Are You The Reincarnation Of A Ruthless Dictator?
1. How would you like to relax on a summer evening?
a) Relax on an evening? No sir. That's when I do my best concerts.
b) Relax? I can never relax so long as those incorrigible rebels of the resistance exist to oppose me.
c) Charity work. Or a trip to the (operating) theatre to see a show.
2. What is your idea of a perfect meal?
a) Cheeseburgers, peanut-butter-and-bacon sandwiches, and a handful of multi-coloured pills.
b) Roast boar and red wine, drunk from the bleached white skulls of my enemies.
c) A charity banquet, or any other banquet with me as the main guest.
3. What is your favourite outfit?
a) My favourite wide collared sequinned jump-suit.
b) My freshly pressed conquering general uniform.
c) My tiara.
4. What would you say is your greatest triumph?
a) Heartbreak Hotel.
b) The glorious revolution and overthrow of the corrupt and tyrannical democratic government.
c) My struggle [sniff] against the loveless trap of a relationship and success in the face of a poor divorce settlement (only £25 million, hardly enough to scrape by on).
5. What are you most likely to say in any situation?
a) "A huh huh. Thank you mama."
b) "Quiver at my feet ignorant pig-dog!"
c) "Is it for charity? Will there be photographers?"
6. What is the title do you think best describes you?
a) The King.
b) El Presidenté, Ruler of the Republic, Protector of the people and oppressor of all unruly elements.
c) The Queen Of Hearts.
How did you answer?
Mostly A's:
You are the reincarnation of Elvis. This shouldn't present many problems in life except for the fact that many other people are the reincarnation of Elvis too. That, along with those who think he's still alive, abducted by aliens etc. could cause serious stress. In the meantime though we suggest you avoid the C.I.A. and consult a psychiatrist or a daytime TV talkshow host.
Mostly B's:
Oh dear. You're either the reincarnation of a ruthless dictator or actually the ruler of a South American country. If the former is the case we suggest intensive therapy or a career as a P.E. teacher. If you are the latter we have a list of people we'd like assassinated so get in touch.
Mostly C's:
Actually you're the reincarnation of Princess Diana. The only problem is that Princess Di isn't actually dead yet therefore we feel that it is only fair to say that you are completely mad. Fruit loops, off your rocker, round the bend and totally out to lunch. We recommend a lie down in a nice, quiet, padded room and some daily medication.
MATTHEW BROUGH