BUMPER STICKERS 
         Horn broken.  Watch for finger. 
         Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an idiot. 
         Cover me.  I'm changing lanes. 
         I brake for no apparent reason. 
         It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you. 
         Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 
         Born free...Taxed to death. 
         The more people I meet, the more I like my dog. 
         Laugh alone & the world thinks you're an idiot. 
         Rehab is for quitters. 
         I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. 
         Work is for people who don't know how to fish. 
         Where there's a will, I want to be in it. 
         IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got. 
         Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill. 
         A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. 
         Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. 
         Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. 
         I love cats...they taste just like chicken 
         Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. 
         Cover me.  I'm changing lanes. 
         As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. 
         Happiness is a belt-fed weapon. 
         Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. 
         Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep. 
         I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...not screaming and yelling
         like the passengers in his car. 
         Montana -- At least our cows are sane! 
         The gene pool could use a little chlorine. 
         I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. 
         I took an IQ test and the results were negative. 
         Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check? 
         If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? 
         Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students! 
         It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. 
         Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from! 
         Forget about World Peace...Visualize Using Your Turn Signal! 
         Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear. 
         Give me ambiguity or give me something else. 
         We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. 
         Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. 
         He who laughs last thinks slowest. 
         Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. 
         Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. 
         Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. 
         Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes. 
         Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. 
         Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. 
         i souport publik edukasion 
         Why is "abbreviation" such a long word? 
         Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? 
         Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'...till you can find a rock. 
         2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2. 
         I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles. 
         3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
 
QUOTES

        About Girls: 
        "Girls are like internet domain names. The ones I like are already taken." 

        About People: 
        "A schizophrenic is a person who can successfully communicate with himself." 

        Me: 
        "What race do I belong to? The rat race! " 

        "Modesty and Humility are virutes of truly great people like myself." 

        "My statements often are politically incorrect. I have all the makings of a
        successful politician." 

        About Life: 
        "Who says `Nothing is impossible' I have been doing nothing all life." 

        About God: 
        "May God bless, ... If God exists." 

        Things that God can not do : "God can not create a being more
        powerful than God." 

        About Computers: 
        "Me? I didn't do it. I know nothing about computers." 

        Emotion & Logic: 
        "Emotion & Intuition are higher forms of logic & reasoning which have
        evolved over time from the collective experience of many." 

        "My computer is the best. It can never cra 

        Other: 
        Falling in love doesn't kill people. Landing does
        
        "America is like a melting pot. The people at the bottom get burned, 
        and the scum floats to the top." -- Charlie King 
        
        "One hand may clap, but it takes two to shake hands." 

        Longer, Serious Quotes: 
        "Yes, I know I sound funny saying this, but I have yet again come to the
        conclusion that dedicated, concentrated hard work is the only way to success.
        Giving in to stray thoughts, to immediate desires and to the world of dreams
        only leads to disaster." 

        "We must support friends even in their mistakes; however, it must be the friend
        and not the mistake we are supporting. " 

        "Often, we do not learn from our mistakes, but from the consequences of those
        mistakes. Sadly, sometimes consequenses are fatal. We should try to learn from the
        mistakes. " 

        "M.K.Gandhi is said to have displayed three monkey images in his house.
        One kept its eyes covered with its' hands (representing See no evil). The other
        kept its covered its ears covered (Hear no evil). And the last one kept its mouth
        covered (Speak no evil). I find something missing there. How about a "Do no evil"?
        Without it, the monkeys could be saying "Close your eyes, ears and mouth
        (shut all your senses) and do evil.""