2006-2007 season
Week 8/Week 9/Week 10/Week 11/Week 12/Week 13/ Week 14/ Week 15
Week 8: Rams (4-2) @ Chargers (4-2)
The St. Louis Rams take their more balanced 2006 attack on the road for the first of two trips to the west coast over the next two weeks. They last faced the Chargers in their CURSED 2002 season. In that meeting Bulger lead the Rams to a 28-24 victory over the Marty Schotties. Bulger had one of his best games ever with 36/48 passing for 453 yards, 4 TDs with no INTs. Bulger was then running on instinct and adrenaline since his O line was crap and Faulk was injured. This meeting sees both teams ranked much higher in total offense and defense with both teams benefitting from 3 of their 4 wins over patsy teams.
Rams go into this game very healthy with both FBs Hedgecock and Smith practicing this week. O line looks healthy too. Fakhir Brown practiced and looks to play for the first time since aggravating his injury against Detroit. How much Brown can do is a question mark since he may see limited action which would fall in line with Linehan playing coy with the injury report each week. The bye week will hopefully cure Pace as well who has looked disturbingly pedestrian since his injury. Hargrove was traded for a 5th round pick due to (as rumor has it) a late night love for the riverboat casinos. He's the first casualty of the adult Linehan regime.
This game should see the Rams do well through the air against a suspect Chargers secondary. Holt, Bruce and Curtis should be able to get good separation and very likely a route running clinic will be performed. The Rams rushing Jackson may prove difficult especially with the admittedly guilty yet still playing ROID-BOY Merriman by virtue of the appeal of his 4 game STEROIDS ABUSE suspension. Such BS should not be tolerated in the case of a player that already ADMITS guilt. Someone with a BRAIN during the player negotiations should demand a PENALTY for losing an appeal, perhaps an additional game added to the suspension. What we have now are teams cherry picking which games the player should serve the suspension which flies in the face of fairness as well as intent of the rule book. At last bed check the Chargers defense has not increased it's presence in the San Diego County Penal System so it looks as though the Rams will catch the same break at LB the Chiefs received last week. Perhaps Jackson will be able to exploit that by catching passes out of the backfield something he has been steadily improving at each week. Same for the TE Klopfenstein who has been worked into the offense with good effect over the last two games. The dude has hands, scary hands. Reminds me of Conwell.
The Rams defense has only shown the consistent ability to get turnovers as the 2nd half collapse against an overrated Seahawks team proved. Depending upon the condition of Brown, Haslet may be more inclined to blitz if Brown is up to speed. Tomlinson will be a supreme challenge for the Rams D line but thankfully this season the Rams have LBs that can tackle. Even so Tomlinson may well have his way with the Rams defense. For the Rams it will likely boil down to the takeaways. Memo to Haslet: If you play a prevent defense again.... Oh I would be remiss if I didn't mention that this game may see the unleashing of the Wroten upon the NFL. What a huge complement to Glover/Little/Kennedy/Adeyanju and crew he could be. Likely to be used on 3rd downs. It's been so long since the Rams have had a true beast on the line. Kennedy's play at NT has been improving so the added pressure may well make a difference.
The Rams special teams have improved this season though if Linehan doesn't play J.R. Reed again Rams fans should only watch the game with nitroglycerine pills in hand. Why Reed was sat against Seattle is yet another cosmic mystery denied we mere mortals. I guess Linehan forgot to watch last years Seattle game in St. Louis where McDonald gift wrapped the win for Holmy and his overrated underachieving band of chokers?
As for the Rams coaching.... Linny your playcalling in the second half against Seattle SUCKED ASS! I hope you pull your head out against the Marty Schotties and remember you have Steven FREAKING Jackson as RB! Oh yeah in the red zone, more specifically ON THE GOAL LINE you now have Davis and Smith so if I see you give the ball to Jackson again for no gain.....
Given the HFA rightfully enjoyed by the Chargers as well as their demonstrated success thus far I'm sure they are favored. However I believe this game to be well within the Rams capability to win, even winning by a lot. No doubt the grass makes a difference but with the Rams steady improvement on offense it could easily go the Rams way with the defense winning the war of turnovers. Of course the implications of a Rams win will not be lost upon the Seahawks who will be sorely tested in KC.
Week 9: Chiefs (4-3) @ Rams (4-3)
Alright let's just dispense with the BS that the Chiefs are a good team because they are not. Their D isn't impressive. Aside from their ALL WORLD RB Johnson their offense without Green at QB is pedestrian at best. Their special teams have a relative hack at kicker, butterfingered punter and unfortunately Dante Hall as the return man. Honestly for scoring there isn't much there outside of Johnson. They put up 500 yards against the Seahawks but hey who hasn't been doing that lately? They severely slapped the Seahawks around and if it weren't for a fantastic grab of an INT from a KC defender by Branch it would have been even uglier.
Therefore I believe the confines of the Ed Jones dome will be very Rams friendly this sunday. Oh hell no I don't expect the Rams to be favored because they don't deserve it. I don't want to go indepth about the Rams offense since there is little need to since they are among the leagues best. Bulger is far superior to Huard, Johnson is better than Jackson though the separation may prove to be quite small. Gonzalez is far better than Klop though my grandma could consistently catch passes against Travis Fisher so what does it matter? The Chiefs cannot answer the likes of Holt, Bruce and Curtis with Tye Law. That ship has sailed. Another overpriced free agent signing in the vein of Seattle's Wistrom, Burleson, Branch you get the idea.
I see the Rams offense answering everything the KC offense can muster. I only say that with the confidence of the Rams playing on their field turf and thus the timing routes will be crisper and the bombs thrown to Curtis and Holt will be more accurate. The Rams missed that against the Chargers and with it the 14 sure points. That won't happen against the Chiefs.
Now to the saddest part of my being a Rams fan. The emminently piss poor Rams "defense". How many times can they be embarassed by doing the same things wrong year after year? Where to start? How about the lack of a D line? Is there a weaker front 4 in the NFL? Glover is out of gas. By week 8 with the bye he's running on empty. Little has no help, always doubleteamed and pushed outside. Adeyanju is at this point average for a rookie. Kennedy is mediocruck. That's a term I coined for a first rounder that at best is mediocre on a consistent basis. Mediocre + suck. Making a couple plays every other game doesn't cut it. Bye bye Jimmy! Our LBs are great at tackling 7 yards off the line of scrimmage. True that's a tremendous improvement from Marmie's D but damn it sucks just the same! Pisa is playing one armed these days. I'm waiting to see him make a testicular tackle soon since there isn't much left of a ball carrier he hasn't brought one down with. Although Pisa didn't play against the Chargers and will likely not play against the Chiefs with that cast on his arm. Why not put a neon sign on top of his replacements helmet that says "Run at me!" Witherspoon and Chavous seem out of place of late too. The scheme may be at fault although the personnel sure do suck too. Atogwe is a work in progress but damn he is QB friendly. So is Fisher and Hill. Damn our best DB is clearly Torry Holt but we don't have enough cap space for that! BTW why is Butler on the bench? Is he even on the bench? Our best DB not being played, suited up, the guy that recovers the game winning fumble against Green Bay........why isn't he being played?
Rams coaches:
Memo to Haslet: You SUCK! What's with these uninspired tutu wearing blitz packages you've put together. What about turnovers, or more appropriately the lack thereof? That's the only reason this season has shown any promise and now we've got nothing! We can't even say sayonara to your azz out the door to another head coaching gig. Listen up cupcake. The sidelines are not the place for you if your defense keeps stinking up this season. Such preeminent SUCKITUDE gets you breathing the rarefied air at the top of the dome in the Marmie Suite coaches box still littered I'm told with Mike Martz's unwashed briefs and their disturbingly chewed through elastic waistbands. That and the "I Like Mike" bumper stickers plastered over stains on the chairs. It is no coincidence that Marmie's new sugar daddy is also named Mike! Just like the medusa if there is a stash of Holmy porn in that coaches box it will only be discovered upon the death of a cleaning person after having seen the unspeakable!
Linehan: What exactly have you brought to the Rams offense at this point? Jackson is a happy camper. Our passing attack is toned down but still dangerous. Still don't know why you drafted 2 TEs so high since you refuse to use them! Here's another thing, your playcalling SUCKS! Is it all about keeping Jackson happy? If so I'm pissed because I'm sick of seeing him stutter step to the line with each carry making his azz far too easy to tackle for a LOSS or NO GAIN! This has been going on for 3 years now! You've seen it on film before this year but have done NOTHING about it! Count how many pretty dreads Jackson has on his forever helmet popping off head and fine him by cutting off 3 dreads for each carry starting with that damned stutter step! After a normal start for him he will have a head as smooth as a baby's butt that you can super glue his helmet to. That way if he contines to stutter step his way into far less yardage than he could get at least we don't have to see him smile and mugging for the camera with his helmet off. And if he should finally eliminate that damned stutter step and improve his yards per carry then he keeps his girly hair and helmet popping off. Another thing Linny, stop wasting time at the end of the half. Get points dammit! That's one thing I miss about Martz. Martz was a killer. Damn he was a jackal. He wanted to run through the entrails of the other coach on the sidelines on his way to the locker room. You on the other hand look like you're all too happy to hide behind the players slinking off to the locker room. Martz was swinging the entrails of the other coach over his head as he went into the locker room. Plus Linny you look like an elementary school principal of a district populated by the Stepford Wives. You need an edge my man. This demeanor of yours....the pleading for another bizarro rules gift from the ref to get the win within the last 30 seconds of a game......that won't cut it! I want to blow out some team. I want to leave widows and children left standing on the other sideline. I want a whole team effort! WHERE THE fuck IS J.R. REED? Dammit you look like the NFL's version of the 40 Year Old Virgin and you're increasingly coaching like it too! Get your freak on for once! This sunday, at home in the dome make your statement against the Chiefs! Look at the damned map! This is the Missouri War! The Chiefs have punked us around for far too long! Make a statement! Make it end here! Grow some dreads, wear some guts, kick some cats, make Dick Vermeil cry, slap Georgia on the AZZ, send the toothless crying home on their westbound wagon train.........JUST GET IT DONE!
Week 10: Rams (4-4) Seahawks (5-3)
Well here it is. The seminal game. The Rams take their leaky D to the world's biggest vagina, otherwise known as Qwest.
As if the situation could be fishier they have to play the Seahawks with the only nutless player in the NFL, one Jerramy Stevens. Gal gets racked and doesn't flinch. Compare that to Pudge Rodriguez taking a foul ball off his stones in the World Series. Pudge is packing, Stevens isn't. Which has been proven by his lack of game all along. BTW today is the 75th birthday of Whitey Herzog aka the White Rat. Without a doubt my favorite manager of all time. I'd much rather write about Whitey but that would be mailing in an off topic column shirking my Rams writing duty. In other words I don't want to be Bernie Miklasz. Not even a 180 lb Bernie.
No doubt Mrs. Linny is worried. Judging by the lack of playcalling, time management and piss poor D I'd think this was the Mike Martz show busting the Qwest cherry but alas it is the Linny Show playing between the great labia in the sky. Linehan has found a way to lose by ignoring Torry Holt, accepting too many zero gain plays from Jackson while limiting Bulger to 1 INT over the first half of the season. Bulger is doing great in Linny's new system but it's so low risk that the explosiveness is lacking. Explosiveness has always been a hallmark of winning Rams football. Explosiveness keeps every game in reach as the Rev. Ike preaches the righteous sermon of don't count your chickens before they're hatched BITCH!
What can I say about the Rams offense that hasn't been said? The O line is marginal with Pace seemingly getting worse each week. Barron may have cost the Rams the game last week by being so scared about not getting off the line quick. The dude has a reach of 2000 feet but has to push the yellow flag on the field REPEATEDLY killing a critical scoring drive towards the end of the game. Damn. Do the Rams have players at guard? Why did we draft two TEs? Of course there's Jackson's pretty hair................
Rams D sucks. Plus they're dealing with injuries to Fisher (likely a plus for the D) and Pisa (definitely a minus) plus some others. Even without Hasselwhiney and Alexander playing Seattle should have their way with the Rams on sunday as they have with barnyard animals on saturday. Definitely a Seattle thing. That and running repeatedly into stop signs outside a bar at 3:00 am after getting torched at work a few hours before.
I watched MNF when the Raiders played the Seahawks and I couldn't stomach all the time spent on talking about Seneca Wallace. Who names a boy "Seneca"? That's a girl name. No not like Terry or Pat, we're talking like Sue! Let's not digress into the Johnny Cash song either since Seneca's game is all about running away.
Rams should lose. However they still have the tools to beat the Seahawks but the Seahawks will have to contribute heavily in beating themselves.
Week 11: Rams (4-5) @ Panthers (5-4)
Rams should lose. It should be ugly. Linehan is a moron.
So much for the obvious. Now lets look at specifics. No let's not. It's too depressing. No O line for the Rams bodes a AZ-esque season remaining. I digress.....must focus on this loss. The Rams D has no answer for the Panthers offense. None. Keyshawn Johnson has a big day. Steve Smith sets an NFL record or something approaching it. The Rams without an O line should keep the ambulance running for Bulger. Bulger meet Peppers. Repeatedly.
Special teams battle I'll give to the Panthers since it's inconceivable the Rams will do well enough to positively effect the score.
The battle of the head coaches goes to Fox. I know he's not a moron.
HFA is with the Panthers too.
4-6 with a rather easy schedule left for the Rams. But when you play this piss poor just what does "easy" mean? It means a win that even the Rams can't fuck up. It's like whooping on the 1-8 AZ or the hapless 49ers..........let's see, AZ beat themselves and the Rams haven't beaten the 49ers since 2004.
Oh where is that meteorite streaking through outer space on path to impact my head to put me out of my Rams misery? Why does it flirt with every gravitational field it encounters to only delay my release from this interminable torture? Why is it that a Rams team possessing such an explosive offense can't score in the red zone? Why is Linehan a moron? Why is it that after 9 games a vastly superior Rams offense has only scored 27 points more than that wreck Martz has to field in Detroit? i mean when looked at in the context of the Rams D has only given up ONE LESS POINT this season than the Detroit D then is it any wonder I lament the slug ass progress of my meteorite?
If this week wasn't already bad enough why were Bruce and Incognito fined? This sucks. Almost as bad as Linehan taking the explosiveness out of this Rams team.
Week 12: 49ers (5-5) @ Rams (4-6)
This week the Rams get to suck at home in the dome against the 49ers. This game represents an opportunity for the Rams to be swept by the 49ers for the second straight year. The Rams offense is woeful due to injuries on the O line with both Pace and Mccollum lost for the year. Speaking of lost let's add Barron to that list as well as for as penalties go. However last week Barron played the best of all the Rams O linemen in keeping Julius Peppers off Bulger. Considerable talk of moving Barron to LT....don't know how I feel about that or if it will be worth a move since I'm not convinced the Rams have anyone that can adequately play RT. I'd rather keep Barron playing where he's been succeeding and have Bulger take 3 step drops or pass from the shotgun if Cogs can hike a fastball for once. Setterstom or Goldberg for LT is another possibility. Setterstrom getting work the rest of the season might be huge for next year. That's my miserable attempt at hope in this scenario.
Linehan the moron only called 8 rushing plays to over 40 pass plays. And that was with a miserably depleted O line. Let's hope he takes his meds this week. Wasn't Jackson in the top 3 yardage leaders before last week? Linehan may just be a contortionist who hides his face from sunshine but does the stench have to come through my TV too? Haslet has no answers on defense. The 49ers will kill the Rams on the ground and Gore may break the team rushing record he set against the Seahawks last sunday. Hey it's the least Haslet's guys can do.
Multiple choice question of the week- Rams CB Jeremetrius Butler is:
a. Dead
b. on Haslet's sh1t list
Rams offense still has a near dead Bulger at QB, a well rested Jackson at RB, and WRs that better not do another repeat imitation of Seahawks WRs.
Rams special teams have Wilkins well rested and proven Matt Turk at punter is the best signing last offseason.
Honestly I don't know what can be written about this Rams team at this time other than to document their free fall over the last 5 games. I don't see this game being any different. The Rams are getting worse due in large part to Linehan not calling a competent game and what appears to be a team resigned to sucking the rest of the season. Rams hadn't been shut out since 1998 which happens to coincide with the last time the Rams had to purchase tickets to prevent a blackout of the game in St. Louis. This time they should keep their money and elevate local television by keeping this mess from polluting any TV in town. Lucky me I have the Sunday Ticket so I can watch the game and go Elvis on my new TV. Can't imagine the Rams being favored in this game. 49ers win. The degree of ugliness is all that remains to be seen.
Week 13: Cardinals (2-9) @ Rams (5-6)
Rams get to still be listed in the playoff hunt if ever so slightly....though they did squeak in with 8 wins in '04 so I guess it's possible. Really have to thank Nolan for the brain fart that kept the Rams in it for the win. Nolan wasn't wearing his suit so perhaps that had something to do with it? No longer channeling Tom Landry?
AZ takes it's putrid game to St. Louis for a meeting in which even I cannot get excited for at this early date. Both teams suck. Rams have far less of an excuse but suck is as suck does. Berry is out for AZ so Pace's replacement should have an easier go of it. No reason for each team's RBs to not go over 100 yards rushing. I think the Rams are now dead last in defending the run. Leinart is now the AZ QB with Warner riding the pine into retirement, likely next year to star in a traveling steel cage wrestling show between him and the newly fired Mike Martz. Leinart will throw the ball a lot although the Rams piss poor D might entice them to try running the ball more.
Special teams see Rackers now a head case after his record setting year. AZ can do that to people.
As for the real cardinals I'm happy to say that one of my most favorite Cardinals ever has been signed again. Adam Kennedy took the advice of David Echstein and took LESS MONEY to sign with the Cardinals. In his short tenure with the Cards Kennedy made some of the most heads up plays I've ever seen. That type of drive and moxie can only help the team. Really looks to be a good signing.
Well that's pretty much a wrap for this weeks nonconsequential game of the week. As for the winner I won't be surprised either way. Oh and before I go I have to say fuck YOU BIDWILL. I feel better. That always works.
Week 14: Bears (10-2) @ Rams (5-7)
Finally the day the nation gets to see the Rams stink it up at home has arrived. This will be the first MNF game I've watched since the change to ESPN, or maybe the second as I might have tuned in earlier in the season to cheer against the Seahawks. Oh well whatever. The Rams should get their asses kicked by the way the Bears D has been playing. The anemic Bears offense should look credible against the Rams defense and Grossman might look like an NFL QB.
The Rams O has to get good production from the O-line or Bulger will be killed tonight. The matchup I want to see is Urlacher vs. Incognito. Perhaps the two meeting off the line somehow. I think that could be epic. Epic as in getting both of them ejected! I'll take that trade! So much for my dreaming.
I actually read somewhere that the Rams are still statistically in the playoff hunt. That surprises me. Almost as much as a Rams win tonight. The Rams are certainly capable of beating the Bears if our O line plays well and our D masquerades itself as an NFL defense. It could happen. Now that's all so please excuse me while I twist my ear a little to the right to tune in Rock Worm Racing on planet Figgletitty.
Week 15: Redskins (5-9) @ Rams (6-8)
Rams go into the game still alive for the wild card though there is a 5 step scenario that needs to play out perfectly over the next two games. Won't go into the specifics as the only thing in the Rams power is to win both games. They have to or no playoffs. I'm not sure what the odds are for the Rams at this point but it must be infinitesimal and RIGHTFULLY so.
No great news to impart about personnel this week other than rock head Linehan has supposedly decided to go with an O line of Steussie, Setterstrom, Romberg, Incognito and Barron for the second straight game. The hope is improvement will be shown and perhaps a leg up on next year will be gained. There seems to nbe no ringing endorsement of Romberg at center yet should he work out then the obvious scenario is to add more depth to the O line. Looks like Terrel is gone. Apparently even his agents think he's a lost cause more from the standpoint of being an undisciplined dolt. McCollum and Timmerman returning to be back ups is very much in the air right now. I'd rather the Rams cut the cord with both unless the price is really right. Time to go with youth to see what can be accomplished. If successful and IF Pace returns to near his old form then it's conceivable that only the LT position need be addressed in the next few years. Of course this strategy has been used on the Rams D line for the last 5 years with absolutely NOTHING to show for it.
Speaking of the D line this should be a fun game for them. I'm guessing over 175 yards rushing for the Skins.
Don't know what to say about the Skins other than I bet Linehan asks for Gibbs autograph. Skins have demoralized the Rams D the last few meetings. I expect it to be ugly again.
This game represents the first time ANY RAMS GAME including the preseason has been blacked out in St. Louis. There were nearly 3000 tickets remaining at the deadline and both the Rams and the FOX affiliate refused to purchase the tix. The streak ends at nearly 12 seasons. Rams fans are beginning to be vocal in their tough love approach to season after season of the same shitty football. Far too reminiscent of the Bidwill days. Rams Park better wake up to the new reality. Produce a decent product for fans hard earned money or accept the consequences.
2007-2008 season
Week 2: 49ers (1-0) Rams (0-1)
A Week of Injuries and Insult
Week 2 brings further injuries and insult.......no not with the Rams losing another 3 starters the last 4 days (Wroten, Pisa, Hill) but proof of the Belicheating Faketriots. Dr. Z reports that it has been known since the first week of the 2000 season. While this seems like old news to non Rams fans I can assure you it's still a bleeding wound for yours truly.
In case you're too young or you can't remember the Rams were the overwhelming favorite to win Super Bowl 36 against the Faketriots. In fact they were 17 point favorites. Unprecedented. Yet they lost. Sure there were the undeniable ignoring of the rules by the officials from letting contact extend well beyond 5 yards on Rams WRs, tackling Faulk without the ball, headhunting Warner, not letting the clock run down when the Faketriots were tackled in bounds on their winning drive, then running the last 7 seconds off the clock AFTER the Faketriots winning field goal. All of this is well known and well documented. In fact the NFL eventually was forced to address the WRs contact since the Faketriots continued to use it year after year in the playoffs, most notably against the Colts. Now I'm not here to claim the Rams were not completely without fault since Martz refused to adjust to the Faketriots-Officials fraud in the second half. Let's not forget the genius of Lovie Smith's employing the prevent defense on the Faketriots winning drive fully aware that Viniateri was solid at hitting long field goals. Martz and Smith simply had their heads up their asses. However, we now know more......much more.....about the Belicheating Faketriots.
What we now know is that the video cheating of the Faketriots extends back to the first week of the 2000 season. That's right, long before Super Bowl 36! And what most people have forgotten is that the Rams played the Faketriots earlier that season. Therefore the Faketriots were able to tape the Rams defensive signals in order to be prepared for them in the playoffs. Now before you think that can't be since the Rams are in a different conference.....let's not forget that the Rams were easily a favorite to win the NFC. We now know that Belicheat was also taping the average at best Packers last season even though they will only see each other every 4 years in the regular season! Therefore it's reasonable to believe they were doing the same against the eventual 14-2 Rams. Such knowledge of the Rams defensive signals would give any offense a decided advantage. Let's never forget that the 2001 Rams were the height of the Greatest show On Turf. An offense that inflicted the most painful of migraines on the most accomplished defenses of their day. Couple that with complicity from the officials, Martz and Smith's collective brain fart, and a public relations campaign that portrayed the dark brooding Rams Goliath menacing the post 9/11 doe-eyed 'Patriots', with a 17 point spread and the entire FRAUD smells more NOW than then.
But let's not forget the other consistent allegations against the Belicheating Faketriots throughout their entire Dynasty of DeCheats. Teams have been complaining for some time now that when their offenses are on a roll in Foxboro that their headsets fall silent for 3 or 4 plays which stalls their drive. This happens to teams in both conferences when playing at Foxboro. Yet there's never an investigation. Why is that?
Then we also know of the passing teams in the playoffs who arrive at gametime to find the foxboro field ICED over by the Faketriots turning on the sprinklers in subfreezing weather. Yet there's never an investigation. Why is that? It's certainly a form of cheating. Yet nothing is done.
As I write this the 'penalty' meted to the Faketriots is $750,000 and a loss of a first round draft pick in 2008. This despite the fact that they were warned at least twice before by the NFL in the last year. Of course the Faketriots still have a first round pick in 2008. That's the one from the 49ers in which it's likely will be higher than the Faketriots forfeited pick! Yeah that's some Tuck Rule justice there.
The Faketriots have been allowed to walk away unscathed. Their dynasty unblemished in the records books. Nary an asterisk or suspension or banishment in sight. The NFL is a bigger joke than MLB. After all MLB bans players and puts asterisks in it's records book. The NFL merely condones serial cheating and the maiming of it's current and former players while pimping ever more TV commercials during a game. Thanks Commisioner Goodell. Thanks for the 4 game suspensions for smoking dope while condoning cheating for fame and fortune and the cementing of yet another dynasty. This time your New England Patriots: A Dynasty of Deceit or DeCheats. Your pick.