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Frequently Asked Questions

This page tells the stories of me, Sulus, master buffalo herder, and my EVIL twin, Lulus.

Go to story #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, or #7

YOM KIPPER

Hi!, I'm Sulus and I herd 768 buffalos. I enjoy my work beacause it involves danger. A buffalo might escape or my evil twin Lulus might pull something. One frosty Yom Kipper morning (the day I sleep in to 5:30 instead of my usual 4:30) Lulus opened my garage door at 5:29:59 AM and let my buffalo escape! Luckily only one buffalo was awake, but unfortunatly it was Adolf the evil buffalo who would spread hatred and the love of spam to all those whose names begin with the letter M. When I went down to check on my 768 buffalo I immediatly realizid there were only 767 buffalo and that Adolf the evil buffalo escaped to Reno, Nevada! I also remembered that Lulus tries to set my buffalo free every full moon at 5:29:59. However, I'm usually there to stop him, but this this time I was not able to, no sir. I was also dispaired that the only flight to reno was on a B-767, so I took my trusty mule Carl who travels at a mere 76.8 kph compared to Adolf's 76.9 kph tricycle. A few days later I lassoed Adolf while he was eating tilebacker at a Reno T.V. store. Everyone lived happily ever after except for Adolf who had to refrain from eating oak leaves until Ramadan began.

THE END

by: Sulus Buffalo Mance C.B.H.

THE REVENGE OF ADOLF THE EVIL BUFFALO

Hi! My name is Sulus and this is my sequel to the hit classic Yom Kipper. This tale of a tale begins on the first day of Ramadan which you may recall is the day Adolf does not have to refrain from eating oak leaves. Today he will get up long before I do to exact his revenge on me for bestowing such a harsh punishment on him. At 4:29:59 AM Adolf escaped with the help of Lulus, stealing all the other buffaloes' hard earned oak leaves. When I got up at 4:30 AM, Adolf and Lulus were long gone. So when I checked on the buffalo, I counted to 767! I remembered the fiasco on a frosty Yom Kipper morning and knew it was Adolf! At first I was certain he had gone to Reno, but when I saw that there were no oak leaves I knew he had tricycled to the Great Oak Forest of Libya to destroy the mighty oak leaf industry! I checked out the train schedule to Libya and found out only the Chatanooga ChooChoo went there, so I took my trusty mule Carl who travels at a mere 76.8 k.p.h. compared to Adolf's 76.9 k.p.h. tricycle! It took me all of Ramadan to get to the Libyan woodlands, but only a few days to find him. He stuck out like a needle in a haystack because even though he wore the local clothes (A turban and liederhosen), he was not a water buffalo which is the only buffalo indiginous to Libya! I chased Adolf all the way to Lulus's hideout where if I correctly replied I would get Adolf back. I said "Hit me!" I got a bloody nose. Lulus riddled me by asking "What two words is mankind made up of". I intelligently replied "mank and ind". Lulus consented defeat. I got Adolf back and everyone, except Adolf who could not talk to Pez until Mothers Day, lived happily ever after.

THE END

by: Sulus Buffalo Mance C.B.H.

Of Buffalo and Men

The blue moon rolled over the magical land of Royal Oak, Michigan. Sulus had just been notified of his semi-cousin's dissapearence from the Michigan Organ Procurement Center in Ann Arbor. This angered the world famous buffalo herder. He grabbed his book on how to be a detective, hopped on his trusty mule Carl, and headed south on I-75. After reaching Miami he realized that he was lost, so he asked for directions. Eventually, he found his way to Ann Arbor. He asked asked where Sulus Allen Poe (Sulus's semicousin) resided. They led him to a forbidding looking closet. He searched for fingerprints and found Lulus's! He realized they weren't Lulus's but his semi-cousin, Lulus Allen Poe's! He then saw footprints on the ground and followed them all the way to the Nether Regions of Canadia. He saw small hut on the Great Slave Lake where Lulus Allen Poe held the Northwest Territory's entire population! He then returned to get his 768 buffalo. Unfortunately, Adolf had started a rebellion!

To be continued...

Written (in 3rd person) by Sulus Buffalo Mance

The Room of Rompers!

I quickly quenched the buffalo by giving them my buffalo oak leaves. Then I made it to the Northwest Territories on Tuesday! I got to Yellowknife the day before Thursday. I realized I had to finish some fingerpaintings before Rashashanah, and hum mow-mow, mow-mow, mow-mow, mow-mow. I found Lulus' base on a full moon (that's f-u-l-l, not f-o-o-l). I gave Carl a Scoobysnack for getting me here. We rushed the base, and I struck it with my buffalo herding staff, but the wall was pure balsa wood! 1/4 in. thick! I needed another way to get in, but how? A battering ram! I will have to make due with a mountain goat. After I saw my twin (Lulus), and my semi-cousin (Sulus Allen Poe) I reached for the nearest Tickle Me Elmo and threw it at Lulus. He quickly said "He, he, he! That tickles!". However, the honkeys didn't come, for I was in a romper room! I hopped in the nearest canoe and chased him down the Mackenzie River. However, he got in the Arctic (A-r-c-t-i-c, not A-r-t-i-c) Ocean.

to be continued...

By:Sulus Buffalo Mance

Santa's Claws!

After I saw Lulus and his semicousin Lulus Allen Poe canoe into the Arctic (A-R-C-T-I-C not A-R-T-I-C!) Ocean, I knew he was headed for Santa's evilhouse of doom. The average Joe wouldn't know that it was on Ellesmere Island, not the North Pole. But(B-U-T, not B-U-T-T)Sulus Buffalo Mance knew, the world renowned chief buffalo herder from Royal Oak, Michigan! Lulus and Lulus Allen Poe got to the evil one's abode before me because they can paddle a canoe faster than me, and because Sulus Allen Poe (just call him S.A.P. for short!) can paddle his trusty mule named Carl like a rowboat. When I got to Satan's(or is it Santa's?) evil house of doom, er, uh, workshop, Satan called his demons, er, uh, elves to take us away to the dungeon. Me and S.A.P. got out of our cell by chisling our way out with S.A.P.'s high quality plastic knife! It took us 40 days and 40 arabian nights to find Santa, Lulus, and Lulus Allen Poe, making a death ray that could drive away all the sun bathers on the hot, sandy beaches of Ellesmere Island! I had to stop them. I had a plan! I would throw a Power Ranger Turbo toy at the death ray. It worked!! I had busted the death ray! However, I saw Santa's big 'ol craws and said "Eeek!, Run away!" And that's what we did! We were lucky 3 tricycles were outside. I got home and herded buffalo.

THE END

by: Sulus Buffalo Mance C.B.H.

COWFIR

One day I, Sulus, was stolling along reading a newspepper. It carried the alarming message "Supervillain Steals Cowfir!!!". I instantly knew it was my almost identical(but smarter and EVIL!) twin brother Lulus. For he wanted that more than anything else except the Klopman Diamond, his own Tickle-me Elmo, and a home where the buffalo roam(I told him to set up a tent in my back yard but he never listens). Imediatly the Royal Canadan Kilted Yaksmen were dispatched to his EVIL lab in Port Radium, N.W.T., Canadia but only I knew he had taken the precious, precious, Cowfir to his EVIL tree- house in western Lesotho! After reading that I ate the newspepper. Boy was it HOT! I swiftly ran into the Detroit River. Unfortunatley, I swam to Windsor, Ontario in Canadia. I was freaky! An OLD man held me hostage and threatened to drop me off Ambassador Bridge or even worse, make me watch The Lost World! I bargained with him. I said "Let me trade my ducks for your magic kidney stones." He said "That's the bees knees Dadio!" and let me go. With the help of the 'idney stones(jive talk for kidney stones) I swam to Buffalo, New York. I had a great time swapping stories with other buffalo herders! But now I needed a barrel for the trip down Niagara Falls. I ran into Matthew Barnaby. After telling him to demand that the Sabres be called the Buffalo I gave him a magic kidney stone and he gave me a barrel. On the way down Niagara Falls I got in a highly intellectual conversation with a bottle-nosed dolphin about the politics of the kazoo industry. After making my way through the St.Lawrence Seaway and across the Atlantic I got to Africa. The natives tried to make me recite "The Ballad of William Sickomore" but I told them "Know me moo moo burn burn to to Lesotho!" (Swibrahnies for I know Firecow so take me to Lesotho!"). The chief shamans than teleported me to Lesotho. At once I set out for Lulus's tree-house. Once I got there an EVIL band of EVIL ninjas rose up from the quicksand. He said "Lulus has been expecting you! They took me to this EVIL treehouse. There stood an evil man named Paco. Paco was the burly type, say 6'3", 135 lbs. and had an EVIL pair of glasses on. He told me in his nasal voice to go to Lulus. I certainly did go to Lulus but with a plan in my mind. When I got to Lulus after a long, hard 5 minute stroll and entered his chamber. He rushed me and attempted to steal Elmo. We started smacking each other's eyebrows in attempt to get Elmo. I said "Tickle this!"and threw his own Tickle-me Oscar the Grouch(never sold) out the window. He ran after it and I got the Cowfir! I got to Casablanca via airship and returned the amazing Cowfir. I then travled to Michigan the same way and lived happily until the next story. Lulus had to refrain from taking over the world until the 12th day of Christmas.

THE END

by: Sulus Buffalo Mance C.B.H.

QUIZSHOW

One frosty day in October not long before Yom Kipper I was a featured guest at the NBA's (National Buffalo Association not Basketball) national convention. For one day I went up to L.A. with Bleely. Of course I stopped in to visit Dr. Smooth at his main office downtown. We discussed how cool it is to herd buffalo and how square Lulus is for herding wolves. Then I left and walked down the smooth streets of the City of Angels. From the mansions in Compton to the crack houses of Beverly Hills and from the skyscrapers downtown to the shantytowns of LAX. Until I ran into a guy dressed like a pimp calling himself Leo. He was handing out tickets to the most happenest show on TV-Paco's Quizshow. I gladly accepted! Bleely came along too. I was shocked when I saw that feisty feline er, uh, fiend Lulus was in the the crowd! I was even more shocked when Paco called us to be today's two contestents. When I got up there I said "Gee thanks Mr.Taco!". This greatly angered Paco so he smacked me with his sombrero and swore at me in some indecipherable foreign tounge. The rules are simple, the 1st contestant to get 3 right wins. I will go 1st. When we were tied 2 a piece, I got the question "What walks on 4 legs, 2 legs, 3 legs?". It was a tuffy! But after reading some Greek book about a guy named Oedipus who did his mom I answered "MAN!!!". I beat Lulus again but this time I won a version of "Brain Donors" but dubbed in Espanol. I said "Gee thanks Mr. Taco!" and was promptly splash- ed with tequila.

THE END

by: Sulus Buffalo Mance C.B.H.

Frequently Asked Questions

1) What is a buffalo herder?

Buf·fa·lo (buf´e lo´) n., pl. -loes´, -los´
1.Any of various wild oxen, as the water buffalo of India 2.Popularly, the American bison

Herd·er (hurd´er) n.
1.One who keeps or tends a herd of animals

2)How do I know information contained on this page is accurate?

All of the infomation on this page has been verified by a master buffalo herder: Sulus Buffalo Mance, C.B.H.

3) What is the purpose of this page?

This page is for me, Sulus (Steve).

4) Shouldn't you be taking your pills about now?

yes

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