February 15, 2002
Today I noticed that one of my students had cornrows. I was surprised because it looked really nice, and I'm not used to seeing people with that hair texture being able to keep their hair braided for more than a day or two. So i ask her "who did your hair?". "My ex" she says. "Your ex boyfriend?" I ask in total confusion. She replies "mom". So I'm really confused when I ask, "your ex-mom?" All the kids around us who can hear the conversation are laughing. And then I understand. My mouth is just hanging wide open. I don't know what to say, cuz it totally caught me by surprise. And she says, "You look shocked". "It's not shock," I answer "It's confusion".

I return to my seat, totally dazed, and amazed. She walks over to turn in her assignment, and asks, "Are you one of those closeminded people?" I contemplate for awhile, and respond, "I'm an openminded, closeminded person. I have beliefs about right and wrong (I'm wincing, cuz I'm trying to avoid using the word wrong) but I accept people as they are. I won't tell you how to live your life unless you ask me what I think." I'm trying really hard not to sound like a hater, or judgemental that I'm not thinking about the overall direction my comments are headed. But, then she asks, "So what do you think?" I'm kinda stuck then and try to buy myself time by asking, "What do I think about what?"

So I tell her I think it's not the best lifestyle to have. And I'm like, sexuality is not all there is to having the "right" lifestyle, it just can be one of the most obvious, because it's so blatant. So yeah, that was like a totally hard conversation, because I don't know her, and I probably won't see her again. I don't want her to take my comments the wrong way. As we talked, I kept thinking, "But she's only 17." She said she started a new relationship yesterday, and she's going to be faithful. So I asked her to define faithfulness in a relationship, and her response made me sadder.

I'm glad I met her and I talked to her even though it was totally difficult. Because I thought I knew what I believed and felt, but once again I hadn't thought of how I'd express that to somebody who's living the opposite and is ok with it. Hopefully by the time I meet another gay person, I'll have thought out my lovingly truthful response.