THE SIMPSONS

learn interesting facts about the TV show 'The Simpsons' and read some Simpsons quotes

Simpsons Archive

explore this detailed collection of a things you might not have noticed in each episode of The Simpsons or add to the lists if you have more interesting tidbits

The Simpsons: A Complete Guide to Our Favorite Family

this $16 book (ISBN# 0-06-095252-0, available at most bookstores) written by creator Matt Groening also includes secret jokes you may have missed in each episode and is packed with color illustrations and all the trivia you'll ever need to know. If you are a Simpsons fan, you should buy this quality book! Now there's a second volume out, and I encourage you to get this for your home library, too.

Lionel Hutz: Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson. We've drawn Judge Snyder.
Marge: Is that bad?
Lionel Hutz: Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
Marge: You did?
Lionel Hutz: Well, replace the word 'kinda' with the word 'repeatedly' and the word 'dog' with the word 'son'.

Mr. Burns (playing golf at the country club): Oh, quit cogitating, Steinmetz, and use an open-faced club! The sand wedge!
Homer: Mmm...open-faced club sandwich.

Homer (watching TV reports of people turning in last-minute tax returns): Will you look at those morons! I paid my taxes over a year ago!

Grandpa Simpson: How long do I have to live, doc?
Dr Hibbert: I'm amazed you're alive now.

Mr. Burns: Oh, yes, sitting -- the great leveler. From the mightiest pharaoh to the lowliest peasant. Who doesn't enjoy a good sit?

Troy McClure: Oh, hi, I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from such self-help videos as 'Smoke Yourself Thin' and 'Get Confident, Stupid'.

Superintendent Chalmers: Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to my vacation at Lake Titicaca. Let's see you make a joke out of that, Mr. Smart Guy.

Mrs. Krabappel: Embiggens? Hmm. I never heard that word before I moved to Springfield.
Miss Hoover: I don't know why. It's a perfectly cromulent word.

Principal Skinner: Attention! All honor students will be rewarded with a trip to an archaelogical dig! Conversely, all detention students will be punished with a trip to an archaelogical dig.

Dr. Nick Riviera (while operating on a patient): The knee bone's connected to the something. The something's connected to the red thing. The red thing's connected to my wristwatch. Uh-oh.

Lisa (looking through her microscope): Tiny little people! My god, I've created life!
Marge: Lisa, breakfast! We're having waffles!
Lisa: Ooh! Waffles!

Homer: We could start our own game where people throw ducks at balloons and nothing's the way it seems.

Bart: I've got a story so scary, you'll wet your pants!
Grandpa: Too late!

from episode 1F10, 'Homer and Apu':
Homer: Your old meat made me sick!
Apu: I'm so sorry. Please accept five pounds of frozen shrimp.
Homer: This shrimp isn't frozen and it smells funny.
Apu: Okay, ten pounds.
Homer:(accepting)Woohoo!!!

I especially like The Simpsons because of their sophisticated allusions to books, world events, and movies, but the religious references are the parts I find funniest:

from assorted episodes:
Ned Flanders: I don't need to be told what to think -- by anyone living.

Barney: Jesus must be spinning in his grave.

Ned Flanders: You name it. I haven't done it.

Glen (of the Movementarians): Why don't you come chat with us about the Leader at the welcome center?
Homer: Will there be beer?
Glen: Beer is not allowed.
Homer: Homer no function beer well without.

(townspeople find Heavenly Hills Mall angel on a hillside by the courthouse) Lenny: Wow, do you think it flew up here?
Moe: Well, it didn't ride up on no zebra.

Homer (to God): You're everywhere. You're omnivorous.

(Lisa sits in Lovejoy's office, looking for advice) Reverend Lovejoy (reading): And the Lord said, 'Whack ye all the serpents which crawl on their bellies and thy town shall be a beacon unto others.' So you see, Lisa, even God himself endorses Whacking Day.
Lisa: Let me see that
Reverend Lovejoy: No.

Ned Flanders: Hidilly ho, neighborenos.
Homer: Can't talk. Robber. Go hell.
Ned Flanders: You folks got robbed, too? The burglar took my Shroud of Turin beach towels.

Reverend Lovejoy: It's all over, people. We don't have a prayer.

Todd Flanders: How come we only get to go to church three times a week?

Ned Flanders: I need to know -- is God punishing me?
Reverend Lovejoy: Ooh. Short answer, 'yes' with an 'if', long answer 'no' with a 'but.'

Lisa: So even if a man takes bread to feed his starving family, that would be stealing?
Reverend Lovejoy: No. Well it is if he puts anything on it. Jelly, for example.

from episode 7F13, 'Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment':
Sign outside the church:: 'God, the Original Love Connection'

from episode 9F01, 'Homer the Heretic':
Marge: Don't make me choose between my man and my God, because you just can't win.
Homer: There you go again. Always taking someone else's side. Flanders...the water derpartment...God...

later in the episode, Homer talks with God and God departs saying, 'Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to appear on a tortilla in Mexico.'

from episode 9F09, 'Homer's Triple Bypass':
Ned Flanders: Dear God, thank you for Ziggy comics, little baby ducks, and 'Sweatin' to the Oldies,' volumes one, two, and four.

from episode 1F14, 'Homer Loves Flanders':
Ned Flanders: Bless the grocer for this wonderful meat, the middleman who jacked up the price, and let's not forget the humane but determined boys at the slaughterhouse.

The name of Flanders' boat: 'Thanks for the Boat, Lord II'

from episode 3F02, 'Bart Sells his Soul':
The sign outside the Springfield Church reads, 'No Shirt No Shoes No Salvation'

Playing the game 'Bombardment' with Bible questions: Ned Flanders: No, son, we've got to let Bart and Lisa get one. C'mon, this one's easy.
Lisa: We give up.
Flanders: Well, guess! Book of Revelation...Fire-breathing lion's head...tail made out of snakes...Who else is it gonna be?
Bart: (unsure) Jesus?
Flanders: Jes-- Jes-- Don't you kids know anything? The serpent of Rehaboom? The Well of Zohassadar? The bridal feast of Beth Chadruharazzeb?

from episode 4F07, 'Hurricane Neddy':
Ned Flanders: Why me, Lord? Where have I gone wrong? I've always been nice to people! I don't drink or dance or swear! I've even kept kosher just to be on the safe side! I've done everything the Bible says; even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! What more could I do?"

The marquee at Springfield Community Church reads, 'God Welcomes His Victims'

from episode 4F18, 'In Marge We Trust':
Marge: Sermons about 'constancy' and 'prudissitude' are all very well and good, but the church could be doing so much more to reach out to people.
Rev. Lovejoy: Oh, I don't see you volunteering to make things better.
Marge:Well, okay. I will volunteer!
Lovejoy: I wasn't prepared for that.

Hidilly ho, neighborino! Watch The Simpsons this Sunday! katalina55@yahoo.com

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