Vanka, 1999/11/02, "Where Fair is Foul And Foul Is Fair"

Purohit : Ami tahole aashi? Ami ekta pujo kore gelam, majh ratrer pujota apnarai kore neben. Prottek bochor to korchen, kono osubidhe hobe na; oi shib lingotar opor dudh dhele tarpor chotto kore ekta pujo. Ami kalke eshe bakita kore nebo. (hesitating) Ta apnara char jon eka thakben? Kauke ekta deke debo? Aajkal shomoy bhalo jachhe na. Ami to Scratch-Man-er bhoye rattire berotei pari.
Dalu Boudi : (with a touch of testiness) Apni kono chinta korben na. Amra onek shib-ratri jegechhi, amader kichhchhu hobe na. Apni giye ghumon.

The purohit left, adjusting his Bapi-Tupi carefully and muttering something under his breath. Probably reciting a fervent thanks to Ma for the launch of this new product. Dalu Boudi looked at his rapidly receding back with a frown. The Purohit's fears did not strike a reciprocating chord in Dalu Boudi's heart. Her only epidermal worries were restricted to the strands of white hair which made their appearance on her head on a regular basis and which she got Jhimli, her current jhee, to remove sometimes, just before the afternoon nap.

Chandra Boudi : (taking a jhata and sweeping the area near the lingo) Ki jonjal jomechhe! Bikashbabuta kono kommer noy. Ekbaro raat jege pujo korben na. Aaj Scratch-Man-er bhoy, kal pet kharap. Jotto shob!
Sheela Boudi : Ta ebar ki khali amra char jon? Baki meyera kothay gechhe? Goto bar to dosh barojon chilo. Dalu Boudi : Lake Kalibarite gechhe. Okhane shara raat cinema dekhachhe, gaan cholchhe. Amader moton bhuter shonge ke adda marbe?
Jethima : Ta Chandra, tor meyeke niye eli na keno? Mamoni-tamoni-rao elo na ebar?
Chandra Boudi : Aar bolona. Kanchan-er porikkha cholchhe - o to ebar B.Com debe. Ta bollam ektu dhormo-kormo kore aay, porikkha bhalo hobe. Ta ki bollo jano? Bole ki na ei shob Shibratri-tatri naki vulgar jinish. "Kisher opor dudh dhalchho bhebe dekhechho"? Chhee, chhee! Khoma kore diyo Baba, koma kore diyo.
Sheela Boubi : Mashima bodh-hoy pore ashben. Ta amra ekhon ki korbo? Ekhono to du ghonta baki.
Jethima : Chandra tui gaan ga. Tor golata besh mishti. Ami narkol kuroi.

Chandra Boudi cleared her throat and closed her eyes in preparation for the song. Soon the tones of Rabindrasangeet filled the air accompanied by the sound of rhythmic clapping - "Aamar ei dehokhani tule dhoro". The crickets chattered and the frogs croaked on in the field nearby and the stray dog that was marking its territory earlier came up to the mondir to check out the noise. The regular soothing rhythm of the kirton had a relaxing effect on Jethima as she reclined back against the door and absently stared at the dancing shadows made by the flickering prodips. The twenty watt bulb glowed on at the far end corner, enveloping the tiny room in a murky pool of yellow light. Jethima saw Dalu and Sheela sway along with the shadows on the walls as they clapped. The Sheeb Lingo seemed to grow bigger and bigger as the beat of the song increased and the flickering, dancing shadows were soon colossal. Chandra's voice had become a piercing wail and Dalu and Sheela shook their heads grotesquely and danced feverishly in the little room ....

Chandra Boudi : Jethima, Jethima - uthun, uthun. Shomoy hoye gechhe.
Jethima : (a bit drowsy, a bit embarassed) Ha? O! Gumiye porechilam? Gan shesh hoye gechhe?
Dalu Boudi : Du ghonta hoye geche - dojon khanek gaan gawa hoye gechhe. Apni ki purotai ghumolen?
Jethima : Ei boyeshe aar shoy na, Dalu. Boyesh hole tumio bujhte parbe. Amar choshmata kothay gechhe?
Chandra Boudi : (whose face seems blurred, but Jethima is able to identify her through the big black khopa on her head) Ei je, ami tule rekhechhilam.
Dalu Boudi : (lighting a prodip that crackles and casts a scary shadow over her face) Ei nin - apnar dudh and phul. Cholun deri hoye jachchhe.
Jethima : Ta Mamonira asheni ekhono?
Sheela Boudi : Na, Mamoni-Mashima keui ashbe na bodh-hoy.
Dalu Boudi : (going to the Shib-lingo and pornamming before it) Joy baba! (mutters a prayer while embraces it fondly) Rokkhe koro baba. (takes the milk and slowly empties the milk on the lingo) Mashima aar ki kore ashbe? She to mayeke niyei basto! Likhe rakho amar kotha - meye chele-bondhuder shonge disco shib-ratri korte beriyechhe. Tar pechhon pechhon ma-o ghure berachchhe. Koto bar bollam, meyeke niye Tarokeshshor-e giye pujo dite ...
Sheela Boudi : Ta, Mamoni-r biye thik hoyechhilo na kichhudin aage?
Dalu Boudi : Emon tash meyer ki oto sohoje biye hoy? Ektu khoj khobor nilei bor-pokkho jante pare meye ki jinish. Mamonir to laj lojjao nei - ei boyeshe choto choto skirt pore ghure beray. Finfine shada saloar kameej pore borsha kale. Ekta sheema chariye gele eshob drishtikotu hoye jay.
Chandra Boudi : (with her bhar of curdled milk) Joy baba, joy baba, joy baba ... (chants it twelve times in rapid succession, then starts pouring the milk) Baba meyer porikkhay shahajjo koro baba. (prostrates herself before the linga and mutters a private prayer) Mamonir porikkha cholchhe na ekhon? Fail-tail korechhe hoyto. Gotobar ja result korechhe, ebar fail korle school theke tariye debe.
Sheela Boudi : Mamoni ki porashonay eto kharap?
Chandra Boudi : Meyetar matha aachhe, ekdom mon dey na. Bhalo ekta tution master peyechilo - takeo to potalo. Ekhon shunchi Ganesher kachhe onko shikhchhe. Shomoyer ki hal! Gunda-bodmashrao mashtermoshai hoye gechhe. Ta porashonata tabler opore na niche hoy shetai dekhbar. Kanchan aar jai koruk, porashonar bepare thik nijeke shamle rakhe.
Sheela Boudi : (approaching the lingo) Moner ondhokar dur koro baba. (starts emptying her jar) Meyetake dekhte kintu khub mishti. Bojhai jay na je eto kirti-kolap kore beray. Shedin ke jeno bollo je oke niye naki TV program hoyechhe. Model-nayikai hoye uthbe kichhudiner moddhe. O line-to erom byaboharer cholon aachhe.
Dalu Boudi : Hyan, model hoyechhe! Ki je bolish - kothay Sushmita aar kothay Mamoni. Hobar hole oi Miss Sonail, Miss Shephalir moton bikini pore natok korbe.
Jethima : Dalu, tui ki ja-ta bole jachchhish. Meyetar shorir kharap hoye thakbe. Giye dekhe aasha uchit. Mamoni chele-pileder niye jai koruk, aajkalkar chele-meyeder theke onek bhodro. (pours her milk, says her prayers) Onner name kotha bola oshobbhotar lokkhon. Aajke pujor dine amader ki eshob shaje?
Sheela Boudi : Ta thik. Ta Rumkir ki khobor? Chithi potro likhechhe.
Jethima : Rumki-r bepar bujhte pari na. Kalke Arizonar morubumite, aaj abar naki Chicagor borofe. Koto shob jayga tayga ghure beray - Girand Kanon, Yellow Park, Biler Bheetch Project. Koto kichu bole, amar to naamo mone thake na. Chobi pathiyechhe onek - bari eshe dekho na ekdin. Bor abar notun chakri join korechhe.
Dalu Boudi : Egulo ki emni emni hoy. Aapni jevabe manush korechhen tar fol. Aamar Asish ke dekhun. Koshto kore manush korlam, ekhon Haldia-te bhalo chakri korchhe. Plant comission kore phelechhe. Palashbabu aar Mashima dujonei Mamonike mathay tule rakhe - tai meyeta spoilt hoye gechhe. Bachchara to ma-babar motoi toiri hoy, na ki?
Jethima : Eta hoyto tui thiki bolechhish. Manush kora to chattikhani kotha noy. Rumki-ke bhor chotar shomoy tule gaan gawatam, naach shekhate niye jetam. School-e roj tiffin niye jetam.
Sheela Boudi : (clears her throat diplomatically) Umm, Daludi, Rumidi shedin bolchhilo je ek shomoy Aaish aar Mamoni naki...
Dalu Boudi : (aggressively) Ki bolechhe re Rumi? Du-mukho shaap kothakar, loker sommondhe khali gujob chorabe. Koi Shib-rattire to mukh dekha gelo na tar!
Jethima : Shomoy noshto na kore, chol giye pujota shere pheli. Chandra, bel-gulo niye aay.
Chandra Boudi : Aanchhi. (walks to the door) Uuuf! Hochot khelam go - uribabba - nokhta bhenge gelo bodhhoy.
Sheela Boudi : Ki holo? Ei majhrate loadshedding?
Jethima : Moron! prodipgilo-o nibe gechhe.
Dalu Boudi : Karor kachhe deshlai aachhe?
Chandra Boudi : Oo ma goo! (tearfully) Amar payer opor diye ki ekta chole gelo - shaap bodhhoy. Rokkha koro baba!
Jethima : Arre kichuna, mondirer tiktikita hobe. Bhoy pash na Chandra, amra ekhanei aachhi.
Dalu Boudi : (strikes a match, lights the prodip) Nah - ei ondhokare aar pujo kora jabe na. Dudh dhala hoye gechhe, aajke bari phire jawai bhalo. Kalke Bikashbabur shonge baki pujota shere neoa jabe.
Chandra Boudi : (still shaken) Hyan, ekhane ondhokarer moddhe aar theke kaaj nei.
Dalu Boudi : Sheela tui Chandrake bari pouchhe de, aami Jethimake niye jachchhi.
Jethima : Kalke bikele tahole ddekha hobe - shon Mamonider barite jawa uchit ekbar. Bikele tora shob okhanei chole ashish.
Sheela Boudi : Hyan, Mashimakeo niye aasha jabe tokhon.
Chandra Boudi : Ami jodi kal hat-te pari, tahole chole ashbo.
Dalu Boudi : Cholun Jethima.

Vanka, 1999/11/15, "The Treat"

Anindya : Ok - so imagine this scenario - there is this guy - Ambarish. He wears a black jacket and black jeans. A Rambo type fellow. Right? At his side is Tridip, pencil moustache, check shirt - the works. The two of them are standing in front of me in the train. They are standing and talking about this Reshmi girl the other night. Real dirty stuff ...
Robert : So where is all this? In Sonagachhi?
Anindya : (glaring) That's exactly the pont isn't it? Sounds like Sonagachhi, but this is inside a train between Santoshpur and Brace Bridge. Now are you interested in this or not?
Robin : Go on, go on.
Anindya : Anyway, beside stands this dadu with a vacant look on his stupid face. Totally halu! And he stares at these two, doesn't even blink his eyes. So after some time, Ambarish tells him "Ki Dadu, ki dekhchen? Rod ta-ke bhalo kore dhore thakun aar lungi ta shamlan - na hole lungir shaathe aapnio hawate oore jaaben"
Robert : Wonder why the waiter is taking so long.
Arnab : Patience, my dear Robert, patience. Remember what they taught us in school - "Everything comes if man can only wait" - (nudging him) know what I mean?
Anindya : Ah yes - what days lie ahead of you my friend! America awaits to welcome you to her bosom with open arms. And we suspect she may face competition in that activity!
Robert : (irritated) Will you guys please shut up? I am sick and tired of these lame jokes at my expense.
Robin : Don't be upset - old chap. By the way - toder dujoner tikit confirmed hoye gechhe to?
Robert : Hyan hyan - I got the confirmation from my Travel Agent yesterday. (to Anindya and Arnab) Just last week they said that it would be impossible to get the tickets! Amazing how much difference a little influence makes.
Arnab : (smiling) More good news - here comes our grub.
Robin : Yes - but enough interruptions! So Anindya, what happened to the old man?
Anindya : (mouth full) Ahh yes... Ambarish and Tridip are animatedly discussing the relative merits of Reshmi and some other whore, much to the discomfiture of the other passengers in the train and I am choked with bad breath and cigarette smoke and the heat is stifling. I can hear the lojenz and badamwaala shouting themselves hoarse somewhere in the boiling interiors of the compartment - their words reaching us through the solid wall of humanity and providing a vociferous reminder of the untiring zeal of determined commercialism in the midst of chaos and degenerate stupidity that forces you malign the now generation...
Robin : (impatiently) Arre dhur baba - aashol bepar ta bol na! Cut all the philosophical crap.
Anindya : Ok ok - in the midst of this bedlam, the train comes to a screeching halt at Brace Bridge. I disentangle myself off an imprecating Dadu to find Ambarish and Tridip arguing the merits of using a chhata to turn the recalcitrant fan above us.

Anindya took a deep breath and attacked the chicken chow in front of him with gusto. Robin looked on with some interest.

Anindya : We wait ten minutes. The train is still standing there and people start getting out. There is a massive din coming from the platform. Something is clearly going on. So I step outside to investigate - Tridip and Ambarish follow.
Robert : Are these guys your friends? I mean do you know them?
Anindya : No, no, they're just some people standing near me. So the platform is full of people standing in groups and shouting angrily. I come to know that the previous train had mowed down a DMET student and his classmates are blocking the rails half a mile ahead. Ambarish immediately become the local hero. "Shala boroloker chhelera dekhe shune rail-line cross korte pare na - majhkhan theke amader ruji-rojgar noshto. Amra sharadin platform-e bosh thakle ki cheleta beche uthbe? Chol giye shalader pitiye tule di". This strikes a major chord among the grumblers. A bunch of people start recruiting people.
Arnab : What do you do?
Anindya : I am watching the fun. I am in no hurry after all. I stood by the bookstall reading the latest Stardust and watching events unfold. At about this moment the station-master commits a cardinal error - shows weakness and tells the truth. He comes on the mike. "Doya kore apnara uttejito hoben na. Ektu aage kichhu lok line bondho kore boshe aachhe. Amra oder shonge kotha barta bolchhi. Ek-du ghontar moddhei line clear hoye jabe." This too struck a chord among the simple folks, and not a positive one either. I don't know why, maybe because the station-master's office was closer than the picketing students, people were certainly talking about station bhangchur and beating up the master.
Robert : This sounds ridiculous. Why beat up the station-master?
Arnab : No, Robert - did you ever read Julius Caesar? Of course you did. It is just like that, I guess - happens all the time.
Robin : Now Arnab, you keep out of those literary references. Let him finish the story. Get on with it!
Anindya : Ah yes! Well, it does not take much time for the small cirrus of unrest to turn into a dark cumulo-nimbus of discontent and anger. Then "Pop!" it explodes suddenly into a torrent of violence as all of a sudden a whole mass of humanity goes berseck and starts attacking the rather fragile superstructure that holds the station together. I hear glass break and wood crumble. It is an awesome and terrifying sight - I hear Ambarish's voice screeching above the din - "Oi shala ishstation masterta kothai?" I pity the poor fellow. After a minute or so we hear the voice on the mike again. Much louder and shriller and definitely holding a hint of panic. "Manik, Manik!", we hear, "Taratari ay! Manik!"

Anindya took another break to savour his meal. By this time he had the undivided attention of his audience. Robin had even forgotten his food.

Robin : Taar por? Who is Manik?
Anindya : (smiling and enjoying the effect of his narration) "Manik Manik!" he goes again and again - as if it is the mystic chant that will empower him against the raging mob. And empower him it does - soon we see sharp stones flying at our direction from the eastern side of the station. Manik has arrived with a band of goons and is attacking the mob. The tables have turned. We run as fast as our legs can carry us into the compartments and pull up the shutters. Inside the compartment, I hear terrified screams from some women and even few scared men join in. Stones, qurters of bricks pound on the shutters. A dark smelly creature grabs me wildly and screams "Urri baba - urri baba!" I struggle desperately to free myself from his clutches but he refuses to let go. Finally I scratch him fiercely and he lets go - and I discern in the darkness the terrified visage of our very own Rambo - yes, the same Ambarish. (his face broadening to a grin as he accesses the effect of the punchline) He releases me and desperately holds on to dadu who is nearby and who offers less resistance to his embrace.

Anindya paused to attend to his meal.

Robin : Then?
Anindya : Oh, after that it is trivial. After sometime the thuds stop, probably Manik takes a cold-drink break. Meanwhile we leak out of the other side of the compartments, scale the fence and make a beeline for the bridge. Once there, we board the the first vehicle that slows down - I get a lorry along with six others - hanging on to the back upto Majherhat.
Robin : Wow! And all this is true?
Anindya : Yes, it is true. What do you say Arnab?
Arnab : Fine, fine. Quite nice. It's got a bit of Tarantino in it and could be interesting. But frankly, I don't see the point.
Anindya : The point? It is interesting isn't it? Doesn't it have a Quixotic charm?
Arnab : (smiling) That it does.
Anindya : So, will you talk to Girish-da? I have the script ready here. If you talk to him - we can make the movie man!
Arnab : Uh... You see, I am not so close to Girish-da these days. There was an incident with his sister. Why don't you take it to him yourself. My involvement will only damage your chances.
Anindya : Fuck you, Arnab!
Robin : But Anindya, why do you suddenly want to make a movie? You were doing quite well as a photographer, weren't you?
Anindya : So what? Kubrick was a photographer before he made movies.
Robin : Oh...
Anindya : Look, I've got to rush now. What are you guys doing?
Robert : I have to finish some shopping.
Anindya : What about meeting again after that? Say the Lighthouse bar? My treat.
Robin : Sure - sounds good. Seven?
Anindya : That'll be fine. Ok, Robert, thank for the treat. See you later.
Robert : Bye.

Anindya left the three in a sudden vacuum. Arnab toyed with his fried rice and Robin stared blankly at a girl a few tables away. Only Robert seemed to retain a sense of purpose.

Robert : Hurry up guys! I have to finish my shopping soon - before we get caught in the evening rush at the shops...
Robin : Yes yes - you are right. Just five more minutes. But cheer up! Don't look so dull, Robert! Instead of a guy who is going to the Chosen Land, you look like someone who has been jabbed with the sharp end of a syringe!
Robert : (wistfully) Arre... prochondo bore holam! In a few days I will leave all these behind me. Ke jane US-e giye aar abar kobe phirbo.
Arnab : Look on the bright side - there is no Anindya in the US. Moreover, you are hardly going alone - dekhbi kichu diner moddhei okhane giye ekhankar shob byapar shyapar bhule jaabi!
Robert : (impatiently waving for the bill) I don't think so. Anyway let's get going. Robin, do you know a place to buy suitcases?
Robin : Not me, I've been away, remember?
Arnab : I think there are some on Dharmatala street.
Robert : Ok, let us go.

Anindya, 1999/11/11, "Ring Around The Roses"

There was a bustle in the Gloshal household that day. Palashbabu's sister, Parna, now Mrs Sen, had come to visit with her husband and daughter Anita. Neil Young was providing a blistering rendition of "Rockin' In The Free World" on the stereos being a gift from Anita to Mamoni.

Mashima : Shei dupur theke eki naaki shure chechamechi shunchhish - ebar bondo kor!
Mamoni : Ja bojho na ta niye kotha bolo na - please.
Anita : Mamima, alur dom ta darun hoyechay. Ami uthchhi - aar ekta khele phule dhol hoye jabo.
Mamoni : Amio (giggles).
Mashima : She ki re? Dara dara, aar duto luchi ene di. Tar por payesh achhe.
Anita : Na Mamima, ami mishti khawa chere diyechhi.
Mrs Sen : Oke aar bole kaaj nei. Aajkalkar fyasan hoyeche - har gilgile na holei nake mota.
Mr Sen : Ei jonnei to Canadar lokera bhabe amader deshe durbhikkho.
Mrs Sen : Mamoni, mayer kotha shono - payesh ta kheye nao.
Mashima : Kake ki bolchho? Mamoni to aajkal Diet Pepsi khawa dhorechhe. Shorire eki rokto boichhe na?

Suddenly the conversation stopped and the middle-aged folks stared at Mashima. The sisters understood nothing and did not want to be a part of this boring gathering and rushed back to Mamoni's room. It had been years since they chatted all night - whispering about everything from boyfriends to movies. They departed surreptitiously.

Palashbabu : (Breaking the silence of the room) Khete boshe pora jak.
Mashima : Hya onek deri hoye gelo. Shobai boshe poro.

Once at the table and being sure that they were not audible to their daughters, courtesy Mr Young, the conversation took a more adult turn.

Mrs Sen : Jagdish-ta ekhono aashe toder ekhane? Kono chokkhu-lojja nei? Jamshedpur-e to amake jaliye marto. (gives Mashima a very meaningful look)
Palashbabu : Purono kothagulo ki tor na tullei noy?
Mrs Sen : (unabashed) Ta cheleta ki bolechhe?
Palashbabu : Phone...
Mashima : (simultaneously) Biye...
Palashbabu : (sternly) Ami phone-ta dhorechhilam - amakei bolte dao. (after a pause) Phone kore bollo je shala shob bepar-tepar jane. Mukh buje or shonge meyer biye dite hobe - noyto betachchhele shob phash kore debe.
Mrs Sen : Ta tui ki bolli?
Palashbabu : Ki bolbo? Bollam giye... (hesitates) dube morte. Shamne pele duto ghushi mere chit-potang kore debo. Boluk na giye - kake bolbe? Ki hobe amar? Bastard bokachoda kothakar!
Mrs Sen : Dada - barir bhetor mukh shamle kotha bol - eta tor dokan noy. Ta matha gorom kore galagali debar aage duto kotha bhebe dekhli na? Tui chhara ki ei barite aar keu thake na? Meyetar ekhono biye hoyni. Ei beparta janajani hole kono blackmailer-o oke biye korte aashbe na. Bari theke berolei lok jon paak debe - kotodin tikte parbi e-paray?
Mashima : (a little tearfully) Ami jante perei toke phone korlam - tor kotha to ektu shone.
Mrs Sen : Aar ki cheyechhe? Taka poysha?
Palashbabu : Taka poyshar kotha kichhu bole ni - khali Mamoni-ke biye korte chay. Kalke abar phone korbe bolechhe.
Mr Sen : Taka poysha chay ni? Cheleta to besh bhaloi.
Mrs Sen : (extremely irritated) Chup koro to tumi! (To Palashbabu) O etoshob janlo ki kore? Amra chhara to aar keu jane na!
Palashbabu : Ke jane? Dekh tor boudi hoyto kon purut-ke giye bole eshechhe! Meyeder pete kotha thake? Amari bhul - Ashes cheleta bhalo chhilo, tokhoni biye diye deoa uchit chilo.
Mashima : O-ma! (to Mrs Sen) Cheletar history jano? Rajjer meyeder nachiye amader nachate eshechilo. Parar lokjon bari eshe sabdhan kore diye gelo!
Palshbabu : Keno je parar gujobe kan dao? Nije to kichhui jano na. Cheleta jodi ektu bhul-tul koreo thake, to ki hoyechhe? Bechara du-tin bar amar dokane eshe dhorna diyechhe. Tar opor etodine hoyto America pouchhe gechhe.
Mr Sen : Ta ager patrer ki holo? Mamoni-ke porato na? She to besh bhaloi chilo.
Palashbabu : Ota ekta hotochchhara incompetent. Ekta chakri jogar korte pare na to abar biye.
Mrs Sen : (sarcastically) Ta toder to bhalo shoyombor boshechhe. Ekta criminal, ekta bekar aar ekta flirt.
Mr Sen : (innocently) Mamoni ke Canada pathiye dao na. Nijei bor jogar kore niye aashbe.
Palashbabu : (with equal sarcasm) Hya, ta Anita-r biyer ki khobor? Shob thik thak?
Mrs Sen : (face red with embarrasment) O kotha pore hobe! Ta ei cheleta kemon? Mamoni-r shonge aalap holo ki kore?
Mashima : Cheler baba or dokaner supplier chilo. Majhe moddhe bari ashto. Mamonir chotobelar bondhu.
Mrs Sen : Chakri bakri?
Mashima : Ki ekta advertisement agency te kaaj kore bole chilo. Bhalo chakri-i bodhoy. (to Palashbabu) Kothay kaaj kore o?
Palshbabu: Jekhanei kaaj koruk, idoit to idiot-i. Ami jani na. Ei shob baje proshongo uthchhe ki kore?
Mrs Sen : (ignoring Palashbabu) Maine pottor jaanish kichu tora?
Mashima : Dalu bolchilo je advertising-e bhalo poysha aache. Tobe thik jani na
Palashbabu : Abar Dalu!
Mr Sen : Cheleta to bhaloi, biye diye dao.
Mrs Sen : Tumi chup chap thaktey paro na? Majhe majhe phoronta na katlei noy? Uff! Ekta bhaar aar ekta gowar - ekta constructive kotha bolbe na, sharakkhon jaliye jabe. (to Mashima) Cheler bepare aar kichhu janish? Barir lok jon?
Mashima : Bap to bhaloi, ektu pan-tan koren jodio.
Palashbabu : Ektu? Ekta aasto matal - ekbar to shara raat nordomay pore chilo.
Mashima : Ebar parar gujobe ke kan dichchhe?
Mrs Sen : Mamoni ki bolchhe? Biye korbe?
Palashbabu : Biyer kotha uthchhe kotha theke bhujte parchi na. Baba matal chele criminal. Poyshai ki shob? Mamoni-ke ami nijer meyer moto korei manush korechhi - shesh muhurte or future noshto hote debo na ami!
Mrs Sen : Future? Ki future? Bhalo patro peyechish - ragta katalei bujhte parbi. Bhalo gharer chele, bhalo chakri kore. Blackmail na korle to mathay tule nachtish! Aar blackmail kore ki dosh-tai korechhe shuni? Biyei to korte cheyechhe? Keno? Nishchoi meyetake bhalobashe. Ta boudir baba jokhon toke bonduk dekhiyechilo ki korechili shuni? Oke niye bari theke paliyechili. Ta tui ekta kidnapper na? Bipode jokhon porechhish, thanda mathay bhebe dedkh. Amar mote cheleta bhaloi, biye diye dewa buddhimaner kaj. Tar beshi amar aar kichhu bolar nei. Boudi ki bolo?
Mashima : Hya, ekhon to mone hochchhe je shetai bhalo. Meyetar ja reputation paray, er theke bhalo shommondho hoyto ashbe na. Nijer theke biye korte chaichhe, amar to mot aachhe! Ami jibone ekta bhul korechi, meyetar jonno are notun kore are ekta bhul korte chai na.
Palashbabu : Ami ar ki bolbo. Toder ja ichchha tora kor. Amar kotha ke-i ba shone? Toder jokhon mot aachhe, biye diye de! Pore jhamela-e porle amake kichhu bolte aashbi na!
Mrs Sen : Meye ta ki amar? Ami biye debo na tui dibi?
Palashbabu : (defeated) Thik achhe, thik achhe, Oke deke ekbar jiggesh kore ne. Or mot thaklei ami khushi.
Mr Sen : Ami tao bolchhi je Canada pathiye dao.
Mashima : (much light hearted, as if a huge stone has been removed from her gall bladder) Apni giye ektu shuye nin na. Onek dhokol gecchay aaj ke. Bichhana kore debo?
Mrs Sen : (smiling appreciatively) Or kotha charo to boudi! Ta Bhutaner bhalo naam ki?
Mashima : Ke jane? Podhobi to Roy. Tai na? (Palsahbabu nods)
Mrs Sen : (shouting) Mamoni ...... Mamoni.
Mamoni : (appearing from within, along with Anita - both flushed with excitement) Ki holo?
Mrs Sen : Tor biye thik hoyeche Bhutaner shonge. Tor chelebelar bondhu. Pochhondo?
Mamoni : O hya, bhaloi to - besh bhalo.

Mamoni giggled incessantly and Anita joined her - the rest of the family stared at them uncomprehendingly.

Ashes, 1999/11/14, "The Merchandise"

Robert, Robin and Arnab decided to walk down to Esplanade to buy the remaining items for Robert's travelling wardrobe. Arnab, content with a full stomach, was singing snatches of a tribal song that sounded like "logoburu dhirko shinin, ghantabari ma kawar". A sort of sadness engulfed Robert as the trio walked down Free School Street in the gathering dusk.

Robin : Ekhanei kothay ekta Anandadeep-er office chilo na?
Robert : Na, ota to shei Decker's Lane-r kachhe.
Arnab : Ekhane Sanjay-er office chhilo - bohukaal aage.
Robin : Sanjay Agarwal?
Arnab : Hya. Onekdin kono khobor nei, chheleta ekebare hariye gecche.
Robert : Dara, cigarette kinte hobe.
Robin : Tora paan khete chaash? Onek din khaini.
Arnab : Na, aami na - aami strictly anti-paan.
Robert : Amar jonno ekta ne.

Robert and Robin walked up to the paan shop procure various carcinogens while Arnab stood by the curb, contemplating the reddish patterns in the sky. A short, thin man in a lungi sneaked up behind his left ear.

Pimp : (whispering confidentially) Bolun dada meye lagbe naki? Bangali, Gujrati, Madrasi, Nepali - shob rokom aachhe. Ja dorkar bolun.
Arnab : (without surprise) Koto?
Pimp : Eshe dekhun, tarpor poyshar kotha hobe. Shob daam-er aachhe - poysha niye chinta korben na.
Arnab : Aamar pocket-e paach taka pore aachhe - tate hobe?
Pimp : Ki je bolchhen dada, aapnar kachhe paach take thakle, aamader pocket-e ki thakbe?
Arnab : Apni boron (pointing to Robert) oi chheletake jiggesh korun. O amader niye gele, jabo.

The Pimp walked up to Robert and placed his hand on his shoulder. Arnab watched as Robert's face blanched as he protested with a loud "Gaye haath deben na" and hurried off into the refuge of a music shop nearby. Arnab and Robin followed him in.

Robin : Ki holo? Lokta ki bolchhilo?
Robert : (quite shaken) Amar kachhe eshe meye offer korlo! Arnab, tui ekta bishal idiot. Amar kachhe keno pathali?
Arnab : (mischieviously) Tor echhchha thakle bhalo bachalor party hoye jeto.
Robin : Biyer por abar bachalor party hoy naki?
Arnab : Biye to name-i hoyechhe. Ekhono to ek shonge thake na. Ta tui ki ekhono virgin?
Robert : (indignantly) Na!
Arnab : Ta eshob kobe korli? Bou-er shathe na onno kau-ke? Amader kichhu bolish ni to. Bol, bol, details gulo bol.
Robert : Ekhon na, pore. Ami ekta Manna Dey-r cassette kinbo bhabchhilam - (moving over to the racks) okhane giye to pabo na.
Robin : (to Arnab) Oke chhere de. Besh nervous hoye aachhe aajkal. Ta eta ki Red Light area? Din dupure dalal-ra eshe dhore?
Arnab : Eta to kichhui na, Sonagachhi, Kalighat - egulo holo aashol jayga. Chol toke ekdin niye jabo. Ekhane guchhchher poysha nebe, aar oti baje maal.
Robin : (aghast) Na, na, amar oshob jaygay jawar kono echhchha nei. Ta tui ki ederke, mane, patronize korish naki?
Arnab : Majhe majhe. Amar to aar toder moton girlfriend nei. Kalighat-e ekta meye aachhe, or kachhe majhe moddhe jai.
Robin : Ta AIDS taids hoy ni to? Ki shob korish - egulo dangerous jinish.
Arnab : Ekhono to hoyni, aar holei ba ki - jibon-mrityu shobi to murgir dim.
Robin : Ami kintu seriously bolchhi - this is not a joke!
Arnab : Dhur! Ta Canada-y eshob-er scene kemon? Strip club tub-e gechhish?
Robin : Prothom prothom ek bar gechhilam - "French Maid" bole ekta jaygay. Joghonno! Meyera kapor khule nache aar loke loonie chore.
Arnab : Loonie abar ki?
Robin : O, ek dollar-er coin.
Arnab : Aar chodar jonno?
Robin : Oshob aami jani na. Tor janar echhchha thakle internet theke dekhe ne. Worldsexguide.org bole ekta site aachhe - shob information peye jabi.
Arnab : Ta rastay dhoreni konodin? Bollei bisshash korbo?
Robert : Strip club-tar baire duto meye chhilo. Rasta cross korar shomoy pashe eshe daralo. Interested hole naki chokhe chokh melate hoy. Ami to chokh bondo kore rasta cross kore palalam.

Robert joined them at this time with a few tapes. He was beaming mildly.

Robert : Ah, onek din dhore khujchhilam ei cassette-ta.
Robin : Ki ota?
Robert : Jagjit Singh. Chol - kothay jeno jete hobe - ah, Dharmatala.
Robin : Ta Arnab regularly Kalighat-e ekta meyer kachhe jay jantish?
Robert : Dhur dhop dichchhe.

It took ten more minutes to reach their destination a baggage shop on Dharmatala street. The shopkeeper looked exactly like the description of Anindya's Tridip. Pencil moustache, check shirt, bad breath - the works.

Shopkeeper : Asun dadara, bolun ki sutkes dekhben?
Robert : Majhari size-r bhalo ki achhe?
Shopkeeper : (bringing out three demo items) Eta Hammar, eta Dobol Bull aar eta Aristrocat - chhoso, aatso aar hajar. Aristrocat-er jinis bhalo, dobol lock aachhe, aar body mojbut. Opor diye gari chalate parben.
Arnab : A-ha, (pointing to the Dobol Bull) aar etar opor diye ki gorur gari chalabo?
Shopkeeper : Ki je bolen dada, sosta-r maal kokhono besi din teke?
Robert : Aachhchha, apnar kachhe VIP nei?
Shopkeeper : Na dada, oi comapny-r jinis keu kinte chay na - tai aamra rakhi na.
Robert : (to Robin) Ki, Aristrocat-ta nebo?
Robin : Dara. (to Shopkeeper) Dada, ekta phite din to.
Shopkeeper : Phite? Phite diye ki korben?
Robin : Suitcase-gulo mepe dekhbo. Plane-e niye jete gele ekdom maap dekhe kinte hobe, noyto jamela hote pare. Length plus breadth plus height has to be less than 65 inches. (measures) Thik aachhe - cholbe.
Robert : Dada, Aristrocat-tar ashole koto dam neben bolun?
Shopkeeper : Boro company-r dam, amader kichu korar nei.
Robert : Nosho-te din.
Shopkeeper : Share nosho cost dada. Kichhu to profit korte hobe, noyto khabo ki? Aapni nosho-shottor din.
Robert : Thik aachhe.

Soon Robert was on the road with his Aristrocat wrapped in newspaper.

Robert : OK, that's done. And now for the jackets. Someone told me that there is a shop called Gajkumar on S.N.Banerjee Road.
Arnab : I know it. (after a pause) Ta Robert, tui to darun dor korte parish - tirish taka bachali!
Robert : Pak dibi na, tui nije dor korli na keno?

Crossing over to S.N.Banerjee Road, Arnab's eye caught a magazine stall beside Regal.

Arnab : Ek minit, amake ekta Debonair kinte hobe. Gotobar-er Annual issue. Loktake du mash aage bole rekhechhilam.
Robin : Amakeo ekta boi kinte hobe - "Zen And The Art Of Motorcycle Maintainance" - pawa jabe ekhane?
Arnab : Jigesh kor.

While Arnab inspected his reserved copy of the Debonair Annual Issue from 1998 and Robin inspected the rack of paperbacks, Robert stood with his suitcase blocking the public from seeing the centerspreads of the magazine which Arnab was flipping.

Robert : (to Arnab) Taratari kor. Chena lok-jon dekhte pele ki hobe bol to?
Arnab : (nonchalantly) Bhab-be je tui Kachchi Jawani dekhte eshechhich, aar ki?
Robert : Eshober pechhon poysha noshto na kore biye kore phel.

Meanwhile the shopkeeper seemed to be taking an interest in Robin.

Shopkeeper : Ki chai dada?
Robin : Boi - "Zen And The Art Of Motorcycle Maintainance" - aachhe?
Shopkeeper : Dekhun, ami bolte parbo na. (confidentially) Ta, sekshy chobi lagbe naki? Full nekid chobi aache. Meye, chele shob. Gay photo-o aachhe. Bolun, dekhabo?
Robin : (repulsed) Na, na - oshob kichhu chai na. Ei to, boi-ta aache. Koto daam?

Robin and Arnab paid for their respective publications and departed the shopkeeper's company in the direction of Elite.

Robin : Sheet! Esplanade-er ki jachhchhetai dosha hoyechhe? Prostitution, pornography - eta to ekdom Amsterdam!
Arnab : Chirokal-i erokom chhilo. Aajkal onek kom. Ardhek bookstall tule diyechhe, Jawani series-er cinemagulo shob censored. Sheta onek beshi jachhetai. Loke jodi mai dekhte chay to censor korar ki aachhe?
Robin : Ami aage konodin dekhini.
Arnab : Tui aage shondher dike ekhane ghurish ni nishcoi. Tap opor toke dekhe bhalo chhele mone hoy, tai loke approach kore na.
Robert : Toke approach kore bujhi?
Arnab : Amake to dekhei bjha jay je konodin biye hobe na.
Robert : Aajkal naki notun hujug uthechhe - meyera cinema-hall-er baire dariye thake. Poysha dile, bhetore giye bara malish korbe - mai tipte debe.
Arnab : Hyan, dekhish ni?
Robert : Na, kon cinemay?
Arnab : Metro, Regal, Roxy - ei parar shob kota-tei.
Robin : Canada jawar aage bhabtam je okhanei khali ei shob chokher shamne hoy - ekhon to dekhchhi je Kolkata kichhu kom jay na. Borong okhane khola-mela bole sleazy jinishta kom.

A pair of jackets were bought without incident. Robert was positively glowing. His shopping was done. All that was left was to collect his wife and board the plane. He was determined to enjoy his last twenty four hours in the country.

Robin : Shopping shesh?
Robert : Hya - kal shokale packing kore - tarpor (imitating an airplane by stretching out both arms) "bhooosh". Ekhon moja kora jak.
Arnab : Chol, Anindya boshe boshe bore hochhchhe. Pray at-ta baje.

Ashes, 1999/11/02, "He's Got The Whole World In His Hands"

Ganesh aligned the carrom gutis with infinte care, dipping each of them in a little pile of Ponds Dreamflower Talc then blowing away the loose powder in three measured gusts and finally polishing the lower end on his shirt sleeve. He then placed the guti in it's assigned place accurate to a micrometer. When all were set, he slowly rotated the ensemble until the spine of the pattern laid perfectly on the diagonal of the board. Ganesh then smiled a lazy smile, dusted off his hands and was able to concentrate on the discussion about the football game.

Ganesh : Are shala jodi matha thanda reke shot-ta marto taholei hoye jeto. Last minit-e goal hoye gele ki kortish bara?
Bhombol : O shob ekhon bole ki hobe, striker hoye, dosh-pa dur theke tin-kathir bhetor ball rakte parena, abar Pepsi adbartise kore. Dekhlei gale ekta chor koshe dite echchha kore.
Ganesh : Na, ebareo league-ta hatchara hoye gelo. Ki re Dhano, cha gulor ki holo?

Dhano, the eight year old tea-boy, was already on his way. Three cups of tea and one plate of nonta biskut. Dhano was in good spirits and was imitating tea vendors on railway stations complete with stylish gestures.

Dhano : Cha, cha - gorom gorom cha.
Charu : Ei, tui kon dole, Mohun Bagan na East Bengal?
Dhano : Ami Mohun Bagan dole.
Ganesh : Tahole eto hashchhish keno beta? Here gechhe janish na?
Dhano : East Bengal jeete gechhe?
Ganesh : Na, East Bengal hole to kotha chhilo, BNR-er kachhe herechhe!

His vending duties done, Dhano walked back to the tea stall wondering about his new favourite team, BNR. Meanwhile, Raju a tall romantic type wearing a glitter encrusted green shirt joined the group.

Ganesh : Kire Raju, khela dekte gechili naki?
Raju : Na, Metro gechhilam. Parampara dekhe esechi. Darun.
Bhombol : Parampara mane Aamir, Saif Ali Khan, Neelam?
Raju : Aamir Khan to fatafati. Aar Saif ja acting koreche na, ohh. Ekta scene-e tarowal niye Aamir-ke ja fight dilo.. too much.
Ganesh : Neelam chara aar ke chilo? Tui shala ki addi kaler purono cinema dekhish? "Mast" dekhechhish? Urmila-ta kichhu jiniss mairi! Charu, tui dekhechhish?
Charu : Na.
Bhombol : Charu keno dekhbe? O to shudu engreji bhuter cinema dekhe.
Charu : Cinemate nangto meye na thakle dekhar mane hoy?

At this crucial juncture, Munni walked by the group.

Charu : Oi dekh, "Chand" jachche.
Ganesh : Ki-re Raju, eksonge cinema dekhe eli naki?
Raju : Dhur!
Bhombol : Keno re, deklei to tal khash.
Raju : Dekte bhalo lage.
Ganesh : O, tui to abar "secret admirer", mukh diye buli futbe na.
Raju : Huh. Mamoni-ke deklam aaj. Splanade onchole. Duto chheler shonge gure berachhilo - hate bishal bishal bag niye. Or to biye hote chollo, kichhu kor, Ganesh?
Ganesh : Shob thik kora aachhe. Ek shoptah porei jaante parbi.
Charu : Ki thik kore rekhechhish abar?
Ganesh : Jodi boli je ek masher moddhe Mamonir shonge amar biye hobe?
Bhombol : Bal hobe. Dosh takar bet.
Ganesh : Thik achhe.

A dhuti-clad serious-looking middle aged man took this opportunity to come up to the foursome.

Man : Manadake kothay pawa jabe bolte paren?
Ganesh : Manada nei ekhane. Apnar ja dorkar amake bolte paren.
Man : Party-r kaj. Onakei dorkar. Aami nahoy pore aashbo.
Ganesh : (grabbing the man's shoulder and putting a slight menace in his voice) Ki bollam shunlen na? Manada nei - mane ekebare nei - kete porechhe. Ami ekhon party-r charge-e aachhi. Ja bolar amake bolun.

Somnath/Vanka, 1999/11/25, "The Drinks"

Arnab : Arre Anindya, already boshe gechhish?
Anindya : Ki re? Ki kinli? Eto deri holo je?
Robert : Suitcase, Jacket, ei ar-ki.
Waiter : (grimly) Ki neben?
Anindya : Beer, beer. Aaro charte beer niye ay. KBL Superstrong.
Waiter : (indignant) Tui-tamari korben na dada, Eto rong nebar ki aachhe?
Anindya : (affecting surprise) Jabbaba! Chote jabar ki aachhe?
Arnab : (to waiter) Kichhu mone korben na dada. Or mathay majhe majhe protikriyasheel idea jage. Specially pete ektu maal porle.
Waiter : Aar bolben na - tokhon theke amay jaliye khachchhe. Bole kina beer-e jol meshachchhi! Waiter bole ki amra manush na? (departs)
Anindya : Shala sarcasm-o bujhte pare na!
Arnab : Chup kor to! Matlamir jonno bar kore dile ki hobe?
Anindya : Maal kheye matlami na korle, maal khawatai britha. Aajke ami maal kheye bomi korbo.
Robert : Tora keu Suman-er oi gaanta shunechhish - "Prothom baar school-e jaoa, prothom baar fail"? Wonderful gaan.
Robin : Mone aachhe, mone aachhe. Prothom bar fail - ha-ha. Class VII-e onko-e. Amra bodhhoy shobai fail korechhilam - tai na?
Arnab : Anindya pass korechhilo.
Anindya : Life is full of follies and fallacies with a little bit of fun, bujhli Robert. Tor to biye hoye gelo, amar kichhu hobe na.
Robert : Tor shei bandhobir ki holo? Rupa na ki naam chhilo?
Anindya : Kete gechhe, kete gechhe. Dighay giye propose korlam, katiye dilo. Bhabchhi shamner shoptahe Anindita-ke propose korbo.
Arnab : Ba, ba - Anindya-Anindita, darun manabe. Ta, Anindya ekta patri jogar kore de na? Robert amay biye korte bollo.
Anindya : Toke shala ke biye korbe? Aage chulta kat tarpor dekha jabe.
Arnab : (still baiting Anindya) Tor moto hangor thakle ki kore hobe? Rajjer meyeder shonge ghure berabi, oder poyshay khabi. Prithibite hajarta cheler jonno nosho-nobboi-ta meye. Tar opor tui ekai jodi doshta meyeke niye ghurish to amader ki hobe?
Anindya : (dismissively) Man is an egregious animal.
Robin : (changing the subject) School-e Raghu ekta gaan gaito mone aachhe? Darun mojar chhilo. Shur-ta bhule gechhi, tobe kothgulo "Vivaha Bhojanambu, Winteina wontakambu, Wiyala wari windu, Ah-haha nake mundo." Prottekbar "Nake mundu" shunlei shobai ho-ho kore heshe uthto.
Arnab : Mane ki?
Robin : "Aami biyebarite gatecrash kore shob bhalo bhalo kabar gulo shatachchhi - rannata daarun!"
Anindya : Ei re, biyer bhojer kotha shune amar bomi pachhchhe. Shala bathroom ta kothay? (stumbles off in the pointed direction)
Robin : Anindya ekebare out hoye gechhe. Tora kokhono maal kheye bomi korechhish?
Robert : Na. Tobe ekbar teen puff charas tenechhilam, tarpor teen ghonta shuye thakte hoyechhilo.
Arnab : Shala! Aamar ganja khawar experience-ta darun mojar. Mukutmonipur-e berate gechhilam Girishda-der shonge. Shala, definitely hallucinate korechhilam. Chokher shamne amar dadu eshe ekta Kishore Kumar-er gaan geye nilo! Ekebare Kishore-er gola. Background music porjonto chilo.
Arnab : (seeing Anindya return) Chol toke taxi-te tule di. Out hoye gechhish.
Anindya : Na, na, aami ekdom thik aachhi. Arekta beer hoye jak.
Arnab : Anindya, hoy tui chol, noyto amra uthe jachhchhi.
Robin : Bari giye ghumo, bhalo lagbe.
Robert : Ektu jol kheye ne, dehydration hobe na.

Anindya departs with Arnab.

Robin : Anindya-ta ekta bishal idiot hoye gechhe!
Robert : Chirokali idiot chilo. Tui oke amar biyer beparta keno bolte geli? Bari theke palano ki chatti-khani kotha?
Robin : Sorry, mukh phoshke beriye gechhilo. Tobe o jokhon ghum theke uthbe, totokkhone tui hawa hoye jabe. Shala bodh-hoy ek ghonta dhore continuous maal tenechhe.

Arnab returns, orders a second round of beers.

Waiter : Protikriyasheel-babu chole gechhen?
Arnab : Hya. Out hoye gechhilo.
Waiter : Uni ki adbartising koren?
Arnab : Na, keno bolun to?
Waiter : Arekjon aachhe, onar moto rong ney. Adbartising-er lokguloke duchokkhe dekhte pari na. (departs)
Robert : So Arnab, what happened with Girish-da's sister?
Arnab : Embarassing incident. Mukutmonipur-e giye ektu line marar cheshta korechhilam. Ekbar dam-er opor diye hath-te hath-te bhoy bhoy or hath-ta dhorlam. Dekhlam mind korlo na. Arektu sahosh kore gale hath bolate shuru korechhi thik ei delicate shomoy ekta riksha kotha theke eshe amader pechone bel bajate arombho korlo. Shob mati hoye gelo.
Robin : Ja shala!
Arnab : Amari dosh - boddo nervous chhilam. Shobdota shune ki mone holo ke jane, ek dour lagalam - shoja guest house-e.
Robert : (smirking) Tarpor?
Arnab : Tarpor aar ki. Kaaj achhe bole Kolkata paliye elam. Tar por aar or shonge ekhono dekha hoyni.
Robin : Aar Girish-da?
Arnab : Girish-da kichhu jane na. Ota Anindya-ke katanor jonno dhop.
Robert : Keno jani na - toke romantic situation-e bhabtei amar hashi pachchhe.
Robin : So Robert, weren't about ot tell us about your cherry-popping incident?
Robert : Cherry popping?
Robin : Cherry means hymen. Popping a cherry, well you can figure that out.
Arnab : Uribbas! Canaday aar jai keore thakish, besh kichhu darun darun slang shikhe eshchhish.
Robert : Ki aar bolar aachhe? Ek din Mamoni-ke porate giye dekhlam barite keu nei. Erom situation-e ja hoy tai holo.
Arnab : (jotting down something on a scrap of napkin) Tui sure eta shotti hoyechhe? Fantasy noy to? Ta aar kichhu details bol.
Robert : Details abar ki? Kiss korlam, kapor chopor kullam tarpor... I popped the cherry.
Arnab : Bichhanay na porar table-e?
Robert : Or khate. Tui ki likhchhish? Eshob-er note nebar ki aachhe?
Arnab : Note noy-re - ekta kobita likhchhi.
Robert : (astonished) Ja bollam tai niye?
Arnab : Na, na, generally. Paach minit dara, shonachhchhi.
Robin : Arnab toke bolechhilam na, aajke ektao kobita noy?
Robert : O thik aachhe - jabar aage Arnab-er ekta kobita na hole chole?

Someone taps Robert from behind.

Abhro : Yo! Man! Yo heah tuh? Wuttsup bradah? Yo're Robaht raeht?
Robert : (recognizing Abhro) Hi Abhro. Great to see you. I am going to the States tomorrow. What about you?
Abhro : Ah em off to Canada nehxt wehk.
Robert : Great. Want to join us? Abhro - Robert, Arnab. Guys - Abhro.
Abhro : Exhellent!

Waiter appears for yet another order.

Waiter : (to Arnab, seeing Abhro) Uribbaba! Eo ki apnader bondhu?
Arnab : Hya, mane, oi aarki.

Waiter shakes his head in disgust and leaves with the order

Abhro : Just saw "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly", have you guys seen it?
Arnab : Yeah, three or four times.
Robert : Saw it as a child. Don't remember much though.
Abhro : You remember the ending? The gunfight?
Robin : No, what was it?
Arnab : (still scribbling) Ah, three people have a shootout over some gold. How can you forget a thing like that?
Abhro : Well, it got me thinking. You see a three way shootout is much more complicated than it appears. You cannot survive it just by being fast, you have to be real smart.
Robert : How so? I would have thought that the fastest shooter will just shoot the other two before they get a chance to shoot.
Abhro : Right, but to do that you have to be real fast and the other two, say Arnab and Robin, here have to be real slow. However, these three people are like the top three in this field and the honours are pretty evenly divided. So let us assume that even if you are the fastest shot, you get to shoot only one guy before someone else gets a shot out.
Robert : Ok. So how do you go about it?
Abhro : Say Arnab is the fastest shot and you are the slowest. Now if either one of them decide to shoot you first, then of course you are a dead man. After you die, Robin and Arnab will have a shootout among themselves and it is clear that Arnab has a very clear advantage. Not only can he win a fair shootout with Robin but he also has the advantage of shooting you quicker so that he has more time to shoot Robin. Got it?
Robin : I think so, yes. But what if I am faster than Arnab?
Robert : It seems pretty confusing. (noticing Arnab happily thumbing the napkin) Arnab was just about to recite a poem.
Abhro : Ah luv poems. Ah luv to rap.
Robert : Yes, I know.

Arnab starts reading the poem. By the second line Abhro begins to drum expertly on the table churning out an eerily appropriate jungle rhythm. It is so infectious that Robert and Robin start clapping to the beat by the third line. Arnab raises his voice to be heard over all these. Soon the people from the adjoining tables look on appreciatively. Some start clapping others stomp their feet. Abhro comes up a refrain which is soon taken up by the a lot of people.

Arnab : Well, it is called "Noshto Nostalgia". Here goes.

Tin bochhor boyeshkale,
Prothom kucho chingri khelam
Prothom jala alergir,
Prothom hash-patal gelam
Koshto kore keshto pawa,
Koshto kore bhule jawa
Bar bar hochot khawa,
Hariye jawa, khuje pawa

Uuh, Uuh, Uh - Noshto Nostalgia!
Listen to the brother, listen to the brother.

Mandakinir sharir nichhe
Prothom khechar sukh pelam
Prothom baar Pradip giye
Prothom baar murgi holam
Koshto kore keshto pawa,
Koshto kore bhule jawa
Bar bar hochot khawa,
Hariye jawa, khuje pawa

Uuh, Uuh, Uh - Noshto Nostalgia!
Brother's got the mood, baby, Brother's got the groove.

Graduationer porer din
Prothom baar bekar holam
Prothom baar mayna peye
Beshshaloye raat katalam
Koshto kore keshto pawa,
Koshto kore bhule jawa
Bar bar hochot khawa,
Hariye jawa, khuje pawa

Uuh, Uuh, Uh - Noshto Nostalgia!
Everybody now - Noshto Nostalgia!
Noshto Nostalgia - yeah, baby, yeah!
Arnab, you the man, you the man!

The waiter appears and interrupts the festivities. The audience applauds.

Waiter : (firmly) Dada apnara ebar uthe jaan. Bar-er moddhe ashleel gaan kobita gaichhen - shobhbhotar sheema chhariye gechhe. Gaan gaite hoy rastay giye gaan - eta bhodro loker jayga.

Vanka, 1999/10/20, "In The Name Of The Bard"

Characters :
Ashes Dhanna Ganguly - a disillusioned drunk.
Pulishman (Constable) - on the beat.
Plebians 1, 2, 3 and 4

Ashes enters stage right with a bottle of Johnny Walker in his hands - he is tottering from side to side - evidently very drunk. A full moon breaks through a gap in the heavy cloud cover. Pulishman enters stage left.

Ashes :

Ahh! Would that at this troubled minute,
This place should vanish with me in it!
The skies wouldst ope and send torrents of fire,
To strike me dead in my present attire,
That I mayest be saved the difficult choice,
Between mine own skin and conscience's voice,
That I be spared the oppressive gloom...
For alas, Bhutan doth be the budding groom!

'What ails one man doth ail another!'
Thou speakest as a friend, nay as a long lost brother,
As a passer of judgement from Solomon's chair,
Thy words are sweet, thy tone is fair,
Thou must have left me in a Kumbh-Mela type affair!
Like Aamir Khan in a stellar role,
Or like Platini scoring a super goal,
Thou dost bring joy to my harried soul.
For weary I am in a dozen ways,
Wretched and torn in fortune's gaze,
Forced to choose betwixt death and disgrace!
But thy words doth give me hope in grief
My heart is rested; I am renewed in belief.

Enter Plebians 1 and 2

Plebian 1 : Dhur - din raat khali matlami! Aee para te thaka din ke din mushkil hoye jacche!
Plebian 2 : Ke ar bola jabe - ei dakh ekhankar Pulish Conshtable gulur -o kheye deye kaaj nei - bata neejer beat chere oi matal tar shaathe goppo korche! Jotto shob!

Exit Plebians

Pulishman : Sayest thee that thou hast to kill a creature tonight?
Ashes : Oh no no gentle sir.! 'Tis not as it sounds.. 'Tis just that I do things severally rather above the law . Ahh (takes another swig from his bottle) Severally above the law. (takes another swig)

But it rests hard on a person's mind,
When the big Boss feels so god-damn inclined,
To plot a death, bring a life to end,
The life, dear sir, of a childhood friend!

Alas, hear me, hear me,that is not all,
That froths my blood, turns it to gall,
My heart on a stormy sea is toss't,
For heareth me that mine love is lost,
All those castles on air, those thousand dreams,
Doth turn out as nothing but ghorar dims!
The one I worshipped with chondon and incense,
Will marry a rival some two weeks hence.

Plebians 3 and 4 enter stage with drums and a clarinet. Music in the background.

Ashes:

To do, my friend, or not to do!
Warn the ship or drown the crew!
Bear the boils or throw the shoe!
Dance in rain and risk the flu?
Roast Bhutan, make Sandip-stew?
To do, my friend, or not to do!

Life is short and tough to boot,
My tries at love just bear no fruit,
Tough to grasp, like Aladdin's lamp,
That love is but just a visa stamp,
An elusive treasure I can only crave,
Locked away in Ali Baba's cave,
Leaving choices tough and choices few,
To do, my friend, or not to do!

A childhood friend at death's beside,
Another stands with my stolen bride!
A word would save one - give him new life,
And in another I wouldst gladly plunge a knife!
So risk my life - warn my friend in need,
And pay the price of this unselfish deed?
Ah choices tough and choices few,
To do, my friend, or not to do!

To do or not to do!
Warn the ship or drown the crew!
Bear the boils or throw the shoe!
Dance in rain and risk the flu?
Roast Bhutan, make Sandip-stew?
To do or not to do!
To do or not to do!
To do or not to do!

All exit stage to the accompaniment of music

Arnab, 2000/02/02, "alt.fan.mamoni"

	Date: Wed, 1 Feb 2000 10:21:17 +0530
	From: Robert Pal <rpal1@lsu.edu>
	To: Jagdish Rai <jrai@boson.bose.res.in>
	Subject: Dear Sir
        
	Dear Sir,

        We have managed to settle down here in Baton Rouge. My classes
	have started last week and the courses are going very
	well. The Louisiana State University campus is very big and
	beautiful. Mamoni is very happy too. Thank you for everything 
	you did for us - helping my admission, getting our plane tickets
	and everything. I will pay you back as soon as I can.

        Robert
        

	Date: Thu, 3 Feb 2000 15:45:17 +0530
	From: Jagdish Rai <jrai@boson.bose.res.in>
	To: Paramita Pal <mamoni_114@yahoo.com>
	Cc: Robert Pal <rpal1@lsu.edu>
	Subject: Re: Dear Sir

	Dear Mamoni & Robert,
	Good to know that you are settling down nicely. Arnab tells me
	that you have found a nice apartment. Let me know if you need
	any furthur help.
	Mamoni, your parents are very happy about your dream coming 
	true and that you are happily married and settled. Although
	Palash was very upset when he found your note, he has grown
	to accept the current situation as the best of all worlds.
	Parna, your mother, is concerned about your health and asked 
	me to warn you about the cold weather. Do give them a ring
	occasionally.
	Robert, I hope your courses are going well. You must work 
	hard and get A's in all your courses, for my sake. Remember
	that your primary aim is to excel in academics and get a good
	job to support your wife properly.
	Take care,
	Jagdishkaku

	Date: Fri, 4 Feb 2000 05:45:17 +0530
	From: Anonymous <anonymous@unidentified.source>
	To: Ashes Dhanna Ganguly <ashesg@hotmail.com>
	Subject: From your old friend

	hi Ashes, due to security reasons i am not being able to disclose
	my name and location, but you will easily recognize me as the old 
	friend whose life you saved recently. i am well and alive and
	thanks to you started a new life. i have truly found peace in
	religion and have learned to atone for my sins and forgive all
	those who has wronged me, even the bloodthirsty political animal
	you saved me from. yesterday i read about your exploits in the
	paper and i am very impressed by your work. may lord help you
	to perform more such good deeds for mankind.

	your old friend

	Date: Sat, 5 Feb 2000 20:17:53 -0600
	From: Robert Pal <rpal1@lsu.edu>
	To: Robin K. Pal <Robin-Pal@BigBookPub.co.in>
        Subject: Hi

	Dear Robin:
	Arnab told me that you have joined an Indian company and have
	decided to stay in India. I completely agree with you. I am bored
	with this place in a month and wish I could go back to Calcutta
	soon. It is not very cold here, this being the southern part of
	America but it rains from time to time in winter. I live at an
	apartment complex for university students and it is quite a nice
	place. We have one big bedroom, one kitchen, one bathroom and a
	living room. The kitchen has all the modern utilities - stove,
	fridge, microwave etc - but Mamoni doesnt like to cook so we
	usually eat cheeseburgers at McDonalds everyday. I have started
	smoking Marlboro cigarettes. Although I didnt like them at first,
	they seem ok now. Our university campus is huge and I sometimes
	get lost especially after dark. Last week, Mamoni bought a TV and
	a VCR and she is seeing English movies all the time. Tonight she
	wants to see a movie at a theatre which is very expensive. It is
	very boring over here and I do not know any Bengalis and I really 
	miss drinking tea and having adda sessions. Please write when you
	get some time.

	Robert Pal
	rpal1@lsu.edu    

	Date: Sun, 6 Feb 2000 10:49:23 -0600
	From: Partha Sen <psen@art.tirthapati.ac.in>
	To:  Mamoni <mamoni_114@yahoo.com>
	Subject: Hello Mamoni
	
	You are doing fine? Very good. Louisiana is a very dangerous
	place. There are snakes and alligators in the swamps. Take care
	and stay away from them. You can go to New Orleans. When I was in
	art school my teacher said that he had gone to New Orleans during 
	a festival called Mardi Gras and he said that it is a very good
	opportunity for painters. Also my student Siddhartha Sikdar is
	working there. I will give you his phone number soon. He says that
	there is a lot of paa-poo music but there are a lot of people who
	say "Hey man, money". Be care Mamoni. Send me pictures of
	Louisiana too. Anita has gone back to Canada and it is very cold
	over there. It is very cold over here too.

	Thank you very much,
	Pishemoshay

	Date: Sun, 6 Feb 2000 14:23:49 -0600
	From: Mamoni <mamoni_114@yahoo.com>
	To:  Anita Sen <anitasen@ucalgary.edu>
	Subject: HaPpY BiRtHdAy (guess WHO?)

	Yes, this is Mamoni wishing you Happy Birthday from the same
	hemisphere. Can you believe it? I still have to pinch myself from
	time to time. This is my new address - I even have a computer of
	my own. Spent the last month absolutely freaking out - saw tons of
	movies, went to New Orleans, even learnt to play pool! I am having
	a kind of sensory overload. Oooh, I'm so happy! Last week we got a
	TV and a VCR and have been catching up on a lot of movies. I am
	seeing something like three movies everyday. I have seen all the
	Kubrick movies except Spartacus (which you said is not really a 
	Kubrick movie after all). I really like Lolita and Dr Strangelove
	but didn't like A Clockwork Orange at all. Anyway, I have also
	started watching Friends on TV - and isnt it the best thing ever?
	Everybody is so cute in it. Lisa Kudrow is my role model - I want
	to be like her! Yesterday I dragged Robert to see Magnolia and we
	both hated it. Tom Cruise is horrible in it - why is he doing
	these stupid roles these days? I have almost spent all the money
	Jagdishkaku had given me, mostly over CDs. I bought all the Neil
	Young and Bob Dylan CDs that I could find. There is a guy who
	lives down the hall who has become a very good friend of mine. He
	made me a member of a CD club and I got a lot of free stuff from 
	them. Well, how was the rest of your trip? Have you really dumped
	Robin for good? What about the other guy you used to tell me about
	- Rahul? Do reply back as soon as you can - I am soo excited to
	chat with you.

	Mamoni

	Date: Mon, 7 Feb 2000 14:25:36 +0530
	From: Ashes Dhanna Ganguly <ashesdg@hotmail.com>
	To: Bhutan <roysandip@cab.org>
	Subject: Congratulations

	Bhutan,
	I just read the news! Congratulations. You have really made
	Parnasree proud. Now I can tell everyone that I used to play with
	the opening batsman of Bengal on the roof of our house! Opening
	batsman for the state Ranji team - it is incredible. In no time
	you will be in the national team, especially after the recent 
	results. Way to go man!
	Ashes

	Date: Tue, 8 Feb 2000 09:45:23 +0530
	From: Robin K. Pal <Robin-Pal@BigBookPub.co.in>
	To: Robert Pal <rpal1@lsu.edu>
	Subject: Re: Hi

	Hi,
	
	Try not be too frustrated with life. These things will soon pass
	as you get deeper into your courses. Concentrate on your studies.
	You seem to be spending too much money. Be careful or soon you
	will find yourself in debt - I say this from personal experience.
	
	I have indeed joined a new company as a Sales Manager. It is a
	great job. My office is near Shyambazar. I am also following your
	footsteps and getting married soon. The girl is named Kanchan and
	is a neighbour of Mamoni. She and her mother know them very well.
	We have decided to get married early next month. I know, it was a
	hasty descision but I was feeling very lonely and depressed after 
	breaking up with Anita. Anyway, this is an arranged marraige so
	all those problems will not intrude. I wish you could have been
	here for the ceremony. I will send you a card soon.

	Robin

	Date: Wed, 9 Feb 2000 22:36:10 -0700
	From: Anita Sen <anitasen@ucalgary.edu>
	To: Mamoni <mamoni_114@yahoo.com>
	Subject: Re: HaPpY BiRtHdAy (guess WHO?)

	Hi Mamoni,
	Great to hear from you. I have been back here for a week and
	trying hard to get back into the routine of classes and 
	assignments, not to mention research. 
	Nothing much to report about my trip home. Your parents were
	pretty upset with me for some time about my complicity in your 
	eloping but that was soon overcome when they realised that your
	act saved a lot of complications. My parents seemed pretty much
	confused about the whole issue. Apparantly there was something
	very secret going on in relation to your proposed marraige to 
	that Bhutan chap, but these things seemed to have ironed 
	themselves out. 
	Yes, I have completely broken my relationship with Robin. In fact
	Robin is getting married next month to none other than your parar 
	rival Kanchan. I still cant stop laughing at the thought, but on
	reflection I think they will suit each other perfectly, in a
	perverse way. Nothing is going on between me and Rahul - I remain
	a very "single" girl for the time being.
	I am putting finishing touches to my movie script. It will
	probably be complete in a month or two. You can then read it at
	www.feminist-india.org. In fact, the same organization is willing
	to produce the movie if I direct it but I have not yet decided 
	about that.
	I am sad that you didn't like the other Kubrick movies. I will
	send you some literature about them - probably youll get to
	appreciate them more. I saw Magnolia on Monday and loved it,
	especially the songs.
	One more thing before I sign off. Be careful with your money,
	girl. It is very easy to get into a lot of debt. Robin had some
	big problems with this a year or so back. Just take it easy - you
	dont have to have everything at once.

	Cheers,
	Anita

	Date: Wed, 9 Feb 2000 23:10:46 -0700
	From: Mamoni <mamoni_114@yahoo.com>
	To: Anita Sen <anitasen@ucalgary.edu>
	Subject: Re: HaPpY BiRtHdAy (guess WHO?)

	> I am sad that you didn't like the other Kubrick movies. I will
	> send you some literature about them - probably youll get to
	> appreciate them more. I saw Magnolia on Monday and loved it,
	> especially the songs.

	"You're not any fun anymore"

	Mamoni

	Date: Thu, 10 Feb 2000 21:00:51 +0530
	From: Arnab Majumdar <arnab@boson.bose.res.in>
	To: Robert Pal <rpal1@lsu.edu>
	CC: Robin K. Pal <Robin-Pal@BigBookPub.co.in> 
	Subject: Farewell, my friends

	Hello Robert and Robin,
	I have been getting mails from both of you for the past few weeks
	but circumstances have kept me from replying to them. I read about
	Robert's trip to New Orleans - that mythical land of bare breasted
	women - with burning interest and I read about Robin's upcoming
	marraige with unconcealed glee. But the demands of my trade kept
	me from communicating thus far for I was under duress to complete
	my thesis within a span of one month and ten days. You see my
	esteemed boss and Robert, your supreme benefactor, has decided to
	pack in his political platform and his academic achievements and
	devote himself totally to the task of self-realization. Yes, I
	mean he has got religion - it came up the street one dark night
	and bit him squarely on his right ankle. He is going to spend the
	rest of his life at the ashram of Maharshi Vankananda at Ranchi, 
	or so he says. And what better place to transport yourself to for
	making such a stupid descision, or so I say.
	Congruent to the above circumstance I have managed to complete my
	thesis, submit it and as of 2:40PM this afternoon, I am a 
	certified Doctor of Philosophy. As a reward for this achievement,
	I am being kicked out from this institution effective day after 
	tomorrow. My email accounts will be made void, my desk will pass
	to one of the less qualified. I will therefore be out of the radar
	screen for the next couple of months during which time I will be
	living in the fashion of a highly qualified bekar on the streets 
	of our great city. But have no fear, gentle friends - for at the
	end of that period, having accustomed myself to the true 
	aimlessness of academic life, I will be flying to Utrecht in
	Holland to work and earn as a Post Doctoral Fellow (a position
	which seems to have been invented by the esteemed Dr Pandiyan) and
	be allowed once again to partake in the tidbits of the delicious 
	meal of which the lives of you both form the central course. So
	this here letter is the bearer of my goodbye and a wisher of the
	exalted to you both.

	Arnab

	PS. By the way, did you guys hear the news about Anindya? He has
	    been arrested this weekend. The charge seems to be possession
	    of immoral material on his computer. I dont know what that
	    means, probably related to his photographic assignments or
	    something. As a precautionary measure I have deleted all the
	    photographs of Shauna O'Brien that I had collected over the
	    past two years. You two, especially Robin, be careful.

	Date: Fri, 11 Feb 2000 14:25:17 +0530
	From: Abhijit Ghosh <abhijit_13@yahoo.com>
	To: Jagdish Rai <jagdish@Vankananda.org>
	Subject: From Parna

	Hello Jagdish,
	This is Parna, Mamoni's mother, writing from the computer of our
	neighbour. I hope you are finding your new life very nice and we
	have moved to Jamshedpur too. Our life in Calcutta had become very 
	terrible after the scandal about Mamoni running away with her
	master. Now she is doing fine but her father has sold his shop and
	has started business here. He is fine too. I am not a very regular
	letter writer so I want to get straight to the point. Anyway, I am
	sorry about your loss in the election. Both me and Mamoni's father 
	had voted for you and it was very nice of you to visit us and
	protect us all from the parar gundas. The Ganesh chokra even tried
	to kidnap Mamoni the day after she raan away from home. No, I
	wanted to talk to you about Mamonis parenthood. Due to the grace
	of God, only the people in our family know about the thing. That
	boy Bhutan is very happy about his cricket team position that you
	arranged for him and has forgotten about the whole thing now that 
        Mamoni is already married in America. Both me and Mamoni's father
	thinks that it is best that Mamoni does not know about you are her 
	real father. She is a young girl and does not understand these
	things. It is best that we forget what we have done in the
	past, alright? Please send your reply to Abhijitda and please dont
	worry, Abhijitda knows everything.

	Parna
	c/o Abhijitda

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