Whatsup, Archimedes?
It is direction that I need;
'cause there are more ways to fail
than to succeed;

And more lies than truth--
but since truth is so often 
confused with conclusion--
we even the score with delusion.

We depend on truth;
on truth we can rely.
But there is value, also,
in a lie.

When life is a drag 
and you're just getting by,
You can brighten it up 
if you lie.

Tell them you do when you don't.
Tell them you will when you won't.
Tell them you did when you didn't.
Tell them it is when it isn't.
Tell them you can when you can't.
Tell them you are when you ain't.
Tell them anything but what's real--
It will improve the way that you feel.

**********

Settle down, children!
Enough is enough!
If you don't behave,
I'll teach you wrong stuff.

Today we will learn
the parts of the cell.
There will be a test,
so learn them well.

The cell wall is more dense
than is the cell fence.
The nucleus is the home
of the chromosome.
It uses it's cell phone
to call the liver
for it to deliver 
a six pack of glucose
and a mint for my pillow.

**********

Archimedes was the dude
who invented the screw,
and he carried them around in his pocket.
And to each pretty woman met,
after he'd say "Howdy do,"
he'd say, "Hey baby; wanta screw?"

And in ladies rooms everywhere,
written in every stall,
"for a good screw,
give Archimedes a call!
555-789 10."

**********

Did I ever tell you how Ben Franklin
discovered electricity?
One night he be trippin'--
puffing on a blunt
when he realized he was outa cigarettes.
"Big deal," he said, belting out a hack.
"I'll drive to the store
and buy a new pack."

He picked up his keys,
and headed to the door,
tripped on beer can
and fell to the floor!

It was then he knew that he shoulda
put them keys in his pocket,
'cause one of them got stuck 
in an electric socket.

So I guess you could call it 
serendipity;
but that's how ole Ben
discovered electricity.

"The kite?" you ask;
maybe some other time.
But that was flubber,
and Albert Einstein!"

You are so confused;
You're ignant and demented!
It was the fordy ounce
that Henry Ford invented!

**********

"Screw You!"
Archimedes said
to his friend, ole Phillips Head!
"Triangles are for the birds!"
That man surely had
a way with words