Pieces of literature from Butch


**NEW CONSPIRACY ROCKS MHS**
    "Holy Cow!" one anonymous student says of the incident that rocked the western hemisphere earlier this year. The truth is finally revealed. Have you ever wondered why there is a sausage like stench in the math department, or even greasy fingerprints on the graphing calculator? Well, the suspicions are true, Jon Rates, acclaimed math teacher and softball coach has fingers of sausage. Literally. Several years back when Jon was in the third grade he had a hideous pencil sharpener accident. His fiingers were sharpened off!! His parents were so upset, and so poor, that they didn't know what to do. Finally, Joh Rates Sr., the butcher, just replaced them with sausage, and nobody knew the better. But last week I discovered that it was true! Grade C sausage for fingers! What a putz! I caught him in the lounge munching on his fingers, and he was very embarresed. He discussed his problem with me and do you know what I did? KICKED HIM IN THE FUCKING SIDE OF THE HEAD, then cooked myself up some breakfast, well, until next time...

Bring it on phuckers-
Butch


CONSPIRACY ROCKS MCCUTCHEON HIGH SCHOOL
       1941 - United States government is involved in World War II. They establish several top-secret nuclear test sites. One of these sites, located on the outskirts of Lafayette, Indiana, has recently been rumored to have contaminated the earth. This site was nicknamed "the McCutcheon Project." Rumors of the project dampened the city during the war era, but it was forgotten until...
       1998 - Several McCutcheon High School students have a realization. Why was there so many freaks at their school? Those students did some research and stumbled across the "McCutcheon Project" files. Awestruck, the students realized they were being schooled on contaminated ground. They then realized why there were freaks. They had been exposed! Those freaks were deformities. Several incidents here included:
     -Mr. Posture - a smart, red-headed kid who has perfect posture and manners.
     -the insecure freshman - a massive giant of a student who is scared of himself and others.
     -Super Nargio - explosed while playing "Super Mario Brothers."
     -Sausagefingers - fingers melted off, consequently he replaces fingers with sausages.
     -Squirrel - a squirrel trapped in a business teachers body.
     -Dick Holler - ex-football coach whose memory was effected so much that he could not remember names.
     -Leatherface - contamination gave her the hide of an alligator.
     -Mark Baylor - Social Studies teacher who got so fat when he wears a white sweater he looks like the Stay Puff Marshmellow man.
         These incidents among others were reported. Administrators interrogated the student discoverers to shut them up, but the students did not give in. It is rumored that MHS is now mass chaos, with students complaining about the contaminated conditions. McCutcheon has a long road to travel down to improvement, and the future looks bleak.
                   To Be Continued Next Week
                   Butch The Unflappabled with consultation
                   from Ranger Rick.

-names are entirely fictional to protect the innocent


The Story of Spicy D

Listen to my story and you shall here of the school day rampage of one administrator, Don Pinkerton. Known to his students as "Spicy D" due to his dark, tanned rawhide and mexican-like appearence, Spicy is a walking conspiracy. In the past, several questions have been raised. One mind-boggling question is that of his country of residence. Is Spice D an illegal immigrant from a third world spanish country? Did he successfully navigate across the Rio Grande while being shot at with automatic shotguns? The secret lies in the heart of Spicy. Spicy wasss last rumored to bbe an administrator in the great state of Pennsylvania. While there, a student who creatted a web page derogatory to the school filed lawsuit against spicy. You see, Spicy tried to discipline the student, which was a violation of the Constitution. It violated the students freedom of speech. Spicy lost the suit, and was terminated from his job. Where is Spicy now? What happened to him? Nobody knows, but one anonymous studdent exclaimed, "Who cares? Too bad, sooo sad!" So the mystery of Spicy D is out there. Where is Don Pinkerton? Did he return to his native land? Is he in hiding, surviving only on hot tamales? The world may never know, but somewhere, somewhere Spicy may be up to his shenanigons again, but where? This is a question that may haunt the world forever.


*this story is entirely fictional and the names are entirely made up. Any similarity in names is entirely accidental and coincidental.
-Butch