My short semester at the Y taught me many things. There I experienced a short and glorious dating life and learned many of life's lessons. Many who say they are wise also say you should learn from others' mistakes so you don't have to repeat them. I guess we'll have to take their word on that because if we do in fact learn from others mistakes and do not repeat them we wouldn't know it because we do not repeat them. It's worth a shot an any rate. Here, in a condensed form are some of the things I learned at BYU.
First of all, never use this line: "Are those space pants? Because your booty is out of this world!" The girl you use it on will either report you or laugh at you and your friends will laugh at you too.
Never make fun of a girl's boyfriend while you are asking her out while she is talking to him on the phone. The girl is liable to threaten to press charges for sexual harassment or something. Especially don't recite poems such as this to girl's named Friday:
I was thinking, Friday,
Will you go out with me Saturday?
It would make my day.
We could get J.R. out of the way!
What do you say?
Never tell N8 a joke that he doesn't think is funny. First N8 will tell you it is not funny and then he will explain to you that he knows what funny is and you are not funny.
Don't eat at Japanese restraunts where they cook in front of you. My friend got sick, I got sick, you will get sick.
If your Philosophy teacher looks like the bad guy in Last of the Mohicans, drop the class.
N8 rhymes with Ohio State.
If you want to date a guy from Tennessee you don't need a cute butt, you just need to look good in overalls.
Nice guys don't have trouble getting dates, they have trouble resisting them.
Anyone can kareoke to "Roxanne" by the Police.
Never expect anything in cheesecake. If it isn't on the surface, it isn't going to be there. Do not inquire about the contents of a cheesecake. Afterall, a cheesecake void of cheese is just a cake (much like a fig newton without fig filling is not fruit and cake, it is just cake).
Do not brag before playing football against people who play football better than you. And are bigger than you. And are faster than you. And have cleats. And can hurt you. . .
If you have the chance, learn to do Caponero. If you have the chance, also learn to pronounce Caponero. (I'm going to Brazil!)
When bouncy boxing a girl, no mercy, no prisoners, no no for an answer, and don't take no Schmack from anyone.
Halloween is more fun when you throw candy at people then slam the door in their face. But never forget not to throw candy at handicapped children. They come in peace.
