (who's making the most of a rare cuddle) and the Columbia River on the road to Fernie
	Some blokes being Montanan

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