October 19, 2000

Judgement.
I met a girl at KCPC the first time I went to church there. She gave me bad vibes. I think I asked if I could be in her bible study, and she said there was no space. I thought the way she said it was sort of rude, and figured that she'd probably be cold and unfriendly towards me. So I put myself on alert. I am so glad I never told anyone my feelings because I was so, so wrong. How could I, with my keen intellect, and depth of perception, totally misread a person? It baffles me to this day. It turns out this particular person was one of the most supportive people persons towards me my junior and my senior year. Those were pretty tough, turbulent and often unhappy times for me, and she was consistently there for me. Not with material things, but emotional support. Even when I was out of sight with some of my friends, she kept in touch. I would get an email from her, and it would make my entire week. So, i made a snap judgement about a person and I was wrong. I hope I never do it again, but I know I probably will. The reason it bothers me, is because it reminds me, once again, that I am a hypocrite. See, I am often misjudged on first impressions, and people have become my enemies because of my first comments to them. They totally misunderstood me, because I would never be intentionally rude to a stranger. Only to my family and close friends. But, honestly, I try never to be rude to anyone, because I think it is unneccesary and it is dehumanizing. So anyways I am a hypocrite, because I hate the fact that people get the wrong first impression of me, yet i seem to jump to conclusions about people based on my first impressions of them.

Expensive Restaurants.
In 1996, I went on a one week project with Campus Crusade for Christ to the Los Angeles Mission. We stayed in the men's gym and got to witness the men's rehabilitation program firsthand. A key component of the rehabilitation program is that individuals get skills training, so they can find a job after they finish the program. So some people learn to be mechanics, computer repairers, cooks, and so on. For our week there, most of our meals were in the program's kitchen and dining area. I loved being in the dining area and talking to the men, because there stories were so amazing. But for almost a week, I didn't eat, because I did not like the food. It was bland American food, a more horrific combination I cannot imagine. But, the thing is, we went out to eat one of our nights there. And we went to this nice restaurant in downtown called California's Pizza Kitchen. This was the most expensive restaurant I had ever been to in my life, and I was absolutely incredulous that their prices were about $10 a plate. Yesterday, my supervisor took my co-worker and I out to lunch. We went to this nice restaurant in downtown called the Water Grill. I want to let you know, I am never going back there again, if I am given a choice in the matter. I was kind of stunned when I saw the prices were $10+ for appetizers and $27+ for the main course. But, I tried to be openminded. Expensive doesn't have to mean bad. So I got a fish dish, and it was really good. But the desert, that made me mad. Do not mess with my desert. For $10.50 we ordered the Chocolate, Chocalate, Chocolate desert. We waited approximately 12 minutes, and I'm dreaming of my chocolate cake. The waiter brings out this huge dish, the diameter had to be about 12 inches. And on it were four, very, very small chocolate items. The first item was a 1/2 inch square of cake; second item, a teaspoonful of ice cream; Third item, 1 inch rectangle filled with bitter chocalate, that nearly made me cry; Fourth, a hollow chocalate pastry filled with fudge(about an inch in diameter. That's right for over $10, we received miniscule proportions of dessert, that in my humble opinion didn't even taste good. I thought it was like adding insult to injury. But yeah, I felt that same sort of incredulity I experienced my first time in CPK. Throughout my meal, I kept thinking of how our lunchtime bill would have been enough to buy my 9 person family groceries for two weeks. All this to say, my how the times have changed. I now consider CPK a medium restaurant, not too expensive, not too cheap. Whereas five years ago I thought you had to be a millionaire to even consider eating there. Now when you say expensive, I'll think the Water Grill.

Children.
I love my cousins. They are so cute, so smart, so funny and so Nigerian. They make me laugh so easily because of their sincerity, their honesty, their innocence and their unconditional love. Sure they overcharged me for the candy i bought from them, but when you are a kid you have to work hard to get a penny. Having them in the house has really helped me with my tendency towards hypocisy. I can't make them tell me the truth if I don't tell my parents the truth. I can't tell them to respect their brother if i don't respect my brothers. I can't tell them to keep their row of clothes folded, if i don't keep my row of clothes, which is directly above theirs folded. I can't teach them to share with others if i don't share my stuff. And my greatest desire, my greatest wish is that they will decide to totally give their lives to Christ. And for that to happen, I better be who I say I am, I better live what I believe, so that they will never have cause to say that Christianity is the religion of hypocritical people.

Blessings.
I'm blessed. Why? Because everyday I wake up. I walk around and I see the sun shining. I feel hungry and I eat food. I feel cold and I put on my jacket. I need a kiss so I give my cousins a hug. I feel lonely so I call my friends. I feel poor so I go home, get in my bed, and remember that as long as i have friends, family and somewhere to place my head at night, I can never consider myself poor. Instead I remember that God has been better to me than I deserve. And then I hope that I will smile at somebody the next day or somehow be a ray of sunshine like my momma told me I should be.