Hank the Angry, Drunken Dwarf for President!

Photo by: Mitch Gerber/Corbis

Here's some reasons why YOU should vote for Hank the Angry, Drunken Dwarf in the next presidential election:
Hank the Angry, Drunken Dwarf
has never been found guilty of using illegal drugs.
knows Margaret Thatcher.
can spell Potato.
has never had oral sex with Monica Lewinsky.
can dance the Macarena.
has never been accused of illegal fundraising.
has more fun at parties than Grover Cleveland, his current opponent for the Discordian Party endorsement.
was chosen Most Beautiful Person of the year in People's Online Poll for 1998.
If elected, Hank the Angry, Drunken Dwarf pledges to
reduce taxes on the middle class, the lower class, the upper class, and those with no class.
unbalance the Federal Budget.
execute Hanson.
institute a Federal Tax credit to pedophiles -- kiddy porn is expensive, y'know!
annex Canada.
deport the Spice Girls.
slip a mickey into Saddam's drink.
change the name of the Federal Bureau of Investigation to "Hankie's Happy Happy Fun Land."
make Pamela Anderson the next First Lady, followed by Cindy Crawford, Lucy Lawless, and Mariah Carey.
kick Clinton's adulteratin' ass.
keep his shirt on at black tie events.
make the opium poppy the national flower.
prevent the coming entropy crisis by earmarking federal funds to purchase and stockpile entropy.

Remember, in the year 3166 YOLD (2000 CE to normals) to vote for Hank the Angry, Drunken Dwarf for President.

Paid for by the DNC - Discordian National Conspiracy - and the Association of Hank the Angry, Drunken Dwarf's Drinking Buddies and Campaign Supporters.