LESSONS FROM MOM My Mom taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." My Mom taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" My Mom taught me LOGIC - "Because I said so, that's why." My Mom taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident." My Mom taught me IRONY - "Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about." My Mom taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!" My Mom taught me about CONTORTIONISM - "Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!" My Mom taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished." My Mom taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room." My Mom taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?" My Mom taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times... Don't Exaggerate!!!" My Mom taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this world and I can take you out." My Mom taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!" My Mom taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting like your father!"