MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX

 *  The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it
    is to leave her with no hard feelings.

 *  Nothing improves with age.

 *  No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take
    it, because it'll never be quite the same again.

 *  Sex has no calories.

 *  Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most
    amount of trouble.

 *  There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

 *  Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think
    you've got.

 *  No sex with anyone in the same office.

 *  Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are
    going to get or how long it is going to last.

 *   A man in the house is worth two in the street.

 *   If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will
     follow.

 *   Virginity can be cured.

 *   When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually
     stops listening to him.

 *   Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

 *   The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually
     the same ones she can't stand years later.

 *   Sex is dirty only if it's done right.

 *   It is always the wrong time of month.

 *   The best way to hold a man is in your arms.

 *   When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.

 *   Sex is hereditary.  If your parents never had it, chances
     are you won't either.

 *   Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray
     for crop failure.

 *   The younger the better.

 *   The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.

 *   It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground
     that caused the trouble in the garden.

 *   Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.

 *   Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a
     lot of frogs.

 *   There may be some things better than sex, and some things
     worse than sex.  But there is nothing exactly like it.

 *   Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.

 *   Love is a hole in the heart.

 *   If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had
     gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog
     stands on the moon.

 *   Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.

 *   Do it only with the best.

 *   Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned
     four-letter words to convey its full meaning.

 *   One good turn gets most of the blankets.

 *   You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine
     women.

 *   Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

 *   It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved
     at all.

 *   Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless in the mood.

 *   Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than
     you.

 *   Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.

 *   Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested.

 *   A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the
     women he couldn't.

 *   What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in
     the stick.

 *   It is better to be looked over than overlooked.

 *   Never say no.

 *   A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love
     her.

 *   Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.

 *   Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.

 *   Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.

 *   A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.

 *   Love comes in spurts.

 *   The world does not revolve on an axis.

 *   Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other
     eight are unimportant.

 *   Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

 *   Don't do it if you can't keep it up.

 *   There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when
     they fall in love.

 *   Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.

 *   Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.

 *   "This won't hurt, I promise."

 *   Leakproof seals...  will.

 *   Self starters...  will not.

 *   If you're feeling good, don't worry, you'll get over it.

 *   All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.

 *   If you try to please everyone, no one will like it.

 *   A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something
     to put in his mouth.

 *   There's never time to do it right, but there's always time
     to do it over.

 *   Everything east of the San Andreas fault will eventually
     plunge into the Atlantic ocean.

 *   If everything seems to be going well, then you obviously
     don't know what the hell is going on.