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Mary and Joseph weren't married, Joseph wasn't Jesus' birthdad, so you have to wonder ...
What would happen if God, the Supreme Ruler of the Universe (and birth father) went to Catholic Charities requesting information on his son....
The year is 1999. The place...Catholic Charities of Greater Bethlehem...
"Hi, my name is God the Supreme Ruler of the Universe. About 2000 years ago, I fathered a son. I believe he was born some time in December. I would like to find out what happened to him and make myself available should he have any questions."
"How much money do have on you God?
Because for a mere $1 million "donation" to Catholic Charities, you can sign a useless piece of paper with all your information on it that we have no intention of giving to your son should he contact us."
"Well, that sounds like a good deal. Let me get out my checkbook. Can you tell me anything about my son?"
"Oh, I'm sorry God. There is a chance that your son may have given up his own life for the good of mankind, but I'm not permitted by law to reveal that sort of information. But don't worry, you can just leave everything to me."
"Okay, sounds great."
"Hi, my name is Jesus. I was born 2000 years ago on December 25th in Bethlehem. I have re-risen from the dead with the sole purpose of searching out my birth father. Can you help me?"
"Well, Jesus, we here at Catholic Charities will do everything we can to help. How much money do you have on you?"
"Uh, some years ago I gave up my life for the good of mankind. Prior to that I lived a simple existence performing good deeds and miracles. Needless to say, my cash flow is minimal."
"Hmmmm, I see Jesus. No problem, we can put you on our installment plan. Once your first monthly check clears, I will journey all the way into the next room, open up the file cabinet, and pull your file. Then I will copy and send you five sheets of paper that contain vital medical information gathered 2000 years ago that basically serves no purpose as it has never been updated."
"Wow, that sounds great. But how will that information help me find my birth father?"
"It won't Jesus. But hopefully, that information will pacify you enough so that you won't bug the crap out of us anymore about this find-your-father thing. Although, there is an alternative. With a slight increase in your monthly payments, I will conduct the search for you because at 2000 years of age, you are too stupid to make decisions pertaining to your own life."
"Okay, that sounds terrific. So when you find him, you will forward the information so that I can contact him?" "No. You cannot be trusted enough to contact your own father because it might disrupt his life. It is, however, completely acceptable for me, the almighty social worker, to disrupt his life on your behalf."
Fortunately, God and his son Jesus were able to find each other thanks to the Greater Bethlehem Mutual Reunion Registry. They have started a support group and joined the fight for open records....
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