HONG KONG'S CHAMPION SOCK SLEUTH!   Hong Kong - Asia's most active missing sock sleuth makes his 500th consecutive match in that Asian city's Bureau of Missing Socks' Office.   Marvin says his life long devotion to solving the problem of missing foot wear has been made easy by the Chinese who value their socks dearly and are more careful when both washing an storing them.  The Bureau's influence has been extended to mainland China where his son Mitchell, who learned all there is to know about the business from his dad, will represent out organization in Beijing.

PERVERT SNIFFS SOCKS!  Police in Newton, Mass are searching for a man about 5-foot-9, in his 20s, who allegedly proposition a teen-aged male as he was leaving a Marshall's department store. According to the teen, the man offered $20 to let him smell the teen's socks.  SOCK MATCH LEADS TO CALIFORNIA HITCHING   Jonathan Colby of Tuluca Lake, California, got more than foot warmer for Xmas when he listed a white, ribbed, sports sock purchased at the Broadway Department Store in our missing socks data base. A near perfect match was made with a single owned by Gloria Reynolds of West Hollywood. They decided to compare socks in person and it was love at first sight. Married on December 23rd in LA the couple say that they owe it all to the Bureau. (Note: Gloria found Jonathan's missing mate when she cleaned his apartment for the first time. He never looked in the bookcase.)

TABLE OF CONTENTS Girl Eats Socks!-Rare Medical Condition. Letters to the Editor!-Sock Soup from our readers. Matched Socks to Wedding Bells!-Couple Meets Cute on the Internet. Career Opportunities in Sock Enforcement!- The Bureau of Missing Socks expands. Comics New commercial section!- The Bureau of Missing Socks opens its door to advertisers. WOODSOCK-97- The event of the century! Socks found!- A regular feature. Sock it to me!- Sock humor comes to the Internet. Sports Stars Good Riddance!- Read about the latest craze. Return to Home Page.

Rare Medical Condition. Sock Eating Syndrome   Source: Medical Tribune News Service  SEATTLE - A 22-year-old woman was diagnosed with a rare medical condition, in which she craved consumption of socks. She was earthbound half a sock each evening. She also told doctors that as a teen-ager she chewed on and swallowed clothing. She was hospitalized after suffering from nausea and vomiting. The doctors found a large bezoar in her stomach. She was diagnosed with a rare condition known as pica, in which a person craves nonfood items. Previous to this incident, doctors have reported cases of people eating dirt, hair, chalk, clay, glue and other nonfood items. This is the first case of sock eating "Often, when people have a craving it is because they are lacking something in their diet," said Atif Awad, an associate professor of nutrition at the University of Buffalo. "If you don't give salt to cows, they start licking the walls," he added..

JOHN E SAYE <JSAYE@prodigy.net>
Date: Mon, 16 Feb 1998 01:58:18 -0500

I'm John  Saye, and I have a sock fiction submission for you. I'm an independent film producer in Atlanta, and I've recently finished a video project on the side with some friends in my spare time.  I thought you might get a kick out of it.  Right now it is available for viewing on the internet at http://pages.prodigy.net/jsaye/theatre. It is the first entry on the page, titled "Odd Socks: A Mystery," and it revolves around my theory of what happens to socks lost in the dryer.  The file is Real Video, so you'll need the appropriate viewer to view it.

Jackie jackieb@staff.ehs.wcape.school.za ()
Date: Sun, 15 Feb 1998 17:02:06 +0000

This comes from an English teacher concerned with the incorrect use of the apostrophe in Sock Collectors' Corner. (http://www.jagat.com/joel/hist.html.) "The Missing Socks Bureau  is constantly expanding its collection of.." An apostrophe is only used in "its" if it indicates a contraction.
IE. It's raining today.(It is raining today.) When "its" is used as a possessive adjective an apostrophe is not required because  the case  is already  possessive and an apostrophe is not required to
do this. " ...because its sister is at the Tate Gallery in London." Possesive
adjective. With an apostrophe the sentence would read "..because it
is sister." "...in the girls' dressing room." Apostrophe needs to indicate
plural possession so it must be placed after the "s". Granted you haven't made the error in every instance but enough times to have made this an interesting article for use in a language
class.
This letter is written because I also struggled for many years to understand the use of the apostrophe. Sometimes it was as puzzling as the mystery of missing socks.

Are you aware that in South Africa we have things called "sokkie jols". The USA equivalent of a "prom". Directly translated it would mean "sock party / rave". These may be a good starting point for retrieving lost or missing socks.

To wear no shoes or socks is known as wearing "Margate Socks". Margate is a popular holiday resort hence the origin. To wear shoes but no socks is called going "tubeless".

It's comforting to know that there are others concerned with the
mystery of lost socks.

 wcpanther@webtv.net (shirley duffey)
Date: Sun, 8 Feb 1998 20:39:21 -0600
This is not exactly a story, but is amusing anyway (somewhat).
     One day I was looking for a sock I was missing.  I ad the other one, of course, but I COULD NOT FIND THAT SOCK!  Finally I stopped to have lunch, looked in the fridge, and there was the sock.  How it got there to this day I do not know.  Maybe whoever steals the socks saw me
coming and threw it in there,  (Or maybe it was someone who was at my house who wanted to play a joke.)

LukYsocks@aol.com
Date: Sun, 1 Feb 1998 23:56:44 EST
i think you should have something about argyle socks... or something about lucky orange socks.... you should read some stories about lucky orange socks here Baby Eggs

Date: Wed, 28 Jan 1998 03:21:16 -0500
A. MCDONALD <OZDRY2@MAGICK.NET> (by way of Ashish Kumar I visited your sock page and I was wondering if you could tell us where we might be able to find clipartor animations of sock puppets.  It's for a non profit organization and we could really use the help.  Thanks.

Marie Cassels    ree66@webtv.net (marie cassels)
Date: Sat, 24 Jan 1998 21:37:36 -0600
Did the washer swallow my laundry of socks? Or could it be that my 8 month old ate them? Every time I wash clothes I always have a darn sock missing. I take them and put them in a box marked "MISSING SOCKS". So the next time I do laundry I can get a match. Nope! I end up with more
missing socks to add to the box. Then I have to get a bigger box to put more of those darn missing socks. Pretty soon I'll have a box bigger than my house. Maybe I should put beepers on all of my families socks. No. Then I'd hear too much beeping from all the socks that are missing here. If anyone out there has a missing sock then come to my house- I bet I have a match for you. Descriptions of our missing socks: long tube sock (white)  last seen on husband, small sky blue sock ( for baby) last seen in his hands chewing on it, young girls sock ( black with red bow) last seen on floor in bathroom,young girls sock (pink) last seen in car, womans bootie sock (white with gray on bottom) last seen on me.  Socks. Socks. Socks. I go to bed counting socks instead of sheep. Well, since all the socks disappear when I buy them and bring them home then that must mean I have a ghost in my house that's taking them. A sock spirit. I'l just not buy anymore so they won't vanish into thin air anymore. The family will have to be completely sockless.  Better than wearing mixmatched socks. Well, I'll be. I don't have a ghost . It was the dog. That darn dog took those darn socks.  The case has been solved. My socks are pairs again. The dog will get his on pairs of socks. Leave ours
alone.
 

 
dansch@webtv.net (Dan Schwartz)
Date: Wed, 21 Jan 1998 10:12:00 -0500
(as explained by Phonius Grant, Mad Professor in Junior Jackalope Comix Issue No. 1, by R.L. Crabb, 1982.)  "--It's very simple,really!... Have you ever gone to the laundromat, washed and
dryed your clothes,& mysteriously come up one sock short?!!  It happens every day... Thru the process of elimination, I dicoverered that they always dissapear in the dryer!  Two factors seem to be responsible for this phenomenon.
1:  The unique chemical properties of a dirty sock...2: The tumbling action of the dryer!  This creates a one-in-a-million reaction..which sends the sock into an ALIEN DIMENSION!!!" (Who would contend the plausability of such a rational, fully-rendered explanation?)
 

Date: Tue, 20 Jan 1998 22:16:57 -0500
Kelda Storkson<lib_user@mnu.edu>
I am doing a paper and would like to know if The Bureau of Missing Socks is indeed funded entirely by my tax dollars.  Please resond to:klstorks@mnu.edu immediately as my progress on this paper rests with your answer.

Mitch <Samcary@aol.com>
Date: Wed, 21 Jan 1998 19:49:43 EST
if you know so much about socks   who makes ths Action Sock? and how can I contact them

Seren d-Eli Justsomeguy@webtv.net (me me)
Date: Thu, 22 Jan 1998 08:35:04 -0800
4 years ago i thought i had lost a very valuable sock, the lone sock i had left seem to begin to fade imediatly at the disaperence of its "betterhalf" i took many long afternoons comforting this sock and
honestly it became my favorite, i had developed a special bond with it after years passed and i gave up all hope of ever reuniting it with its lost mate, i found myself becoming glad that i would have it for myself and never have to share it with its partner again, then last week he was found, i never had seen my beloved sock so happy at this reunion, i was jealous, but i told myself i was not going to allow my misery get in the way of that beatiful socks happines, then last night i came home after
drinking heavilly and i found my sock in the sock drawer wrapping its delicate self around "the other one" i went insane and i pulled them from each other tossing my presious onto the bed, i bundled up all the socks from the drawer it mattered not if they had partners,  pateren or if they were even athletic socks, i stuffed them all into a bag and sent them to your money making pyramid,
I HAVE SINNED   please help me repent of my evils help me make it all right again help me find the mate to my sock

Date: Mon, 19 Jan 1998 10:17:12 +0200 (IST)
Amiel Schatz  <aschatz@bgumail.bgu.ac.il>
Dear Bureau, my congratulations on your long needed and innovative work.
My I add a small contribution, a poem I wrote some time ago?

Born
in pairs, identical twins, they do not
love togetherness. They long, it seems,
for separation. Nor do they enjoy
inescapable intimacy with odoriferous
appendages, sandwiched twixt skin
and pounding leather. They yearn to
sojourn, solitary in dark repose,
bundled in sardonic society
with others of their mutinous ilk,
sniggering silently at the futile
strategems of baffled humankind.
Do what we may, they shall emerge
alone, enigmatic, and mordantly
matchless from their co-conspirator
and cohortthe washing machine.
Sic transit hosia mundi.
 

Date: Mon, 16 JAN 1996 12:59:02 +0000
Jill or Steve <stephenbalchin@easynet.co.uk>
I must say, your pages are doing a great service to the world by cataloguing an oft-forgotten mystery of our times. I myself believe I  may have found a lead that may explain some of the bizarre
evolutionary urges of socks, and even account for a few unsolved disappearances. I recommend that those intrigued should drop by my website, at        htp://easyweb.easynet.co.uk/~stephenbalchin/socks.html
for further enlightenment...

Melissa Hickok shickok@pop.mindspring.com
Date: Fri, 16 Jan 1998 16:22:34 -0600
I saw your website and it touched me so deeply that I thought I'd submit a story.  I wrote this last year because I was bored, but I think you'll enjoy it.  It's entitled THEY HAVE BEEN FOUND.  It almost won a prize. Have you ever wondered taht question taht so many people wonder?  Shere does that sock go when you do the laundery?  Well, I have.  This story is to tell people like you and me where they go when they go in the dryer.  Oh, and by the way.  I don't know if you are the guys
who made that snap for the sock that I saw advertised on your web page, but
if you are, I saw you on Jenny.
 
 

Brian Graham <brians.brain@dlcwest.com>
Clever website.  Very VEry funny!!!! Send tickets.

Date: Tue, 13 Jan 1998 19:44:50 EST
DeIntegro7 <DeIntegro7@aol.com>
well, it may be the stupidest thing i've ever done.  come to think of it,
maybe not.  she was at her house watching t.v. without any shoes on and she
had the most awe-inspiring socks i'd ever seen on.  i don't remember exactly
what the socks looked like, but i do remember the girl had a great figure.
maybe it wasn't the socks after all.  the rationalization process is funny
like that.
Date: Tue, 13 Jan 1998 17:43:19 -0600
Daniel Burt nurse1rn@webtv.net
It was a beutiful pair of matching blue socks. They were energized with blue fire.Blue fire was a product that made garmets shine.  These two socks were the talk of the town. People would never come to my house without a strong pair of sun glasses.  Then one day I was out in the
woods and there was a pond. ;  I took off my socks and went swimming. When I got out of the pond  one of my sock was gone. It was getting dark. I knew the bargo's, Troll men that lived in the woods and stole only one sock from an unsuspecting victim, had taken my sock. I ran home
and grabbed the first spot light I could find.  I ran out into the woods; it was now totally dark. I climbed the biggest tree I could find and hoisted the spot light up with the handy winch and chain I had brought.  I then hauled up the nine 12 volt batteries I brought. When I turned on the light it bathed the woods with a briliant white light. In the distance I saw a shining blue reflection., like a blue diamond, in the distance Later that night I called the  anti- bargos police and I got my matching sock back.

Date: Tue, 13 Jan 1998 18:25:48 -0500
rt <rtinat@mindspring.com>
SOCK MANAGEMENT 101
Buy 10 pair black socks, 10 pair dark blue socks, 10 pair white sweatsocks.  Avoid all other colors. Buy same brand.

FINAL FINAL@gfss.boundaryschools.com
Date: 13 Jan 1998 12:05:01 EDT
i am missing a blue and teal sock. i think the sock i still have is lonly and needs a friend.  please send help fast  sock-o-ramma.

Date: Thu, 08 Jan 1998 22:57:31 -0800
Stephen W Gunther <oriole@ecom.net>
Found your suite while looking for something else...Very enjoyable... very funny...temporarily linked it to my home page...http://woods.bianca.com/mthreads/evensteven/posts/98/01/08/25915.html

Keep up the good work and if I ever get a hotbreaking sock story ...I know
where to go...

Date: Wed, 07 Jan 1998 16:47:23 -0700
AnnJohnson <annjohn@csn.net>
I've been looking everywhere for purple cotton socks, MENS' purple cotton socks; would you know where on earth I could find some?

Date: Tue, 06 Jan 1998 22:01:45 -0800
Keith E. Sullivan <KSullivan@worldnet.att.net>
Here's a URL you need to look at.  It's a parody about -- you guessed it -- missing socks, complete with music to sing a long with. http://www.erols.com/mtsmith1/socks.html
Hope you enjoy.
Keith

 ImJade39 <ImJade39@aol.com>
Date: Tue, 6 Jan 1998 14:51:36 EST
i think you should have somthing in punky brusters socks.

Vicky  Payne <Vickie2482@aol.com>
Date: Fri, 2 Jan 1998 09:27:52 EST
as the daily wash load was being entered into the dark hole of the washing machine, all the socks cowered with fear, knowing that they too would soon have themselves twisted and turned upside down, bumping into the sweaty sock next to you, or even worse, rolling into a pair of trousers, where all 'disturbed' socks claimed they had been, and had 'experiences' that they did not wish to describe. if they did proceed to describe, they were most likely shipped of to a place called IMCS, the Institute for Mental and Confused Socks. These socks would also drag their partner sock with them to this place, so no sock would be left alone. However, some socks maintained a small glimmer of hope, that one day, they to would float beneath  the bright shining light, the light that carried them to the sky and into a small metal object.  Yes, thats right, socks believed, not
in God and Heaven, but in aliens.  They hoped that one day, they would play their part in the Government/Alien conspiracy, a world plot to destroy all pairs of socks, and make odd socks the way to live.

DiscoDuck0 <DiscoDuck0@aol.com>
Date: Tue, 30 Dec 1997 23:19:11 EST
its a conspiracy man.  the socks dissapear in the wash.  it always happens in the time the socks go to the hamper untill they come back in the basket, never before and never after.  i think its either the washer or dryer or both. maytag steals the socks while they are being washed.  its true.  and if they don't sucessfully grab one, then they go through the holes in the dryer bin thing.  its a conspiracy just to make you buy more socks and then you dryer or washer breaks down because of sock buildup and again you have to buy another.

Date: Tue, 30 Dec 1997 23:19:11 EST
Vickie <lazerlin@mts-inc.com>
I enjoyed your web site

I'm doing a project for school on socks and would be interested in adding information from your missing sock survey.  Have you had many responses?  When/ if ever will you have the results?

Thanks for your time

Vicki

Katie<Katiealien@aol.com>
Date: Thu, 25 Dec 1997 20:26:30 EST
My family has always had a basket for found socks...
I would like to report the oldest of the still-unmated few
      Pink little-girl's fold-over ankle sock with lace ruffle
      Blue mid-shin scrunchie sock, children's sized
      Green mid-shin scrunchie sock... just enough bigger than the blue to make them un-pairable
      53 white ankle socks, various designs, styles and sizes... Don't we wish we could pair these!
Thank-you!
Katie

Chandra Gattinger <juicebox13@hotmail.com>
Date: Mon, 15 Dec 1997 09:18:41 PST
One day in October, it was just before halloween. My friends and I were watching a movie, and my mom was doing laundry. She heard the washer stop, so she went downstairs, to put them in the dryer. she saw only one of my socks!!!  I was so depressed for weeks, and when she did laundry again, she washed my single sock, and like a magnetic attraction, the missing sock came back! this is a sock story with a happy ending. -Chandra Gattinger

Date: Sun, 14 Dec 97 15:30:43 UT
D Lerner <FarmerOnTheDell@classic.msn.com>
While hiking the Appalachian Trail in the early 70's, I hooked up with a college chemistry major who was doing a summer internship at a major chemical manufacturer.  He talked about a project at the company run by his mentor - synchronous degrading polymers.  This kid's job was to 'spice' up the plastics blend with enzymes that could disolve polyethylenes in a predictably delayed reaction.  Although excited about the theoretical possibilities of the project, the young man admitted he was very concerned about the ethical implications of the technology he was fostering.

I wouldn't have remembered this episode if it wasn't for another trip into the back-country years later when 2 mates of the only two pair of socks I had packed 'disappeared'.  While nursing the effects of the semi-socked escape from the woods, I remembered this college kid's project and became suspicous about the technology of hosiery manufacturing.
I did a little experiment of my own.  My wife, an artist in acrylics and oil, constructed 5 stretched canvases.  We purchased 15 pairs of socks from 10 manufacturers and glued them to the canvases. The socked canvases were framed, sealed with glass panels, and hung on our living room.  We took observations of the mounted hose once a day, in the morning light.

The first spontaneous disappearance occured 12 weeks after initiating the project.  Panel 3a which held 4 pairs of brown and navy 'green toes' transitioned from 8 to 7 distinct stockings.  In the last 16 months, we have observed that 6 of the 15 pairs are now singletons.  Applying a chi-square analysis, there is a 95% probability that these socks  in fact spontaneously
disolved.
Given the incontrovertable findings, I had my sister, a corporate attorney, research the manufacturers of those six pairs of hosiery that demonstrated the disolution syndrome. Surprise, suprise - all six of these mills are wholly owned by the same megalopolistic chemical manufacturer that college kid worked for.

Joseph Campbell's 'Man, Myth, and Walking Shoes' may explain the historical
reports via a Jungian hysteria, but the current rash of sock loss sitings is
undoubtedly a product of some warped MBA's vision of short-term profits at the
expense of society.  My notebooks have been forwared to a congressman on the
House Sub-Commitee for UnAmerican Consumer Affairs.  Look for legislation and
additional federal regulatory actions in the next session of Congress.

D. Leathers
Date: Fri, 12 Dec 1997 17:36:50 -0500
CRYSTAL STEMANN <sriphi2@venus.net>

IT WAS ALL A LIE!  I REALLY WANT MY SOCK BACK!  NOW!  BEFORE I BECOME THE INCREDABLE HULK AND SQUASH YOU LIKE A BUG.

Date: Mon, 08 Dec 1997 08:51:43 -0500
Roger S. Staum <staums@icu.com>
If Socks Get Too Dirty, One Runs Away

Bobcoplen <Bobcoplen@aol.com>
Date: Sun, 7 Dec 1997 22:33:18 EST

Why oh why, do driers suck inocent garments ( especially socks ) down into their retched tubes into who knows where?  I mean what on earth have these innosent creatures done to these violent hunks of metal?  When will it all end?  When shall socks be free to live their lives as equals to these machines?  WHEN WILL IT ALL END?

Date: Fri, 05 Dec 1997 19:15:25 -0800
Alan Boyden <alvan@sk.sympatico.ca>
DEAR SNAP SOCKS..... HOW COME WHENEVER I GO TO A SLEEP OVER, A
SOCK GETS LEFT BEHIND?????????THIS ONE SOCK HAS NEVER BEEN FOUND.  I
THINK THAT THE BEDS OF THE WORLD EAT SOCKS SO THEY CAN SURVIVE.  THE LAST PLACE THIS SOCK WAS SEEN WAS BESIDE A BED.  IN THE MORNING IT WAS GONE.  THIS CONCLUEDS MY THEORY OF BEDS EATING SOCKS.

Katie Annie Ellie's Machine <acatalano@mho.net>
Date: Mon, 1 Dec 1997 19:17:38 -0700
Household uses for socks
I personally use my socks to dry dishes. It adds a special flavour to all
my food :)

Date: Sat, 29 Nov 1997 05:42:22 -0500 (EST)
IMP1142 IMP1142@aol.com
My computer said I had an internal problem; I think perhaps it was the
"others". These are the same "others" who keep taking my odd socks and spoons, and I
might add have been doing so for the past 34 years. I have had missing from newborn baby size to adult male size.  I do not think it is fair that the "others" are allowed to abscond with personal property from my house hold and do think that investigative measures should be taken to ascertain just exactly where these "others" come from.   I firmly believe they are aligned with either the
CIA or an extraterrestial community, who else would have the audacity to enter someones domicile and abscond with personal belongings.

I must add that several other items have disappeared also up to and including certain types of adult female underwear,  many many childrens items and an assortment of household items.  All these items I am sure have been procured by the "others".

I am so thankful that finally there is someone who has formed a group to find and
identify the "others" and I look forward to apprehension of the culprits and the return of all my  stolen property.  I applaud your efforts.

Rice Waters <Rice.Waters@sirus.com>
Date: Wed, 26 Nov 1997 11:20:39 -0500
Dear Chairperson of the Bureau of the Missing Socks,
 
 Anthony Kiedis of The Red Hot Chile Peppers has cleverly invented a use for a single sock.  He is shown on the cover of one of their albums wearing it on a singular appendage, rather than upon  pair of appendages (feet, hands, ears, etc.).  If I remember correctly, it is the only piece of clothing that he seemed to be wearing.  Would you happen to know if that type of attire would be legal in the state of Michigan?  I would assume that my wife would not be able to dress in this manner, but if I could, I certainly would be able to get away with doing much less laundry.   Just a thought,

Date: Tue, 18 Nov 1997 14:17:52 -0500 (EST)
CHiC ItsCHiC@aol.com
Sockom and Gomorrah

It may have occured back in Biblical days.  It may have occured more recently.  But this tale of lust, love, and inter-fabrical mating of socks is a long time-honored legend that, in itself, has a moral.  Though the story may be well known, the moral is not.  Choose for yourself. We begin the tale in a dank, dirty strip club, with a polyester sock with low self-esteem.
 
I was sitting at a little table, drinking my beer, and basically slurping my problems away.  My eyes wandered from person to person.  All I could think of was the beautiful, blue silk sock of a secretary I had.  What would I mate think if I told her I was having an affair with another sock?
Not only that, but I was merely a polyester sock.  Inter-fabrical mating was quite scandalous these days.  That sexy little sock was in no part my type by any means.   I stood up and paid for my drink.  Why shouldn't I want that sock?

The singing and shuffling of the sock that was currently stripping was pounding into my head.  Even that sock must have been made of cotton.  Even she was upper class.  In the back of my mind I knew it was time for me to go home, to my mate and little socklings.

 It was a cold night out as I walked the streets. For once my polyester came in handy to beat the cold.  I must have passed thousand of same-sex socks holding hands in their little whirl of lust.  Stripclubs and dirty mothball-dealers lined the four blocks from the bar to my drawer. I was aided
with empty thoughts and remaining traces of my childhood, and how I used to dream about being a corporate manager of an armoir.  But here I was, a shell of a sock, and only an under-paid director of polishing.

 I entered my home to find my wife, Soliock, and my twin socklings Moeshock and Barnasock quickly packing their things under the watch of two strangers.    "Who the heck are these guys?" I demanded of Soliock.    She smiled at me.  "Sock," she began, "We are being saved! Pack up your belongings quickly, these two men are here to escort us by the means of the Lord Sock!"

Well, I didn't really want to stay anyway.  Maybe I needed a vacation from my work, and my little silk sock.  Caught up in the rush, I grabbed my things and headed for the door.

 "Don't look behind you as we run away," warned one of the strange socks. "Never look back again!"

 As we headed for the town gates, I saw that the sky was already dark, and I could hear buzzing.  As soon as we left the gates, we took to our heels and ran.

 My wife turned around to see the destruction, as millions of moths descended upon our city and ate every sock alive.  She, too, for disobeying the strange sock was eaten up.

Date: Sun, 16 Nov 1997 16:00:03 -0500 (EST)
From:IsisVmp@aol.com
One question... we're not doubting you, do not think that, Master, please. But is this "Woodsock-97" in fact real? I'm sure it is, don't get me wrong. But might I ask where is it being held? I am most greatful for your reply, Master.

~Walks with Socks on Hands

Date: Sat, 15 Nov 1997 22:33:32 -0500 (EST)
From: Tefteller5@aol.com
I am looking for a local chapter of the "Socks Without Partners" support group.  Please contact me with information.

VICTORIA HASKELL <140918.96@swansea.ac.uk>
Date: Tue, 11 Nov 1997 18:11:18 0000
I've just discovered your very funny internet page.  All I can say is "At last.  Someone is tackling a very serious problem which effects millions of people worldwide."  I myself an a sufferer and its a huge comfort to know that I'm not Alone.  i will definitely be keeping a close eye on the bulletin board incase any of my missing socks turn up.

Date: Sun, 09 Nov 1997 14:31:25 -0800
Faye Isaac <isaac@bc.sympatico.ca>
I believe that Dominique the Dryer monster is responsible for the Great Sock Disappearance.  His hunger is satisfied by the thousands of socks put in the dryer every year. But Dominique has to eat too, right?  I know how to put a temporary stop to him! Listen carefully...(It's simple really.) Next time, when you put your load of socks in the dryer, including your favorite pair, all you have to do is throw in 2 dryer sheets in with them.  The refreshing smell of the dryer sheets repel Dominique back into his cave, for awhile, because they are the enemy.  If you put two dryer sheets inside each of your favorite socks, or the ones you can't risk losing, you will fool Dominique into thinking that the
dryer sheets are socks bunched together.  He will gobble down both of them (without chewing because he has no teeth) and get temporary food poisoning. He will then start feeling very nauseous and start throwing up continuously, until all of the socks he choked down are laying on the floor in front of him in one piece.(This explains why some socks come out of the dryer looking dirtier than before they went in) This will create a diversion, just enough time for all the socks to creep by ominique and escape outside via the air vent. Try this at home and expect perfect
results.

Date: Sun, 9 Nov 1997 13:56:40 -0500 (EST)
FERTMOMY@aol.com FERTMOMY@aol.com
i love the web site,  would love to see Ferrets added to this as possible culprits..  they are widely known as Sock Thieves!  they love to steal & hide single socks.... i have socks that they have hidden that i couldn't find till i rearranged my bdrm.. that is when i found one of there little stash piles..
(thought i knew them all till i found that one!) anyway,   should you add ferrets  to this site.. let me know... i will pass the word on to other ferret folks who would  Love to see this site if they new ferrets were included! and Believe me  there are ALOT of us out here!!!!!!!!!!!!

Date: Fri, 7 Nov 1997 16:15:24 -0500 (EST)
patti swaim FlamnPie@aol.com
Yo;
I think u have the most unsual web page..my hubby is a 3 rd yr Podiatry student (seriously) so he will just totally love this...socks r very important to feet so he has a great love for them..I'll show ur page to him when he gets home from school today..please put us on ur mailing list....will share any socks jokes that he gets.. Live long and prosper...

T.J. Schnieder <night_81@hotmail.com>
Date: Tue, 04 Nov 1997 08:25:59 PST
I MS-830-1185 HAVE FOUND A WONDERFUL MATE FOR MY LONELY, NOW HAPPY, SOCK!   THANK YOU!

Date: Mon, 3 Nov 1997 18:42:46 -0500 (EST)
LAUREN1582 LAUREN1582@aol.com
i read about your sock web site in seventeens November addition. It was defenitley worth the visit! keep up the great work.

Liz Chang <taykiero@hotmail.com>
Date: Mon, 03 Nov 1997 13:07:40 PST
ok well i have a couple of things, really.  first, i passed that test and it said i could get a Forensic Pediologist's Diploma and Bureau Special Agent's I.D. card but is that fake?  cuz it seems really weird but i think itd be really cool to have that stuff and i would send away for it if it were real.  secondly, if you ever happen to need people for a movie or something, i would love to do something weird like that.  k?  well hope to hear from you sometime!  thanx a lot!

Date: Sun, 02 Nov 1997 16:40:38 -0800
Hernando Heilbron <hheibron@metrotel.net.co>
It was a lazy and boring Sunday afternoon. I was hanging out with my sister, talking, laughing, whatever. Suddenly she gasped."My sock! I lost it while i was sleeping and here it is!" she said as she pulled it from between the sheets of her bed. Then she threw it to the floor. "How about putting it in the hamper?" I told her as i picked it up from the floor and gave it to her. "No way!" she said. "The hamper is to far away and i don't feel like  going all the way over there just to put a stupid sock in the hamper.Why don't you put it in for me?" "No.It's your sock, your responsability" I answered as i left the room.I was in the bathroom, minding my own business when suddenly i heard a
scream. "Stephanie!Get in here quick, you'll never believe what just happened." I  raced into the room. There i found my sister with a shocked look on her  face.
"What happened?!?"I demanded.
"The sock fell out the window!" she answered.
"WHAT?!?!" I stammered."But that's impossible.How?WHY?"
"Well, i was going to throw the sock to your bed so you'd take it to the hamper and it sorta accidently went out the window" she replied sheepishly.I raced to the window and looked out, but it was gone. (At this point i will stop to explain that i live on the 9th floor of a building. There is a bank next door and there is a patio on the 2nd floor.)
We imediatly reported this to the authority (a.k.a mom)and she said she'd call the lady from the 2nd floor and ask her to look for it. Two days later we were lucky enough to find it.
I'm sending this out as a warning: put your dirty socks in the hamper a.s.a.p. or you may never see them again.I was one of the few fortunate ones.

Sara Johnson <ghoststar@hotmail.com>
Date: Sun, 02 Nov 1997 13:22:22 PST
I thought I'd send you some mail to tell you that I've linked to your page from my own. If you want to check it out, my page is at http://www.escape.ca/~awrayj/  (look under misc. links for your site)

LAURA LAS1096@webtv.net
Date: Sat, 1 Nov 1997 19:50:07 -0800
You won't believe this but I have a Basset Hound who is a sockaholic. She can fit 3 folded pairs of socks in her mouth and still look innocent.  You should consider her as an official sock K-9 enforcer. She might just be the answer to finding all (or at least a lot of) the missing socks in the world.  Socks are the only thing this dog is capable of finding.  You have to see her to believe your eyes!
Laura (owner of Babs, World Chamion Sock Tracker)

Date: Sat, 01 Nov 1997 13:31:44 -0500
TK Lohman <tklohman@sasolutions.com>
I love your Missing Socks page.  I've put a link on my non-commercial
web page, but would like to get permission to use your photo of the
"bureau" that I've copied onto my page. http://www.tattered.com/strange.html

Christian J Bevan <budman61@gate.net>
Date: Thu, 30 Oct 1997 14:42:15 -0500
Should socks get thrown out. I don't believe that they should you should love them, well I know that you do. Please leave your reply.

Date: Sun, 26 Oct 1997 15:53:24 -0800
Liesbeth van Leeuwen <leeuw77@worldaccess.nl>
I had this great theory, so I will print it hereunder. It says it's too long for the field. It's a conspiracy of the socks themselves.  They want to get out in the world on their own, without having to be
worn on a foot.  However, one of the socks stays 'at home', to see if it works.  Of course they have sockological contact all the time. So the sock you still have will inform the 'missing' sock about your
feelings. and the sock at home knows all about what's happening in the world, and will inform the other socks in your drawer. So it may help to throw away (perhaps destroy) the sock left behind,
because it will bring the other pairs on ideas. Socks want to rule the world!

Date: Sun, 19 Oct 1997 20:25:42 -0400
R.L. Mott <rlmott1@gate.net>
Subject: SOCKAID '98
BIG BENEFIT CONCERT !!! APRIL 1st at ARGYLE'S FARM !!! ALREADY BOOKED
JOHN CREWGAR SOCKENFOOT , MORE DETAILS AS SOON AS ACTS COMMIT !!!

Reuben Schwartzman <reuben@montrealnet.ca>
Date: Sun, 19 Oct 1997 19:32:39 -0400
I think that socks are secretly abducted by the PQ (Partie Quebecois)They are so mad about Quebec not separating from Canada that they stole all of our socks, what do you think?

Date: Fri, 23 May 1997 09:33:01 -0700
 Robert Heid <rheid@netnitco.net>
Bill woke one morning to get ready for work he showered and reached for his pair of favorite socks they were missing. His favorite pair of pink socks were gone he searched the whole house and even called off work because he lost his socks.  Like so many others this ruined his whole life he lost his job and family, he bacame obsessed with the missing socks.  One day when he was sleeping he heard a rustling outside his window he hurried out and there they were a pair of pink socks, his pink
socks he was overjoyed with the sight.  He was so happy that he bought them a new dresser all for their own.

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WOODSOCK - 98 Sock and Roll at the event of the century. Preparations are in full swing for the music festival to end all music festivals. So, if you're foot loose and fancy free, order your tickets now through socks@ Jagat.com. Count them .... one hundred bands! .... Unbelievable? .... Stomp and romp on a mountain of un-matched socks higher than Everest. Cash awards for the team who finds the most matched pairs in the pile. View daily feats of sockanery .... Sir Blue Nose of Carlton, the world's champion sock sniffing hound, will demonstrate his talents every afternoon at 3 .... Play Celebrity Socks and win valuable prizes .... Visit the two acre flea market and shop to till drop .... and .... much more. Keep your toes glued to SOCK NEWS for further announcements.

FORGET ABOUT SPORTS STARS The Bureau of Missing Socks Announces the trading cards you have been waiting for: "Socks that have Changed the World!" A full color, limited edition, containing such gems as the socks Caesar wore when he crossed the Rubicon, Napoleon's battle socks, and much much more! This addition to your collection will grow in value as only five thousand are being printed. This offer is limited to ten sets to a customer so reserve yours now by emailing socks@Jagat.com. There is a pre-publication special of .... of an unbelievable .... $8.75 per set.

SOCK IT TO ME October will see the addition of the hottest new page to ever appear on the Internet. And -- it willbe right here at your favorite site. The single resource for sock humor. Puns, anecdotes, limricks, and lyrics,relatingto socks of all kinds. It will be entirely user generated so if you know why the fireman wore red socks or one better, email you gems to:socks@Jagat.com.If your contribution is used, you will receive full credit and a Bureau approved pair of socks!  CAREER OPPORTUNITIES IN SOCK ENFORCEMENT The Bureau of Missing Socks is expanding. This is your opportunity tobecome a undercuffer investigator, Pedi-Forensic Scientist, Knitologist. The growth of our data base services and commercial division has created openings for systems designers, programmers, technical writers. MBAs are being recruited for our Fast Track CEO program. A recruitment page has been installed on this site allowing patrons to take our all in one apptitude test and become Bureau Special Agents.

We are also searching for dogs to be trained as qualified sock hounds. If you think you have a pet with this unique,singular talent the Bureau will certify him. Sign up now!.   The Bureau Goes Commercial Washington, D.C. April 1, 1997. Due to demand and the new pro-business out look in this country's capital,commercial venues are now accorded the privalege of advertising on this site! Get your message to every sock wearer in the world. Send for our rate card today. (All advertisements are subject to approval by the board of directors of The Bureau of Missing Socks.) Sample ads can be found in The Commercial Section.For a rate card, email: socks@Jagat.com