How To Translate Women's Language

Womanspeak                        English
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* You want                 <=  You want
* We need                  <=  I want
* It's your decision       <=  The correct decision should be obvious by now
* Do what you want         <=  You'll pay for this later
* We need to talk          <=  I need to complain
* Sure... go ahead         <=  I don't want you to.
* I'm not upset            <=  Of course I'm upset,you moron.
* You're ... so manly      <=  You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
* You're certainly         <=  Is sex all you ever think about?
  attentive tonight.
* I'm not emotional!       <=  I'm on my period.
  And I'm not
  overreacting!
* Be romantic, turn        <=  I have flabby thighs.
  out the lights.
* This kitchen is so       <=  I want a new house.
  inconvenient
* I want new curtains      <=  and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
* I need wedding shoes     <=  the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
* Hang the picture there   <=  NO, I mean hang it there!
* I heard a noise             <=  I noticed you were almost asleep.
* Do you love me?          <=  I'm going to ask for something expensive.
* How much do you love     <=  I did something today you're really not going to
  me?                          like.
* I'll be ready in         <=  Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
     a minute.
* Is my butt fat?          <=  Tell me I'm beautiful.
* You have to learn        <=  Just agree with me.
  to communicate.
* Are you listening        <=  [Too late, your dead.]
  to me!?
* Yes                      <=  No
* No                       <=  No
* Maybe                    <=  No
* I'm sorry.               <=  You'll be sorry.
* Do you like this         <=  It's easy to fix,
  recipe?                       so you'd better get used to it.
* Was that the baby ?      <=  Why don't you get out of bed and
                               walk him until he goes to sleep.
* I'm not yelling!         <=  Yes, I am yelling, because I think this
                               is important.
* All we're going to       <=  It goes without saying that we're stopping
  buy is s soap dish          at the cosmetics department, the shoe
                              department, I need to look at a few
                              new pocket books, and OMIGOD there's a
                              sale in lingerie, and wouldn't these
                              pink sheets look great in the bedroom
                              and did you bring your checkbook?

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/* in answer to "What's wrong?" */
  --The same old thing. <=  Nothing.
  --Nothing.            <=  Everything.
  --Everything.         <=  My PMS is acting up.
  --Nothing, really.    <=  It's just that you're such an asshole.
  --I don't want to     <=  Go away, I'm still building up steam.
    talk about it.