Pick up Lines
Nightclub Chat up lines
Hi, I have been watching you dance over there for a while now, and to be
honest, your terrible, let me buy you a drink and we can talk about it.
Your Place or Mine?
I love you, what your name?
A sperm is a terrible thing to waste.
I'm on fire, can I run through your sprinkler.
I'm joining the priesthood tomorrow, just one more sin?
Excuse me, Have I fucked you yet?
I'm a fertility god in some underdeveloped nations.
Why you have the whitest teeth I have ever cum across.
I don't want to know your name, just fuck me!
Are you religious? Good, well I am the answer to your prayers.
I have a two minute recovery time.
I am conducting a feel test on how many women have pierced nipples.
Do you want to be naked?
You know the woman I'd forgot about for you was also a blonde.
I'm not above begging!
Is your last name Gillette, because your best a man can get!
I'm gay, straighten me out!
My room mates a sound sleeper!
I scored on the last five nights, keep the streak alive.
I won't be happy until every woman I meet has had a orgasm.
My parents aren't home!
Excuse me, but can I lick you ?
I've lost that loving feeling, will you help me find it?
If I said you had a beautiful body would you swallow ten inches?
I wrote the Karma Sutra
My love guns loaded, and your in my sights.
I bet you look great naked.
Add some enjoyment to someone's day. Mine for instance.
I've got one hour to live and don't want to die a virgin.
Would you be interested in a sexual experience which will blow your mind?
Didn't we make love in Cornwall?
I would crawl three miles on broken glass in the freezing rain, just to
sniff the tire tracks of the laundry truck that takes your panties away.
Didn't I do your sister?
I know someone who handed out cards which said "Smile if you want to sleep
with me", and watch the girls try and hold back the grin!
Would you like to dance with me, or shall I "Go fuck myself" again?
Hey baby, how about a Pizza and a Fuck? ... What's up? Don't you
like pizza?
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
Hi My name is Justin, how do you like me so far?
Excuse me, that's a smashing dress your wearing, it would look great on my
bed room floor.
Cold outside isn't it? (staring at her breasts)
I need your help. I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body?
Gesture with your finger for her to "come here"... When she get to
you, ask " Do you always come when someone fingers you?"
Now, you have tried the, rest, time for Simply the Best.
How do you like your eggs in a morning?
Well, I am a qualified cook, so when I make you your breakfast, you will
enjoy it!
You look confused. Can I drink you a buy ?
Go up to Someone's drink, put your hand it, and take the ice out of it.
Then you say "Now we have broken the ice.........."
Do you know that your hair and my pillow are perfectly colour co-ordinated.
Do you like jewels? Well suck my cock, it's a gem!
Would you mind taking your clothes off, I would like to compare the image
in my mind with the real thing.
Wanna see my pipe organ?
I've created tidal waves in my water bed before.
I don't bite, unless you ask me to.
Hi. My mother said to come ask you if you'd come home with me.
I don't care if your 13!
I don't care if your over 80!
Are you as good as your mother?
What is a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this?
Are those things real?
Have you ever played leap frog naked?
I really would like to buy you a drink, but I don't want to be wasting my
money, if I am not going to have sex with you tonight! - If she says she
wants a drink, you have picked her up!
Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW.
Hey baby can I borrow a quarter? I told my mom I would call her when I fell
in love.
Stand still so I can pick you up.
I bet you £10 I could get all your clothes off in 30 seconds.
I seem to have forgotten my phone number, can I have yours.
I'll try anything once!
Do you like music?(Yes) Good, I've got a great stereo in my car!
My girlfriend and I would like to experiment and we both like you.
Can I smell your Pussy? No! Well it must be your feet then!
I don't have to stop and reload.
You remind me of my first wife.... Hot blooded, beautiful, and always
ticked at me!
My son is a cold hearted gangster, and I need a hug.
Do you have any Irish (or what ever nationality you are) in you? Would you
like some?
Hi, I would like to know what sort of woman would come out dressed like
that!
You look like a hooker I knew, she was called Samantha!
I was sitting here holding a cigarette and realised I'd rather be holding
you!
I'd like to tickle your belly button, from the inside...
Do you want me to give you a quarter, so you can call your folks and tell
them you won't be home.
Do you want to see something swell?
I'm available for parties.
I have a Swiss bank account and a heart condition
I can mix a pina colada like you would not believe.
I cum in 5 seconds, you won't even know I was there.
I'm a milk man. Want it at the front or back?
Do you want to go halves on a bastard?
My friends call me Orange, Wanna squeeze me?
EY baby, I must be a light switch 'cause every time I see you, you
turn me on!!!
Hey babe, do you realise that my mouth can generate over 750psi?
Excuse me. Do you want to fuck or shall I apologise?
Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first
thing what pops up!
You say to a girl "What shags like a Tiger, and Winks?", and then Wink at
her!
Do you sleep on your stomach? Do you mind if I?
They say a girls best friend are her legs. But even the best of
friends sometimes have to part.
Go get your coat love, you have picked up!
I don't want to be alone when I go to bed tonight, but I do when I
wake up!
Hello love, do you spit or swallow? Or are you classy and gargle?
You look like the type of girl who has heard every line in the book,
So what's one more?
Are you ready to go home yet?
I'm sorry, I think I have dropped my Victoria Cross under your
chair.
Do you believe in love at first sight? ... Or do I have to walk by again?
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cuz I can see my-self in your pants.
Your parents must be bakers, cuz they sure put out a great set of buns!
Are those moon pants you have on? [No, why?] Because your ass is out
of this world.
That shirt is very becoming of you, of course, if I were that shirt I would
be coming on you too.
Your eyes are the same colour as my Porsche.
I heard milk was good for your body, but damn you must drink gallons of the
stuff!
If I told you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.
That dress looks great on you, but I would look better!
I would kill or die to make love to you!
Sex is a killer, want to die happy?
I love every bone in your body, especially mine!
Excuse me, love, is that dress felt? Would you like it to be?
The voices in my head say I should go out with me.
I'm sorry were you talking to me? No! Well then, please start!
If I follow you home, will you keep me?
Ever tried those Strange prickly condoms?
Your legs would make a great neck tie!
Do you really think I am as sexy as Captain Picard?
Walk up to the girls back, and start fiddling with her label in her
clothes. she will turn round and say "Hay what you doing?" and you reply,
"Checking to see if you were made in heaven!"
Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job? No! D'ya
wanna do lunch?
My face is leaving in 10 minutes... Be on it!
Should I call you in the morning or nudge you?
Fuck me if I am wrong, but isn't your name Gretchen?
Do you believe in one-night-stands?
With one touch I could make you make sounds which only a dog would hear!
If I gave you a negligee for my birthday. would there be anything in it for
me?
You don't sweat much for a fat girl do you!
Pardon me, but I was about to go home and masturbate, and was wondering if
you would mind if I fantasised about you?
Pardon me, but may I attempt to seduce you?
I can tell that your body is Really lonely!
Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and take
what I want.
Let's go back to my place, and do the things which I will say I have done
anyway!
The word of the day is "legs". Lets go back to my place and spread the
word!
My eyes seem small but I've got a huge personality.
Pardon me miss, but if you have lost your virginity, can I have the box it
came in?
Are you a true blonde, if you are, will you prove it to me - if you don't
get a smack in the mouth, your in!
Yo. You'll do.
I've had quite a bit to drink and you're beginning to look pretty good!
Inheriting eighty million pounds doesn't mean much when you are single and
have a weak heart!
HI, fancy saving some water, and sharing a shower with me. It's not just
for me, but for the whole nation!
Hey babe, Wanna get lucky?
You got nice breasts, but what colour are your nipples? Brown or Pink?
I carry this beeper not to feel important but so my mum knows where I am. I
carry this phone to call her back!
I may look like a nerd, but it's only a disguise.
I feel like Richard Gere, I'm standing next to you, the Pretty
Woman!
The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the
floor!
What nice legs you have, I wouldn't mind wearing them as a belt!
Pardon me, but I am writing a phone Book - can I have your number?
I'm leaving this place ... want to cum?
"Fancy Casual Sex?" If they say No, ask "Do you mind if I have it anyway!"
Do you have a quarter? Too bad, because I need to call my mother and tell
her I have found the woman of my dreams!
Did you hurt yourself when you fell from heaven?
Hold out 2 fingers and say "why don't women masturbate with these two
finger?" When they say "I don't know", you say "because there mine
sweetheart".
You're ugly, but you still interest me!
Screw me if I am wrong, but you want to fuck me don't you!
You Look So innocent, you look so sweet, as long as I have a face, you will
always have a seat.
Can I buy you a drink? NO. Well I suppose A Blow Job is out of the question
then!
Do you have a boyfriend? Well when you want a MANfriend, come and talk to
me!
Hey baby, can you suck a golf ball through a 50ft garden hose?
Hi the voices in my head told me to come over here and talk to you!
Wave your finger at a girl to get her to come over. When she comes say "I
knew if I fingered you long enough you would cum.
Chicks love me, I wear coloured underwear.
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Work Place Chat up Lines
At the office copy machine. "Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?"
Wanna come and see my Hard Drive? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches, and isn't
floppy!
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Chat Up lines for people who are Taken
Face facts, its time for you to drop the zero, and get with the hero.
"What was that?", "That's the sound of my heart breaking."
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Romantic Chat Up Lines
Is there a Rainbow, because you're the treasure I've been searching
for.
If you were a tear in my eyes, I would not cry for fear of losing
you.
You know what they say about beauty...it protects against all evil.
Well, with you I feel really safe!
Do you have a map? I could get lost in your eyes!
Excuse me but do you have a life jacket? Why? Because I'm drowning
in your eyes!!!
I would like to rearrange the alphabet, and put U and I together.
Now I understand why the sky has been grey all day! Why? Because all
the blue is in your eyes!
Excuse me, but could you give me directions? To where? My heart!
I didn't know angels flew so low.
Was your father a thief? Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put
them in your eyes.
I think that you are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen... On a
Wednesday!
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Chat Up Lines for use on the Phone
Did you know I smiled 1,240,340 times today? That's how many times I
thought of you!
Are you naked? (Use on the phone only)
Are your feet tired? Why? Because you've been walking through my mind all
day!
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Other Funny Chat Up Lines, to use in this day and age
Hi, I'm a hurdle, Wanna Jump me?
My tongues and explorer, and your my uncharted territory.
I'd use cheesy chat up lines on you, but your too smart.
Would you like fries with that?
I am a international spy, fuck me.
Are you looking for Mr Right? Or Mr RightNow?
Do you like trees? How about a root?
Playing Doctors is for Kids, lets play Gynaecologist!
Hi there, I am interested in having Breakfast with you. Shall I call
you or nudge you?
Suck my dick or I'll blow your fucking head off!!! (Requires a Gun)
Nice Tits, mind if I feel them?
Don't worry I'm a doctor.
I Wanna floss with your pubic hair.
mmm, You like chewing gum? Get a hold of this, it's Wrigley.
How much do you cost?
I come from a long line of warriors.
Walk up to a girl and grab her hair and lift it up over her head and
then he let it drop slowly. Then say "I just want to see what you'd look
like on my pillow!"
Virginity can be cured!
Virginity can be highly over rated!
I lost the keys to my F-16. Have you seen them?
Is there a draught in here, or am I just breathing heavy seeing you?
You my think nothing of me now, but you should see me when I have my
wheetabix!
Grab (his or her) butt, and then say "Pardon me, is this seat taken?
Mines 12" long, but I don't use it as a rule...
Excuse me, this is the non-smoking section and you happen to be on
fire!
Want to see my war wounds?
All those curves, and me with no brakes!
I'm new to town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
You'll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday and for
the rest of your life?
Hi my name is _____ and you better remember it because you're going
to moan it later on tonight?
You're so hot, when I look at you I get jealous!
If a woman comes up to you and asks the time, say "Do you have the energy?"
Do you want to see some puppies?
I know 101 uses for edible oil products.
Hey baby, you must be on the cheerleading team...You've already got
my spirit raised!
When you do the breast stroke...do you use your arms?
Au oop, love, when god made you, he must have broken the mould!
I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
Walk up to a girl with some 'headache tablets' and put them in front of
her. She will say "what are they for?" and you say "well if you don't have
a headache, it will be a good night..."
DJ Chat-up Line: Hi this is my friend Mike (meaning microphone),
like me he's easily turned on!
REJECTION: What do you say to a little fuck? Go Away Little Fuck!
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Students chat up lines.
I think the electricity between you and me is throwing off this experiment.
I like your Equations T-Shirt, I'd like it more on my bed room floor.
You know what they say about the size of a mans calculator.
I make excellent use of my hard drive
I hear that the physics laboratory is gorgeous by moon light.
I always carry protection - you never know when your pen might leak.
Hey baby, what's your sine?
Hey baby, you don't have to go to the computer cluster, you can use my
laptop.
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Elf Chat up lines
I'm down here!
Just because I've got bells on my feet doesn't mean I am a sissy!
I was a lawn ornament for Gary Sweet!
I can get you off the naughty list!
I have certain needs that's can't be satisfied by working on toys.
I'm a magical being! Take off your bra.
It's not the size that matters babe!
I get a thimbleful of tequila in to me and I turn in to a wild man!
You'd look hot in a Raggedy Ann Wig!
I can eat my weight in cocktail Frankfurt's!
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Chat up lines for women to use
Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me? This must
be one of the greatest chat up lines ever for a woman to use on a man, and
it came from the days of Mae West!
Is that a rabbit in your pocket?
What do you do when your not standing around looking hunkish?
(After exchanging eye contact for a while) I think what we have here is a
meaningful flirtation.
My mother told me to stay away from men like you. Wanna prove her
wrong?
I haven't seen you do a striptease, but I'm sure you wouldn't mind giving
me a private performance.
I want to feel you inside me!
Nice suit. Can I talk you out of it?
What is a nice guy like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
A good man is hard to find. A hard man is good to find. I look for
both. Which are you?
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Medieval Chat up lines
Don't believe the rumours you heard about me. The bubonic Plague didn't
affect the important parts.
The medieval Scotsman's chat up line: "Come back to my place and I'll show
ye what's under my kilt lass"
Medieval come back to a chat up lines: "People get burned at the stake for
doing things like that!"
The damsels chat up line: "You can rescue me any day!"
They say I have the longest lance in the west!
The wench's chat up line: "Park your steed in my stable, stranger."
The princes chat up line: "My rapier is longer than most Knights
broadsword."
"Many Damsels in distress have been saved by my sword!"
"They call me Dragon, Want to find out why?"
The damsels chat up line: "I'm not wearing any chastity belt"
Only you can tame my dragon.
The princes chat up line: "Don't worry, if I kiss you, you won't turn in to
a frog!"
The Wizards chat up line: "Let me cast a spell over you!"
"Let me show you how a real man uses his sword."
"You know what they say about Wizards with long noses."
The wench's chat up line: "Like a mare, I can be ridden for hours!"
"They say a knight is only as hard as his armour!"
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Pickup lines (PG-13/R)
That dress would look awfully nice on the floor next to my bed...
Do you want to see something swell?
Hey babe....do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?
What do you like for breakfast?
Is that a double ended dilldo or are you just glad to see me?
Is that a tic-tac in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?
Hi there! I'm interested in having breakfast with you. Can I
call you or nudge you?
Excuse me. Do you wanna f**k or should I apologize?
Irish : Have you got a little Irish in you? She: Uh...no....
Irish: Well, do you want some?
Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I
was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you?
Say, didn't we go to different schools together?
Wanna fuck like bunnies?
Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk
about the first thing that pops up?
I had a friend who used to hand out calling cards which said:
Smile if you want to sleep with me then watch the victim try
to hold back her smile...
Hi, my name's Ron, how do you like me so far?
Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us
You smell wet. Let's Party.
Pardon me miss, but I help noticing that you have cum in your
hair.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
Would you like to dance, or should I go fuck myself again?
Hey baby, let's go make some babies.
At the office copy machine: Reproducing eh? Can I help?
Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you prefer Scotch and
sofa?
Gee, you don't sweat much for a fat chick.
You look more beautiful than Nurse Chapel
Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came
in?
I think we must make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels
NOW!
Walk over to a table occupied by ladies, whip out your `pud' and
say: Hey charlie, see anyone here you recognize?
I require a tissue sample. May i sever a little-used portion of
your body? (brandish forceps)
Hey, wanna see my R2-D2 impersonation? (Think about it...)
Hey baby...infect me!
Hey baby...can you suck the chrome off a bumper?!?
Hey baby...can you suck the chrome off a trailer hitch?
Hey baby...can you suck a golf ball thru 50 feet of garden hose?
Hey baby...can you suck start a Harley?
Motion your finger to a girl to get her to come your way. When
she arrives say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough you would
c*m."
Hey babe, how about a pizza and a f**k? What's the
matter, don't like pizza?
I saw you at the party last weekend and you look kind of
interesting... Let's meet sometime...
I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look
pretty good.
Any chance to crawl in the sack with you tonight?
If so, just keep the card: If not, kindly return it
because they are expensive.
She (to passing man): Excuse me, do you have the time? He: Do
you have the energy?
What is your favorite position on extramarital sex?
Hey babe, Wanna get LUCKY!!!!!!
"Say mother! Want another?" (if she has children)
Suck my dick or I'll blow your fucking head off. [requires a
gun]
No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?
Will you marry me and have my children? [unfortunate
side-effects: beware!]
If you ever want to see your children again, you'll do what I
want.
You're hitchhiking across the Mojave Desert? Alone?
I'm really sorry about Al. It was a lovely funeral. You look
ravishing in black, did you know that? What you need now is a
nice backrub. Are the straps too tight, darling? How tragic. How
very, very tragic.
Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have
a weak heart.
Stand back, I'm a doctor. You go get an ambulance, I'll loosen
her clothes.
It's absolutely pure Bolivian. And I don't *give* it away.
Nothing I can say will ease of the loss of your daughter, but
rest assured that the Morgenstern Funeral Home will do
everything possible to bring you peace of mind in this harrowing
time.
Hello, Susie. Your mom couldn't make it this afternoon, she
asked me to pick you up and take you home. My, what a pretty
dress.
You know, I'd really love to fuck your brains out, but it
appears someone beat me to it.
Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash, would you mind if we
shared a cab home together?
Would you like to see a baby picture of me? (Shows the girl the
picture of a baby better endowed that most men.)
Hello, Love, - Do you spit or swallow?
You look like the type of girl who has heard every line in the
book... So what's one more??
Your place, or mine?
What's your sign?
Nice shoes. Wanna f*ck?
Would you like to have morning coffee with me?
You have the ass of a great artist.
FOLLOW THESE INSTRUCTIONS: 1: MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE IN THE
FRONT OF THE PERSON WHO YOU'RE TRYING TO ATTRACT. 2: PUT YOUR
HANDS IN A VERTICAL PLANE AND SEPERATE YOUR HANDS TO THE PROPER
DISTANCE YOU WANT TO GET ACROSS 3: LOOK AT THE PERSON OF YOUR
AFFECTIONS AND WITH A SHIT EATING-EAR TO EAR GRIN SHAKE YOUR
HEAD UP AND DOWN AS TO REPLY THAT YOU'RE THIS BIG!
Your face or Mine??
Her: What do you think of this (dress, sweater, article of
clothing)? Him: I like nothing better.
The best pickup line I witnessed was a friend of mine who walked
up to a young lady in a club and asked "Are you ready to go home
now?". They left together.
Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
That's a nice dress - could I talk you out of it?
If I told you that you have a nice body, would you hold _IT_
against me?
When asked for a match: How about the hair on my head and
the hair between your legs?
Take off that dress and fuck my brains out you cave newt.
Nice tits. Mind if I feel them?
I love you. I want to marry you. Now fuck my brains out.
Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play
gynecologist.
Let's take a shower together --you smell.
I've gotta thirst, baby, and you smell like my Gatorade
Kiss me you fool, fuck me you harlot.
I've got an itch, honey. Lower. lower. in. out.
If I was Elvis, would you screw me?
I want to thank you for [insert any event here], Grab your
ankles bitch!
Wanna play carnival? That's where you sit on my face and I try
to guess your weight.
If you want me, don't shake me, or wake me, just take me.
Want to see my stamp collection?
Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches
and it ain't floppy.
I wanna floss with your pubic hair.
I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?
I'd look good on you.
Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?! I
thought you knew...
At the dinner table, (if you eat together) pickup the bread and
say, "Wanna roll?"
Excuse me, have I fu**ed you yet?
I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I've got more of something
else.
Ever tried those wierd prickly condoms?" (sure to get responses)
Funny you should mention that, I was a gynecologist once.
Cold out isn't it? (staring at breasts)
Ya' know, that outfit would look great on my bedroom floor.....
"Actually, Ma'am, Ah'm not as tall as you think. Ah'm from
Taixus, and Ah'm sittin' on mah wallet."
Hey! Ya wanna try out my new 'Home Artificial Insemination Kit?'
I would kill or die to make love to you.
I would die happy if I saw you naked just once.
I am writing a new algorithm, and I need some test data. What
are your measurements?
Sex is a killer ... so die happy!
I love every bone in your body - especially mine
"Hey... somebody farted. Let's get out of here."
"Say, Didn't we go to different high schools at the same time?"
Chicks dig me; I wear colored underwear.
Excuse me, is it true that you're a sexual tyrannosaurus?
I'm a copilot for American Airlines.
Hi, I make more money than you can spend.
That dress would look great on the floor next to my bed.
Excuse me... do you have change for a $100 bill?
Hi! Can I buy you a Car?
NOW, B*TCH!
Fancy a fuck?
My face is leaving in 15 minutes. Be on it.
He: "What was that?" She: "What was what?" He: "That sound."
She: "I didn't hear anything." He: "It was the sound of my
heart breaking."
Screw me if I'm wrong, but I think you want to kiss me.
You know what would look good on you? Me.
Go up to someone, knee them intentionally (but softly) and say
"I kneed you."
I bet you're psychic. What's my sign?
I once saw the sun set over the ocean in Florida and I thought I
would never see a more beautiful or wonderful sight. That was
true until I gazed into the shining pool of your eyes and saw
countless dreams and an infinite store of love, affection, and
beauty.
I'm a virgin. Help me.
Hey, what's a beautiful woman like you doing here without a
handsome man like me?
oh excuse me. I just wanted to see if you
really *were* made in heaven.
You got me so twittered now, I have to go down to 7-11 and suck
the cream out of all the Twinkies.
Hey, Baby, do you want fries with that shake?
You must be made of jelly because jam don't shake like that.
Hi, what can I do you for?
Hi, what can I do to you?
Hi, what will you do me for?
It's not the length. It's not the size. It's how many times he
can make it rise.
There are three sizes of men: Small, medium, and OH MY GOD!!!!
