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GUIDON editors bare all!
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The Loyola Lampoon EDITORS AND STAFF * Get to know us better -- if you dare!

Tejido, other Ateneans to run for RP presidency

ELECTIONS ARE here again, and the race for the presidency is on. But this time, certain A/S faculty members, staff, and students are joining the presidential bandwagon. What’s that you say? There are too many presidentiables already? Well, the more the merrier! So send in the candidates, and eat your heart out, Bernardo Pardo!

Dr. Tejido
He may be an Assistant Dean for Student Affairs today, but Dr. Manuel Tejido has set his sights on the position of Leader of the Land. In Dr. Tejido’s words, “Today, Ateneo ... tomorrow, the Philippines. And then, the world! Bwahahaha!!!” He stopped laughing, however, upon realizing he had said all that in English.
Campaign Slogan: Pinoy ka, huwag kang burara.

Beni Santos
Filipino teacher and famed poet Benilda Santos says, “Poets cannot run a country. They can barely control their own imaginations!” Still, her imagination has brought her this far. She believes the vote will bring her farther still.
Campaign Slogan: Beni para sa bayan.

Glenn Garfield Ong Ang
Famed history teacher and secret X-Man Glenn Ang explains his qualifications: “As a history expert, I have learned from the mistakes of the past, and will never repeat them during my term.” His priority as president will be to acquire Germany as a Philippine territory. “Any who oppose me will feel the power of my optic laser blast,” he told Lampoon reporters menacingly, fingering his rose-colored glasses.
Campaign Slogan: Vuten fur das Angst.

Doreen Fernandez
Comm Dept chairperson and gourmet extraordinaire Doreen Fernandez has placed herself in direct opposition to Dr. Tejido’s candidacy with her platformfor impeccable English. Nonetheless, there’s no doubting that her campaign is in good taste.
Campaign Slogan: Masarap na pagkain sa bawat mesa.

Amee Rose Enriquez
Newly graduated GUIDON Editor in Chief Amelita Enriquez may be young, but there’s no doubting her experience: she is a political magnet, with presidentiables gathering from all walks of life to ask for her hand in marriage. “You think I can’t win against Erap?” she laughed at a recent press conference. “I eat people like him for breakfast! May fried Morato at binagoongang Andy Ugboc pa nga!”
Campaign Slogan: GUIDON rules! Morato pangit!

Erap, meet your match! Presidentiables, Ma'am Doreen, Glenn Garfield, Oh Mandy, Marky-Mark, Ma'am Beni, Mang Manny, Amee Rose, and Ganoon Deen.

OTHER FRONT PAGE STORIES: Chemical attack wreaks havoc; Tejido becomes giant A RECENT administrative conference with the Chemistry Department was thrown into chaos yesterday when disgruntled chemistry teacher and prankster Armand “Assante” Guidote threw an unknown mixture of complex organic compounds at Acting Dean Cuyegkeng and ADSA Dr. Manuel Tejido. CLICK HERE FOR FULL STORY AND PHOTO. Bird flu hits caf The Ateneo Multi-Purpose Cooperative announced last March 3 that it was discontinuing the sales of chicken and other poultry produce. This was in reaction to reports that five students were downed with the dreaded bird flu disease. CLICK HERE FOR FULL STORY AND PHOTO.

Ikaw ay ang ika- na bisita sa Lampoon.