The story of the day

January 16, 2006
I don't feel all growed up

So,
been a while since I wrote.

I was looking at blogs the other day.
I remembered PEAS.
I thought,
Peas is a blog.
I had a blog before it was even called a blog.
I am such a trend setter.
HA!

Then I wondered if Peas,
and the sight at large still existed.
it does.

So,
I am going to update today.
And maybe I'll come back again sometime.
And update again.

I'm married.
To Jeremy.
So,
I really am Mrs. Jeremy Riddle.
Just like in the entry about the toe
which i wrote two and a half years ago
when I wasn't married.
Maybe I missed my true calling as a psychic.

I could set up a phone line,
And pretend to be Jamaican.
Like Miss Cleo.
I don't think anyone would buy it though.
Maybe I should pretend to be canadian.
I'm pale enough to pull it off.
And thanks to my upper Michigan training,
I can pull off the accent.

I digress.
But, than again.
When don't I digress?

So I am married.
And I have a beautiful daughter.
Cecelia Lee.
Who was born on September 30, 2004.
She is my joy.
Yes,
I do have photos.
No,
I don't have current plans to share them.
Not because I couldn't.
Just because I am lazy.
If you are a person I know,
send an email.
and I will send you pictures.
If i don't know you,
well,
send me an email telling me why you want pictures of the baby you don't know,
and if I don't deem you crazy,
I will send you pictures.
She is gorgeous.
I love her.
I wish she napped better.
and didn't take off her diaper and run around naked every chance she gets.
But,
sometimes,
I wish I could join her.
Not that I really want to be naked all over the place.
Just that I wish I could have that self confidence.

Especially now.
My belly is popping out once again.
Not that it ever completely stopped popping after I had Ce.
But, now I am four and a half months preggers once more.
I am excited.
and exhausted.
and terrified of having to chase two babies around instead of one.
though my cece girl is hardly a baby anymore.
She's definatly bursting into toddlerhood.

I had a dream about this new baby last night.
I went to the hospital to have my baby.
But,
when I got there she
(it was a girl in my dream)
was already there to greet me.
I had missed the birth of my second daughter.
It was a totally bizarre dream.
And this baby number 2 was not attractive.
I can't describe the face.
It was a baby face.
But,
It wasn't.
She had a full set of teeth.
That were all crooked and grotesque.
And I said,
"Wow!
You have more teeth than your sister!"
(Cece just broke tooth number 7 a couple of days ago.
First molar.
Ouch.)
Than I realized it was a new born,
So said,
"Wow!
You have teeth!"
And all the nurses laughed.
Like it was something clever.
And the whole time in my dream
I was just thinking,
this is a face not even your mother can love
and hoping no one would know how ugly i was finding my own child.
Pregnancy and bizzare dreams go hand and hand.
I haven't started the incredible drooling yet though.

When I was pregnant with Ce,
at night as I slept,
I drooled so much
I would wake myself up because I would just be in a puddle.
I would have to turn my pillow over.
And once I made Jeremy get out of bed and get me a towel.
Because in attempting to wipe my face off with my hands
I got them so drool covered I couldn't touch anything,
and was all pregnant
and hormoney
and tired.
So it was quite upsetting.
Now,
it's quite funny.

Well,
That's enough for now.
Though this is therapeutic.(sp?)
I will probably write again.
Don't hold your breath though.
It may take me a couple of years.

I didn't want to put anything else with that entry,
so I am starting a new one.
I feel very scared right now.
For reasons I don't really want to get into.
But,
Which I promise to later.
It would be impossible to avoid.
But,
this isn't a diary.
It's my life on the internet.
People in other countries read this...
I get emails...
There are people in my life who need to know about things before anyone in Russia.
I just want to record that 2-3-4 (feb 3, 2004)
was a significant date.
and today may be too.
I just have to get up the nerve.
And hopefully my stomach won't get up the nerve.
Because I am sick of my stomach being unhappy and pukey today.
I will let you know.

I am so unhappy.
Ben,
The new boy in my house,
is words that nice girls don't say.
He started screaming at me today
because I asked him to clean.
Literally.
So,
I am not one to be screamed at without screaming.
So I did.
I am not proud.

Here this dude is.
Moves in.
throws a big party with pot smoking
in my house.
While I am trying to sleep.
Wakes me up on several other occasions
at 2 or three in the morning.
His friend called 3 times in the middle of one night.
And wouldn't believe me when I said he wasn't there.
He owes me money.
for January rent.
He burned my towel.
He called up my little sister,
star 69'ed her and asks who she is and why she is calling.
Won't say who he is,
just calls others up and interogates them.

So today.
I come out and say,
"Ben,
The landlord is showing our house today.
We need to clean."
Ben says that he doesn't think the house looks bad.
When I rather incredulously say, "yes it does."
He goes off.
Asks me what I've done to make the house look good.
As though I haven't done anything.
When I was the one who threw out the 8 bags of trash
that he had promised to take care of.
Yes 8.
Big black smelly ones.
Because he has refused to call the trash company to get trash service started.
You may think...
Sarrah,
why didn't you just call the trash company?
Because a)there is a fee for switching names and I was already wanting to move so as a money saving gesture.
and b) I don't want everything in my name.
(acutally I don't want anything in my name.
But I digress).

I asked him what positive contribution he has made to the house at all.
He called the electric company.
Yesterday,
after I looked up the number for him.
And he shoveled the driveway.
At 2 am,
waking me up when I had to be at work the next morning.
It didn't look any better. As part of todays rant he asked me why I wasn't out there helping him.
WHAT?!?!?!!?!?!

So,
I left.
came to the library.
feel like vomitting.
I have been all day.
But, I couldn't stay.
Not there, with him.
In my own house.

I don't like him.

I am moving as soon as I find a place.

I don't know.
Life is just marching on right now.

I've been thinking a lot lately
about the difference of telling lies,
and withholding the truth.
At what point are they one and the same?

What a world.
I can't wait to transfer.
I hope I get more money.
I don't know that I do.
I know I get a solid 40 hours a week though.
and that is pretty fabulous.

Woo hoo.

I am sitting,
I am just being.
It's nice to just be.
Now if only I could be in a nicer living residence.
One with clean dishes.
Where I gather up 4 bags of trash and take them out,
and that actually makes a difference on how things look.
One where there aren't funky odors coming from every single room of the house.
I think I want to live alone.
No.
I know I want to live alone.
But,
I am fairly certain that I am unable to afford it.
I hope I get a raise when I transfer.
Right now,
I must go make money.
The evil.
All empowering.
Grrr.
Money.

I have a story for halloween.
It involves a bat.
So it's spooky and halloweenlike.

I came home from my parents a couple of weeks ago.
I open the door.
and as I do,
this thing falls and brushes past my head and lands on my arm.
I look down.
And start screaming.
High blood curdling screams.
There is a bat on me.
Blech.
So then I start yelling,
"Get it off me!"
Repeatedly.

Finally Brad appears from the living room,
and manages to brush the bat off of me
and throws it back into the garage.
He then says,
"I thought you were being raped.
I paused my video game."

Because fake nascar is important you see.

Thanks Brad for rescuing me.
Today.
At the laundromat.
I saw Hazel.
From camp.
I was going to tell all about it.
But,
I want to wait.

Finally.
Jeremy's computer is really scary,
when it starts saying I see dead people out of no where,
when no one is upstairs with it. That is all.
Love and ducks.

Sometimes I make mistakes.
Doesn't everyone?
I am thinking a lot about my mistakes lately.

What makes me angry about my mistakes
Is that only people who are making worse mistakes seem to notice them.
Funny, hey?

I want to go to Disney World.
When I have money,
off I go.

I want to get in touch with all of my good old friends.
I miss them.
And I wonder how they are.

I want to congratulate Bubbles the beautiful,
as she has given birth.
And that is amazing.

I want to go to bed.
Goodnight.
Own up to your mistakes.

The interesting thing about Peas,
is that even though it is a story of my day(s)
it often it is not the most important part of my day.
Or any part of my day that is important at all.
It's just something that happened.
I don't know why I felt the need to clarify that.
But,
I did.

Now I am going to send personal messages to people.
People who never read this page.
And maybe some who do when I am not paying attention.

Here goes.
One paragraph per person.

I miss being seven with you,
but,
it's good that I am not.

I'm sorry.
What I did was wrong.
I didn't mean for you to get in trouble.
Or maybe I just didn't mean for you to hear.

Thanks for the reality check.
I needed it.
The good thing about the beginning,
was that I had no reason to protect your feelings.
I wasn't emotionally attached.
And
Even though I'm still not too emotionally attached
somewhere I started to protect your feelings,
and it made me dishonest about my own.
Don't worry about me.
Well,
no,
worry about me.
And continue to give me occasional reality checks.
But,
just know it's okay.

Give it a rest.
And I will too.

You are a miracle.
Living and breathing.
I am so glad you are in my life.

Thank you.

Can you loan me $47 for my dentist appointment?
I am broke.
I have car insurance and rent due.
I love you.

I forgive you.
I know you didn't say sorry.
and I know you don't think you need to be sorry.
But,
it doesn't matter because I decided to forgive you anyway.

Okay.
Now I am done sending messages.

Sorry that the Kennedy link has no actual pictures.
I tried to upload.
The computer wasn't having it.

Now I am going to go watch
Under the Tuscan Sun
With Mom and Mer.
Kiss Kiss.

Holy crap.
So,
Here I am
gathering my thoughts for peas.
Sitting at Jeremy's computer.
And I hit a wrong key.
I don't even know what I hit!
But,
His computer just said,
"OH What's that smell?
Bad dog!!
and made me jump.
I am trying to be kind of quiet.
Computer isn't helping.

Yesterday,
I took Jeremy to the hospital with a broken pinky toe.
Ow-ee.
How do you spell ow-ee,
I don't even know.
He broke it while coming down the stairs and tripping over the sofa.
I saw the whole thing go down.
And he is not a small man.
So I took him to the hospital
where with usual hospital quickness,
they bandaged the cut, and taped it to its friend ring toe.
They handed me the extra tape and bandage stuff,
to take home to retape him with.
After asking if there were any questions they looked a Jeremy,
and then looked at me
to see if I had any questions about Jeremy's broken toe.

They treated us as though we were married.

Jeremy and I aren't married.
We just live together...
Oh, wait.
I mean.
he's my roommate.
Along with Brad and John.
But,
he's the only one I am married to.
When we went to Kevin's farewell party,
Kim's friend who we don't know asked Jeremy if I was his wife.
We hardly even spent time talking at that shindig.

So,
Jeremy and I are married.
Until he moves to Canada.

Okay.
Huh.
So,
I am an aunt!!!
That's the big news.
Her name is Kennedy Sue.
She was born on August 19
at 1.36 Am.
She weighed 8lbs. 1 oz. and was 20.5 inches long. BIG BABY!
She has black and blonde hair.
She visited the salon prior to birth and got highlights.
I am going to put up pictures.
Here.

I so don't remember html anymore.
It's really quite sad.

One of my coworkers left.
So I am getting her job.
Sales coordinator.
It's a promotion.
YEA.
Katia wanted the promotion.
And Karen thinks Katia should have gotten it.
But,
Screw it.
I work harder.
I come in on time everyday I work.
I come in everyday I work.
I can do any mod.
I can fix any watch.
When I zone the department looks good,
not just okay.
I get customer compliments on a regular basis.
I don't stand around talking to coworkers when there is work to be done.
I earned it.
And the people who matter noticed.
And that is why I am going to be promoted instead of Katia.
There it is.

So,
life is good for me.
How's life for you?

So,
I left camp early,
'cause,
i was stressed.
And hating it.
Because,
for some reason,
camp can't get a director who isn't insane.
Apparently,
Tori spent a week as UL,
and didn't get her kids to flag once,
left them sleeping on the beach without a lifeguard while she went and slept in the office,
and who even knows whatelse.

but,
Whatever.
I'm back at walmart.
Which I enjoy,
regardless of the working for da man-ness involved.
And I live out in Kazoo.
In a nice house,
With Brad,
Jeremy,
and John.
They are good boys,
and i enjoy them.
I could live with boys forever.
they are less uptight then the female roommate counterparts.
Except possibly brad...
but,
Oh well.
I'm gonna watch simpsons now.
Love to all.

Oh i wish i were a little piece of poop! (piece of poop)
Tomorrow is Kristins baby shower.
Yea fun.
I am going to run the little games.
Yea fun.

Tonight.
I dyed my hair!
Yea fun.
Now,
I am being sniffed.
Yea fun.
And nibbled.
Yea fun!
Oh that Hilary.
She's a hoot!
Soon we are offing to the hookah Lounge.
Hooray! Yea fun.

Tiny little orange distractaction at my side.
YEA FUN!!!
So,
I am off like a prom dress.
Love and ducks.

So,
I am getting paid less money then last summer.
I have twice the responsibility.
I get very little respect.
Welcome back to camp.

Frankly,
this summer will be good.
If it's possible,
It will be even harder then last year.
But,
growth.
The staff is going to be super awesome cool.
Full of awesomenosity.
I should head back to the woods now.
I only got to escape for a bit.

I wish we had more unit staff.
So,
that's life.
In a nutshell.
NO! This is life in a nutshell.
Help! I'm life in a nutshell!

I am going to be optimistic.
It will be good.
The best and worst summer ever.
Just like always.

I should shoo back to the woods now.
Off I be.
Wish luck to me.

I sent out an email to my camp boss tori.
more then a week ago.
She is yet to respond.
I feel shunned.
I don't know what time thursday I need to be there.
So suck.
All day...
yes, okay.
All day starting at 8am?
or 6am?
sigh.
So then I posted to the group site,
and asked them
if someone,
anyone,
could give me the time.
No one has answered.
Which either means that I am being shunned,
or that no one knows.
and if no one knows,
why is no one else asking?
Shunned.

To do list for tomorrow.
Finish packing.
Clean out frank. (my car)
Go to court.
Call the office and try to find out what time to be there on thursday.
Maybe I can take some stuff to camp tomorrow.
So taht it will be there on thursday.
hmmm.
Worth looking into.

Yesterday,
Last walmart day for 2 monthes.
HOORAY!
Really though,
I will miss it.
I like my job.
Karen brought me cupcakes and cookies,
Some of which I gave away.
The rest of which i am eating.
She also bought me a watch,
which is timex,
and I had been saying how I loved.
But,
totally was not expecting her to buy it for me.
If I thought in a million years she would,
I never would have mentioned it.
I would have gone for the diamonds...
kidding.

I don't want to go to court tomorrow.
But,
since I just realized I never wrote why I had to go to court.
Perhaps I should now.
I was issued a subpoena for Guadalupe Lira.
Its a case of stealing.
Something to do with a credit card and a nursing home.
She was at JCPenney when I worked there.
and used the nursing home credit card then.
NO MEMORY OF IT WHATSOEVER.
It was more then a year ago for crying out.
oh well.
How exciting.
Bah.
silly court.

Sign my silly guestbook please.
if you knew the joy it would bring me for someone to sign.
Hahahaha.
Man, I'm dumb.

So,
I should get back to packing.
and I'm off like a racing pony.

On a side note -- dan is good.
Night loves.

So.
Here I am again.
I have no time to accomplish anything.
Well,
That's not totally true.
The way it really works,
see,
is that the less time I have,
The more I have to do.
I am not prepared for this summer,
even though I've been preparing since February,
and it scares me.
I have so much to accomplish,
and no time to accomplish it in.
But,
I will survive.
I am a bad duck.
Sigh.
That is all.
Hasta Luego.

There is no Cinco de Mayo madness.
because,
frankly,
I am quite dull.

Today,
I worked at Wal-Mart.
I also turned in my letter of resignation.
I should make up some reason
about sweatshops,
or Damning the man
but,
really.
I enjoy it.
I am just going to the Girl Scouts.
Because,
I enjoy that more.

Last week
girl scouts were greeted by a pervert in the womens bathroom.
I do not like perverts.
Frankly
I am rather sick of men in general.
Because,
lately they are all perverts.

I am beautiful in my own way,
but,
i am not beautiful in the way that I get checked out.
at least,
I shouldn't be.
I mean.
GRRRR.
I hate men.
They look me up and down.
and make me feel ooky.
Dude.
STOP.
you don't know me
and making me feel ooky isn't the way to get to know me.

This man at work tonight.
Told me I was "Lookin' real good tonight."
Sir,
I have never seen you before.
Frankly my hair was quite messy today,
and I was not lookin(g) real(LY) good tonight.
I looked like me.
And I like looking at me.
I just don't like dirty old men looking at me
as if I am some object de lust.
Up and down with dirty eyes.
Then strange dude tries to make conversation with me,
as though I am going to be so impressed with him staring at my breasts
that I'm going to... I don't even know what.
I have one thing to say about that.
OOKY!!!

Last summer when I shaved my head,
I actually remember noticing men not noticing me,
but,
now that they are again
and I am so not used to it,
I want them to stop.
It's really unpleasant.

I am a dirty old man magnet.
That's what bugs me about it too.
I get told I look younger then 23 all the time.
And yet,
many of these ickos are over 40.
I have only dated one guy over 30,
and well,
he's barely over thirty now,
and was not over thirty when we dated.
But,
if I only look 20,
and these guys are over 40
do they realize they are twice my age?!
And no!
I will not have these dirty old men looking at me.
I will not allow it!!!

OH!
And then there's Don.
Don is this dude who works TLE
Tire Lube Express.
He comes up to me the other night
and he's all chatty,
and then he looks at me and says,
"are you pregnant?"
I said,
"No, just fat."
I don't even look pregnant,
definately not fat enough to be asked if i am pregnant.
but,
I digress.
So,
then,
he doesn't even realize that that's an offensive thing to say to me.
The next day,
he calls me a little cutie.
WHAT THE STINKING HECK!!!
DON
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED!!!
Do not point out my gut one day and tell me I'm good looking the next!
Then today.
I gave him dirty looks all day
whenever he wasn't looking
(I don't want to seem rude.)
And he still comes up and talks to katia and me at the counter.
He keeps doing that degrading man thing,
where he tells the little woman to smile.
sorry...
the being told to smile thing is a different tangent.
But,
then he has the nerve to say I would smile if I had a man.
WHAT!?!
You don't know me!!
I hate that he assumes I don't have a boyfriend.
I mean,
I don't,
but, why do you know that,
and why do you think it's your place to bring it up in conversation.

I am afraid Don is hitting on me.
I really don't know.
I never do.
I am so clueless.
Perhaps that's why I'm single.
Because,
when nice folk notice me,
I don't realize I am being noticed.
It's only when smarmy ooky folk look me up and down that I notice.
and panic.
and run away.

I HATE DIRTY OLD MEN!
Growl.
So,
that is the story of the day.

Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Especially if you are Mexican.
Adios!

So.
There I go again.
Finding happiness for my own bad self.

I am so out of the funk.
I know me.
And I am happy for me.
Even though I still remain buried in insurmountable debt.
And get very confused
over very simple questions
about my own beliefs.
I love when questions make me think.
They have this nasty habit of making me a stronger person.

I went to ACA like 3 weeks ago now.
and learned some stuff.
And it was grand.
In addition to meeting
Rose,
Hazel
Brick
and Gwen
and seeing all those I had met previously again.
I had fun.
I saw Sal and Amy
from my Sherman Lake days.
I went Swing Dancing,
ate ice cream,
got in a Van accident with a mean mean man
(who was distinctly antiscout)
and made peace within myself.
Sometimes I forget how turmultuous my own innards can be.

My computer crashed,
i just got it back today
hence the typing.

I went and saw ani Difranco.
Bitch and animal opened.
It was a marvelous show.
in lexington kentucky.
Mimi drove.
Xena and I rode.
We met fabulous people,
I discovered my purpose on the planet is to ask questions and Mimi rescued a puppy.
All in all a success.

Last weekend was spent at camp.
When I wasn't walmarting that is.
It's amazing how in my place camp makes me.
I need to...
I don't know.
I'll work on that.
I sang.
and ate caramel on crackers,
which tastes like a caramel delite.
and I boated.
a lot.
and got sunburn.

Gray hairs have been discovered on my head.
Just within this last month.
But, now by multiple sources.
So: somewhere between April 3 and April 17
this duck began to go gray.
I'll let you know when I'm finished.
Mary says she began at age 19.
And she has a whole gray streak.
I waited til i was almost 24.
I am an old maid with gray hair.
That is all.

Oh,
and will someone sign the guestbook.
That's what it's there for.
and now that I am writing again.
someone should be reading again.
and signing again.

Love and ducks.
Sarrah.

If you didn't read April 1
Perhaps you would like to.
As that is why it is there,
and it precedes this.

So,
last summer I went to camp.
Camp Merrie Woode.
Man,
I do love it there.
It's just pretty.

At first,
I woke up in the morning singing.
I sang during the day.
and I went to bed singing.

Then,
I thought Bubbles hated me.
So I rather ignored her.
And joined the evil...
Sorry Bubbles.
Who is a kick ass girl if ever one existed.

Then,
a mouse had babies in Monkey's bed.
We were all getting ready for bed,
and mice are just going crazy around us,
up the wall
which made frog scream
and me go
shhh! It's just a mouse
and then one ran over my foot,
which made me scream.

Then,
Monkey tried to climb into bed,
but,
she put her hand on something ewwy.
And said,
"an animal pooped in my bed."
So
I went to investigate
Frog
Bubbles
and Heaps
moved to a different tent.
Well,
in looking with a flashlight,
it was discovered,
that it wasn't poop,
but,
mouse babies.
So new
that the placenta hadn't even been cleaned off some.

Monkey cried,
and I was throughly disgusted.
And I dumped the mouse babies off,
and we dragged the sleeping bag to the infirmary.
Where Sierra Zaynah gave us a clean one
So,
We moved into the tent with the other counselors,
And went to bed.

Ew Mouse Babies.

Summer pretty much progressed from there.
and pretty much summed up how it was going to be from that first week.
There would be times to sing,
and times where you just couldn't escape the mouse babies.

The leadership failed us.
our awesome and wonderful staff got split into two.
It was really sad.
Daisy the director
and rhino
her sidekick.
were just never there.
Sierra Zaynah was the only leadership we had.
and she was already doing more then her fair share of the work.

I could go on for a really long time about this.
But,
I am choosing not to.
I just want to conclude with saying,
Daisy,
Rhino,
you failed.
May the stench of failure follow you
and may you learn from it.

Then there was the week
where I shaved my head.
Well,
technically Mulan shaved my head.
and I shaved hers.

My head shaving
was a marvelous thing.
it was so easy to care for.
And feeling the breeze and rain on my scalp
AMAZINGLY REFRESHING!!!

people ask why I shaved my head.
It had nothing to do with sexuality.
and really it didn't have too much to do with anything else.
I shaved my head for me.

There are things that inspired me along the way I suppose.
But,
I did it for me.

Shaving my head,
was the best haircut I ever had.
It was so freeing.
So many worries just went away.
I can't explain...
it was fabulous.

It was horrible though
when a mom took me aside,
on the troop camping weekend.
and told me I shouldn't be out there,
I was a dyke and influencing children.
I kept it together for awhile.
But,
it made me cry.
She didn't even know me.
She knew nothing about me.
if she had,
she never would have said that.
It's odd how she thought,
her blindly hating me
because of the way I looked,
was better then her daughter seeing me
with a bald head.

I wasn't a saint out there,
I had my moments of badness.
and for all of them
everytime i snapped,
I am so sorry.
I am learning.

Summer ended.
And I had lacked sleep
gotten a sunburn,
gone to lake michigan
been belaying
and climbing,
gone whitewater rafting
and kayaking
sang a lot of songs,
and smelled like campfire.
I was tired
but, hooked.

So
when I saw a job ad
in the Gazette,
looking for camp couselors,
I thought,
NEAT!

And applied.
Met Luke Menet.
and got to see the other side of camping.

Sherman lake is nothing like Merrie Woode.
At merrie woode,
we sleep in tents
we cook on a fire,
We sing on the trails
We are all women.
And we love eachother.

At sherman lake,
you stay at a cabin.
But not a regular cabin
with woode facing
a resort style cabin.
Camp fires are indoors,
and the fire is electric.
You only sing when you are at campfire,
and then the same songs
from the same tired song book.
It's coed
which has its plus and minus sides.
And you don't love anyone.
you just pretend you do in front of the kids.

Sherman lake is kind of a joke.
All the staff I encountered there had one of two attitudes.
Either they felt sherman lake was the be all end all in camping,
no other camp could compete.
And they held their noses in the air about it,
Or else,
they lived the principles
(honesty caring respect responsibility)
on weekdays
and went as far in the other direction as they could on weekends.

Its really pretty sad
the state of affairs they are in there.
And then
I got screwed.
I was treated in a way
that lacked all honesty
Completely uncaring
totally disrespectful
and infinately irresposible.

What I got from sherman lake:
a view of the other side of camping
an appreciation for mint chocolate chip/sprite floats.
an appreciation for co ed camping.
Though,
I like the all girls thing more I think.
The most important thing I got there was a reminder.
Something,
that I talked about after shaving my head.
Image is nothing.
Sherman lake looks good and shiny.
But,
they lack the substance to back it up...

So thats what I learned at sherman lake, HY-YAH!

So
then I called the girl scout office,
repeatedly.
and told them that I was looking for a staff packet for this summer,
and I applied at several camps.
(I actually know now that two others were going to hire me)
Glowing embers kept putting me off.
and telling me to call back.
Finally I got through to Tori.
New director
Daisy's replacement
and the choirs of angels sang.

So
this summer
I am working back at merrie woode.
I am excited.
I am in love with camp.
But,
I needed something in the mean time.
six months is too long not to work.

So,
I put in a hundred applications and heard from no one.
Granted,
the economy is bad.
But,
I went to snelling employment.
and I worked at a factory third shift,
for two weeks.
It was amazingly dull work.
I stuck little stickers onto little plastic pipes one night,
the next night,
I stuck the pipes into boxes and put a sticker on the box
that said "packed with pride by S. Teutsch."
Oh yeah.

So,
then walmart called.
they hired me
good bye pipes.
I work at the jewelry counter.
I was told I get to pierce ears,
but,
so far
I still don't know how.
I want to go back in the fall.
so i don't know what I am going to do.
They shall not be happy when I leave.

So,
That pretty much does it.
I am caught up.

April 1, 2003
Catch up and mustard

So.
Here is peas.
been a while...

I feel like i should go back and fill you in,
on what has actually happened in my life since July 9, 2001...
So, I am going to.

leaving Marquette

Well,
so i went back to marquette in july.
I was actually up there for my birthday.
It was the saddest birthday I had ever had.
I was all alone,
because I hadn't gone up to the camp with my dad because I was supposed to spend the day with melissa
but melissa thought I was at the camp with my dad,
so she and delina went to Canada.

Man,
That birthday sucked...
I saw part of the parade.
but, I was alone...
and it was the marquette parade,
not the richland parade
or even the Gay parade
so it was no fun.

I made my own cake that year.
For my 22nd birthday.
It was German chocolate.
I love German chocolate cake.

Anyway.
Everything else in Marquette kind of sucked too.
Except Melissa who I saw a lot of.
We went for walks on Magnetic street
and up to campus.

But, everything besides melissa sucked!
(Don't feel left out other friends
you just weren't in marquette during summer.)

Beth
my apartment mate
was insane.
One time I thawed chicken
and we didn't have real plates so i thawed it on paper plates
in the refridgerator.
And after the chicken was thawed
and had left chicken soakings and fat on the used plates.
I threw them in the trash.
She pulled them back out,
and put them in the cupboard!!!
I didn't even know until I went to use one and thought,
why is this plate wet?
One of the plates in the cupboard even had cut off chicken fat on it.

She insisted on having a cat.
I said,
no problem
but,
it's not my cat
so i don't want to feed it,
and could she please get a short hair
'cause ew sheddy.
She brought home this long haired cat
and then when it pissed on the beanbag
she didn't even clean it up
and blamed misty's cat,
which had been there for five minutes.
Her cat had fleas.
Her cat stank.
Her cat scratched up my sofa.
(which she said was ugly anyway
even though it was leather and her sofa contrabution was brown terry cloth.)

When she was looking for names,
I suggested Lysastrata...
which I am probably not spelling right as it's never been my strong suit.
So the cat was named after the sex withholder.
If beth had known she probably would have been terrified.

Really,
the cat was cute.
Just,
annoying when you didn't want to hold it or play with it.
It was always jumping on me if i was eating,
in attempts to get my people food.
So,
I would shut it in Beth's room,
and she would spaz out
saying the cat was too hyper when it got shut in her room.
It's your cat, stupid,
deal with it.

Plus,
I had Herb
my little fishy in a jar,
and worried about Herb's untimely death.
Beth seemed to find this fear ridiculous
but,
I always had to keep my room shut so that the stupid cat wouldn't get in.

There were also the random children that beth had to visit.
And she wanted to kick me out of the living room whenever they came over.
I told her to take her random children elsewhere.

When Pooh and Lou came to visit,
she kept on letting the cat out.
Neither is really a fan of stinky little cats.
So,
I kept shutting it in her room
and she threw a fit.

She always stormed at the house,
and acted like I was some burden on her by living there.
Well,
I paid my rent too.
and her cat peed on my computer.

Melissa and darius both witnessed the horror that was beth.
And come to that
so did Pooh and Lou.
But,
that was just one reason.

I also really hated northerns music program.
I was stuck with Dr. Grugin as my lessons teacher.
He was an ugly little man
who looked like a bulldog.

He just had a third daughter.
Dr. Grugin. For the love of God.
STOP REPRODUCING.

He didn't play horn.
and doesn't know anything about horn.
and was no fun.

I really hated it.
Though,
I did not get kicked out.
I left of my own free will.

Everyone in the world.
if you are looking to study music.
Don't go to northern.
I could go on,
But, I won't.
There's another reason why I left.

I was sick.
I have a chronic blood thing.
That I just didn't understand.
Though now
I know
how to deal with it.
At the time I didn't.
And it wore me out.

Also,
I was sick in a a different way.

I have obsessive compulsive disorder.
It really made it hard for me to accomplish things for awhile.
I just couldn't.
I really can't explain.
It took me a long time to figure out.
I still sometimes get nervous about my thoughts.
Though,
I haven't had an attack of it
since last july.
Or maybe september...
I really haven't gotten over my disability to be in wet clothing.
Other then that...
I'm good.

And finally the worst reason I left...
a boy.
A good boy too.
But,
well, he really is the smallest reason I left of the reasons...
Maybe I will talk more about him.
Maybe not.

So,
After my first day of classes
in fall of 2001
I called it quits.
And officially became a college dropout.
I packed up frank astrobean
sent the sofa to melissas
and left psychotic beth,
and her stinky cat.

... there are other things I could say
about that summer
I worked as a vacuum cleaner salesperson.
I went to copper harbor with darius...
I did make it up to the camp the day after my birthday.
And I saw melissa and delina on my birthday night
and we watched fireworks...
or did we...
maybe they got rained out.

Back home.
I went back to richland.
where I was unemployed for a bit.
I took a math class.
so maybe I wasn't a college dropout quite yet.

September 11

Where were you on September 11?
I was in my living room.
Dad wasn't out at work.
He was in front of the tv.
And I watched those buildings crash.
And I cried.
And was shocked.
It was like a movie.
It wasn't real...
But, of course it was.

Darius came over.
we watched tv for a bit.
I couldn't take more.
we went to kfc.
The news was playing on the radio...
Sometimes you can't escape reality.

after that.

I worked at JCPenney.
In the formal dresses.
I sold prom
bridesmaids
and beauty queens
dresses.

I really hated JCPenney.
The girls just weren't that friendly.
Except Ashley, and Jen the secretary.
And the job sucked.
People do really disgusting things in fitting rooms.

APPENDICITIS!!!

So I was at work one day
in the middle of december
And I threw up in the bathroom.
So,
I went home.
And threw up more on the car ride home.
So I had to get out of my car,
and vomit on the side of the road.
And because I wanted to avoid the busy roads.
So that i could get out of my car to throw up...
I tried a way home dad had showed me,
and got lost.

I spent the next 36 hours or so in bed throwing up.
And going,
"owie owie owie"

Finally,
when I woke mom up
with all my owie-ing
the took me to the hospital.
Where I didn't have to wait in the waiting room...
But spent a long time in a check up room waiting.

When the doctor felt my stomach
He said,
"wow, you really are soft."
Yes,
okay
i was overweight.
I don't need the doctor telling me that.
That was the last night of my life when I didn't have a scar on my tummy.
Huh.

So after several tests...
C-scan
something for tubulo-pregnacy
they said,
yeah,
we think it's the appendix.

So,
I went into preop.
The nurse there...
I remember her.
Her husband,
had been the man whose car I had sat in,
when I got into my car accident
the year before.
Small world hey?

After the surgery
I pooped.
and then they gave me a pill up my butt.
HAHAHHAA!!!
of all the things to remember.

So I lived the next week in the hospital.
My appendix had been leaking.
I missed the weezer concert.
And I had e coli...
or something...
some nasty virus my rotting appedix gave me.

I had lots of visitors.
My parents.
Grandma lee.
The Goebels gave me a candle.
Darius, of course.
Dan,
who brought me all sorts of useful things...
the an O-Town fanzine...
and a card congratulating me on having twins
and i think a couple other things too
but i don't remember.

When my hair hasn't been washed for a week and is really greasy...
it gets redder.

The nurses were nice for the most part
except one night nurse
who always shined her flashlight in my eyes.
Dude,
don't do that.

So then I went home to heal.
Darius dumped me.
He said he wanted to be friends.
And I told him,
don't say that unless you mean it.
He said he did.
But, blocked me from IMs.
I haven't talked to him in a long long time.
Or really even thought about him...
I wonder how he's doing?
And really,
of all the relationships ive ever had
that was the one where the breakup was my fault.
I just sucked as a person for awhile.
Yeah.
But,
I am stuck with darius.
Because of september 11...
So I guess I do think about him.
in a KFC memory way when i think about september 11.

I went back to work at Penneys...
Hung out with Levi...
who was, is, and always will be an asshole.
But,
that is just who he is.
And the world needs assholes.
:) really, yea levi.
the funny thing about levi...
is that he always thought that I wanted him.
like you know
but, I never really did.
what I liked most about levi.
was that he was fun to talk to.
When he wasn't busy doing something to royally piss me off.
But, that's just levi.
I always felt the need to justify him to others
When he and I were in a getting along cycle i mean.
He's funny.
And smart.
End of justification.
Especially since.
I haven't talked him in a year.
Or really thought about him much either.

I wonder what levi and darius are doing now?

It was at this point
that I decided to go out and get a life.
because,
I was wasting mine.
And that is stupid.

I went to camp!!
I love camp.
I had really missed camp.
It is really cold in this basement.
I wonder if I should keep writing or go to bed.
It's 1:28 in the morning.
I've pretty much detailed a year.
I think I will save camp til tomorrow.

Be Good everyone.
Be good!!! Love. Sarrah the duck.

Miss me?
My sad and pathetic little existance on the web.
Bah Humbug.

Well. Hmmm.
I have ITP.
It's a blood thing.
It means my spleen does my body the mis-service of destroying my platelets.
Ergo,
I bleed and bruise excessively.

After getting next to 0 hours at meijer,
and a brief stint as a maid,
(don't ask)
I moved back to marquette.
where the job hunt has been fruitless.
Right now I am feeling really down about the lack of job.
Ah well,
Life progresses.

What I really need is a sugardaddy.
(no, not really, don't offer.)

My mom told me I have put on some weight.
I have.