Rolling Gungan, ISSUE
# (HELL, DOES ANYONE KNOW?)
BILLBOARD
BOOT-LICKERS GET IT ALL WRONG
The staff of Billboard magazine
(more commonly known as the boot-licking lackeys of the evil empire)
have just released a list of the 100 most unforgettable (yeah, right)
moments of the year 2000. This includes the Napster controversy (fair
enough), N Syncs’ chart success (yawn) and Santana winning lotsa
Grammies (which this reporter finds appalling - Supernatural wasn’t
near crappy enough to win so many Grammies (also known as the
"Congratulations, you suck!" awards).
UK CRITICS ALSO GET
IT WRONG!
Radiohead's bland Krautrock rip-off, Kid
A, has been named the best album of the year 2000 by a critics’
poll conducted by amazon.co.uk. The fact that Eminem's disappointing Marshall
Mathers LP came in second only further proves this critics’
point that the Mad Cow disease is reaching alarming heights in
Britain.
WEEN KICK CORPORATE
ARSE!
Ween have decided to leave Elektra
records and are now "unrestricted free agents". Even if that
sounds a bit too much like an ad for hookers, the staff of Rolling
Gungan applauds this decision.
MICKEY MOUSE HAS A
CRAP TASTE IN MUSIC!
Corporate redneck icons Foreigner,
glorified boyband Duran Duran, and Disco has-beens Chic will perform
on a triple bill at Disney’s’ Pleasure Island. "Me and Mickey
are just good friends," a loaded Simon LeBon told RG.
GUNS N ROSES REUNITE
(YEAH, RIGHT)
A reunited Guns N Roses will play a
New Years’ gig at some House Of Blues. Promoter Bill Silva told RG
that Axl wants to "do something down and dirty and close to the
fans". The staff of RG wishes the best of luck to GNR fans and
hopes that there will be no sodomy involved.
GOOD TASTE DIES
A certain Mr. Taste, Good has passed
away last Thursday, when he suffered a fatal heart attack after it had
been reported that The Backstreet Boys’ new pile of wank, Black
And Blue, has outsold the (admittedly cynical) Beatles’ #1
compilation. "Good was always a very fragile person" a close
relation told Rolling Gungan, "I remember he stayed in bed
for weeks in 1975 when The Captain & The Tennilles’ "Love
Will Keep Us Together" topped the Billboard charts." Mr.
Tastes’ condition had been critical ever since Oasis’ bland (What’s
The Story) Morning Glory outsold Blurs’ sombre minor
masterpiece, The Great Escape.
ROLLING GUNGAN MOVIE REVIEW by
Onelovich
I'm only doing one this week
because I'm a lazy bastard. So I decided to review Go.
Hopefully this will get me some brownie points or something.
Here's the ratings system:
***** =
almost as godly as Jar Jar
**** = don't miss it!
*** = wait till you can get it cheap
** = vile wormz might appreciate it
* = It Came From Finland
GO
****
This movie has been referred to as a
younger, hipper version of Pulp Fiction, in which ecstasy, raves, and
strip clubs reign supreme. The story revolves loosely around
Ronna (Sarah Polley), who needs money to pay for her rent, or she'll
be evicted. When two guys named Adam and Zack (Scott Wolf, Jay
Mohr) drop by the supermarket asking for her drug dealing co-worker,
Simon (Desmond Askew). When she tells them that Simon's gone to
Vegas, they ask her to get some ecstasy for them. Ronna needs
the cash, so she and her friends Manny (and Claire (some chick whose
name escapes me) skip over to Simon's dealer Todd's (Timothy Olyphant)
place. He gives her the drugs (and keeps Claire as collateral), and from thereon out the movie
starts to twist and turn.
The two guys asking for the drugs
turn out to be a gay acting couple working for the cops (William
Fichtner, in a creepy/funny performance). Ronna flushes the
drugs, and escapes unharmed. Then, to pay back Todd, she starts
selling over the counter meds as ecstasy to dumb ravers.
Meanwhile, over in Vegas, Simon and his friend Marcus (Taye Diggs) explore
hotels, tantric sex (not together), and strip clubs. This movie is a great
example of not all current movies sucking Ollie. Rent it if you like
humor, action, and rave ppl getting scammed. Final score, four stars of
the revolution.
Copyright 2000 - The
Jar Jar Liberation Front
Webmaster: Comrade
Onelovich