Hello. This is my Epic of Dover. It's long. Deal with it. :) But don't read it too fast or you may miss the subtle points of my humour. Or maybe not. :)

I'm developing a theory. There are unseen forces at working which have, until now, prevented me from going to Dover. Nazi protests. (Actually, it's the 'National Front' but everyone knows they're the Nazis.) Student protests against the Nazi protest. I thought about going but didn't. I'm glad, seeing as how some people were actually arrested. I wasn't in the mood to be deported. Essays got in the way. Deadlines. The one free weekend Omouse and I had: more Nazis. Oi. And now, yesterday morning, the most sinister: A pile up on the M2 which tie up traffic so bad that nothing from London to Dartmouth moved, thus making the bus to Dover late. Considerably late. Athene19: Actually, the Dartford Tunnel/Crossing... but don't worry about it!Omouse: Umm... Dartmouth is near Cornwallish... isn't it? Nowhere near London or Canterbury.

Not to be daunted, although I was grumpy at this point,Omouse: I was grumpy too! we found that a local service runs to Dover. It was cheaper but took longer. Omouse and I got to Dover by 11.30. We left campus at 8.30. It was a long morning. Starving, we had lunch at the first place we saw. The Golden Palace, right across the street from the bus station. It was actually nice. And the waitress was friendly! A phenomena I have yet to see before or since in Britain. Nice size portions, reasonably priced. It was great. I told the waitress as much. She said, 'Compliments to the chef!' Um, yeah. In the background, you can hear her in the kitchen, 'Compliments to the chief. The best in Britain!' We got desert free. :) Little rice cakes. What a great day. Athene19:Why didn't you save any rice cakes for me?? I like them... a lot!!

Then: the Castle. It's impressive, just looming above the city. Well, it is on top of the cliffs, but still. Very neat. As a side note, my Grandfather was station at Dover in the late 40's. He's not much of a talker, since I didn't know about this until last spring, when I told him I was going to England. 'They eat at lot of mutton there.' Oh, you've been? So, that was also very neat. He told me about the tunnels that run under the cliffs. 'Pretty neat,' his exact words. They were. It was the number one sight on my list. Athene19: Your family seem to have a thing for things being 'pretty neat'. From the state of your bedroom, I can see that this isn't present in all of your traits...Omouse: Hey... my bedroom's worse.

Apparently the secret wartime tunnels remained on the 'secret list' (whatever that is) until 1986. Omouse:Official Secrets Act: They can't tell anybody because it's a "threat to National Security"... ooh, the things I learned in my Media and Politics course! The tour was interesting. A replica of the hospital dressing rooms. Fake blood stained bandages and everything. The lights flickered. The sound of an air raid. And this long set of stairs, just going down. Very claustrophobic. Omouse: They also piped in fake hospital and kitchen smells... ick.In the lobby, the PA system kept playing 'White Cliffs of Dover' and other sappy war ballads. It was nice.Omouse:They played a song I knew at the end of one of the short films and I started singing and Liarbyrd gave me one of her looks. Hey... I liked that song.Athene19: How annoying! But continue!!

And there was Pharos, the roman lighthouse. The tallest roman ruins. (!) Or so the little sign said. I already knew this, having had a lecture on it during my history course. The lighthouse was interesting, if not very aesthetically pleasing. Omouse: I thought you said it was the oldest building in England.Inside, I could hear something rustling. Probably just pigeons but it was a little creepy. Athene19:It's haunted and the curse is upon you! Hahahahaha!!!!! There's an Anglo-Saxon church attached to the Pharos, St. Mary-in-Crutch. (Whatever that means.)Omouse: Mary in the Castle... I read that somewhere...It was the horrible product a Victorian 'restoration.' Romanesque murals on the walls of this church. It was awful. They took a lovely Anglo-Saxon church and deformed it. What were they thinking? Annoying Victorians. Athene19: Yeah, well, someone has to be annoying. If it isn't me, it's the Victorians, if it isn't them, it's the Vikings!! (Or Harrison Ford... but don't tell Omouse!)Omouse: I heard that!(Rather difficult to keep that from me when I'm the one posting this thing!)

At the centre of the complex (It's huge. You can ride a tram to get around) is a keep built by Henry II who is my favourite historical figure. If I were bent on taking over the world, he'd be my hero. The keep was interesting and in surprisingly good shape. You could just wander through it, finding passages and see where they lead. I saw this to cover up the fact that I got lost. 'It was exploring!' Omouse:At one time I yelled her name... and she answered... but I still couldn't find her!Yea, whatever. Athene19: Why do you like Henry II? What did HE do? I actually don't know much about him which means that he couldn't have done much with himself! I like Queen Elizabeth I... she was a strong woman (even if she DID hate Catholics!).Omouse: I must say Ol' Vicky was cool, even if there was a great lack of fashion sense during her years.

The keep was in between exhibitions at the moment, so it was empty. Which added to the atmosphere, really. Supposedly there's going to be the 'Siege of 1216' on display. I only saw a few signs and lots of construction workers. And there was the roof. The best view. I could see France! Well, maybe not really. I like to think I saw France. There was a dark blue smudge of the horizon that was just a little bit different from the rest of the water. If anything, I've seen the Channel! Athene19: Yeah, and it's dead polluted too! You know, if you looked East rather than South, you would have seen Norway/Holland/Finland country (I was never good at geography and I know they are next to each other but I'm not sure which is nearest to Britian... I think it's Holland though... "When it's spring again/ I'll bring again/ Tulips from Amsterdam/ With a heart that's true/ I'll give to you/ Tulips from Amsterdam/ etc, etc...").Omouse grabs her Ukelele "Tip Toe through the tulips...

Tram story: Okay, it's not really a story, just something I want to say. Banana Man. Okay, I've said it. There was this bloke sitting opposite us on the tram. I think he thought he was being amusing. He was, but only mildly in that 'I'm 30something and live with my mum' sort of way. (I have no proof of this, but that was the vibe he was giving.) Omouse: He looked fine to me. Not fine as in cute... fine as in normal.Anyway, he was wearing a bright yellow turtle neck. Banana yellow. Banana Man. I just like naming minor figures in the background of my life. Makes it seem more interesting. Like: Rutherford Man, Shower Guy, Singing Old Guy at Safeway, Overly Friendly Porter, Bad Perm Girl, Generous Chips Lady, and Banana Man. Athene19: Hahahaha!! I am laughing away up here and I'm nearly crying wth laughter!!  Hey, is Generous Chips Lady the brunette??Omouse: Actually I think she means Generous Chips Lady of Keynes... or is there a Generous Chip Lady of Rutherford too? Bad Perm Girl? Shouldn't she be Trays B***h??Omouse: Edited from Athene's comment is the evil woman who shouts in the most annoying screechy voice every morning "Will you please put up your trays." Our daily mission is to thwart her as long as possible.

This was a pointless note. Sorry.

The medieval tunnels; which was cool in that completely creepy 'I'm expecting to see a rat at any minute' way. They were passages that ran under the moat, escape passages and the occasional obliete, and were converted during the Napoleonic Wars as an arsenal. I think it was the lighting that got to me. Or the fact that there was no lighting. Just stairs that went down and long, dark passages. Creepy. Omouse: Liarbyrd and I decided we'd come back one day and set a surrealist movie here I actually was climbing up a set of stairs and ran into this guy. I nearly screamed. I just wasn't expecting some bloke to be...there! I spent the most of the day being continually shocked by every person who magically appeared from around corners. Athene19:AAAAHHHHHH!!!

Anyway, on the long trudge back, Omouse starting singing this cute yet highly annoying Muppet song. It has no words, just 'Manamana...doot do doo doot, doo doot do, mananman...' Athene19:Actually, it's "No way, no way, mn-nah, mn-nah/ You wanna get fresh? Then get with me!" It's crap and I hate it!!Omouse: Nope... I've only heard the Muppet version of that particular song. If she didn't stop, I threatened, I'd sing Beatles songs in a bad William Shatner impersonation. (Actually, my brother loves this rendition of 'Yesterday.' But he's a bit odd.) So I started to sing Yesterday.

'Yesterday. All my...troubles...seemedsofaraway...Now it...appears...they're here...to stay...OhIbelieve...in...yesterday.' Omouse: I was singing nicely... now Liarbyrd on the other hand... is rather tone deaf... especially as ye ol' Captain Kirk

The acoustics were unbelievable. We continued to sing until we heard over people's voices. Until this point, I thought we had been alone. Couldn't see or hear anyone else. Climbing the final staircase, there was a group of people chatting. 'We you the ones singing?' Yeah. 'We were waiting for an encore.' Dead embarrassing.

And it began to rain. Well, I imagine it had been raining all afternoon but we had been indoors mostly. Or underground. Same dif. We walked along the battlement. I got a picture of Jenny sitting on the ledge, right next to 'Falling Man' sign. For some reason I am completely amused by British signs. The exit sign figure actually looks as if he's fleeing for his life. It's referred to as Running Man. The ped cross walk: Walking Man. So, Falling Man. Athene19:We should refer to you as Weird Gal. Omouse can be Evil Clown Gal. Debbie can be Grinning Gal. I can be Tragic Gal... I don't know why but I didn't want to honour myself with a great name. I suppose I'll have to ask you to name me! X-Philer Gal or something!!! Okay, we're walking. It's raining. It's windy. It's getting late. we decide to go catch the bus back to Dover and go home. Maybe stop for a burger. I don't know how we stood at the bus station. I refused to look at my watch. It would have only depressed me. I let Omouse use my umbrella because my jacket had a hood. I'd be fine. In theory. It was only a light sprinkle. But it never stopped. By the time the bus rolled around, I'm soaked. :( Last time I nobly give away my brollie.Athene19: Actually, its 'brolly'. But I'm not saying anything!!!

Bus trip back to Canterbury in one word: cold.

I think it was actually colder in Canterbury than in Dover. I just couldn't walked all the way back to Darwin the way I was. I had borrowed Omouse's coat. Interesting side note: Yesterday was one of the coldest recorded days in June. I heard that on the radio this morning. So I'm not being overly dramatic about freezing and not being able to feel my fingers. Actually, I thought it was snowing at one point. (Which was probably just hysteria.)Omouse: Yup... hysteria... Then I realized it was hail. Rain doesn't sting.

That interesting point was so interesting, let's have another! Okay! The fire alarm went off this morning at 2 in Omouse's dorm. She needed her coat then. As it were, she put on a jacket and wrapped a quilt around her. For some reason, she nagged at me this morning, as if it were my fault. 'You took my coat! How could you!' She was cranky.Omouse: Damn Right I was Cranky! But I was a cheerful cranky... I was just kidding when I blamed her for taking my coat. It was ironic. Don't ya think?

There was a another fire alarm at 9 am. Just a prank. The first one had been real. I'm glad I don't live in Eliot. It has a lot of wee hours of the morning fire alarms. Omouse:What about that Darwin fire alarm while we were watching the season finale of the X-Files?And that was my day. (I had to take a nap this afternoon. It was all just too much.) Five minutes ago I had a really cute way of ending this epic, but I've forgotten. Now you all must live in agony, wondering. Omouse: oh, agony agony... I suppose Liarbyrd's true agony is when she realized I've posted this thing with comments included. hehehe...

Mary says: "Well I'm glad that you finally got to go.  I think I know why that church is named St. Mary-in-crutch.  It was originally St. Mary, but when they restored it, it was so hideous everyone thought it was disabled.  Like it had lost something, a leg perhaps.  Hence, St. Mary-in-crutch!!!!!! Well maybe not, but it's a good theory!"