Political Essays for the Enlightened...

**Hello all, greetings from “The Bunker” the birth place 
of the new breed of political animals the “Mad-Lib”.   I, a.k.a.
 Jack Adder, co-founder of this site, am just one of those such 
animals.  What is a “Mad-lib?”  Why are we entrenched in a 
“Bunker”?  Why do we have Mark  Neumann dressed in a mock 
Tele-Tubbie suit? Ah, so many questions.  Those answers and more 
will come in time, there is a method to the madness here at the 
“Mark Neumann is a Weenie” webpage, but first some serious 
stuff.***

Weeding Out The "Stupid-Vote"

In 96’ I was on a big “get out the vote” kick.  Call me
 the eternal idealist, but at the time, I didn’t even care who 
voted for who.  I just tried to get everyone I knew to get out 
there to vote.   I thought it was another small way to change the
 world, make this great democracy a “real democracy” for 
everyone.  Big mistake.  I learned a  lesson that season.  
Getting everyone out there voting isn’t the answer.   Why?   
Simple, people who don’t vote don’t care.  People who don’t vote,
 have only thought about voting long enough to come up with 
one or 2 stupid reasons why they don’t vote.  After an informal 
exit poll, I found for every “intelegent voter” I recruted, I had 
found one without a clue, who had canceled out the vote of the 
smart voter.   I found there are just too many people who vote 
for the wrong people for the wrong reasons.   I fumed for days 
after I asked one of my “new voters” why she voted for  Scott 
Klug over Paul Soglin, when according to everything I knew about
 her, good Paul would be the candidate who represented the 
views she was concerned about.  Her answer was simple, too 
simple, she told me she voted for Scott Klug because he seemed 
like a nice guy.  Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

This season I’m in the anti-democracy mode.  I’m
 thinking before someone is allowed to vote they should be taken 
aside by one of the nice old ladies from the “League of Women 
Voters”  and asked a series of questions .  First question, “Are 
you stupid?”.   If the person hesitates for a second, has to even
 think, “Am I stupid?” they are disqualified and sent to the line
 where they can wait, spell bound by month old tapes of Access 
Hollywood on big screens, until it’s their turn to gaze at a 
collection of shiny things, pick their favorite, then go home 
proudly with a sticker that says “I voted”.   Only a quick 
definitive, “No! I’m NOT stupid.” gives you a pass and the right
 to continue being questioned.    “How much do you know about the
 person you are voting for?”  would be the next question .  An 
answer like, “Just what I’ve seen on TV” or “Not much, but he 
seems like he is a nice guy.” should be another immediate 
disqualifier.  Just 3 or 4 questions along these lines would 
surly cull the “stupid vote’ out of the democratic process and 
probubly the “stupid candidates” with them.

If you are reading this and are going to take that
 mighty black felt tip in your hand this November please, PLEASE 
know something about whomever you are voting for and just as much 
about the person you are voting against.   You don’t have to be a
 political junkie to go to the library and ask where the League 
of Women Voters Candidate Guide is.  It’s a helpful little 
pamphlet that lists the candidates views on the issues they are 
for or against and is a good start to becoming an informed voter. 
 If you are an “informed voter” and you know anyone who has the 
potential to cast a stupid vote and there is no way to get them 
the facts and perhaps turn their vote into something positive, 
try what I plan to to this year.  Vote early in the day.  Throw 
an election day party for all the stupid voters I know.  Stall 
them untill 15 minutes before the polls close, then anouce to the
 croud that I just heard on the police scanner that a semi  
jack-knifed and spilled hundreds of thousands of “beanie babies” 
all over the countryside somewhere like 30 miles from the 
nearest polling place... and get the hell out of the way.

~Adder out~

Just something about the man I don’t 
like/The Man Behind the Mask

I know this flies in the face of my earlier culling 
the stupid vote piece, but I have to say it.  Let’s say I was 
suddenly struck in the head with something hard, and it knocked 
everything I know about parties and politics and the Senate Race
 out of my head.  Then someone lined me up, all woozy and blurry,
 and said “Go vote boy!” and they did it after showing me just a 
couple of pictures of Russ and  Mark.  I just couldn’t vote for
 Mark Neumann. 

Why?  I’m constantly haunted by images of Mark, 
images from his own literature.  I gaze in disbelief, there are 
no good pictures of Mark Neumann.  I say to myself, “ Is this the
 best he can do?”  I wonder if he and his people even have a 
clue,because they are so used to looking at him.  Mark Nueman 
 always has the same look on his face.  His eyes are the same no
 matter where he is or what he does.   I’m not afraid to say it; 
Mark Neumann frightens me. This will sound horrable, but it’s 
true; looking at the man’s eyes  just gives me a creepy feeling 
like a “bad touch”.  It’s an old saying, but the eyes are the 
window to the soul.   Looking into Mark Neumann’s eyes tells me a
 lot about the man, there is nothing there of substance.  Mark 
Neumann has the same constant expression on his face and look in 
his eyes. That look reminds me always of a blissed out member of 
a cult.  Unfortunatly it seems someone has brainwashed him into 
thinking he belongs in the Senate preaching the ultra right 
gospel of God,guns, and greed.

Look into his eyes !  No heart; no soul; no depth;
 no sign of free thought or will.  Mark’s eyes say to me “Hello, 
I’m a lame puppet with a mask for a face!”.  And the mask has no 
eyes. Ahhhh!  The mask has no eyes!!!  I’m cutting this short 
because inspiration has just struck and a picture is worth a 
thousand words.  I’ve just decided the next thing we paste Mark 
Numan’s face on is a carp.

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