Untitled Document

my journal

April 16th

"And I find I kind of funny, I find it kind of sad,
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I'e ever had "

Wow, so I am not good at this journal thing. Last quarter went fine, was a bit stressful getting everything done but overall it was kind of amazing how fast it went by. I am now in my last quarter at Poly. I think its kinda sad but its part of moving on. I got accepted to go to school at UC Boulder and they have an aweseome program from what I have been able to tell from my research and my visit, so I am going there in the fall. :)

December 23rd

Wow, have you ever said you were going to do something…and then it got so far off your list it is a sad joke? Well, that is what happened to me and this journal. The year began off great but as it progressed it saw less and less of me. Anyway, like a big Christmas letter here is whats going on. Well Spring quarter wasn’t quite hell, felt like it but I have had worse. I got through Metabolism and the final quarter of pchem relatively ok. Metabolism’s high point I guess would be I met Dr Rice, my senior project advisor, thus eliminating all worry about what I was going to be doing for my senior project. The summer came and went. I spent the whole summer in San Luis. I tried to go hiking once a week and do somethings for me. My goal was to learn to surf, but it kept getting put on hold. I thought for sure I would do it near the end of the quarter when things were lightening up for me, but as you would have it there was a shark attack at Avila beach and well, other than the beach closing it kind of made me change my mind for a while. Fall quarter was a nasty one. I had the following classes: Ochem 3 with Dr. V, Seminar with Rice, Virology with Black, Pchem lab with Hagen and Senior Project also with Rice. It wasn’t a bad quarter, it was just way too busy. On top of school I was now working as an SI leader. Cool, fun, rewarding, but less time to study and I was also taking the Biochem and Regular GRE tests, and trying to my Graduate School Applications. While all the tasks are small they just added up to a bunch. I was so worried about my classes, mostly because part way through the quarter I realized I didn’t have time to worry about them. I couldn’t calculate my grades, I couldn’t stay on top of assignments. Everything was just spontaneous, it happened, I did it, I forgot about it. So while I was scared of what was going on it was simply because I didn’t know what was going on! The quarter turned out great though, the grad school apps are almost 100% and I made Dean’s List. Rock on! The San Simion earthquake happened today. Talk about shocking news. I really hope everyone I know in San Luis and everything is ok there. I haven’t been able to find out a whole lot, but I am kind of sad I missed the quake. I have a feeling lots of people are going to be talking about it when I get back. But mostly I hope everything is ok, and my house is still in one piece. Later this week is Christmas. I really wanted to get my mom a gift, but I can’t afford it. She told me not to get her anything because she knows of my financial situation but I can’t help but want to get her something, something to show I care. I keep seeing so many things I could get her, but alas, I am unable to do anything about it. Finally, next quarter is approaching. I am nervous about that one too. Adv Pchem, Adv Ochem, Immunochem, and Protein Techniques. Ugh! Why do I do it to myself, but it is ok. My mission is to lighten up a bit and have fun next quarter so we will have to see how it all pans out. Spring quarter for sure will be awesome; but one quarter at a time. I also realized this quarter I have little of a social life, not that I ever had a big happening one but after the few people I knew left in June I haven’t really replaced them with more people to hang out with. Thus making life not as interesting as it can be. S I will try to keep this up again but we will have to wait and see how things pan out. ~Chris

October 19th

Wow, it has been soo long since I have updated this, and now isn't the bestime either...of course. Anyway, never really left school, went to summer school now its fall. Leading an SI for Bio 151 this quarter..otherwise known as the infinate vacuum of time. But other than that looking at graduate schools and so on. Anyway, more later I promise.

Mar. 7th

Feb 26

Well I missed the deadline for the Resume books (in reality there was no way it was going to get done last week..something that just couldn't happen with the two quizes last friday..but now I have made a resume..and is here. It is exciting..I look a little smart or something wierd like that. I am stoked. School is going good. Presentation in biotech is over with. If there is one person in the group that was to have blown the presentation that would have been me, I was way too nervous and I couldn't read the audience..I couldn't tell if they were bored or lost...now I know what Dr Stevenson means!! Ugh, being a teacher must be tough stuff.
I am going to try to apply to be a SI leader in the fall I think..something I have wanted to do for awhile the people I have had as SI leaders were specatacular and they amazed me. I loved them, and in most cases they were more memorable than the actual teacher of the class..if I could have that impact on someone that would be completely groovy (yes I said groovy)
Tonight I realized once again there is no ally mcbeal. Although it is true that the show declined the last years it was on TV ally was still very quotable and quirky when they let her be. She was almost like a TV me...someone would have to be that nuts to act me out on TV I think. :) I am very satisified with that...my mind is um..postmodern I guess, Very non linear. Speaking of postmoderism and so forth...my final english essay can be on wuthering hieghts or the movie we are going to watch during the last week of class..which now to my pleasant surprise has been changed from the Velvet Goldmine ( which may be a very good movie) but to MOULIN ROUGE. I am so excited my final paper is going to be anylzing one of the best movies of all times, I don't even have to watch it again I could write the paper now...so excited.
I saw an advertisment in a class today for WOW leaders..I kept saying I would think about doing almost every year...I should really think about not taking that witch hunt class so I could ...I have said I would do that for awhile..this would be my last year to...would I regret not? Have to think about that one.
Anyway, its late should get to bed. Have lots to study and do tomorrow.
More later

Song: Vincet -Vonda Shepard ( Miss ally mcbeal..yes I do know that the song is a remake)

Feb 21

Another birthday come and gone. (Please note this was written the week after feb 21). Well I am 22 now ...a palindrome. And for apparently for the many out there who don't know what that is..(how this is possible I still don't know) but it is the same when read forward as backwards.
Anyway...birthday wasn't the most exciting..had a good day and then I got slightly intoxicated. I passed out next door or something then like in the wee hours (about 4) I got back to my own bed but wanted to take a sleeping bag and was silly minded. Although I don't remember this...it apparently happened. So 22 doesn't feel to different. Nuf said.

Feb 14

Hey all happy valentines day. I got my pchem test back this week wasn't as bad as I thought but I hope the next one goes better. I am excited about the possible schedule for next quarter...schoonover, rice, and black..should be quite impressive. I found out today Kyline got accepted at UCLA...I am extremely happy for her..I only hope someday I can do as well interms of getting into a grad school.
I heard today dolly the sheep died...she was put to sleep after they found out she had lung disease or cancer I can't remember..but that is really sad. Someday when I have time I am going to have to make a little webpage shrine the cloned sheep that have left us. We will all miss you Dolly may you rest in peace...<I wonder how Polly is doing?>
I had a realization via the radio tonight...1988 was 15 years ago..that made my valentines day suck.. that is the only thing I hate about my birthday..being strategically placed a week after valentines day, it always makes me think about where I am going and evalutate my life for about a week straight and it is always depressing. I don't really know why...but I do know that if there was no valentines day I wouldn't think about it as in depth and I wouldn't panic about a lack of relationship nor would I be as hard on myself about my life. I know many people go through it around valentines day..but I have that and a year older a week apart from each other so that makes me wonder if some how I don't prolong my own agony by over anylyzing it or something...makes on think
well until I have more..

song: Faith hill - cry...do they really feel it necessary to play it so much on Vday?
Britney Spears- I am a slave for you...some how one of MTV's top Valentines video..don't know about that

Ps. I have a ps to my journal ..how lame...anyway..ellen told a pchem joke today that she heard from another student..I like it so I am going to share it..(forgive my nerd like humour this once)
So they are trying to build a new race track so the horses will run faster than at any other track. They bring 3 chemists in to design the best track possible: an anylytical chemist, organic chemist, and a physical chemist. Well the Organic Chemist suggests that they can synthesize a compound such that it is rubber like and when added to the soil will make the horses move faster. The Anylitical chemist suggests that they can build a track such that the friction is minimal and the horses will be able to speed around the track. The physical chemist says " Assuming the horse is a sphere.."

Feb 10
Well my week of bad tests seems to be bad but not unrepairable (plus I probably did pretty nifty on the english test thing today). This is good. Life isn't as bad as I thought. In other news somehow I have 7th priority in registering for school for summer. Supposed to be in the top six every other quarter summer being on its own rotation...I had last priority last summer. Someone is going to hear about this!
Valentines day is at the end of this week..that should be interesting I guess, I never really mind the holiday until day of or afterwards. Birthday is a week from friday..that should be cool right? 22 my age will be a palindrome and for some reason I don't think I will very excited about that again until I am 88 or 99!!! I had big hopes to work on group project tonight but they have been slowed by a bad TV incident so I think I am going to read about microbiology instead. Which is all good...every class needs some attention sometime right.

And finally what does it say about society or just me when Joe Millionaire fails to satisfy me. But I am still looking forward to the two hours season finale next Monday..Woohoo!!
(and I reserve the right to change my mind about the tests for I have yet to see the pchem thing)

Song- Sarah Evans -- Born to Fly

Feb 7

Why can I not do Pchem? <there is a story behind this...lets just say...2.5 hours of testing..and um..well it wasn't pretty>

Feb. 1

Well as you can see the amount of time I spend on this journal thing is directly related to if I am in school or not! Anyway, classes are going well. I honestly can't believe how the quarter has been going. I have throughly been enjoying school and all and all not overwhelmed by it all. At the same time it isn't easy by a long shot. School still takes up so much of my time. I have also become a grader this quarter..just a couple hours a week, most of the time it provides me with a nice break from the day to day school work thing. This last week I had a Pchem quiz...I actually think I did well on it...first one ever!! I am soo proud of myself...I actually don't even care about the grade I just feel confident and happy with the performace I displayed on the quiz...GO ME!
In sad news the Columbia burned up re-entering the atmosphere. It really depressed me...I watched the newscasts all morning long and was on the verge of tears..it was really touching. I feel deeply saddend by the loss of life today. Partly I am confused about this. The world trade center thing on sept 11 didn't touch me as much as the Columbia incident today did? Why is that I wonder? Does that make me a bad person?? I really don't know. I guess it gives me something to think about. Thinking about NASA today I remember hearing about Distributed computing at one point in time...so after a bit of research my computer is now actively doing some work for Standford University that has to do with protein folding! Exciting huh? Well in some respects I think it may be futile..but I willing to help a bit...and then I will help with the genome, and some other cool tasks that my computer can help with.
Last saturday night, Kelly, Maggie , and myself went to a star party up in santa margarita...anyway tonight kelly is taking people up there to share with us the Mythology behind the stars..kind of geeky but it should be a good time...plus I get to look at the stars again. The only bad part is this week there will not be any telecopes..last week I was able to see the rings of saturn...it was cooler than it sounds. :)
Anyway, this week looks to be daunting, lots of work to do and lots of tests to take. Micro( lab and lecture), Drugs and Poisons, and Pchem!! Woohoo. So we will see how it goes.

CD currently playing in my Stereo: Shania Twain -- Up! (and it did look like she was lipsyncing during the super bowl no matter what ABC claims)

jan 6-03

today was the first day of school, quite amazing actually. I am excited about a quarter and while I usually feel nervous anxous and excited about the first day and what the teacher want from me I recognized that today. I realized that when I take a hold of a teacher's sillybus I get nervous, I have now learned to relax and not worry, everyone else is feeling the same thing. My english class, which when first hit me I was scared of, I now look at it as an eager challenge. How would my life be different as an English Major. Pchem which I was defetly frightened of last quarter seems do able with taking one concept at a time. And finally, while I have not yet seen the full wrath of Microbiology, it seems to all be review. I must keep on top of that class because there will come a time where new information will sneak in if I don't thoughly analyze it all.

I got an exciting email today. Emails are often things that are personal but this one came from a mailing list. Alanis Morissette's Mailing list. Anyway, I would love to share this entry as it is put from Alanis's Journal because I feel although it may not be written directly to me the feeling is still present and very moving.

"so what do i wish for you....
i wish..
the opportunity to speak your truth (whether you're heard or not, but i wish
for you to be heard at least once, in a big way, to know how that feels)...
to walk at the pace that feels good for you (curling up in a ball counts)
the opportunity to live your day to day life the way you would love to see
the rest of the world live...
that you know who your resources are and that you turn to them when you need
some help and that you have the courage to reach out
i wish you humor in everything, no matter how serious it is...
i wish you awareness of your connection to everything, no matter how disconnected we all may feel from each other
i wish you love for all parts of yourself, including the parts that you think are utterly unloveable.
i wish you endless expression in whatever form, whether it's in how you dress or how you speak or how you cut your vegetables
i wish you freedom from any box or construct that doesn't encourage life in you
i wish you courage to set your boundaries with clarity and love
i wish you allergy-free white kittens and pillows to fall into when you are despondent and spent and lost
i wish you faith in the moments where it seems stupid and foolish to have it
i wish you moments of blissful solitude and yummy community and safe intimacy in the doses that feel best
i wish you moments of feeling like a student, equal and teacher..all roles spent with you in your power..
i wish you gratitude for all that you have and boot strap up-pulling for when you want to move forward into entirely unknown territory,
for that is where i believe liberation and growth is most often found...

i wish this for you.
and i wish this for me." --Alanis Morissette

Song of the day: Unbeliveable- EMF

jan 1-03

well another new years here and gone. I flew back from montana into Vegas to spend new years. It was quite fun. We stayed at the Saraha (which by the way is too far off the strip if you want to see and do the other hotels). Wandered around the strip new years eve and saw the fireworks at midnight and also saw taping of Fox's America's Party Special in front of the Veninitan. I can now add Ja Rule, Ashanti, New Found Glory, and Dru Hill to the people I have seen live. My sister got quite a kick out of the chipndales dancers since she desprately wanted to see the Thunder from down under show. I really would have killed to see Sheryl Crow who was performing that night inside the venitian.
After lots of thought and consideration I have no New Year's Resolution. I am not saying my life is perfect, actually it is much far from it. After careful consideration I have decided to live each day to the fullest. To think about my choice whole heartedly whether it is freaking out about a test or what I am going to have for dinner. I will weigh the pros and cons and live each day to the fullest. Try my best to be more like Pooh. Eat healthier, think about what I am putting in my body and decide if that is something I really want to to and what alternatives I have. Not be harsh on my self for having fast food but realize that everytime I make the concious descion not to that is just as big of an accomplishment as going without for a long time. And finally be nicer to myself, don't stress and to be relaxed.

dec 30-02

well my montana vacation has ended. Sad really, well not so much sad as I wish it was longer. The lack of snow stopped me from skiing this year which was a bummer, I was really looking forward to it. Overall it was a fabulous vacation. This morning Mom, Jerry, and myself went out to breakfast at Durango's. Good breakfast time food, very plesant as a matter of fact. It turns out when we got home we found out all the restaurants in Superior are going smoke free as of the first of the year. This made my mom especially happy since her job is Tobacco Education person for both Mineral and Sanders county. I have never seen my mom so happy about news. It was good. Like a christmas gift for my mom.
I am going to miss seeing my mom and jerry, wonderful people to spend time with. The last couple of nights we have been watching episodes of Sex and the City. They were shocked such programs were brocast on TV ( I have a feeling they liked them though.) I also watched a movie called Serial when I was there, very odd show, but likeable.
Tonight it is hard to believe I am going to be in Las Vegas. Small nice outdoor town to overpopulated huge city, whatever should I do! It will be a small adjustment. And a week from today school starts, I am excited to see everybody again but I am not so sure I am looking forward to the query. Hope everyone has a happy new year.

Song of the Day: London - Alanis Morissette

dec 25-02

another christmas has come and gone. This was one of the simplest christmases I have ever had yet I think it was my best to date. Jerry came downstairs this morning yelling 'merry christmas' like a small child. It was a pleasant way to wake up. On christmas eve cale came over and spent the night so that morning there were four of us in our small christmas bunch. That night we watched zoolander and were all bored by a movie called lakeboat. Earlier that day I tried to find good gifts and we had a cozy dinner at a restaurant called Arrriba!. Anyway, opening gifts was quite fun, although we didn't finish until one in the afternoon. Could be because we all woke up so late. Mom enjoyed her gifts, which I am thankful for because i didn't have a whole lot to spend this year. And jerry made out with the tools. After gift opening we had soft boiled eggs and jerry removed antlers from a month old dear head with a chainsaw, nothing says happy holidays as flying bits of month old dear brain. Myself and cale then assembled jerry's new toolbox. Then it was a waiting game for our christmas dinner, which was nothing short of spectacular. Goose, salad, and squash with brown sugar...tasty. We then headed downstairs where we watched: lantana, emit otter's jug band christmas, and goodbye lover.
The best parts of the day were spending time with my mom and jerry and also getting to know cale a bit better. Watching jerry and cale makes me wonder what it would be like to have had a brother or a real dad when i was growing up.
Oh well, christmas is over now, have to wait a year until it comes again. One thing is for sure it will have a hard time beating this years joyous event.

Song of the Day: Linus and Lucy

dec 21-02

well I have made a decsion to make a webpage and another decsion, kinda to keep a journal. Print journals being more outdated and all I have decided to do it online. I guess we will see how long it will last but I have high hopes for it to last a while. Maybe it will become as famous as the Diary of Anne Frank! Well maybe not that famous, but famous enough. You never know, I could get lucky and get a writing career out of my mindless ramblings (probably not). Well maybe it will at least make me a better writer... (lol)... Ok maybe not. The only real problem with an online journal is people can read whatever you put about them if they so desired. What an odd thought. Well I guess it will at least keep me honest right? Ok, so I have decided I will try to keep an online journal or something that could be passed off as one in a pinch. The only real problem is I haven't kept a journal for a long period of time....ever... I attempted to last year on the boat...I always fell behind and was always writing about the past, which is no good! I want to be able to keep up with the present. On the plus side I do have a full book of thoughts and memories from when I was on boat. Ok, well this will be entry one....from there the next logical step would be to have an entry two, then three, and if I am lucky four (wow I feel the stress already). Anyway, this is going to be it for entry one. Hope you enjoyed.

Song : Jewel - Kiss the Flame -Jewel