1. Your mother has a short-haired, curly perm.
2. Your dad is some sort of engineer.
3. Your parents still try to get you into places half-price by saying you are 12 when you are really 15.
4. You ask your parents for help on one math problem and 2 hours later they're still lecturing.
5. You have a 40lb. bag of rice in your pantry.
6. You shop at 99 Ranch market
7. Everyone thinks you're "Chinese" no matter what part of Asia your ancestors are from.
8. You've had a bowl haircut at one point in your life.
9. Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends' kids.
10. You've had to sit through karaoke videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian women attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest, or library.
11. Your parents say, "Don't forget your heritage."
12. You drive mostly Japanese cars.
13. You've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom.
14. You've had to ear parts of animals they don't even put in hot dogs.
15. At least once, you've started a joke with "Confucius say..."
16. You know what bok choy is.
17. You've gotten little red envelopes around February.
18. Piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back, and closet doors.
19. You hear (your name + eee (optional) + yah!) every time someone calls you. (e.g., Jean-ee-yah! or Mary-yah!).
20. You have NO eyelashes.
21. Idiot people try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian languages, like the ever-so-popular: ching chong woo bok chi, etc..
22. You parents say leaving rice in your bowl is a sin.
23. The Bio lectures on marine life (seaweed, sea cucumbers, octopus) was last night's dinner.
24. Your ancestors 1000 generations back invented the back scratcher.
25. At least one family member wears black wire/plastic frame glasses.
26. Your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12 midnight to say, "In Korea (or other native country), we studied even more."
27. Your parents expect you'll be best friends with any one off the street in any given area as long as they are Asian.
28. As Asian woman comes on campus and people ask, "Is that your mother? Well then, is it your sister?"
29. Your relatives' houses smell like incense, mothballs, or both.
30. Your parents say, "Calculus? I took calculus in 8th grade!!"

For the complete list, click on You know you're asian if...

25 Ways to Cope With Stress

1. Jam miniature marshmellows up your nose and sneeze them 
   out. See how many you can do at a time.
2. Use your Mastercard to pay for your Visa, and vice-versa.
3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.
4. Make a list of things to do that you have already done.
5. When someone says "Have a nice day" tell them you have 
   other plans.
6. Dance naked in front of your pets.
7. Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send him/her to 
   pre-school as if nothing wrong.
8. Fill out your tax form using Roman Numerals.
9. Tape pictures of your boss on watermelons and launch
   them from high places.
10. Leaf through "National Geographic" and draw underwear 
    on the natives.
11. Tattoo "out for lunch" on your forehead.
12. Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the 
    next day.
13. Buy a subscription to "Sleazoid Weekly" and send it 
    to your boss's husband/wife.
14. Pay your electric bill in 5 cent pieces.
15. Drive to work in reverse.
16. Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.   
17. Tell your boss to "blow it out of your mule", and 
let him figure it out.
18. Sit naked on a shelled hard-boiled egg. 
19. Polish your car with earwax.   
20. Read the dictionary upsidedown and look for secret 
    messages.  
21. Start a nasty rumour and see if you recognize it 
    when it comes back to you.  
22. Braid the hairs in each nostril. 
23. Write a short story with alphabet soup.   
24. Stare at people through gaps of a fork and pretend 
    they are in jail.
25. Make up a langauge up ask people for directions in it.

For 100 Ways to Piss Off Your Roommate, click on 100 Ways...
For Pickup lines that don't work, click on Pickup.
For Ways to know your're at an Asian party, click on Party.

?996 October 26
Last update: December 26, 1997