Satire, satire, satire...

Ask Mark!

**This is some more satire.  These are not real responses to real questions
from Mark Neumann.  Mark Neumann, Russ Feingold, or anyone else for that matter; do not endorse
this site or any of the other sites within this page.  We can say, however, that you may find
 it 100% funny.**

This week's question...

Dear Mark, if you could invite 5 people to dinner, who would 
you invite and why?
Karen O'Malley, Janesville, Wisconsin

Dear Karen,
I've had many a sleepless night pondering your question, and I am 
now prepared to answer.  The first person I would invite to 
dinner would be Adolf Hitler.  Yes, he was a sadistic madman, but 
 he believed in Pro-Life...of the arian race!  Ha!  The next 
person I would invite would be Benedict Arnold.  He believed in 
restructuring government and lower taxes.  J. Edgar Hoover would 
be next, but only if he dressed like a man, and promised to give 
me his delicious strawberry pie recipe.  Joseph McCarthy would be 
my next choice, and while I have never met the man, I have always 
admired his tactics.  I am interested to see what he would think 
of my campaign against that pinko-commie Feingold.  Finally, I 
would invite the man that pens the "Family Circus" comics.  Thank 
god for adult diapers on Sunday morning!

Last Week's Question...

Hey Mark!  Love the hair piece!  My question is this: Why do you work so hard to protect
the American Flag?  Isn't flag burning loosely covered under the first amendment?
Little Billy Freidman, Sheboygan, WI.

Dear Billy,

I don't know anything about the first amendment, but I can tell you that not only is our 
Flag a symbol of our country, but it also saved my life.
It was a summer day in Chicago.  I was standing on the balcony rail of my room 
at the Drake Hotel.  I was a lowly congressman, my contracting business was 
going downhill, and for five straight weeks the boys on "the hill" kept 
calling me "spanky".  I stepped off the balcony and prepare to hit the pavement.
Just when I thought it was really the end, I hit a flag-pole jutting out from 
the side of the hotel, landing spread eagle.  Ignoring the screaming pain in my 
groin, I blinked back my tears, and saw our nation's flag waving at me.  Old Glory
had saved my life, and helped me see the light.  Later, when the local authorities
arrived, they used the flag to hide my nakedness.  I kept it with me through my 
night in jail, and now the very same flag hangs in my office.  I will always fight for 
the flag because of the second chance it has given me.

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