Have you ever wondered what happens to the missing socks? You know the mates to all those socks you have hidden away in your bag, draw or box of odd socks? Well I have, and I've written up my observations and discoveries for you.
There are a number of theories concerning odd socks. I'll out line them briefly then expand each
Proponents of this theory believe that socks are actually coat hangers in larval stage. When they hatch you get a new coat hanger. Sounds simple. But there is one major flaw with this theory, how come I can NEVER find enough coat hangers? I'm open to more information on this theory.
There are those who think that washing machines and extractors eat socks. There is definite proof for this theory. Since I have found half eaten socks in my washing machine, and I have found other peoples socks in the extractor at the laundromat.
Washing machines of course come with a companion, Clothes dryers. Sometimes whilst tumbling around in the dryer socks start to go so fast that they go into time warp. This can happen in any dryer. This theory explains how you sometimes get other peoples socks in your laundry when you use the laundromat. It also explains how that black dress sock suddenly appears in your load of shirts. The socks caught up in time and re-appeared. This theory has often given me pause for thought, some of the socks must travel vast distances. Can you imagine a cave man wearing one blue sock and one argyle sock. Or some time in the future a ton of socks appearing on the USS Enterprise?
This is actually a sub theory of the time warp theory. In home dryers there are vents that move the hot air out side. Some times socks move into the vents. I can only assume that they do this through a combination of time travel and telaportation. Since I have never seen this theory in action I don't have a lot of information on it. However, once the socks are in the vent they are taken by squirrels (and other small rodentia) to use as sleeping bags.
As is obvious each pair of socks consists of two socks. What you may not know is that this pair of socks is made up of an Alpha and a Beta sock. As you may imagine Alpha socks are dominant. They eat Beta socks. So all the socks you have in you bag are Alpha socks, some times after consuming a Beta sock the Alpha socks get hungry again. While there are no recorded instances of humans being eaten by Alpha socks you should excercise caution when opening your odd sock bag. There a several pieces of evidence that point to this theory. I have often found a pair of socks with one having huge holes in it, this is a case where the Alpha sock was interrupted in it's meal. And in my odd sock bag I have found partly eaten odd socks. Some Alpha socks are stronger than others and try to feed on other weaker alpha socks.
So there you are, the latest findings in sockology. If you have a theory that I have not touched on here, or further evidence for those that are please e-mail me.
Back to Family Page Back to Heathers Page E-Mail Heather Heathers Sock Song The Bureau of Missing Socks