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Here is a preview: From November 8, 1996 issue from the home office
in room 158...
The Top Ten reasons Bill Clinton became President
by Josh King
10) He fathered Madonna's baby.
9) Whenever character issues come up he quickly changed the
subject and mentioned Bob Dole's Civil War experiences.
8) He called Bob Dole's running mate Jack Kemp a "dumb jock."
7) He told O.J. to look in the mirror to find the "real killer."
6) By showing off his pasty white thighs at every possible
opportunity.
5) He constantly compared Ross Perot to Dumbo and Bob Dole
to a brick.
4) He blamed Whitewater on the Nazi's.
3) He promised to give all of his supporters one of the new
McDonald's Arch Deluxe's.
2) He told America that Bob Dole went "out with the station
wagon."
1) He knows more about the government then Mr. Pearson does!
From the December 12, 1996 issue from the home office in
room 158...
The Top Ten Worst run-ins with relatives on Christmas
by Josh King and Katrina Olson
10) 400 lb. Aunt Teresa gets diarrhea and spends the whole
day in the on and only bathroom.
9) Your grandpa drops his dentures in the jello mold. You
mistake them for frozen fruit and eat them.
8) Your mom calls the preacher to wish him a Merry Chrismas
about the time Grandpa Jimmie shouts, "OK who farted."
7) Your cat coughs up a hair ball in your stocking and you
mistake it for a lump of coal.
6) Your Aunt Velma keeps asking you why she hasn't heard
you listening to that "New Kids on the Block" cassette she bought you for
last Christmas.
5) Your mom is such a bad cook that she ruined all the food
and you ended up having turkey TV dinners and Shake-N-Bake.
4) Uncle Larry keeps chasing all the little kids around the
house trying to get them to pull his finger.
3) Uncle Albert drank a little too much eggnog and starts
dancing around in the nude with a lamp shade over his head.
2) Your grandma buys you Garfield underwear for Christmas
and keeps insisting that you model for the family.
AND THE WORST RUN IN WITH A RELATIVE ON CHRISTMAS IS WHEN...
1) Toothless, stinky Aunt Hazel keeps chasing you around
the house with mistletoe shouting, "You kids come give Aunt Hazel a big
kiss."
paynito@mexicomail.com
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