Bitch, bitch, bitch. But enough about me and my family. Or about the people who keep nudging me to go do their legwork for them in tracking down and bringing back the tastiest snacks from axfc.
Who has been remiss in her duties of reviewing and sorting out the best from the best in Feast? (jordan hangs head in shame, but raises hand dutifully) Me. Sorry. It took a kick in the pants from the horribly named but wonderfully written Iolokus, or Iolokos, as the cover of the book would have it, to bring me back. I know I already raved and slobbered over the last book by Mustang Sally and Rivka T. I know I try to never repeat writers in my recommendations. But it's all I hear these days on the lists and from friends, and dammit, it's GREAT.
And yes, yes, it's all that you've heard and more. The best piece of fanfic I ever read, with the worst title. Yadda yadda yadda. Just read it. No use rhapsodizing even more than I already have. It's the most emotionally satisfying piece you'll come across in these here parts, a long, rich read full of great writing, plotting, and two damaged but heroic characters who are more post-apocolyptic than any you'll see in the fantasy pieces. And the artwork, the cover designs, the utter coolness of possibilities revealed, can all be found at:
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Zone/9110/
One of the neat things about this book is that it seems to have some sort of restorative power when you're sick of reading fanfic, especially when stories begin to sound so much alike you're SURE you've read this one before. That won't happen with IO IV, I guarantee. And afterwards, everything looks different again, and rather more interesting.
And speaking of interesting…
With all of Gossamer's woes these days, and with the easy access and free availability of sites, more and more people are setting up shop on their own web pages. I decided to take a stroll to see what I could see, a guided tour of the coolest web pages from our writers, past and present, so I could share with you some of the wonderful sites I have seen.
The first thing I came across…well, okay, not the first, but one of the most comprehensive, was Laura Burchard's page. In this, the webmaster (sorry, gang, but webmistress don't cut it in my lexicon) has collected stories and links going back a full year. I don't agree with all of her recommendations because, obviously, tastes are going to vary so much, but she certainly picks from the cream of the crop of writers, and points you to the stories with click-and-go convenience. It's like the very best of Gossamer, all those classics people always talk about and you pretend you've read too, but have put off all this time because you don't really know where they are. Well, they're HERE.
I was staggered to look at the "view resource" and see what an incredible amount of work this woman has done. And all for YOU! If you use the page, please sign her guestbook and tell her thanks, or write her a note and offer some virtual gatorade after this stunning marathon of html coding. Find it all at:
http://traveller.simplenet.com/xfiles/xfavor.htm
Now, for those of you young'uns who have heard of Punk Maneuverability's fanfic, but still haven't read it, get your uninitiated selves over to the "Underground" at:
http://chinapatterns.simplenet.com/punkm/underground.html
Good stuff? From "Venture Forth: Navigation" we get a Mulder second to none in the damaged goods department:
"He leaves the room, bleeding from places she can't see. She believes him to be a whole man, undamaged and sane. She does not know he rattles like a 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle. I am the one who hears him shaking at night."
World class writing, a tasteful use of songfic (brief enough to digest for Feast), and an imagination that wanders back and forth through the Looking Glass make these tales worth reading again and again. PunkM has earned her reputation and deserves to have it sustained a bit longer while she comes to her senses and starts writing again.
While we're waiting, might I suggest the delightful ongoing saga, "Paper Saints" by Jill Selby? It and the rest of Jill's classic fanfic can be found at:
http://members.sockets.net/~msselby/
After seeing Jill's page design for her book covers, you might be a little anxious that her fiction couldn't possibly live up to that sort of professional, polished fanfare. Well, it can, it does, and it KEEPS doing it chapter after chapter.
Jill is one of those old-style writers who believe in real characterization, in depth plotting, and the kind of writing that sucks you in irresistably:
"I used to laugh at that bible verse: "To whom much is given, much will be required." With my looks, I figured I was off the hook for fulfilling any sort of karmic requirements. I could have happily gone on for the rest of my career, working among stacks of dusty old books, cataloging arcane volumes that would otherwise be forever lost, commiserating over the plight of the homely with Trent.
But yesterday we received an estate donation that changed all that.
This marvelous treasure looked, at first, like the answer to all those secret desires I had barely even dared to dream. I, like Trent, was swept up in its promise.
But today I am beginning to wonder if it might exact more of a price than I'm prepared to pay."
That's the kind of introduction worthy of a mystery novel you'd settle down with on a rainy Sunday morning, a cup of tea beside you, and all day to lose yourself in the wonderful world of a gifted writer's creation.
Although it's not finished yet, "Paper Saints" IS a Jill Selby work, and she's never left us hanging yet, so I feel pretty safe to say go, enjoy, secure in the knowledge that she'll finish with a bang.
Along these same lines is a work of sheer genius, from an unknown author, on Lisby's page, someone who has not only read "Jane Eyre" and the mid-nineteenth century romances, but who knows them so well that she can duplicate the process using our own sweetypies:
(Sorry for the long quote, but to fully appreciate the writing style you really have to see the opening paragraph…):
"The Light in the Tower at Mulder Manor" (Author Unknown)
"CH. 1: IN WHICH WE ARE INTRODUCED TO MISS DANA SCULLY, FRIENDLESS ORPHAN; ARE SUBJECTED TO AN INTERMINABLE FLASHBACK, AND SEE HER JOURNEY TO HER NEW PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT INEXPLICABLY INTERRUPTED BY A LARGE, GLOWING DISK
It was a dark and stormy night; much too dark, inside the coach (of which she was the sole passenger) for Dana to read the improving book which she carried for her edification and amusement during the tedious hours of the journey. She was, in any case, too distracted by apprehension to be properly diverted by perusal of Mr. Darwin's controversial theories. Though her position was too desperate, and the remuneration offered her too generous, for her to have declined the post for which she was now bound, she could not but muse uneasily upon the puzzling features of the letter which had summoned her. From whom had Mr. Mulder obtained the glowing recommendation of her accomplishments in embroidery, miniature painting, and forensic pathology, to which he referred? Certainly not from her previous employer, who was still wroth as a result of her thrusting his grown son into the fishpond -- despite the fact that she had at once extricated him from that predicament; and, indeed, it was the young man's own cephalopodian tendencies which had suggested the fishpond to Dana as the proper habitation of his person. And why was Mr. Mulder so reticent, both about his household, and about the precise nature of her duties as companion to his wife? Something was amiss..."
Whew!
Be warned before beginning this piece. Even though it's a parody, Nineteenth-Century English romance writing can become an addiction many still crave even after being force-fed "lit'rature" in high school or college. This story is written in the same style as "Frankenstein" and "Pride and Prejudice," books so appealing that a whole genre of style-imitators still exists just for their readers. When skillfully done, any book is going to drag you in and not let you go. But this one may be like a shot of heroin, and you may find yourself looking for more, more, more, as we did with Iolokus. Alas, there isn't much more out there. Two solutions to this addiction: one, score on the classics themselves, or two, grow your own. But the sharp humor, the sly innuendoes that amount to inside jokes for experienced readers, and the really amazing assimilation of all the elements of the classics make this one a work to store on the hard drive or print out and keep forever.
Find it with the lovely blinking illustration and clever design at:
http://home.earthlink.net/~iwonder/manor.htm
Wish you could write like this? In the interests of better fanfic, I feel I MUST recommend a site for everyone, new and old, who writes X-files or any other sort of fiction:
"The Craft of Writing, or Yes, Virginia, It's a Learned Skill" at http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Vault/8435/writing.html It has all the stuff you need to think about, whether you've been writing for a long time or are just starting out. Just a suggestion, not an indictment. Lord knows I could use a refresher course myself.
I also suggest, for mo'betta grammar, Kipler's cute and comprehensive site for the I-Almost- Understand-the- English-Language-but-not-"Quiet" writers, and for those of us who just like a good laugh, at:
http://members.aol.com/kipler/index.html
In "Elements of Phyle," we learn:
A. Both less and fewer are opposites of "more."
However, they are not interchangeable.
Less is used to describe things you cannot count.
Fewer is the only correct word that should be used
to describe countable things.
Mulder has less faith, hair, soda, and blood.
Krycek has fewer friends, chances, cans of soda, and
arms.
Diet Coke has fewer calories than Classic Coke.
{jordan snide comment: and LESS taste}
B. Lie means to recline or be situated.
Lay means to put or place.
"Lie down on the futon, Mulder. I'll lay a blanket
over you, so you don't go into shock."
But you see, it all gets very confusing, because while Mulder can lie on the futon when he's sick, it's also possible that he'll fall into a coma, in which case Skinner will have to lay him on the futon. (Get your mind out of the gutter! I'm trying to teach grammar here!)
Clear, concise, and always lighthearted, Kipler puts her finger on the pulse of fanfic writing and squeeeeeezes that pulse until the blood flow to the brain stops and all you can do is laugh at your own cheap self. Even the best make mistakes, and those mistakes can be pretty damn funny. (And embarrassing!)
My favorite part of "Elements" is the end, in which Kipler decides ABSOLUTELY which is most important, good grammar or good taste.
Good taste or not, I have to plug my personal hero, and my favorite fanfic writer, though admittedly we all have our own reasons for our own favorites, so I won't make a HUGE deal out of this, but Madeleine Partous was my introduction to fanfic and I've yet to meet a writer with a more endearing, charming, and hilarious take on Mulder and Scully. Now that she has a site, I find myself hanging out there, reading "The Pact" over and over, reading my all time favorite humor piece, "A Hacker's Tale," and reliving the Pilot episode through both Mulder's and Scully's eyes in two separate pieces. You will NOT be disappointed with this woman's writing!
It's at:
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Vault/1377/partous.html
For my last site recommendation, check out
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Zone/2095/meredith.html
for meredith's most excellent fanfic. It's a beautiful site, and no matter where you click, you'll land on a good story. Meredith is one of our underrated writers, I think, whose consistently fine work seems to not get the exposure it deserves.
And finally, just because I loved these stories so much I could NOT fail to share them with you:
"Saving Her" by Musgrove (at musgrove@carbonek. demon.co.uk), is an astonishingly original piece, in which the focus of the reader is controlled through a sort of lens, as in I Am a Camera. The writing is first rate, spare and to the point, pushing you on with its sharp urgency until you come to a full stop and say, hey, wait a minute...because your vision is just a bit wider angled than the lens. It deals with Scully's pov in a very mature way, with a bit more depth than we're used to seeing in our action!Scully. I was really taken with this story, charmed at its innovative technique, surprised and pleased at the success with which it was pulled off.
"Nachtmusik" by Ariadne, at ariadne@yahoo.com, gets Skinner laid with dignity and aplomb, but so much detailed passion that after you read it you'll have to run your libido through the dryer a couple of times. Ariadne's use of metaphor is controlled and lovely, a dark musical prose piece that mainlines the way fine classical music gets in your blood and just hums along. I liked it so much I put it on my site, and I now have Ariadne chained in my cellar until she finishes the sequel, which is looking quite promising. Since Nascent is also in that cellar, after writing "MetaRomance" (also on my site), things are pretty noisy around the old homepage.
"MetaRomance" is one of those rich, wonderful little secrets you have to dig up, like truffles, which can only be found by using pigs to search for them, like...hey, wait a minute...
Moving right along, if you missed "Kevin," by Justin Glasser, go find it; it's worth truffling for with or without the pig-guide. An excellent case file, visual images to die for, a better Scully than most women can do, secondary characters so real you'll want to jump right into the story just to slap their smug bastard faces. Justin's other works are on the site as well, and his evil twin sister has something there, I believe, too. It's at:
http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Lights/7752
For sheer evocative power, "Kevin" is probably one of the top ten case files X-Files I've ever read, and it didn't seem to get much exposure while it was on the group server. You might e-mail him some feedback so he won't think we don't really, really love his work. Cause we DO.
And finally, only because I must stop somewhere, do yourself a favor and go find Manik's "Tight-Assed Cat." I'll tell you the premise, which sounds stupid: Skinner turns into a cat. But it isn't stupid at all--it's savagely funny, bright wit and black humor all mixed up together, in a three parter done with the kind of sophistication and mellow smoothness of really good jazz. You'll laugh, you'll snort, you'll feel like you're the one who got the pint of cream afterwards.
Manik is at manik5@hotmail.com, available for nice feedback anytime.
Before I go, I want to thank Mirage for archiving the Feasts, and Sparky, both for the mention of Feasts and for maintaining a site where you can go that's user friendly and contemporary; mmm...mmm, fresh fanfic served up hot every Monday. Yum!
The Sparkster's at:
http://www.geocities.com/area51/shire/8533/doghouse.html
where you don't have to wait around for pigs to find your truffles for you; these rec's are updated frequently, and links take you straight to the work you want. Sparky provides a service to our community we've been needing for a very long time.
And Last But Not Least--
We're with you, CiCi, in heart if not in hot water, and we can wait as long as it takes for you to find your way back to our open arms. Fight the good fight, because there but for the grace of God go all the rest of us.
My suggestion: turn Mama loose on AOL and see who cries "Uncle" first.
jordan: "Don't you hate A.O.L, Mama Lean?"
Mama: "Owl, you said? Why should I hate owls?"
jordan: "No, A.O.L."
Mama: "Noel?"
jordan: "A.O.L."
Mama: "Ale?"
jordan: "CiCi!!!!!!!!!!"
until next time, thanks for writing,
jordan