Unknown, A Long Time Ago, "Introducing The Stars"

Robert Pal, resident of Lake Camp basti, private tutor for Mamoni, resident of Lake Gardens, a class X student of Beltola Girls High School, teaches Mamoni geography, is deeply in love with her and has convinced Mamoni's father that he has a platonic relationship with the the girl and will marry her as soon as he gets the Calcutta Corporation job through Manash Haldar, popularly known as Mana-da, a CPM local commitee member.

Arnab, 1999/06/23, "The Phuchka Incident"

Mana-da, while lighting a hand-rolled cigarette from a rope by the side of Bivash Barui's panshop as he awaited Ganesh, ex-juvinile delinquient and active "cadre", to bring him a complementary cup of tea, watched Mamoni and Robert enjoying a barrage of phuchkas from Kanu, the most expensive phuchkawalla of the neighbourhood, the one who always paid high "royalties" and was rarely beaten up by Ganesh. When Ganesh brought the tea, Mana-da, Ganesh and Bivash stared straight at Mamoni, watched her tight salwar kameez which was slightly drenched down the front by tetul-er jol, something that Mamoni could neither drink quickly, lest her lipstick dissolved, nor get rid off anywhere other than her dress-front, because no sooner she plonked one phuchka into her mouth with the least damage to makeup, another landed on her shaal-pata. Mamoni saw Manada and smiled, her mouth still containing the half crushed remains of one and a half phuckas, saw Ganesh staring at her with mouth open, could not control a sudden giggle and while a sudden eruption of phuchka remains splattered all over Robert's shirt, Mamoni was overcome in a unique spasm of insessant coughing and intolerable giggling. Robert tore up a poster of Biwi No 1 from the nearest wall and wiped his shirt while Manada patted Mamoni on the back in a little more than friendly manner. Mamoni stopped coughing but continued to giggle.

Anindya, 1999/06/24, "In The Backseat"

Robert was aware of Mana-da's crush for Mamoni but had to keep his anger subdued as he always remembered that he had to get the job at the Calcutta Municipal Corporation from Mana-da and even more Mana-da's accomplice Ganesh was a deadly local hero. To hide his anger and to take Mamoni away from the scene, he caught hold of a taxi and forced her into it. As the taxi moved along Prince Anwarshah Road, Mamoni kept giggling just to test Robert's nerves. She was quite aware of Robert's possessiveness over her but patience has been an inbuilt element in him since birth. Suddenly he smelt of something very awful which he had not noticed due to his anger and the rush. Robert kept searching for the source when he found that Mamoni was sitting on a cushion of regurgiated remains of an undigested meal. Even from the stinking smell he could trace it's origins to the kitchen of Amenia or Shiraj.

Mamoni was shocked to find her tight satin salwar kameez all ruined and stopped giggling. In a sudden swing of temperament, she became adamant to clean the dress as soon as possible. Robert's anger having evaporated in the face of her shouts and screams asked the old sikh driver, Gursharan, to take them to a place where they could clean up the mess peacefully without a fanclub watching a girl washing her kameez as if nature's call was too strong to resist. The driver took them to Princep Ghat where they found a tube well. Mamoni opened the door and ran towards it. Robert ran after her to pump while Gursharan ran after both of them with a big jarican to fetch water to lean up the mess. She stood facing the opposite to the source of water while Robert kept pumping and cleaning her back. Gursharan suddenly realizing that the degree of obscene behaviour barely ranked a step below public kissing, walked back to the taxi while a small naked boy watched with big eyes what he had never seen before and when he recounted the incident to his friends later that evening he was called a liar and ostracized by the community but each evening a group of people started gathering around the tubewell hoping to catch an encore performance. Mamoni started giggling again as Robert kept cleaning up the stains from her kameez. At last the kameez was all clean but wet, Mamoni was not giggling, Robert had no grievance against anybody but now he had different plans.

Arnab, 1999/06/24, "Fear & Loathing At Princep Ghat"

Robert abandoned the plans to see the movie even though it meant wasting a lot of money he had earned by tutoring Mamoni and Pushan, the incredibly irritating smart-ass who lived in Golf Green. However Mamoni was in good spirits, wet salwar and all, and wanted to go and see the movie after hanging around in the riverbreeze to dry her bottom. Although Robert didn't relish the embarrasment of more staring and ridicule he was now firmly in a masochistic frame of mind with all the resources of a man who had finally given up his dream of working for the Calcutta Municipal Corporation. What he wanted to do now was an open question and for the few minutes that he waited to cross the road, he toyed with being a mass murderer but gave up as it involved too much legal hassles. The thought of giving everything up and going to Manas-Sarobar crossed his mind but he was uncertain whether people were still allowed to go there and peace of mind, even there, was not garunteed so he moved on to more practical prospects. As a child he had dreamt of becoming an ice-cream vendor and that was quite an alluring prospect at the moment, especially since it was hot and not one ice-cream vendor around. His friend Kanu had recently got a job as a bouncer of the public toilet at Hazra and wondered who his contacts were. He could always ask Pushan's father to give him a job at his bedding store in Beltola as the insufferable boor continuously bragged about it but doing whatever it took took to make beddings was hardly something that he relished or was qualified for and moreover it was not a permanent job and wouldn't impress Palashbabu, Mamoni's father, and since, consequently, he could not marry, the whole exercise would be futile.

While Robert was so thoroughly engrossed in career opportunities, Mamoni was having a ball. She was the star attraction of Princep Ghat, alebit for a wet bottom, and she had the admiration of all the males and the disgust of all the females. She urged Robert to buy her a cold drink and when he did she sat on the railings, swinging a foot, sipping her coke and swinging her foot again. A peanut vendor came up to them and urged them to buy some suggesting that he would be helpful in case the Police chose to take issue with their togetherness. In a few minutes Mamoni was clean and dry for the first time in that hour and Gursharan had finished washing his seat and agreed to take them on to Esplanade.

Som Nath, 1999/06/24, "Deconstructing Mamoni"

It was getting dark and Mamoni decided that the time was ripe for a little peptalk with Robert. Throughout the day she had only giggled, consumed phuchkas and played the role of Kimi Katkar in Tarzan. Girls as a class are business people and though she was of a romantic disposition and could do anything for love, one corner of her heart always lay fixed to the expenditure her lovers incurred for her. In this matter she had always found Robert a bad sport. She could not but think of Martin, Neogi and the likes who used to spend volumes when they took her to outings in those beautiful resorts near Diamond Harbour. Martin infact had once booked an entire AC suite for the night. She was not an unreasonable girl but one has one's self respect. The other day Robert had approached her with a Nirod, it bugged her that he hadn't even bothered to get a foreign one from Fancy Market! She was well aware that Manada was mad about her and decided that if Robert continued this, she will be forced to hand him over the egg. She will be the unhappiest person, but she was hardly to blame. She was about to pour out her hearts when suddenly from nowhere a Maruti Zen blocked their way and out came Manada with all his chelas. The reaction of the 2 people inside the taxi was an excellent study of what people call contrast. While Mamoni's heart, marvelling at the prospect of getting a free ride in a Zen, leaped like that of the poet Wordsworth's when he beheld a rainbow, Robert looked like Jagdeep in Sholay when Bhiru and Jay approached him. He was thinking hard thoughts about Manada and Mamoni, the former not fit to repeat and the latter bordered on libel.

Vanka, 1999/06/24, "Zen And The Art Of `Garl Enshnaring'"

Manada advanced menacingly towards the taxi. Gursharan was too engrossed in looking at the rear-view mirror, strategically tilted to reflect a certain segment of Mamoni's anatomy, to notice his approach. Robert meanwhile, was close to panic. Manada's fierce face reminded him of Rahul Roy as he turned into a tiger in Junoon.

Manada : Ke rey - bhery bad - bhith garl sho late at night?
Robert : Er - I mean - you know - i was - you see.. aiee arkee...
Mamoni : Giggle giggle, hee hee
Manada : (his gaze softening as it rested on Mamoni - like that of Gabbar Singh as he caresses his rifle) Want me to take eyou home?
Mamoni : Giggle giggle , hee hee
Robert : Maane , k-key bolbo - I was g-going to take her to see K-Kuch Kuch...

Manada gave him a look that would wither a blind man. Gursharan took the cue and put the taxi meter up. Mamoni got out of the car and the taxi whizzed off - with a miserable Robert inside drawing comparisons between Manada and the Lochness monster, Amrish Puri and Martin, among other creatures.

Mamoni skipped towards the Zen with gay abandon - with Manada giving fond appraising looks at her still somewhat wet back. Ganesh and Aloo were already inside - but a stern look from Manada forced them to sullenly leave the backseats and get out. Mamoni jumped in and Manada smilingly started getting in too ...

But wait ... before he could open the side door, something strange happened - something eerie, something out of the ordinary .. .Ta raan ta raan. Para para para. ding dong ding .. ding dong ding ...

The lights in all the shops went off and the city was plunged in darkness in a massive powercut ....

Arnab, 1999/06/25, "Thunderstorms At Breakfast"

Palashbabu was the kind of man who writers search for to cast their charecters, painters see the complexities of human life in his face and want to paint him, directors are eager to cast him as a second villain in budgetless art movies and beggers are careful not to ask him for alms. He was once describes as a man with Zakhir Hussain's hair, Jatayu's physique and Mandar Bose's fasion sense but gentle reader, don't let appearences fool you for once you see him staring at you with those jaws chewing pan in a rhythm that even Keith Moon would be proud of, you'd get the sense that he was contemplating how good you would taste. A legend goes that when he was working in a stall in College Street, before he inherited the big shop, he had managed to extract a massive sum of money from Somnath for a tatteered and useless book and for those who know Somnath this demanded respect. Palashbabu sat at the breakfast table, reading a slightly soggy Anandabazar Patrika and cursing the newspaper delivery guy who had not placed the paper out of reach of the pouring rain, fingering the Sunday morning luchis and aalur dom while sipping a hot cup of tea, and waited for Mamoni to wake up. There were questions running through his mind and he ran all the possible excuses that Mamoni could erect and refuted them all then he found the answers that he would have given if faced with a similar interrogation and satisfied himself with unbreakable alibis - he wanted to see how his daughter would measure up.

Mamoni's mother. who will simply be referred to as mashima as everyone called her that, was a woman who weighed sixteen stones around her waist but only ten on a weighing machine, which was usually attributed to her negative headweight, but had a heart of gold, maybe fourteen carat gold but it still shined and glittered. She had gone to sleep early the night before and was woken up in the middle by some crashing and banging sounds followed by loud accusations and fitful cries of pain. Although she was dying to know what had happened, she had learnt that it was best to confront her husband after he had filled himself with luchis and had finished reading the latest political scandals and the sports page. She was not totally ignorant of the situation though, Robert had come in at about nine o'clock and protested about how Manada had kidnapped Mamoni and cried a bit when Palashbabu scolded him unfeelingly. Robert, as far as Palashbabu was concerned, was a dead man. He showed no competence and his gorvelling attitude was sickening, what more, Palashbabu suddenly realized that Robert had a bald spot and like many men who wore toupees, Palashbabu detested bald people. When Robert had calmed down it became apparant that Mamoni was hardly kidnapped but had ditched Robert in the middle of a supposedly romantic evening and Palashbabu had exhibited a rare sense of humour as Robert recounted his sorry tale and even tittered a bit. After Robert was gone Palashbabu fumed a bit about that no-good Manash and how he couldn't stand that buffoon and his self-styled gundagiri. He might consider Robert a wimpy idiot but he was damned if he was going to let a CPM goon take advantage of his daughter's high spirits, which he considered to be inherited from him but her giggly airheadedness was definitely from her mother.

Mamoni walked in to the room and sat down to her tea. She had obviously cried a lot the previous night, her whole face appeared swollen and her eyes were red. There air was full of static electricity and threatened to ignite sparks at the slightest excuse, like a New York City policeman confronting a perpetrator. She was a bit upset about the incidents of the night before and was also quite confused. She had had good fun with Manada last night even after his sex-crazed chelas grabbed and fondled her in the darkness and stole her orna. Manada was nice enough to take her to a good resturant where she had ordered and eaten moglais and lassi. But when they were returning home it had suddenly begun to rain rather heavily and Manada stopped the car and tried to get very intimate. Now she was no virgin and was not averse to a bit of fun but she didn't consider one dinner, even a moglai one, as enough compensation for making out with someone as old and ugly as Manada. If he had taken her to Taj Bengal it might have been a different story. She even felt a little sorry for Robert for being such a tart to him and made a note to make it up, even though he was quite lacking in free-spirit and enthusiasm he was certainly meek and gentle and always did what she told him to. She was quite determined not to be friendly with Manada again, even though he had used ribbed condoms and was a good lover, he was just too bossy and rude. She wondered what happened between her father and Manada after she was ordered to bed. There was a lot of noise and screams.

Palashbabu (taking a deep bass voice) : Mamoni, kalke tor bie-r ekta sommondho esheche. Mongolbar toke dekhte ashbe. Cheleta bhalo, engreji schoole computer poray. Parnosree-te thake. Namta ki jeno?
Mashima : Ashes, Ganguly bodhhoy. NIIT te poreche, khub bhalo chatro. Bhutan-er bondhu.
Palashbabu : Kalke ja kando korechis, tarpor ediker lokera keu toke bie korbe na.
Mashima : Kalke ki hoyeche?
Palashbabu : Oi garol Manashta Mamonike nie berate gechilo, raat share barotae phireche. Budo habra kothakar, nijeke Mithun Chakroborty bhabe.
Mashima : Kisher awaj hochhilo, tumi oke pitiecho naki? O abar CPM er gunda.
Palashbabu : Beshi na, ekta duto thappor merechi, badorta bherar moto chillate arombho korlo. Tarpor ekta ghushi marlam, chup koranor jonno. Doure palalo.
Mamoni (secretly elated) : Tumi oke merecho? Mitthe kotha bolo na, o tomake pitie chatu kore dito. Du mash age, o ar Ganesh ekta jhalmuri olake pitie hospitale pithiechilo. Tomar hate bandage keno?
Palashbabu (suddenly ashamed) : Betake ghusi marar por kacher tebiltae hochot khe-e pore gechilam.
Mamoni : Cheletar photo aache?
Mashima (handing out a photograph) : Ei je, khub bhalo chele. Dekhe thik bojha jacche na jodio. Jai hok, mongolbarei dekhte pabi.
Palashbabu : Atanu bolchilo je aaj-kal computer-er chakri pele kichudiner moddhei America pathie dei. Bhebe dekh.

Anindya, 1999/06/25, "A Close Encounter Of The First Kind"

Mamoni hurried through her breakfast and went to her room. She moved around the bed with a pillow around her arms like Anil Kapoor in "1942: A Love Story", which was, incidentally, her favourite movie, but, to her credit, she didn't tear up the pillow. The more she thought of America the more she wanted to meet Ashes. She had always wanted to see falling snow. In dreams she often found herself in the place of Madhu in Roja and on the top of that the opportunity to go to America had come straight out of the blue. Instantly she started planning her first visit to the land of dreams. Suddeny she felt that she had to meet Robert. He knew a lot of geography and could tell her where exactly in America she would be able to see snow. But right at this moment Ashes was the key to her success and all other boy friend of the past and present faded away in the wilderness.

Tuesday came early that week. Mamoni was quite restless throughout the morning and Ashes seemed like a knight in shining armour rescuing her from the boredom and drudgery. The door bell rang and in came an old man, followed by an old lady and followed but a bald fat man. She eagerly waited for somebody else to pop up but that was not to be. Palashbabu clasped his hand saying "Ashun Arindambabu". Arindambabu was Ashes's father and he introduced his wife and his son Ashes. Meanwhile Ashes was looking around the room and everywhere possibly in search of something or somebody. Mamoni had been spying till now from the back of the curtain and suddenly for the first time since the day before yesterday, she doubted the wisdom of marrying such an apparition. He was fat, bald and who knows how he would react to a lady like her. She was accustomed the joys of married life without getting married but without it there was always the possibility of find somebody else to satisfy her libido. She had once heard Ganesh saying "baal chera gacchey" in the context of not caring to something and she acknowledged that he had a point. Money was the most important thing in life and money in America - forget about it! She instantaneously decided to agree to marry to Ashes but she had to meet Robert once just to know which place in America would be best to go. Mamoni heard masima calling her from the drawing room and she decided to act sensible. That was not difficult for a lady who makes half the para chokras run after her. She entered the room with her eyes down and staight went to Arindambabu to touch his feet followed by his wife. She had to win this battle and decided to touch Ashes's feet too. The moment she touched his feet, Ashes felt as if he was the emperor and Mamoni his queen whom he could ask to do anything. For a moment Ashes forgot about the feeling he had for Tapati at the NIIT class. He had even proposed to her but all he got was a slap and here somebody was touching his feet. He was absolutely moved. He thought how foolish he had been to have wanked while thinking about Tapati and decided never to do it again. Now he had Mamoni to think about and boy it wouldn't be for long. Ashes and Momoni forgot everything and longed to tie the nuptial knot as quickly as possible.