The City of Lost Socks

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The Strange Adventures of a Somewhat Normal Child as Related to an Unfortunately Normal Adult Who of Course Didn’t Believe Him

Thomas Xavier Edison McLocks,
Pondered upon the mystery of socks.
He pondered on socks that refused to be matched,
Despite all the clever plans that he hatched.

Everyone knows that socks come in twos,
And everyone has two feet and two shoes.
But how can this match be so quickly undone?
Where once there where two, he could only find one!
Thomas Xavier Edison McLocks,
Pondered upon the mystery of socks.
He thought and he thought until he felt that his brain
Would nearly explode from the fantastic strain.
Then in a brilliant flash, he had the solution,
There could only be one logical conclusion.
He knew the culprit was the monstrous and green
Spin Master One Thousand Washing Machine!
That meant one thing and he knew what it meant,
To get his socks back he had to go where they went.
Thomas had to go where his socks were last seen,
The Spin Master One Thousand Washing Machine.
It was a mindless sock-eating mechanical horror,
It stayed in his basement and lurked in the corner.
The thought of it made one’s mind go slack,
But Thomas had to get his lost socks back!
He screwed up his courage, he didn’t think twice.
He marched right up to the fearsome device,
And when he threw open the Spin Master’s door,
Thomas noticed something he hadn’t noticed before.
There was a tiny little door there in the back,
Doors always go somewhere, that was a fact.
So Thomas gave it a pull and he gave it a push,
And it sucked him right in with a frightening whoosh!
The very thought of it all boggled his brain,
Thomas McLocks had gone down the drain!
Then with a sudden pop the ride was through,
And Thomas was met with a wondrous view.
There, down below him, lay a strange sight.
A city of socks, that couldn’t be right!
So Thomas just stared as he started to fall,
He knew what he saw, but couldn’t believe it at all!
Then with a plop his fall came to a stop.
For into a pile of lint he did flop.
Thomas Xavier Edison McLocks
Had discovered the City of Lost Socks!
What a sad looking city was the City of Socks,
The buildings were dirty, there was trash on the walks.
The socks that were there, they were sad looking, too.
They never did smile or say, “How do you do?”
And everywhere there were signs that said “Keep Out!”
“Only Left Socks In Here, No Right Socks Allowed!”
Or “Right Socks Only, Left Socks Go Away!”
Or “No Right Socks, Only Left Socks Can Stay!”
“I don’t understand,” said Thomas, “What’s this about?
Why do all these signs say, ‘Go Away,’ and ‘Keep Out?’”
A blue sock said, “Why, it’s very plain to see.
Left socks are too inferior for the likes of me.”
“No, no!” shouted another, stepping into the light.
“The right socks are wrong and the left socks are right!
The signs are all there to keep right socks away!
Put them in there place and make sure they stay!”
Suddenly Thomas found himself surrounded by socks,
Red, yellow, blue, stripes, checks and dots.
He looked very hard, but try as he might,
Thomas could not tell the left socks from right!
But the socks seemed to know, for they had started a fight.
They stood right on the left and left on the right!
“Quiet!” shouted Thomas, “You’ve only confused me so far!
How in the world do you know which sock you are?”
The socks went silent while Thomas scratched his head.
Then a red striped sock spoke up and he said,
“To be quite honest, it isn’t that easy to tell,
That’s why we have Labelers to label us well.”
“Labelers?” asked Thomas, even more confused.
“We can’t tell the difference, so smarter socks are used.”
Explained the striped sock, “They’ve studied the learning.”
All this started Thomas McLocks’ head turning.
“Who are these Labelers?” asked Thomas McLocks.
“I would like to meet these unusual socks.”
The striped sock led him down a long street,
To a fancy big building where Labelers meet.
Two army socks stood guard outside the gate.
“We’re sorry, sir. But you’ll have to wait!
You must stand in line like all the rest.
Before the Labelers can give you your test.”
So there stood Thomas at the end of the line,
With a hundred or so socks who got along fine.
There in front of him was a perfectly matched pair,
Laughing and talking as if they hadn’t a care.
“Excuse me,” said he, “but you seem to be best friends.
What happens when you’re labeled and this comes to an end?”
“But we’re brothers!” they replied, laughing with delight,
“So when we are labeled we’ll be both left or both right!”
“That’s not how it works, you’re a perfectly matched pair!
Wherever a left sock is found a right sock should be there.”
The two socks looked sad, they had not thought of this,
That being labeled would mean the end of their bliss.
“What can we do?” they both cried in despair,
“We do so love being a perfectly matched pair!
Now you tell us se can never be the same!
We were both so happy. Oh, what a shame!”
Said Thomas, “Being labeled is the cause of your pain,
So why be labeled? You have nothing to gain.”
Thomas’ words gave the two quite a shock,
Not being labeled had never occurred to the socks.
“If we’re never labeled, then we can still be friends!”
Cried the socks, “Our friendship would never end!”
Away went the matched pair, still friends and brothers,
They simply refused to be labeled like all the others.
The other socks in line heard what took place,
And they too soon left without a single trace.
Soon Thomas Xavier Edison McLocks
Was the only one left, there were no more socks!
Behind large desks with papers and forms,
Sat the Labelers who decided the norms.
They all looked at Thomas with big blank stares,
He wasn’t even a sock! What was he doing there?
“You are the reason my socks won’t be matched!
What is this sinister plot that you’ve hatched?”
Cried Thomas, “Socks can’t get along with each other!
So they all refuse to be paired one with another!”
“Socks don’t have sides! There’s no left or right!
You’ve lied to these socks! You made them fight!
There’s no such thing! You don’t have a clue!
If you are so smart, tell me, which are you?”
The Labelers couldn’t answer, they were so stunned.
If they said they were right, by the left they’d be shunned.
They couldn’t be left and still be accepted by right,
No matter what they said, there’d still be a fight!
There came a low murmur from the gathering crowd.
They were getting quite angry and getting quite loud.
The Labelers were nervous, it was looking bad,
Now the sock knew they had been had!
Then the socks chased the Labelers out of town,
And they tore all the “Keep Out” signs down.
There were no socks that were left or right,
Socks were just socks, it was a beautiful sight!
Now Thomas McLocks has socks that match
And one red striped sock that likes to play catch.
And here’s the lesson you should understand,
Never listen to Labelers and wash your socks by hand!

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Steven Blood lives in rual NC with his wife and three kids. He is currently attending college for a Computer Science degree and dearly misses Dr. Suess.

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