The following is a story about Thanksgiving, through the eyes of Mr. Cow. Mr. Cow is a cow that supposedly talks. This has nothing to do with Infinite Cheese, but it's just a treat for Thanksgiving. Deal with it!

-Infinite Cheese


Turkey Day!

It’s an outrage! A scandal! A travesty of justice! Do you know what this month is? Do you, huh? This is National Let’s Kill Every Turkey In Existence month (no, we don’t get any days off from school)! Yes, it’s November, or “crunch time”, as it’s known to most turkeys. I wasn’t aware that trillions of turkeys are killed in Las Vegas every November until I was told by my close friend. When my close friend (his name happens to be Mr. Turkey, for those keeping track) brought the problem to my attention, I was even more outraged and embarrassed for the human race than when ‘Holy Cow’ opened on the Strip.
What’s my problem with ‘Holy Cow’? I’m a cow, you say, I should like it. Think of it this way: How would you like an establishment that was furnished completely by paint and fabric that resembles your hide. It’s just plain spooky for me.
Anyway, when Mr. Turkey told me that he was so worried about getting through this month that his giblets were getting tense, I stopped and tried to think of a solution.
I finally found out why so many people eat turkey on Thanksgiving. It’s actually a federal law. It was passed in 1946 in the Supreme Court, and reads “On Thanksgiving Day, every American citizen (or Canadian immigrant) must eat one (1) turkey or help eat one (1) turkey.”
it. Mr. Turkey and I marched down to Washington D.C. (actually we took the bus, but that doesn’t sound as dramatic) and stormed into the Supreme Court.
They were a bit taken a back by the sight of a cow and a turkey in three piece suits, but they regained themselves quickly. I explained to them that there was no logical reason for people to eat turkeys (and usually only turkeys) on Thanksgiving. I explained that this wasn’t fair to all the poor, innocent turkeys who would never make it to Christmas. I explained to them that turkeys were living creatures, and should be treated with kindness, especially at this time of the year.
The courtroom was silent. The judge looked at me somberly. I had obviously struck a very deep cord. The judge asked me to approach the bench. I did.
“Do you realize what you are proposing, Mr. Cow?” the judge asked me.
I told her I did. I told her that killing all those turkeys just wasn’t fair.
“Do you also realize,” asked the judge, “that if I change the federal law to make it legal for people to eat anything they want on Thanksgiving the killing of turkeys would go down?”
I smiled and told her I understood.
“Do you also realize that the killing of other animals would go up?” the judge then asked me. “Probably the eating of cows would skyrocket on Thanksgiving?”
I paused. I thought.
I was back in Las Vegas within the hour. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think turkeys should be killed, but to have them live and have fellow cows be supper!? I don’t think so. Sorry, Mr. Turkey, but it’s every species for themselves on the food chain. Happy Thanksgiving, and enjoy your turkey.

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