Buddy Boy
Do you have a free period when none of your mates do? Hmm? Feel a little lonely, do we? Hmmm?
Well, fear no more! Simply purchase Buddy Boy, the inflatable, portable pal that stops you turning into Billy No Mates!
Picture the scene; you're in the common room and you can't see any of your mates [probably because you're a lonesome loser who hasn't got any] This is where Buddy Boy comes into play. Read the following steps carefully, as you're going to have to memorise them.
STEP 1: Find a secluded area of the common room and sit down.
STEP 2: Now it's time to inflate Buddy with a foot pump. NOTE: It is important to do this discretely so as not to draw attention to yourself [We wouldn't want to do that, would we?]
STEP 3: Next repeat these words:
"OH, SO YOU DIDN'T FIND THAT PEN I DROPPED ON THE FLOOR? NEVER MIND, YOU JUST SIT HERE NEXT TO ME AND WE SHALL HAVE A REAL CHIN WAG"
STEP 4: You will notice that Buddy has a natural fixed smile on his face, So it is a good idea to keep the conversation happy. Heck! Maybe even tell a few jokes! This will make Buddy blend into the scene better.
STEP 5: After your free period, it is time to deflate Buddy Boy. This is done by unplugging Buddy's valve on his left ankle. [Use the old picking up a pen routine, it works every time!]
STEP 6: Cunningly disguise the sound of Buddy Boy deflating by whistling a happy tune. Quickly fold up Buddy and pack away.
Now you can go about your daily business, safe in the knowledge that you are no longer a Billy No mates, but a buddy of Buddy Boy!
CAUTION: Avoid taking Buddy Boy into the smoker's room, as hot cigarette ash may damage his silky smooth skin.
JULIE SRIVASTAVA
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