Back in 1994, a group of "mates" - to borrow from the ex-PM Jackboot Johnny's now flushed-down-the-shitter preamble - found it necessary to embark on a golfing odyssey. An excuse was sought, and it was realised that at about the time of the safari one of the four was celebrating a birthday.
Each year the James Abbott Masters or JAM is played on or around early May to celebrate the birthday of James Abbott. The Murray region is the destination, selected for its fine weather and poor accommodation, cranky course superintendents and shocking clubhouse food.
Four people get together in a matchplay tournament played over three days. Each will play the other three participants once, and points will be scored in regular matchplay conditions, with the addition of bonus points, furrows, inverse mulligans, mulligans and monster putts. Bonus points are awarded for longest drive (anything past the ladies markers will count), straightest drive (like you're gonna hit the fairway), nearest the pin (hitting the green is a challenge in itself) and monster putts (a putt of more than four feet is considered a monster amongst this company). Furrows occur when a member of the JAM behaves badly and is "furrowed" by the remaining non-misbehavers, for bringing the game into disrepute. Inverse furrows occur when a rather poor piece of golfmanship reduces the perpetrator to a blubberingly pathetic shadow of his former self, forcing him to beg forgiveness from the other members through contorted facial gesticulations of a pitiable nature. A recent addition has been the club toss, not as in caber: after a laughable and pathetic drive that travels a short distance, the miss-hitter may throw the club in the direction of the ball in order to have the club travel further than the white orb. This rather skilful task must be completed before the ball comes to rest. The Royal & Ancient is looking at this rather innovative adaptation to the game of golf. |
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