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January/February MOTHER JONES magazine: ...a Conservative Congressman Learned to Hate...A president who rules by fear...as he plotted global jihad...Republicans who hate Ann Coulter...resist the urge to make the country...into a democracy-demolition chop shop...a White house disdainful of democracy...frequently appears in Rolling Stone...a scientist "cooking" an alpine meadow...found a couple of noises in the night that he believes were...the manipulation of recount results...Hacket tells voters that...A spray absorbed through the mucous membranes...WAS BORN IN MEXICO AND BAPTIZED CATHOLIC...Ernie Chambers...does not attempt to...pray with men...When Tom Delay scratches your back...New McCarthyisms poisoning millions of minds...When you picture a dangerous terrorist...Huntington Life Sciences...employees punching beagle puppies...Michael Drewniak...poured paint thinner on a Huntington executive's car...and painted "puppy killer" on an employee's property AFTER PIERCING THE ANKLE TENDONS of...heaven and earth...The American soldier...said "Wow, look at the blood coming out of the mouth of that one, fucking straight death metal."...Donald Rumsfeld...told me...Burn the fuckers; see if we can smoke out these girly men...
February 16 EUGENE WEEKLY newspaper: SALLY SHEKLOW...BREAST EXAMS...DICK HYMAN... TRUFF LOVE...are completely blown away that...an unbelievably unfair amount of pressure...sucked the life out of...billions of innocent, sentient animals...killed for food, fur, research and entertainment...PREDITOR NATION...will appreciate...Alito the Terrible...the smirking chimp...anti-immigrant vigilantism...the erosion of reproductive freedom...DOLTS & DOLLARS...the administration's illegal surveillance of U.S. citizens...mindless drivel...blinkered sofa spuds...the military-industrial complex...CHOCO-DRUIDS...White House Brownshirts... impersonated Secret Service agents...a thermal imaging breast exam...to take pictures of the heat emitted from breasts...no top on for 15 minutes...sold cat litter but also bull sperm...blows hard...Ben Westlund...in bed with big business...is a "wild card"...Liberal in the Bedroom...Al Franken...Tits and Class...Indomitable Kiwi Spirit...THE WORLD'S FASTEST INDIAN...Offerings to the God of Speed...shares the bed of lovely desert widow Ada... befriends an L.A. drag queen...a used car salesman...a Vietnam soldier...Lois Wadsworth...Genus Pro...Tre Hardson...Michael K...Lafa Taylor...Aesop...Eugene's Raging Family...
March 25 THE REGISTER GUARD newspaper:...Middle school...sent intelligence to Saddam...gave troop data during the invasion...even as U.S. troops closed in on...Russia...Red Cross dismisses...an 8-month-old boy from...High court to rehear...A fast-moving fire...250-year-old tortoise...crashes into Ecuador tire factory...Iraqi Shiites...issued a highly optimistic...no comment...U.S. officials...charged with bribe...would...spout off...Feingold's complaint...appears to be positioned to stop...some 100 operas...FEMA breaks...Katrina work...due mostly to...CEO Riley Bechtel...tracking missing wives...Henry Yennie...exploded all over the country...a shelter in Montanna...never asked anyone about...Barbara Bush donation...But...International outrage builds...expressing outrage over...appalling...conspiracy by western nations or...Tut Naray...Pakistani troops...hardened local resistance to...the main U.S. base at Bagram...Indian leader urges...Doon School...to curb terrorism and...Sir Creek...Belarus protests...flowers...but police seized some of them...EU leaders said...Scott McClellan said...it was a stupid rally...blamed for more than...$15.5 billion in damage...
April NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC magazine:...The next big...catastrophe isn't over...a red rock wonderland ...won the presidency of Venezuela...Grab, shake, bite, puncture, punch - that's just the...BANCROFT LIBRARY, UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA...Saturn's Moon...is a photographer's greatest fear...Chernobyl's legacy made me think...of the Ugandan night runners...I urge the rest of us to take action...In the dusty bull barn of a hacienda...ethereal light...jumped like a rabbit but chewed like a squirrel...Wooly mammoths...nursed for at least...the next 10 million years...Saturn's strangest moon...rebelled against Rome, slaughtering 80,000 Romans...Lawrence Tabak...is "a miniature laboratory on a chip small enough to be inserted in the mouth"... Club-hoppers in Caracas's elegant Las Mercedes section...fouled boat engines, clogged nets, and choked off livelyhoods...the skinny backwoods kid who joined the military...is known as Comandante Matchhead...dragon flies strange love...is often rough, even fatal...Some males dispense with courtship altogether and just snatch unwary females...finger cutter, horsekiller, ear stick and eye pisser...will sew together your lips...will crawl into your ear and penetrate your brain...sting you...bite you...bring you rotten luck...
May/June MOTHER JONES magazine: ...The Revolution Will Not Be...Judgment Day...Cellblocks...Not goat cheese...the Goat Man of Midtown...is politics by other means...Michael Pollan...as hoary and shopworn as...anesthesia...our modern indulgences...will bring the goats to the city...what we need...is either in decline or severely...duped by the Iraqi National Congress...we are all consumers of...Clara Jeffery's...Los Angeles' gangs...Eugene Rivers...dwarfs the...two small ghettos...Los Angeles already...was swept into one of the most Byzantine episodes in...intense periods of fear...involving Nazi saboteurs...the war of 1812...interrupts her discussion of the Magna Carta...the Supreme Court...was charged with providing material support to terrorists...on a whim...George W. Bush...the bomber of bamiyan...cut his stewed mutton with a spoon...checked his voice mail, and...he began to fidget...But he'd had no real power. He had been just a "symbolic leader."...from Afghanistan's hashish-shrouded tourist boom...For 41 days...His men looted homes and killed some people...
June 22 EUGENE WEEKLY newspaper: ...Wooley...likes city staff...Broadway's street people...PETER DEFAZIO...Iraq and Afghanistan...funerals of Oregon soldiers...nearly $10 billion...Darfur...Hurricane Katrina victims...permanent military bases in Iraq...HAIRY LEGS!...NUKE THE ENTIRE MIDDLE EAST!...TO KILL EVERY LIBERAL I SEE...immigration and the war in Iraq...War and peace...the Baghdad embassy...the military - industrial complex...demeaning stereotypes...acts of harassment, discrimination and other unjust treatment...Mary O'Brien...the West Eugene Wetlands Education Center...more than 11,000 students, young and old...Fender's blue butterflies...values and dreams...Councilor Bonny Bettman...gritty and bold women of Eugene...two rogue cops...perverted, corrupt thugs around the country...the former Red Barn owner...Very VERY Old Queen...Supreme Sovereign of Squeeze...A BIG HUGGLY...Sally-bashing letters...the new courthouse... hideous buildings...a bad sci-fi movie...another pile of ugly...weak Democrats...glaciers melting...a severe drought and famine...KILLING MACHINES...our corporate masters...Ken Lay and Jeff Skilling...
July 22 THE REGISTER GUARD newspaper: ... Israeli forces...GRIP NEW ORLEANS...Thunder crashes distantly...and ELF members...shot after biting sleeping Boy Scout...the Big Dig connector tunnel...has taken its first flight...200 militant supporters of ...Tropical Storm Bilis...died in floods...Nearly 3 million people have been forced to...stand in the rubble of a home hit by a U.S. airstrike...U.S. military officials said...tens of thousands of people were still without power Friday, the fifth day of a mysterious electrical problem...Lawmakers question the propriety of...a massive evacuation of Americans and other foreigners...an estimated half-million...Israel also called up...Loren Parks, the reclusive Nevada medical equipment manufacturer...an old collection of pastel shotgun houses...drive you crazy...one allegedly prolific arsonist...walked away from the ELF...Bush plan will cut...a harmonic society...U.S. General James Jones said...that the July 11 bombing of seven trains which killed 207 people...was "a big conspiracy."...WILLIAM J. LAMBIASO...had a military-industrial complex to support...the corporate takeover of government...the largest deficits in our nation's history, obscene CEO salaries and a refusal of Congress to raise the minimum wage...
AUGUST NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC magazine: ...ARMY ANTS... in the forests of Panama...dream of exotic adventures with...Grizzlies...in Oregon...Hugo Chavez...can build nuclear reactors that are perfectly safe...CARL FEDARO...is dwarfed by...chronic health problems, high infant mortality rates and disproportionate birth defects...ROBERT H. PASCHAL...was elected by a...desktop with visions of Earth images...tambalacoque and...partial skulls...found that poorly run meetings strain...a nearby glacier called Myrdalsjokull...flash floods...are destroying...a trinity of announcements...Humans have never faced...some 90 prominent evangelical leaders...Katrina splintered...Dooky Chase and...The Joseph sisters...and Wilma...Golf Coast gambling palaces...No end in sight...Jimbo's looks like nothing so much as an abandoned...Majumdar...Mississippi and Alabama are pretty close to...375,000 city garbage trucks...Better science is the only way to get people to trust...a washed-out stretch of highway 90...If you really want to wallop something...Divine Wind...blows away Everything that I am...Ghost World...ain't seen 5 percent...a curled hairy tail...of green...
September 5 NEW YORK TIMES newspaper: ...All the News That's Fit to...lead morning prayers...they executed...The Taliban and their allies...one judge and scores of police officers...Americans carried out the largest...vortex of dust and ash...concerned looks and forced smiles...an untold number of mayors...Five members of Congress...baggy cargo pants and frayed T-shirts...Fake drugs...Sexual Cannibalism...TigerWoods...Yoon Chang Joon...40 people seated at computer terminals...Taliban resurgence and opium cultivation...Times Researcher...Pressures African Union...Mass Graves Uncovered at Islamic School...U.N. to Mediate...a large wildfire in south-central Montana...Mandarin-speaking caregivers...delivered by Caesarean section...In search of accurate vote totals...Researcher for Times in China Will...attend school in the fall with money earned from digging silicon...girls from Orlovka...say that crime is out of control and the police are useless...Thomas Patrick Gilbert Cholmondelay...was attacked by a sleepy town going through serious growing pains...Katie Couric...Gives African Union an Ultimatum...LYDIA POLLGREEN...to take over from the beleaguered African Union force in Darfur...using money donated by the Arab League...40 Bodies...with God's help...kill 14 terrorists...
October 19 EUGENE WEEKLY newspaper: Who has the answer on...Jennifer Higdon's blue cathedral...WE'LL ALWAYS BE A LITTLE HUNG-UP ON...the Eugene Police Commission...Jim Torrey...covered up for...the thousands of children who have been killed in Iraq...George Bush...the Duck's football billboard...gun-toting teens...the war on terror...open heart surgery...escort service display ads...dog fuckers...cute girls...a grown man abusing his German shepard...stories of zoophilia...dating services...Savage Love...sex advice columns...Sex is a driving force...politics...homeless people...bribes, lies, sex scandals, expensive trips...millions spent for elections...special interests...A PISSER...yet another signing statement...pissing all over Congress and the constitution...the self-serving and spineless...Buju Banton...Nazi skinheads...physical violence and death threats...a Hitlerian wet dream...toxic chemicals...slaves in sweatshops...Wal-Mart...Disconnected pieces of lives...the continuing collapse of our so-called "democracy"...torture...criminal record...fraud...hackable tabulation...bernard nickerson...Coming Out Week...the EW...teenagers...mental imbalance...gone looney...our decider-in-chief...Oval Office...Turdblossom...undiplomatic and adolescent vernacular...an unwanted neck rub...legalization of torture...hilarity...
November 25 THE REGISTER GUARD newspaper: Revenge swift, brutal in...Socking away the bargains... YMCA aims to...prevent the case from becoming an international incident...Wiretap program continues despite... a $20,000 reward for information...underwater cameras checked...The Salton Sea for...bird enthusiasts friends who lived nearby...Nations halt U.N. ban on...Iceland and Russia, along with China and South Korea...a draft resolution privately adopted by the committee...deemed safe to eat...The Department of Agriculture...escaped from Bayer's test plots...sending rice futures plummeting and farmers into fits...the USDA allowed Bayer to... contaminate the food supply with untested genetically engineered...rice farmers in the South...33,000 people died of hunger every day...Parents ate their...children and adult children ate elderly parents...Corpses lay on city streets...SLOWLY RUPERT MURDOCK REALIZED THERE ARE LIMITS...DAWN COSLOW...spent hundreds of hours...waiting for Godot...new leaders make...Bush and Cheney...disabled due to a war of aggression...Parents can...get the one that counts...
December NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC magazine: ...You've Never Seen...the very beginnings of the solar system...the Lord God Bird...Katie Jacques...completely rearranging society...Dark Ages...Marie Antoinette...a humble mud tomb...Global opium production...The Vaulting Pole...Masked boobies...The Dog Whisperer...billions of ice particles...tatoo shadows...torrents of liquid methane...eternal orange twilight...the icy oddball Phoeba...a metal cylinder 22 feet tall...more than 700 Earths...Tiny moonlets...cratered lumps of ice...the strangest moon...thousand-mile-an-hour winds...thousands of smaller rings...FROZEN HYDROCARBONS, SIMILAR TO GASOLINE COVERING MUCH OF THE MOON...ice particles shooting far into space...how life began in the universe...EARTH IN THE BEGINNING...a vision of hell...trillions of atomic bombs...an alien world for the next 700 million years...a scalding atmosphere devoid of oxygen...giant impacts from space...the first plants to come ashore...the chest of a dying Iraqi soldier...all the boots have been baptized in blood...
January/February MOTHER JONES magazine: ...Why do you love to hate...JACK HITT...Harpy...Hillary...Angry White Man...Highwaymen...Hypermilers...The Mayor, the Martyr, and the Pomegranate Trees...The Bush-hating masses did not evolve from chimps...going up Mount Doom...man-on-dog sex...except for agents from the USDA...Hastert...got right to the point...the petite former prosecutor...speaking in the rapid bursts of someone who's been surviving on...wine tasting...said "so it has to be my fault."...the Justice Department...who has experience prosecuting sex...In the wake of the Democrats' sweep of Congress...a GOP bugaboo...fielded questions as a green-skinned alien looked on...Kinky Friedman has more than 35,000 cameras linked to monitors in field agents' vehicles...its cost could balloon to $30 billion...Michael Chertoff...the president of Feminists for Life...is a lively, youthful 51-year old who wears stylish scarves and has grand ambitions...John Roberts...latest project is...hijacking the women's movement...I always thought those people were maniacs...who passionately regret having had abortions...Jim Webb...taking death turns at 52 miles an hour...sat on a thin mattress with Winnie the Pooh sheets.
February 15 EUGENE WEEKLY newspaper: ...Split Council Will...EMPHASIZE THE BAD NEWS FROM IRAQ...JOE LIEBERMAN...will remain, a dead-end road...the Eugene area...albeit slightly sick and twisted...witty and crass...Flying around mindlessly...Does any rational person honestly believe that...VEGETABLES DON'T FART...Don Richey...the Serpent never left...VISTA will stumble out of ...Gates and...that lesbian aunt...Ted Haggard's...sanctimonious lying, cheating, meth-snorting butt monkey...grates against your sense of decency...Evil Queen Minnis...BECAME SICK OF THE DAY SHE ORDERED HER ARMY TO TAKE IT AWAY...clueless Sunday R-G editorial page writers would like us to...eat the painting...Stick a Knife in This Play...and the Angry Inch...people lie...Spouses lie...officials lie...spies lie...soldiers lie...governments and rebels lie...And people leave...America's favorite crystal-meth-snorting, male escort-blowing evangelical Christian pastor is cured...that yam-faced faggot...partnered with kinky motherfuckers...Happy Valentine's Day...
March 24 THE REGISTER GUARD newspaper: Split House OKs...Sweet 16...Tainted pet food...will blame 9 Army officers for...the first 5,000 copies of the Book of Morman...the soft, caramel-brown...wallet underwent surgery in 2005 for colon cancer...a single staff member sexually abused...a town of 2,200 people...that produced at least 13 tornados...state police said...Muslim women will have to take off...a knife sticking out of...about 130 Uzbeck and Chechen fighters...sparking a cascade of rockets and ammunition and killing 93...blistering temperatures...builds oil ties to China...Iranian officials say...Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad...had been scrapped because...J. Steven Griles admits falsely testifying about ties to ...U.S. District Judge Ellen Segal Huvelle...Italia Federici...points to ranch in California...arguing that they are vital for fighting terrorists and conducting irregular warfare...as insurgents become increasingly organized...Bush angrily denounced the bill as one in which Democrats had...Bubba Gump, Popeye the Sailor Man and Mr. Peanut...making good, solid progress...DeFazio...was joined at the bar by yuppies in suits, fat guys in NASCAR hats, college kids in Ambercrombie & Fitch, and ruddy-faced Duck fans wearing enough green to make an Irishman blush...
April NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC magazine:...Saving the Sea's...tallgrass prairie...Teaching a spirited cub to...Hip-Hop from west Africa to New York City...an aspiring rapper from the Bronx...tells me that blue fin tuna...swimming up British Columbia's Lillooet River...leaped over rocks...a wildebeest herd...served in a Baghdad ambulance unit...The Ghost Bird...cracked like thunder...to reach this 32-foot-wide, 20,000 pound sculpture... Rocks turned to razors...destroying towns...The Pink Plague...lolled on Hemingway's bed, climbed his bookshelves, and stalked the gardens...a polydactyl cat...was bulldozing a ditch...Ed Pantano...able to streak through water at 25 miles an hour and dive deeper than half a mile...before being shot and butchered for the sushi...wandering albatross...have stockpiled 20,000 tons in giant freezers...guitarfish...use the open air or geothermal heat to...accomodate the constant stream of...hedgehogs...and gnawed through them like beavers...Goat Island has provided some of the strongest evidence of...stubborn anglers, reluctant bureaucrats and fence sitting scientists...stacks of flying saucers...take visitors out to the Poor Knights...a skerrick of what it once was...
May/June MOTHER JONES magazine: In 93 years, half of all life on Earth will be...inside the black market in AIDS drugs...Sweatshop gamers...the Goddess of the Yangtze...and Harvard Biologist Edward O. Wilson...cannot possibly be an inspiration for terrorism...sexual violence against women...the Pork Chop Theory...stupid, backwards and silly...and putting lipstick on a dictator...Condoleeza Rice...can "kill anyone without being called to account."...pre-historic warm eras...could be dinosaur flatulence...Joe Barton...declared...psst, got antiretrovirals?...skin flicks...cable car naked...Josh Harkinson...should demand that the new National Intelligence Estimate be...geek squad vs. death squad...at least 6,000 people had been wiped off the...Google Earth satellite images...Sweatshop gamers...say that...O Mee Pooba...shot avators shopping at American Apparel...JoAnn Wypijewsky...set us up for the Patriot Act and Guantanamo...Rudolph Giuliani...is unlucky enough to be on the receiving end of 50 shots...or a toilet plunger...State after state restricted the rights of...650,000 Iraqi dead...Russian machine guns...in a bar in Amman, Jordan...chew on wet soil and lick it dry...
June 21 EUGENE WEEKLY newspaper: Sid? You seem a little...Disengaged from the citizenry...why are a handful of timber barons calling the shots?...Instead of burning down buildings, why not...stop the timber beast from clearcutting...Few would deny that we need massive...NEW WAR -- WITH...MY GOOD FRIEND SEAN HANNITY!...If you have a pet you pay a pet tax...animals need to visit the slammer...My grass allergies were so bad the other night that I...am a mother of six children and work in...sex...bite my tongue...romantic delusions...Christopher Columbus... Lewis and Clarke...mass murder of native people...celebrate...slavery...Sept.11...How arrogant...You have walked...deeply troubled...most insecure...on the wrong side of history...fouling our nest...SPRAWL AT FAULT...paving over farmland...CALL IT TREASON...the legendary Hell Hole...is in trouble...asWile E. Coyote's big slingshot thingy...upsets the Russkies...Eugene is a prime location for...a phony, lying facade of being gentle and loving...giant mounds of sawdust heaped the...pencil sharpener...A dozen EW staffers...hang out with...Rembrandt...until we grow gills...the Governor of New York...will voluntarily test for toxic vapors in...DEATH BY CELL PHONE...
July 21 THE REGISTER GUARD newspaper: Bush revives...Potter mania...a formidable wizard population...Green power...drinking near Autzen... A chlorine explosion...wire fraud...making false statements...stealing funds...A tropical depression...prior pot use...killing more than 50 people...a 1996 meningitis epidemic...widespread sexual exploitation and abuse...three secret flights...mortor fire...KBR bribe scheme...a sweeping network of kick-backs, bribes and fraud...lying to Federal investigators...the extremists in my battle space...prison term for his role in Iraqi's killing...power to Cheney...Woodrow Wilson...Dwight Eisenhower...Richard Nixon...Grover Cleveland...Businesses near steam blast...corporate officials...hundreds of millions of dollars...red lights whirling...stinging legal challenges...the government's effort to hide the truth...high formaldehyde levels...sparks from a flat tire...extraordinary heat and drought...riding on the rim of a flat tire...Mars storm...by far the worst storm the rovers have ever seen...The Rocky Mountain jumping mouse...meddling by MacDonald...political tinkering with science...goodness knows what else...
August NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC magazine: ...How a Great Culture...endures 1000 cuts of a razor blade...I was disturbed by...Secret Service agents...Telling secrets...what did I get myself into...in this very sterile presidential bubble...They seem to lurk everywhere: on top of school buses...in perfect silence...surfers off Bondi Beach...reduced Shenyang's 60,000-seat Wulihe Stadium to rubble and dust...A glittering, feather-swathed dancer rides a huge hummingbird...The mummies of...the University of Ghent...built the Kon-Tiki...made it to French Polynesia where it crashed on...Olav Heyerdahl...the slender loris...Gives Parents a Break...Harry Potter's Garden...issues a maddening yell if yanked...to keep werewolves from going loco...New Orleans...Maureen Lane...was hit with at least...150 miles...of red tape...HEMINGWAY SAID...A. Baldwin Wood shrank and compacted, slumping below sea level...Mr. Go...wiped out much of St. Bernard Parish...Stormy Sky...displays 200 images of Chac, the long-nosed rain god...a tooth growing out of the upper jaw...is a long-anticipated event in the Canadian Arctic...a nine-foot specimen may earn...A brotherhood of horsemen in crisp white hats...I photographed...with the enthusiasm of a child lapping ice cream from a cone...
September/October MOTHER JONES magazine: ...ENEMY COMBATANTS...launched the tough-love teen industry...Hillary...melts the permafrost...Rick Ness...Bush's Peter...and other great works of fiction...died of a perforated stomach...Children as young as nine are...peeling an onion...training journalists...Dedicated to everything from architecture to sports medicine...author of a book on banknote printing...the CIA prints the bills at a secret plant...the duds fail upward, obtaining...slam dunks on Iraq and 9/11...just the tip of the iceberg...Ellen Sauerbrey...pushed for...an Oregon winery and a perfume company in...Florida...helped push HOMELAND INSECURITY...THE NEXT HURRICANE...STARTED AS...a massive military aircraft-leasing program...Paul Wolfowitz failed upward...has only a 17% chance of success...Propping up foreign regimes works just...25%...State Department and Office of Management and Budget...says that changing the status quo is "beyond insane" and would cause...mooning Karl Rove's car...Mike Honda...built a mock version of Israel's "security wall"...unfurled a 14-foot banner proclaiming "Bong Hits 4 Jesus"...George W. Bush...Keeping Americans in hock for life...usurers occupy the seventh circle of hell...Jane Pedota lives directly above...everyone else on her block...Jennifer Gonnerman...cursed, hollered, fought with..a radical behaviorist known as Dr. Israel...The Mickey Mouse Club...fought in the Massachusetts state Legislature...
October 18 EUGENE WEEKLY newspaper: ...COUNT DRACULA...OH, SO PRETTY...BETTY TAYLOR...secured options to purchase properties on West Broadway...Aster's hole...was not...A PETTING BUTLER...WINTER WONDERLAND...a gorgeous wooded park...a beautiful stream...stone bridges...Mother Nature...a beautiful pond...Something natural...something unique...I am SHOCKED that...The woman in the ticket office...is absolutely outrageous...out of jail...Pathetic at best...the thieving and lying group of corporate slime...could generate so many potential drunks that...40,000 plus attendies...could be arrested for...urinating in public...on Christmas day...SNOBBY HIPPIES...is a positive step forward...KITTY PIERCY...can help us build...southern California where land developers wag the dog...the Los Angeles Times wrote...God would smile as His earth was being crumpled into a useless ball of Human excrement...A two-party dictatorship...PRIVATE FATAL HARVEST...DOESN'T LIKE THE PRESIDENT...URINATING ON A NEWSPAPER PHOTO OF GENERAL PETRAEUS...BLUNDERING TOWARD WAR WITH IRAQ...failing to ask tough questions...a little speckled fish...held office in the House for 27 years until he...is in turn preparing us to have relationships with robots...being used at hospitals...vulnerable to political abuse...
November 24 THE REGISTER GUARD newspaper: ...the year's busiest...Meth labs...feel like Santa Clause...after hitting ice off Antarctica... Arab League agrees to...get off to a chilly start...Firefighters taking on a new roll as...The American Civil Liberties Union...The Homeland Security Department...may lose endangered listing...PRAY Mont. ...in the Paradise Valley...took $24 million of federal funds...Ed Bangs...said...Activists seek to give...human embryos...several stiff challenges...For the most part...it can be hard for people to understand...Jesus Manuel Cordova... Passengers from the Canadian Cruise ship Explorer...had stayed behind to operate the bilge pumps in the hope of salvation...the little red ship went down...Suicide bombers...beheaded seven policemen Friday...Lebanese president resigns...which Lebanese fear could explode into...dangerous unknown territory..."Lahoud Out!"...Trash has to be picked up...:Broken snow globe in Men's...stiff tobacco tax...The gamble failed...a stinker... Greenlick...115,000 bake sales...Thirteen percent of the children adopted from China have lead poisoning...CAN I GET PAID IN EUROS?...YOU HAVE NO WATER...people need to stop spitting...catch a child molester...pink shrimp...a bowl of lentil soup...a mess of pottage...the WOPR ...Tigers...Irish...Lake Oswego...bootleg...Blazers...Suns...Celtics...Lakers...Heat...Bobcats...Hornets...
DECEMBER NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC magazine: ...BIG BAD BIZARRE...treatment of the horses...Circles of baklava dough...slept in the room that night...DNA in dung...sheds light on...RELIGIOUS AFFILLIATION...Dutch Masters set out to design a perfect killing machine but ran out of funding...dragons, ogres, or giant victims of...a hugely elongated third finger...could have peered into a second-story window...to amuse and amaze us...Inscrutable teeth...now dead-ends at the Israeli security barrier...Mary and Joseph...are made of pale yellow stone, wedged along...a gray snake...inside the medical center...a puppet of the Israeli army...A parent albatross may fly more than 10,000 miles to deliver one...Rime of the Ancient Mariner...thousands of large birds...convert food...that's been compared to diesel fuel...Then the adult squirts a stream of oil...
January/February MOTHER JONES magazine: ...Can the world survive...the American way of life?...Let There Be...Failure to Launch... prohibitionists, fascists and vampires...blurb whores...suddenly appeared on the shelves at...Seattle, 5000 miles away...Factories in China will lead to...the Republican Jewish Coalition...Cheney wing...began strutting its stuff...to bolster support for the troop surge...from wounded soldiers and families of the dead...Ahmadinejad...had been part of an RJC gathering where...Rudy Giuliani...worked as a cab driver...with the same take-no-prisoners ambition that characterizes his approach to politics...a dumpy, pasty, greedy-eyed man...who says he doesn't care to screw fat women...asking me over a big bowl of warm apple crisp if I like anal sex...followed by an offer of $500 to "get into" my "cooch"...It's many fewer hours than working at Wal-Mart...
February 14 EUGENE WEEKLY newspaper: ...FREE LOVE...iPod sex...Holy Cow supporters are not...all in the name of the almighty dollar...Charles "Dusty" Miller...DON'T BLAME SEA LIONS...Humans have caused...TOUGH COOKIES...a bunch of hypocritical, elitist shit stains with no sense of humor...who think the First Amendment only applies to...wood stoves...Balancing Needs...CHANDRA LEGUE is...lots of possibilities and a lot of interest and commitment...Kitty Piercy has been ahead of the movement from the start...DIRTY HIPPY FLOCK...appears to be yet another supposed environmental candidate like...Brent Thompson...CUT WHERE IT COUNTS...WOPR...BEER TIME...BASKETBALL ARENA...dancing to build our brains...POLAR BEARS OR OIL...Class War...Slippery Slopes...Super Special People...Snowbirds...Final Vaginas...The Gourds...Forced Choreography...Ghosts and Puzzles...Naked Roots...
March 22 THE REGISTER GUARD newspaper:...Obama on Oregon...high note...winning the endorsement of...Hillary...Alan Greenspan and other leading...Rescue crews...four spelunkers...didn't have the strength to have been...crushed by obese relative...Kurds celebrate...Television journalists killed in Russia...Strong earthquake strikes...Shiite gunmen endangering...Kut...Muqtada al-Sadr...complained that...Condoleezza Rice...would be very disturbed if...Light from star blast reaches Earth...NASA's Swift satellite...decided to cancel Good Friday service...Rev. Jonathan Jacobs...forced the cancellation of about 450 flights...Gov Bill Richardson endorsed...an unscheduled stop at 5:30 pm for dinner...Obama said he wanted...A 2,000-mile journey through the Ross Sea...McCain said...I MISSPOKE WHEN I SAID THE IRANS WERE ASSISTING THE AL-CANADIANS IN IRAQ...she said HE IS READY TO STEP INTO BUSH'S SHOES...
April NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC magazine:...AFRICA'S RAGGED...miracle appears in the form of...termite fish...violence related to religious faith...has nothing to do with what is truly holy...Christians and Jews...are making life increasingly unbearable for...even the gods...the albatross...the Concorde airplane...and spikes on the "flat-headed" Dracorex...started taking pictures...on Alaska's North Slope...long blond hair...thought I was funny...snowflakes on our tongues...at the mud-pit belly flop...Summer Redneck Games...have put beasts back in the spotlight...these behemoths...are flocking to pilgramage sites...aboard the space shuttle...Riding a mountain of belongings...SHIFTING RAINS...so brittle - they seemed made of...sand...He pulled on visitors' noses, and scampered away giggling...Bush was fat-cheeked and...They tortured them out there, tied to a thorn tree for three days...
May 22 EUGENE WEEKLY newspaper:...It Takes a Village to...SKUNK POSE...Awful Writing...Maureen Dowd...will snap right back...if the word "sprawl" was removed from the English language...JEZEBEL BUSES...Foolish Spirits...be fucking revolting!...whore out your buses...you must be off your rocker...worst of all...massive corporate conspiracy...just plain ridiculous...obscene crap of the American electoral process...duped by the rote truisms and paranoid delusions of...hogtie the pig...the most despotic dictatorship in the world -...our money!...The vast majority of thosee attending the Olympics will be...Cutesy-poo Eric Miller...Million Moms March...Nazi anti-rights bunch...a SMART volunteer...Ken Raymen...THE WRONG DAVID...Rachel Phariss...Norman Lent...Kitty Piercy...Wink & Kink...China's earthquake...
MAY/JUNE AARP magazine:...Jamie Lee Curtis...swimming the frigid waters off Alcatraz...Know-it-all Hubbies...will be the 300-odd penguins that decorate my house...The only remaining problem is that well-meaning friends keep...Attempting the Superbrain Yoga move...the heartiest laughter session we'd had in a long time...could certainly promote bladder drain...smoke banana peals...and a Leek and Sage Quiche...I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It...Mr. Know-It-All...swimming toward that egg...Scientists have proven that...there's a saber-toothed tiger behind that rock...Mr. Always Right...is the author of Unscrewed...Panthers aren't for...swimming the frigid waters from Alcatraz to the San Francisco shore...the steamy Costa Rica morning...drools into the middle of the city, an extended finger...
July 19 THE REGISTER GUARD newspaper:...PeaceHealth gives...President Bush...McKenzie's toxins...California's fire fighters put out...tons of stinking garbage...McCain offers hope to...several shiny new cars...as he praised...a mental recession...labeled "Jail Bird"...and said Thwump, thwump, thwump...and hiss and snap...Katrina victims are still waiting for...Two French aid workers abducted in Afghanistan...Taliban takes...the glass panels by Canadian artist Warren Carther in the new RiverBend hospital's chapel...Bush had opposed...Gore's grand vision...McCain's hope... national virtues...health benefits...the U.S. transportation system...ancient glories...a Square Deal...careful reform...Chief Robert Lehner... Mike Beilstein...the Olympic Trials...hope for the future...Maria Mutola...Recycling...Mayor Kitty Piercy...Iran...Speaker Nancy Pelosi...
August NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC magazine:...The glories of...The Bush-meat trade stalks: Japan's largest national park...When the sun sets, the Russian capital...may be headed our way...The hand singed by the blowtorch looks...for a break in the weather...one soggy November night...an infamous asteroid ...was puzzled by...well-prepped machine guns...The Little Prince and Tintin...learned a great deal about...using sticks to stab...Author Mary Roach...rickshaw pullers...like milking a mouse...a bull drives through a crowd of...Pedigreed Pizza...must work harder to fly than...Mary Beth Beuke, president of...PERSIA...the red-eared monkey...heats up at Propaganda...admitting only the beautiful and the connected...with fistfuls of beer and smoked fish...Moscow at night is a fairy tale with menace...Stalinist horror...bikes as bright as toys...a stealth-black predator...leather and studs...an ogre with shaved head...
September 18 EUGENE WEEKLY newspaper:...BURN AFTER READING...Gordon Smith...Becky Sue & her big...lumps...were in a more-or-less respectable Vodou...just as stupid as any other religion...Your prayers and thanks don't mean dick...they're up there talking shit about you and using their angel powers to harden your arteries...some fake, made-up god...is nothing but ignorance, violence and a whole lot of psycho...Hellenic polytheism...Along with...kamikaze bicycles...dream of a just society...McCain and his hocky mama...DON'T BELIEVE IN BIRTH CONTROL OR SCIENCE...sea lions...can go to the reception area of FOOD for Lane County...firm carrots...started dancing tango in 2002...Jim Torrey...is the reincarnation of...methylated seed oil adjuvant...U.S. Sen. Gordon Smith...voted to allow a serial rapist out of jail...when his father served in the Eisenhower administration...
November/December AARP magazine: ...STOP DIABETES BEFORE...one scruffy young man...was buried with more than 7000 of his...Magnetic Poetry Kits...the cocky new thing...developed an eight-part-strategy to...ward off...pain, anxiety, hot flashes, or...an injury...family members and friends...Examine your values...Your Limits...Henry Stewart, 59 ran a...commercial free NO TRESPASSING sign...Great performances...rage grew in ferocity...Chicken Marcella...became my wife, 53 years ago...Cesenatico, on the Adriatic...had to undertake an expedition to Manhattan...a splendid soup of potatoes and leeks...saw thousands of students...A daily ritual of sensual satisfaction that...is pretty much the same everywhere... We Get Letters...Smilovitz...the adrenaline freak...enjoys a friendship with Nancy Reagan...Broken bones...Boomers...a chef...Noam Chomsky...
NOVEMBER CAT FANCY magazine:...AMAZING CAT PEOPLE...continue to be discovered...Every day...MAINE COONS...Cast Your Vote!...How do you explain Coyotes to...stunt doubles...A recent graduate of Chapman University...plops down on me...until I pet him...Lori Coughlin...Al Gore...Marduk...have managed to leave a lasting impression...Tanner says...seven ancient mutations...Love Muffins...Laura Gregory...while sitting on the couch...formed a new breed-the Raga Muffin...Janet Klarmann...suffers from arthritis, diabetes, irritable bowel syndrome, kidney disease, cancer...bloodroot, can slow the progress of...lumps and bumps...foster pets...hate scented litter...Expert tips for...No one in their right minds...stubborn mats...static-y...15 separate steps...limp, lackluster hair...seafood-flavored toothpaste...Japanese Bobtail...a miracle...
DECEMBER NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC magazine:...THE REAL King Herod...is on intimate terms with the red planet...Alfred Russel Wallace is...the most elegant butterfly in the world...Iran...could be an eye-opener for everybody...a foreign intelligence agency overthrew our current government to...pursue an education...Stalin's prisons...Challenge Cliches...50 pairs of red-tailed hawks...owned by Donald Trump...carry eggs on their legs ...Psychopaths...are less likely to...keep an eye out for hungry polar bears...a potato chip bag full of half-eaten chicken wings...is a result of...Steve Stine...HEROD...EIGHT MILES SOUTH OF JERUSALEM...conquered nature herself...was a man of crotchety independence and lurching enthusiasms...Butterflies, beatles and birds were mostly what he wanted...rare and gorgeous, all the better...
January/February TODAY'S DIET & NUTRITION magazine:...Balsamic Vinegar...Tastes...Toxic Fat...until her incision healed from each C-section...Michele...is the No. 1 killer of women...Don Gazzaniga...can't remember meeting anyone...Prep chefs...Core and thinly slice the...Diabetics...Felicia...believes that...Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches...found in grapefruit have been shown to reduce...the front of the toe box...Shoes with a pump-up tongue...Love Yoga...squeeze your buttocks tight and...kyphotic curve...YOUR DINNER...osso buco bubble...FOR MORE INSPIRATION...Ghillie...began to travel widely and...Drizzle with extra-virgin...LAURA...was touted as a miracle...that can seem confusing...Pamela...uses the finest...vinegar bible during the cooking of must...pucker up...fish broth...chicken broth...and...breasts...
February 19 EUGENE WEEKLY newspaper: TOP TEN...SPANKERS...don't know the guidelines of...sharing... Kinko's ghost bike...wild boars in Poland...can imagine many mindless...hamstrung...students who want...Edith Marie Hurley...and...Hitler and Rick Dancer...If comedy shocks or offends you it's...A healthy option to alcohol's walking stupor...An acceptance of death is a necessary part of...Glue traps...current DOD policy...HELICOPTER PESTICIDE SPRAYING IN EUGENE...gypsy moths...LOOKING AT ROAD AHEAD FOR OBAMA...Mayor Kitty Piercy...served most passionately on the board of...THE MOUSE THAT ROARED...CHRIS BIRKE...escaped to Oregon...after he...left her "in a rising panic."...Bettman tells of threats...of the high concentration of...TOP TEN MOVIES...1980s Romania...Margot's murder...
March/April AARP magazine:...YES YOU CAN...get big...feisty hikers...PLUS...Batman's biggest...paradise... Nancy Perry Graham...mental might...out-of-the-box thinking...new ideas, vision, creativity, and...Barack Obama...capitalism run amuck...is not a defense against C,difficili...Nobody wants to get haggled out of...HELP IN TOUGH TIMES...Still a Cool Cat But ...PIRATES AARGH US, 500,000 unemployed...workampers...Sally Abrahams...hadn't changed her look or her hair style...for 16 years...Meg Grant...Wearing a denim work shirt and jeans...as the quintessential black sheep...Robert Duvall...waited tables and worked odd jobs...Ratso Rizzo...won Best Actor Oscars...Tootsie...loved her work and did not want fame...Joel Hopkins says...As leaders of Great Old Broads for Wilderness...you're glad to know there are still wild places...
March/April MOTHER JONES magazine:...TASER'S DELIRIUM DEFENCE...our rotten...psychiatric hospitals...Blackwater goes to...squirrels...Kathryn Joyce...teaches that...pirates, thugs, and kids with guns...produce...happy goats...Paul Roberts...must feed everyone on this small planet...the occasional worm... photographed by Matt Eich, deserves a Pulitzer...eye-opener thoughts...dropping a few hits of acid...deadly incidents involving Tasers...sued medical examiners who cited its products as a contributing factor in a subject's death...shift responsibility to the victim...334 fatalities following Taser jolts...Everybody's always been interested in...a huge opportunity for...Paul Saxton...to show up with bags of rice...blackmail and even worse...the wolf...carrying 33 battle tanks...was standing by to assist...The Trickle-Up Economy...DAVE GILSON...has made America's appetite for sex go limp...Bernard Madoff...IS ROTTEN TO THE CORE...