These are the most interesting actual statements from college students that I have gathered from my classes so far...
"...I wake up every morning and it will be difficult to get out of bed because my body will be sore and run down."
"...I have to pay my own bills."
"...people stop noticing that I exist or look attractive."
"...I start saying the things my parents always told me!"
"...I get my first gray hair."
"...I start behaving like my parents. Also when I can't chew my food with my own teeth."
"...I start seeing wrinkles and not being able to do my daily routine. And also, when I always feel too tired all the time."
"...I forget things I said ten minutes ago."
"...I can't be away from a rest room for more than 45 minutes.'
"...people tell me to turn down my hearing aids, and I'm always loosing my glasses."
"...I can order off the senior menu without being carded."
"...I start getting grumpy and mean to everybody else."
"...I start hanging around with younger people, trying to fit in."
"...I have a cain and a diaper."
"...I loose strength."
"...it hurts to play a round of golf."
"...I stop having fun."
"...my favorite music is played on the oldies station."
"...I have to spend more time in the bathroom than the time I spend eating."
"...I can feel in my bones when a storm is coming."
"...my kids graduate from college."
"...I can no longer take care of myself."
"...my children start having children of their own."
"...I can't remember my kid's name."
"...I can't understand the things my children say and watch on TV."
"...I have grand kids."
"...I need help getting out of a chair. I will also know I'm old when my face is so wrinkled that I can't recognize myself."
"...when people flip me off everyday while driving down the street."
"...my skin starts to hang and I depend mostly on others to do simple things."
"...my kids have to take care of me."
"...I look back at my life and wonder where it went."
"...I start disciplining my children the way my mother did me and I promised I would never do."
"...I spend all my time working and not spending time enjoying life."
"...my hair starts falling out."
"...people start calling me responsible. And when I look at people in there 20's and start to remember the good old days."
"...I lose my teeth and wear dentures."
"...people refer to me as ma'am."
"...I can't wipe my own but."
"...my joints don't work anymore and life isn't fun anymore."
You know you are old when...
When your back goes out while you stay home.
You and your teeth don't sleep together.
You know you're getting old when the girls at the office start confiding in you.
You stop thinking and sometimes forget to start again.
Dialing long distance wears you out.
You say things to your kids that you swore you'd never say.
You're on the AARP's mailing list.
When happy hour is a nap.
At the breakfast table you hear snap, cackle and pop and you are not eating cereal.
The birthday candle factory gives you a quantity discount.
You have too much skin for your face.
You begin to realize that your parents were right AFTER ALL.
You go to bed earlier than when you were 7. AND it's harder to get up.
You read the obits each morning to decide if it is worth getting out of bed.
You can find your age on the FM radio dial.
Your birth certificate is mistaken for a lost ancient scroll.
You get grey hairs from worry about your teeth falling out.
You start checking out those things called "Depends."
The law of gravity takes on a whole new meaning.
The styles you wore in High School make a comeback called the Nostalgic Look -then you wait for your husband to make a come back, too.
Your definition of "old" advances with your age.
When you can remember bumper jacks for cars.
Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
When you can remember when all cars had hood ornaments.
You feel like the night before, and you haven't been anywhere.
When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.
Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.
When it takes two or more tries to get up from the couch.
You get winded playing chess.
Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
When you can remember the days before freeways - even before string bikinis.
Your children begin to look middle age.
You finally reach the top of the ladder, and find it leaning against the wrong wall.
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
You begin to outlive enthusiasm.
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
You decide to procastinate but then never get around to it.
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.
You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
You're still chasing women, but can't remember why.
You think: I'm too young to be this old!
You turn out the light for economic reasons rather than for romantic reasons.
Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.
You walk with your head held high tyring to get used to your bifocals.
You join a health club and don't go.
Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet.
A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge.
You look forward to a dull evening.
Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 years ago today."
You sit in a rocking chair and can't make it go.
You regret all those mistakes resisting temptation.
Your back goes out more often than you do.
You burn the midnight oil after 9 p.m.
A fortune teller offers to read your face.
Your knees buckle, but your belt won't.
There's more hair stuck in the drain than on your head.
Your boss is younger than you are.
The best part of your day is over when your alarm clock goes off.
Your friends all wear black to your birthday party.
You sink your teeth into a steak--and they stay there.
You are choosen as "poster child" for mid life crisis.
You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
You finally stop waiting for your baby fat to disappear.
The little grey haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
You reach an age most people would like to forget.
Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you watch a pretty girl go by.
You're not sure if you have freckles or age spots.
You get exercise actin as a pallbearer for friends who exercised.
Your kids don't recognize any of your favorite songs.
You just can't stand people who are intolerant.
Work becomes more fun and fun becomes more work.
You remember today, that yesterday was your wedding anniversary.
Your entire wardrobe has elastic waistbands.
You're startled the first time you are addressed as "old timer."
You finally got it all together, and you can't remember where you put it.
You stop looking forward to your next birthday.
Your kids describe some one as "old" and then add, "You know, about your age."
You're 17 around the neck, 44 around the waist, and 96 around the golf course.
You need oxygen after blowing out your birthday candles.
You start driving under the speed limit--even when in a hurry.
After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying a
second coat.
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Words Over the Years that Meant "Cool": How many can you remember?
cherry.....23 skido......smooth......spiffy.....down....down with it
hot diggity dog......pimpin'......got it goin' on..... tubular
its chill.....wicked......sweet.....tight.....groovy......hip
dabomb......the cat's pajamas......nifty.....nifty - spify
neato....bangerang.....sick.....bad.....grand.....great....dope
frekin' awesome......frekin' amazing......magnificent.....terrific
truckin'.....peachy keen.....so fetch.....right on.....kool man
righteous.....neat.....wonderful.....outa this world.....legit
rad.....radical.....gnarly.....cute.....bitchin'.....fantasic
cool cat.....slick.....swell.....trippin'.....bodacious.....krunk
wicked cool.....cope a setic.....awesome......sock it to me...my bad
For Those of Us Who Are Not So Young Anymore:
"My Dad was cleaning out my grandmother's house and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to "sprinkle" clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old."
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How Many Do You Remember??
Head lights dimmer switches on the floor
Ignition switches on the dashboard
Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall
Real ice boxes [Ask your Mom about that]
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.
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Older Than Dirt Quiz
Count all the ones that you remember -- not the ones you were told about! Ratings at the bottom.
1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottle
5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. P. F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive - 6933)
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S&H Green Stamps
16. Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulb
20. Packard's
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers
If you remembered
0- 05 = You're still young
6-10 = You are getting older
11-15 = Don't tell your age,
16-25 = You're older than dirt!
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GRANDMA'S AGE:
LITTLE JOHNNY ASKED HIS GRANDMA HOW OLD SHE WAS.
GRANDMA ANSWERED, "39 AND HOLDING."
JOHNNY THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT, AND THEN SAID, "AND HOW OLD WOULD YOU BE IF
YOU LET GO?"