My mom has a sister. That's not very surprising to most people, i suppose. But for me it sort of is. I remember meeting her very briefly when i was 7. All i remember clearly from the encounter is one very, very painful knock. The last time i saw her she was single, childless, a student. Now she's married with 3 children. My aunt and her three children are living at our house and it's so cool so see everyone interact. It really is like a meeting of the worlds. My cousins are straight up Nigerian and my brothers and i are pretty much American when compared to them. So we try to teach them slang and help them lose their accent and they tell us what life is like in Nigeria.

So growing up here without anyone but my immediate family has made this summer special for me. I spend most nights with my cousins from one of my dad's brothers and evenings with my mom's kin. It is a lot of work taking care of them but sometimes or a lot of times it's just downright funny. I don't know if you did this, but when i was younger i had a bedtime so when my dad came to check on me my brothers and i would pretend to be asleep. Well, now that i'm the bedtime enforcer, i catch them at it. And it's funny cuz i realize they think we (the adults) are stupid. And now i know that my parents had to be on to us sometimes and were pretending they didn't know what we were doing.

Most of all i enjoy how the three families are there for each other. We share clothes food, cars, churches, etc. If one family has something the other needs they volunteer it, no matter what the size. So that's why there are nine people living at our house, and they can stay for as long as they need to. It is not something the parents had a meeting about but it is completely understood.

August 12, 2001

Today on my way to work, I sat near a woman with three kids, age six and younger. First off, I was mad that they were eating Ruffles for breakfast. But then I thought to myself, If I had to get three children and myself ready before 6:45, would I be able to make breakfast each morning? So I mentally forgave her. Later in the bus ride we were joined by an older lady. The mother and the older lady were having a deep conversation when her six year old son started saying “mommy, mommy”. She stopped her conversation turned around and glared at her son. She said, “well, excuse me rudey”. Then she started talking to her friend again, without asking her son what he wanted (she already knew). Once again, I was like, that’s sort of harsh. But, raising 3 kids is hard work. Teaching them manners is even more difficult. Anyhow the mom started telling stories about her 3 sons. And I tried to stay out of it, but this whole time I’m sitting between, the old lady and the mother, so I’m all up in the conversation. So at one particularly funny story, I smile. As soon as I did that it was over. Every time the mom told a story, the old lady would nudge me and I had to laugh.

About halfway through the bus ride, the mom and family leave. And the old lady comes to sit next to me. I had to maintain eye contact with her as she proceeded to talk without pause until we got to our destination. If I ever broke eye contact she’d nudge me. The thing is she was sitting right next to me so I had a crick in my neck from having to hold my head at that angle. At first I wasn’t interested in what she had to say, she was describing a pill she takes daily which has helped her lose 15 pounds. Then she started talking about her work. She has been working as a temp for the county for 16 months. Recently her supervisor told her that her desk, computer and chair would be used by someone else. In short, her position was filled by a permanent employee whom she had to train. Her job is as a clerk typist. And she showed me her time cards. She gets paid a little more than minimum wage and she’s already thinking of how she’s going to get funds to pay her September rent.

On the way back home, I saw her again. This time she was trying to study for a test. The test was of basic reading comprehension and math. I looked over the test and it was probably 8th grade reading level and the math was essentially dividing decimal numbers. I tried to help her stop thinking about how everything was working against her at work, and study for the test. If she performs at a certain level, She can be hired permanently for her current job. I offered to help her study. Then I had a moment of fear, what if she thinks I’m trying to say I know more than she does. She is much older than me, and it could be kind of awkward. But she was so grateful, I stopped feeling awkward and we went over reading comprehension and test taking strategies. I’m glad I got to see her test stuff, but for the first time I have to say, a bus ride was too short. We didn’t have enough time to finish.

But the whole encounter made me realize how privileged I am. I don’t know why I’m like this but I don’t think I deserve those privileges. I didn’t deserve to be able to think and go to a “good school”. I feel bad that people who live next door to me don’t have the same opportunities I do. And so most of the time I try to turn my back on those privileges. Get a mediocre job, never mention were I went to college so on and so forth. But I can’t turn off those privileges. My experiences follow me everywhere I go. So even though that lady and I are both temps, I know some stuff that will always give me better jobs than she. And I’m sure that if she had the choice she would love to know how to use various software, and do basic math and reading comprehension with ease. What am I trying to say is, even though I try to relate to folks around me, I’m not actually helping anyone by not using the skills and knowledge I have.

There is an image in my mind of a typical Stanford grad. I do all I can to avoid fitting my self defined and observed stereotype. I cannot tell you how many people I’ve had to comfort who “flunked” a test by getting an A-. Or this person that became ballistic cuz he got a B+. I don’t care about these sort of life crises, identity/security issues, or whatever it’s called. It bothers me when I hear people complaining about things I consider inconsequential. Or people who go shopping when they feel sad. Last year it seemed so many people were “stressed” cuz they couldn’t find a good job, like one that paid more than $40,000 or something. Do you know that if you work full time at the minimum wage of $5.75 an hour, you’ll make $11,960 a year? I just read that this week and it surprised me cuz I’d never thought about it. All I’m saying is I always feel bad when I have stuff, that other people around me don’t have. And it’s almost like if I don’t try to get those things, I’m allright. But it’s like this. Even if I choose to work at McDonalds for the rest of my life, not one person on my block is going to increase their income or their skills by my work. It’s not going to help them buy a house or feed their kids. All it does is allow me to not feel guilty, and make my parents kinda of sad that they helped me pay for college