The Ken Starr Jokes Page...

Welcome to the Ken Starr Jokes Page!

*Ken Starr*	*Bob Barr*
*Separated at Birth?*

    1. There once was a prosecutor named STARR,
    who was persistent as any by far.
    He said "do as I say,
    and say it my way,
    or else you'll be thrown behind bars."   -- Yeaggs man

For a more silly variant, you may use the last line of
"or else you'll spend time with Bob Barr."

2. Did you hear what Ken Starr did for Labor Day?

   He was grilling burgers . . . . . .

                                        . . . . . . . until they confessed!
    -- Anonymous

3. There once was a Ken most studious,
    who, with his pals, was quite voyeurous.
    He said with delight,
    as he snooped in the night,
    If you'd have an affair, it would excite us.     -- Yeaggs man

4. Can there possibly be anything more frightening than
   Ken Starr as Special Prosecutor and "independent" counsel?
   ......
   ......
   .......Yes!........
   ......
   ......
   Ken Starr as chief of the IRS.      -- Yeaggs man

5. There once was a Starr so fast to sue,
    his motions piled high to Timbuktu.
    He said with a smirk,
    as he was going berserk,
    If you step in my way, I'll indict you!    -- Yeaggs man

How many dollars does it take the Republican party
to investigate a $300,000 loan?

. . . . . . $50 million and counting, and counting, and counting......

-- Yeaggs man

7. In an upset in the battle of the batteries,
the Enegizer Bunny Rabbit has conceded defeat to ........ Ken Starr.

-- Yeaggs man

8. WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.

KEN STARR
I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the president of the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he cooperates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.)

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?

-- Anonymous

9. The phone rings at KGB headquarters.
   "Hello?"
   "Hello, is this KGB?"
   "Yes. What do you want?"
   "I'm calling to report my neighbor Yankel Rabinovitz as an enemy of the State. He
   is hiding undeclared diamonds in his firewood."
   "This will be noted."

   The next day, the KGB goons come over to Rabinovitz's house. They search the
   shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no diamonds,
   swear at Yankel Rabinovitz and leave.

The phone rings at Rabinovitz's house.

   "Hello, Yankel! Did the KGB come?"
   "Yes."
   "Did they chop your firewood?"
   "Yes, they did."
   "Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my vegetable patch plowed."

[P.S. from Yeaggs man -- I want to tear down my house and build a new one. Could someone please call Ken Starr for me and tell him that there is a stash of WhiteWater documents buried under my house...... ]

Net Enquirer: Satire.

The investigation of presidential personal lives may never end.
Ken Starr was last seen at Mt. Rushmore collecting rock samples from Thomas Jefferson.
(Argus Hamilton)

Recently Attorney General Janet Reno fainted in church....
It happened right after the minister read Lewinsky 22: line 8 thru 20 from The Starr Report.
(Bill Williams)

Ken Starr is not much of a prosecutor.
It took him 4 years and 40 million dollars to catch a politician lying. (Richard Johnston)

The Bell Atlantic workers strike is causing delays in phone service from Maine to Virginia....
The only sure way to get a message through now is to let Linda Tripp tape it, Ken Starr will then leak it to the papers and your friend can read it there. (Bill Williams)

Hong Kong’s new "Chek Lap Kok" airport, the world’s largest land-filled island took nine years to complete and involved the largest dredging fleet ever assembled....Well, except for Ken Starr’s Whitewater investigation. (Bill Williams)

Financial experts claim that Michael Jordan has made this country 10 Billion dollars in revenue. So apparently he just about offsets Ken Starr’s investigation. (Rudolph J. Cecera)

Chicago Cubs pitcher Kerry Wood has set a new record with 33 consecutive strike-outs...
Yeah he beat the previous record held by Kenneth Starr. (Rudolph J. Cecera)

Terri-Jean Bedford, a Canadian dominatrix charged with keeping a common bawdy house, may take the tools of her trade into court in her defense....
If it all goes well, Kenneth Starr may ask her to join his investigation team.
(Pete McRae)

Ken Starr announced there is no end in sight for his Clinton investigation....
So I guess there are now three things you can count on---death, taxes and Ken Starr.
(Bill Williams)

Special prosecutor Kenneth Starr told reporters that it was wrong of the president "to defile the temple of justice." He denied reports that, from now on, his subpoenas will be printed on stone tablets.
(Bob Mills)

Microsoft's Bill Gates appeared at a congressional hearing where legislators were disappointed to hear two resounding "No's."
"No, Microsoft isn't a monopoly ....
and no, I won't help you defray the costs of the Starr investigation."
(Bob Mills)

Whitewater prosecutor Kenneth Starr said that he was making "very significant progress in his inquiry into allegations of sexual impropriety surrounding President Clinton". Declaring that he was "going by the book", he must have the KAMA SUTRA in mind.
(Moshe (Pommy) Hadar)

Republican senators said the White House needs to establish clear objectives in Iraq with the long-term goal to remove the threats presented by Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. As an example of Republican clear objectives, they cited the use of Kenneth Starr to remove the long-term political threats presented by President Clinton and the Democrats. (Johnny Robish)

WASHINGTON -- THE CAPITAL IS ON RED ALERT AS THE MONICA LEWINSKY INVESTIGATION WIDENS:
The Attorney General has issued these warning signs that you're about to be subpoenaed by Kenneth Starr:
1. You wake up and discover Sam Donaldson hiding under your bed.
2. The strip of paper in your fortune cookie says, "Take the Fifth!"
3. You once hired Monica Lewinsky as a babysitter.
4. Your lawyer has been offered an assistant professorship at Pepperdine.
5. Bill Clinton once said to you, "I never asked anyone to do anything but tell the truth."
6. As a student, you once saw him in the shower room at Oxford.
(Bob Mills)

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then send it to: halryeager.geo@yahoo.com

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