It's been a long, crummy winter here, and rather than spend time trying to raise my straight C average I decided to learn HTML and provide you with some fun background on my little town.
Tourist attractions in Livermore include:
The "Any Excuse to Screw Up Main Street Parade". Great fun if you like the smell of horse poot.
"The Donut Wheel" California's oldest continually open donut shop (hasn't locked it's doors in sixteen years as far as I can tell).
Lawrence Livermore Lab, the ultra-secret skunkworks where your tax dollars came up with such technological wonders as...
The up side of having a top-secret lab in my town is the neat-o orange laser beam that they sometimes shoot into the sky. It's so powerful that it's visible for hundreds of miles, and it been known to occasionally flash-fry an unfortunate duck or owl that happens in its way. The down side of having a top-secret lab in my town is that there's plutonium in the playgrounds, which can be a drag.
Kids from Livermore High are called "Livermorons" (catchy huh?) by the kids from Granada High (the other Livermore high school). Livermore High kids call Granada kids "Stupid, ugly, inbred Granada Dildos" (its a friendly rivalry)
It's a clean little town. A quiet town. There's no night life to speak of, so if you don't have a car your really screwed. After eleven o'clock you could dance naked in the streets and nobody would notice (at least nobody's noticed so far). Livermore used to have a used book store called "Basset Books" that featured live music and poetry readings and an occasional television smashing (all in the name of art, keep in mind) but the cops kind of chased them away. Livermore cops have way the heck too much time on their hands.
And speaking of cops with stuff on their hands, the town had a big crime wave recently, but it was brought to a climax when the Fuzz came down hard on "Not Too Naughty" the local adult bookstore. Livermores finest apparently went above and beyond the call of duty and crawled under the floorboards to peek into the adult movie booths. They got an eyeful (so to speak) and made some arrests (mostly out-of-towners, I told you it's a dull town) and they tried to close the joint.
Well, it turns out there were big plans to fix up main street, and they were just throbbing for an excuse to eject Not Too Naughty. The rumor is that somebody in office was in bed with sportscaster John Maddon's son (wanted to open a restaurant supposedly).
Well, its been a year now, and the court apparently had problems with the Livermore Police Department's performance. Looks like Not To Naughty will be around long enough to sell me an inflatable woman should the urge strike me.
Special thanks to Adam Greene for the artwork, titles and snazzy animated gif's, to Truckshow Bob Von Bargen for the HTML work, and to Geocities for the hosting space. To Lawrance Livermore lab for the Plutonium in the drinking water that created and mutated Freddy the mildly radioactive frog. To "warez" Scooter McVie for the Lightwave 5 appz.
