The Legend of Superfinny

People have asked me why I've assumed the nickname "Superfinny". What bearing does it have upon my personality and my overall character? What the hell is Superfinny, anyway? The story goes as follows . . . .

Once upon a time, there lived an aged, gentle man named Mr. Dressup. Every day, he would appear on the television sets of Canadian children and entertain them with crafts, fairy tales, games, and overall juvenile fun. Of course, his half-hour show featured puppet characters; the two we are concerned with are Casey and his dog, Finnegan.

Now, Casey was a bright young boy of a puppet, and Finnegan was his clever canine companion. Unfortunately, Finny was eternally mute, and therefore no one have ever heard him speak.

Instead, he communicated using body motions -- then again, he didn't have any limbs. So, he opened and closed his mouth a lot in front of Casey's ear whenever he had something particular to say.

No one knows how Casey could hear, never mind understand, what Finnegan was trying to say, so this author assumed that the two had a mystic communication bridge that only a boy and his faithful dog had.

Every day, the puppets roamed and played in the teleivsed residence of Mr. Dressup. Casey and Finnegan lived in an extraordinarily small treehouse -- there was no way that a boy and a dog could ever live in such a cramped one-roomed environment, especially since the exterior gave the impression that the house had two storeys. They played ball in front of the treehouse, with Casey manouvering his stiff arms around and Finny using his mouth to pick up objects. They played in the sun, in the rain, through heavy storms, but not in the snow . . . an odd detail for a television show broadcasted in Canada.

Mind you, Casey had a sunny personality, but sometimes he was a bit too pretentious. And so we have Finnegan, who was always there to shut him up. Call him the "strong silent type", if you will. And that was how this humble scribbler, at a fragile young age of 17, was inspired to assume a personified, elevated version of the this wonderful dog. You can, too.

If you are ever in the prescence of someone who's annoying the hell out of you, and wish to give him/her a hint, just stand there, don't say anything, and glare straight at that person until he/she shuts up and tries to look away. If that does not work, jump into phase two: take your hand and form a puppet with it. Move it near your target's ear, then open and shut it quickly for as long as it takes to shut him/her up. Make a show of it, and shake your head violently while you do it. Should all else fail, just use your hand puppet to pick up something and throw it at him/her. Ensure that you don't speak throughout this entire performance.

Contact the arch-angel of the Order of Superfinny if you have any questions.

Updated on August 26, 1999. Story conceived sometime in 1997.