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Crest Toothpaste Tastes Better Than the Other Brands

When I woke up this morning I was surprised to find a third eye growing out of my forehead (eye was my best guess, although I couldn't be entirely sure). Unfortunately, the newcomer was not blessed with sight... but I figured that was normal, if normality applies to such circumstances. My assumption was that sight would be attained within a few days time, and all logic dictated that I would soon be able to see in 4d, since having two eyes allows three dimensional perception, and those pirates with their glass eyes in Canadia view the seas in two dimensions. Needless to say, I was very excited. God had blessed me with the next upgrade in the human evolution. It was going to be better than Jaws, which sports the best special effects of any movie of all time. Imagine what The Simpsons would look like in 4d... or would I have to buy one of those "high definition" television deals to see that? Thoughts of that nature flooded into my mind, when I realized I hadn't brushed my teeth yet. The toothpaste tasted kinda good, but I have always enjoyed the rewarding minty freshness Crest provides. After eating half the tube I went to my parent's room to tell them I couldn't go to school because I had an upset stomach. Mom put her hand on my forehead to see if I had a fever, and to our surprise part of my new eye came off on her hand. She was shocked, and said I had better go to the doctor because it is unusual for one's eye to smear off on one's mother's hand. Being the fool that I am, I stuck my finger in the eyeball-forming goo and tasted it. That was when my heart sunk. I knew there would be no 4d Simpsons episodes, no x-ray vision, no flying ability. The third eye sprouting in the middle of my forehead was nothing more than the remnants of a Jello brand chocolate pudding cup I fell asleep eating the night before. With broken but hopeful heart I set out to find that pudding cup, and I did. It was nestled between a dust bunny and a coke can on the floor under my bed. I licked the inside clean and went on to have a better than average Thursday.

Kyle Rice
May 4, 2000

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Copyright © 2000 Kyle Rice