ACHTUNG! (That's German, you know.) Beware of  bird instertion humor. The page you are about to enter contains several statements, images, and themes which are not, under any circumstances, to be taken seriously. In fact, there are certain elements of this page that, if taken at face value, would incriminate the webmaster (that's me) in several states. In short, put on your silly pants and enjoy the ride, but believe nothing. Matt Holohan is the sexiest man alive. (Except the thing about the nylon fetish. That's bang on.) Give me money and pizza. NOW! Proceed.