August 2000
August 13, 2000
It's hard to put this feeling into words, but I must if I hope to get it across. I've grown up as a Christian, and I've gone to church longer than I can remember. Time, in my mind, ought to equal maturity.
The problem is this: If what I expect is true(the connection between time and maturity), I ought to be a fairly mature Christian by now in light of the years that I've put in. If I am not mature, the years were a sham. Who wants to admit that?
But I've had to. And along with it, I've had to admit that I'm immature because the time that i've put in has been spent chiefly in lip service and hypocrisy.
It's painful because I would like to think myself an old hand. I want to claim those years as real experience. I don't want to be a child. This is pride talking.
At the same time, it's liberating. I am the way I am because until quite recently, I haven't troubled myself with actually trying to be what the Lord wants me to be. I haven't given Him the oppurtunity to change me, so it's quite natural that I am not changed.
In summary, I am who I am because of who i've been. Based on who I've been, it would be folly to believe that I could be anyone else.
August 17, 2000
I was just reading one of the quotes I get in the email, and it set me to thinking about an attitude I used to have. I'd save other's the time workting through it, if I could.
We get this idea that because the resurrection of Christ was an historical event(which it was), we must adopt a this strange attitude about it. We (or people like me or in danger of becoming like me) try to develeope the same sort of sterile belief as one might have about George Washington crossing the Delaware, or Napolean at Waterloo. We feel that unless we adopt this perspective, our faith is weak, or that we don't actually believe in Christ as we ought.
This is nonsense. The resurrection of Christ cannot be expected to elicit the same response as the signing of the Magna Carta. We feel a bit mystical and romantic about it because it is very out of ordinary, and rightly so. History is filled with people signing one document or another, but only once did God visit earth only to die and rise again.
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Contact me: adam.stephens@ttu.edu