The following quotes are excerpts from my past email messages sent to me while in Panama. They are all unedited and, at the same time, reproduced without any permission. It doesn't get any better than this folks.
HINT: You may notice two, maybe three, distinct themes in my messages, see if you can figure them out.
Sister
Lots of good looking girls?? Well, remember what I said to you
before you left, PROTECTION, PROTECTION, PROTECTION. I don't want
to be an aunt before I'm a mother. This is from mom, "Go to
Church!"
Old co-worker
[My wife]
wants to know if you got laid yet.
Schoolmate
Take care, and
keep us posted. We'll down a pint for you at the wet-t-shirt
contest...
Friend
So... are
you getting home sick yet? Or are you too busy mackin'?
Another Sister
ENJOYING THE GOOD LOOKING GIRLS?
DON'T COME HOME WITH ONE.
MOM SAYS TO REMEMBER TO GO TO CHURCH!!!
Friend
How are
you doing...stop drooling over the teacher's aid...
Another Sister
Hope you missed us too, if not us, at
least Coco! He's so cute! I bet you miss playing with him!
Mommy calls you the 'devil'!
Friend
You're
lucky that you were not here because we went out last
night and got [a friend with same b-day] all fucked up. He was
puking all over the place
and if you were here you'd be joining him.Anyways what did you do
to
celebrate (does cheap hookers ring a bell?)
Sister again
It's about freaken time you
emailed us, bastard! What the heck have you been doing? Having
toooo much fun? How's work? What do you do? What do you eat? How
much do you sleep? Just give me a brief idea so I can tell Mom
and shut her up. She cried yesterday because none of us told her
that you emailed us and all that crap. Give us something to feed
your mother! Send a freaken postcard! Do it and it'll make her
happy, happy, happy!
P.S. How did you spend your birthday? Get lucky?