As NLW went to press it was revealed that 70’s cops, The Professionals, were investigating links between a number of mass suicides and predictions made by ‘Posh’ spice Victoria, at last month’s "Lets-give-prizes-to-bands-who-sell-lots-of-records" Awards Ceremony.

Unreliable sources at the post-award party reported the ‘Sulky’ Spice was heard to predict the world’s destruction by a "Giant space crab" called "Thraganor" before the end of the Glastonbury festival this summer. Although eminent scientist Dr (‘Doc’) Bradley has already dismissed these doomsday predictions with the argument "Yeah, right...." it is feared that ‘Just-Stands-At-The-Back’ Spice’s drug induced ramblings caused a number of Spice Girl worshipping saddos to take their own lives.

Although legal proceedings are unlikely to be taken against ‘More-Men-Fancy-Me-Than-Geri’ Spice, the suicides are being taken by the girl’s record company who gave us the following statement;

"Look, it’s just a publicity stunt. This way we sell more Spice Girl songs with hidden subliminal messages in. If we didn’t do stuff like this we’d never be able to control mankind like puppets. Hey, is that thing still on ......?"

These potentially damaging reports come hot on the heels of last weeks withdrawal of ‘Mighty Morphin Spice Girls’ Action Figures from toyshops across the country. Despite the success of models such as ‘Super-Strike Geri with spring action chest TM’ and ‘Crash-Diet Emma TM’, complaints from parents that ‘Backflip-action Sporty Spice TM’ was far too scary to give to children, have caused further setbacks to the Spice Girls’ troubled Saturday morning TV series.

However production of the cartoon has already begun in Japan with the Spice Girls voices to be dubbed over by specially trained voice over artists (kind of like their next album!).

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