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Desire is the making or the unmaking of men,
and
laughing last is not essentially a sign of joy
"No," said Jack Allis reflectively, "it ain't a white man's country."
I made no reply. None was necessary. The only people on the beach
besides we two were Moors, Riffs, and a brace of Scorpions who had made
themselves unwelcome in Gibraltar.
"There is something like," Allis continued, waving his cigarette at a
large steam-yacht anchored a mile out. "I'd like to be chief in her,
instead of opening throttles in these blasted Portugee tramps — and I've
not done that for a year. Lord knows I'd sell my soul for a fistful of
good, oily waste and the smell of an engine room."
"I know what you mean," I said, "but I'm not keen on engine rooms. I'd
like to see a real woman — the kind that wears rustling clothes and little
bits of slippers."
"I like barmaids myself," said Allis vaguely.
"Barmaids! Oh, Lord!"
"Yes, barmaids! What's wrong with a nice, well-built barmaid? I knew
one once — black hair and blue eyes, used to work in a pub near the
Victoria docks. She was a little bit of alright, and I liked her fine, and
gave her a gold ring I bought in a pawn-shop.
"But one day I came in unexpectedly from a voyage and caught her
kissing the third engineer of the Griqualand. It took four men to
pull me off that third engineer. I broke most of the furniture in the
place before they got me out in the street.
"I wanted to go back, but the girl was yelling for the police, so I
went away quiet and peaceful. She kept my ring, too — a clear six-shilling
loss. Yes, yes, the women have cost me a lot of money one time and
another."
"With your share of the coin we made back in that little Cairo deal
you can go back and find another barmaid."
"Man, dear, I will not. I've a matter of two hundred pounds, and
that's too much for a barmaid. An aunt of mine lives in America, in a nice
little village called Huntington.
"She married the captain of a whaler. I'll just go visit her and look
around for a wife, one with black hair and blue eyes preferred, though I
would take a blonde, if she had a little money."
I thought of a certain dark-haired girl who lived out near King's
Highway, and I wondered if she still went down to Brighton and Manhattan.
Probably not. Girls are so addicted to marrying. I was still musing on my
lost love, when Allis roused me.
"Sun's almost down," he said, "and I'm hungry. Ibrahim's
couscousou will balance me nicely. Come along."
We walked up the beach, under the grim old kasba, and entered
the town. In the narrow street where stood Ibrahim's house a Frenchman
nearly ran into us.
He sidled past with a slight bow, and went on hurriedly. I did not
like his face. It reminded me of a rat.
"He'll be the owner of that steam-yacht," said Allis, "and I'd like to
know what's keeping him at Dar-el-Dana. This town ain't exactly a summer
resort."
In the guest-room of Ibrahim's house we found the Englishman sitting
cross-legged before the low table bearing a dish of couscousou,
flanked by a fat teapot with sprigs of mint sprouting from its top.
"Late, as usual," said the Englishman. "Two more minutes and I'd have
begun. Gad! I'm peckish!"
When the meal was over and we had washed our hands in the brass bowl
brought in by Ibrahim's Sus Country slave, we settled ourselves
comfortably on the divan and smoked — Allis and I our Oran cigarettes, and
the Englishman a pipe of good green kief.
"Have you seen the owner of the steam-yacht?" inquired the Englishman
suddenly, laying aside his pipe.
We nodded.
"He's a proper rotter," continued the Englishman. "Came up to me in
the Sok this morning and introduced himself. By his card he's the Count of
Virel — by his desires he's a beast.
"Got into conversation, he did. Said he understood I was a man of
adventure, and would I assist him in a small matter? I asked what the
matter was, and he said coolly enough that it was the carrying off of
Aneysha, the daughter of Abdullah, the Shareef."
"Aneysha!" Allis and I exclaimed.
"Right," said the Englishman calmly; "but don't shout. You'll disturb
Ibrahim, who's busy sleeping."
"Why, she's the most beautiful girl in Dar-el-Dana," I said slowly.
"Did you knock him down?" asked Allis.
"Knock him down? Certainly not. It would have been like killing the
goose that laid the golden egg. Listen to me, and I'll explain how we can
make a bit of money out of him."
"By selling Aneysha?" growled Allis. "Not me. I've gotten too many
favors from her dad, who's a gentleman, even if he is a bit sunburned."
"We sha'n't sell Aneysha!" exclaimed the Englishman. "We'll play with
this Frenchman and sell him up. As a British citizen it is my right and
bounden duty to levy toll on the French, and with your help I'll do it.
Leave the matter to me. I'll arrange it.
"The Frenchman has already offered me a hundred pounds for the job,
but I put him off. He'll come again, no fear, and offer more. When he
makes it three hundred I'll close with him. Then we three will divide the
loot. Are you in on it?"
"How'll you do it without handing over the girl?" I inquired.
"Easy enough," answered the Englishman. "We'll substitute something
else. You know that pet gorilla of the Basha's? I never did like the
brute. We'll give him that."
"Man, dear!" said Allis with fine contempt. "He doesn't want a monkey.
He'd laugh in your face."
"Of course, of course," returned the Englishman soothingly, "but he
won't know it's a monkey. Now then, we'll wrap up Mister Gorilla in six or
seven haiks and a djellab or two, and his own mother won't
know him, much less a Frenchman."
"But the smell of him," objected Allis. "He fair reeks, and that's a
fact."
"Perfume," said the Englishman. "A gallon or two sprinkled on him, and
he'll smell like Paradise."
"That's all right," said I, "but that Frenchman isn't going to buy any
pig in a poke without first getting a square look at the pig."
"He will, no fear," said the Englishman cheerily. "I've thought it all
out, and according to my plans he'll be in such a hurry that he'll just
grab his package and make off on time. We'll see the Basha in the morning.
What price gorillas, eh?"
Next morning Allis went down to the beach to keep tabs on the
Frenchman, and the Englishman and I went up to the Basha's house. The
sleepy sentries at the gate in the outer wall passed us in without demur,
and we made our way through the gardens. At the great door of the house
the m'koddem stood, hands on hips. When he saw us he made
obeisance, for the Englishman was known to be a friend of the faithful and
a giver of money besides.
"Behold, I am a poor man and thy friend, master," was the
m'koddem's greeting to the Englishman. To me he said: "Sidi,
peace be with thee."
"And to thee — peace," I replied, and then the Englishman asked for
the Basha.
"The Illustrious One is among his ladies," said the m'koddem,
"and —"
"I understand," interrupted the Englishman, slipping a coin into his
hand, "but I have to say which will make his heart rejoice."
"It would seem to rejoice mine also," said the m'koddem. "Lord,
I will see."
And he departed, biting the piece of silver, for he was a careful man.
Soon the m'koddem came hurrying back.
"Comes now the Illustrious One into the inner court," said he, "where
he will receive thee."
We followed the m'koddem into the inner court, and found the
Basha seated on a divan, with kief pipes on a small table in front
of him. We had barely made our salutattions, when in came a slave bearing
the inevitable teapot, with the sprigs of mint and little cups on a brass
tray from Fez.
Following the Moorish custom, we did not mention the purpose of our
visit, but passed stately compliments to the Basha, whose dull eyes showed
that he had been smoking more kief than was good for him.
"My friends," said the Basha, when the Englishman was about to open
negotiations, "you have never seen my dancers. I bought three a week ago.
Circassians are they, and — but no matter, you shall judge for
yourselves."
We did judge, and praised the Basha's taste. For an unrefined,
illiterate Moor, he had an uncommonly good eye for dancing girls.
At any other time we would have enjoyed watching them, but the
acquisition of the gorilla was more important, and I was glad when the
Basha sent his private ballet back to the harem.
And now, my friends," said the Basha, when we were alone, "in what way
can my poor self be of service?"
The Englishman told him, and then I witnessed the edifying spectacle
of a fat Basha and a lean Englishman haggling over the price of one
medium-sized gorilla, ferocious and very smelly.
As usual, the East conquered the West. It is only in war that the West
is victorious. The Englishman offered seven pounds for the brute, and got
him for twelve.
"And," said the Basha, when the bargain had been concluded, "you must
take him from the cage yourself. He has the anger in him always, and I
would as quickly take him out as I would loose a mad camel in the Sok."
The Basha did not inquire into our reasons for purchasing his gorilla.
Which was well, for a Moorish official is always anxious to have a finger
in every pie.
That afternoon the Frenchman came ashore to confer with the
Englishman. Allis and I were present at the meeting. It was a lively
session.
The Frenchman almost wept when we told him our price was three hundred
pounds — forty pounds down and the remainder on delivery. The Frenchman
wrung his hands and protested, but the Englishman explained that if we
were caught kidnaping Aneysha we would certainly be killed, and in a most
unlovely fashion. Finally the count agreed to our terms, and we promised
to hand over the girl next evening at midnight.
He said his doctor would give us the knockout drops, or their
equivalent, if we should come out to the yacht with him.
I sha'n't forget that visit to the steam-yacht. We stayed for dinner,
and there were unlimited "King's Pegs."
Allis finished twelve before they affected him. Then he turned rusty.
He nearly knocked the deal on the head by calling the count a "Johnny
Crapaud." He also aired his views on the French and their habits in choice
engine-room English.
Then he wanted to fight me, and he hit the Englishman instead. We
managed to get him overside and into the boat at last. Next morning when
Allis awoke he had only the pleasantest recollections of the previous
evening. It is sometimes a blessing to have no nerves.
"Now, then," said the Englishman after breakfast, "I'm going to tell
Ibrahim all about it. We'll need his help."
Will he understand?" I was dubious.
"Understand! Why, old chap, a Moor has a sense of humor. A bit
perverted, perhaps, but a thing like this will tickle the Moorish fancy in
a way that will surprise you. Ibrahim's ancestors were pirates —
Salee, you know."
I called Ibrahim, and he came in. He removed his yellow slippers and
sat upon the divan, as fine-looking a Moor as one could wish to see.
Ibrahim listened intently to the tale. When the Englishman had
finished, the Moor placed both hands on his knees, pointed his beard at
the ceiling, and laughed gustily. Then he wiped his eyes and spoke:
"Sidi, as thou sayest, this dog of a Frenchman — may other dogs
dance upon his grave — should without doubt have his tongue torn out and
his eyes pierced with hot skewers for daring to look upon Aneysha, the
daughter of a Shareef.
Our women go veiled — as thou knowest — when they walk abroad, and to
see her face he must have spied privily upon her in her father's garden.
If Abdullah the Shareef knew this he would neither wash his hands nor
sleep till he had found the Frenchman's heart with a knife.
Then trouble would arise, for a war-ship and other Frenchmen, evil,
ill-conditioned rogues, would come, and True Believers would suffer. But
they way there can be no trouble, but much laughter in its stead.
The boat of the Frenchman will be on the beach west of the
kasba at midnight? Good! I, Ibrahim el Kaid, will take my two
brothers, true men and no chatterers, and make a powder play at the
appointed time. Thus will the matter be settled."
At eight o'clock that evening the three of us went up to the Basha's
house. The Englishman had partly explained matters to the m'koddem,
and that worthy man met us at the outer gate with many obeisances and a
large bundle of clothes. He led us through the silent gardens to the cage
of the gorilla.
The ugly brute, very wide-awake, squatted on his haunches and eyed us
malevolently, chewing on a stick the while. I remember how his eyes
glittered in the lantern light.
"Behold, master," said the m'koddem, "the monkey has had naught
to drink since the morning — as thou didst order."
"Thou hast done well," answered the Englishman. "We will now relieve
his thirst."
A slave brought a jug of water, and the Englishman poured into it a
sweet-smelling liquid given him by the yacht's doctor. It was not knockout
drops, but the yacht's doctor said it was just as good and would keep a
girl unconcious for ten hours.
We thought it would certainly put a gorilla to sleep for five. When
the mixture had been well stirred the m'koddem attracted the
gorilla's attention elsewhere, the Englishman opened the cage-door and
slipped the jug inside. The gorilla perceived the jug at once, lifted it
with his hairy hands and gulped down every drop.
The drug took hold of the monkey immediately. The brute dropped the
jug, gripped the bars of his cage, chattered a bit, then crumpled into a
heap on the floor. The Englishman flung the cage-door open, seized the
gorilla by the feet, and pulled him out.
Then we three set to work upon him, while the m'koddem held the
lantern. He also told us how to put on the clothes. It took us
three-quarters of an hour to rub in the perfume and attire that gorilla
properly.
Finally the job was finished, and we stood back and surveyed the
result of our efforts. The odor of the perfume was rather overpowering.
The gorilla made a very bulky bundle.
He had on six haiks and two heavy djellabs. He did not
in the least resemble a young lady. Still, in the dark, and if the
Frenchman were properly hurried, he might pass as one.
I looked up and caught the m'koddem's eye. The Moor had not
been told for whom the monkey was intended, but his humorous soul sensed a
joke.
"Sidi," said the m'koddem, "is it a jest?"
"It is," I answered.
"Then I will provide a donkey," said the m'koddem. And he did.
Our progress down the hill from the Basha's house was not uneventful.
Allis and I held the gorilla on the donkey, while the Englishman urged the
little animal on by twisting its tail. Which is the proper method of
steering a donkey in Morocco.
Half-way down the monkey tripped over a sleeping dog. We four fell in
a heap, and the Englishman roared with laughter until the dog bit him.
Then he tried to kill the dog.
"I think," said the Englishman, when the dog had departed, "we'd best
not go through town. We don't want to arouse too much comment."
We skirted the town, and on level ground we trotted briskly. The
donkey grew weary and tried to lie down several times — once in somebody's
melon-patch.
Luckily for us, we got him up and away without attracting the
attention of the owner. We were all sweating freely when we reached the
clump of palms underneath the kasba.
We dismounted the gorilla and sat down. Allis cursed all monkeys and
rubbed his arms. Mine, too, ached not a little.
Three shadows detached themselves from beneath the palms and joined
us. They were Ibrahim el Kaid and his two brothers — true men and no
chatterers. The Englishman scratched a match inside his helmet and looked
at his watch. The hands marked twenty minutes to twelve.
"Time to trek," said the Englishman.
We bindled the gorilla on the donkey and proceeded slowly along the
beach, taking care to keep well away from the water.
The was no point in letting the Frenchman see us too soon. We halted
some four hundred yards from the spot where we were to meet him, and
stared along the shore line.
"That'll be him," said Allis. "I can make out his boat plain."
"Right," said the Englishman. "Ibrahim, do thou wait in peace till we
are fifty paces distant from the boat; then pursue swiftly, shouting and
firing."
Ibrahim and his brothers nodded, their white teeth gleaming in the
darkness. The Englishman twisted the donkey's tail, and we started to run
down the beach to the boat.
Soon shots and yells rang out behind us. The Frenchman's voice called
to us in a frightened falsetto.
We ran and the donkey galloped.
"Vite! Vite!" shrieked the count as we pulled up at the boat's
bow.
"Where's the money? demanded the Englishman, shocing back two sailors
who were attempting to lay hands on the gorilla.
"Ici! stuttered the Frenchman, holding out two plump bags that
clinked alluringly.
"Right," said the Englishman, taking the bags. "Here's your fair lady.
Quick, now. Her friends are coming. Never mind us."
Ibrahim and his brothers were doing their part of the performance
nobly.
Two sailors seized the gorilla, placed him carefully in the boat — the
count pillowed the veiled and hooded head in his lap — and shoved off just
as the three Moors ran up. The crew bent to their oars and the boat
advanced seaward.
Then the three of us collapsed on the sand and stifled our laughter
with our coat-sleeves, while the Moors called Allah to witness the
discomfiture of the Frenchman.
Suddenly a wild scream from the boat checked our mirth.
"The Frenchman must have opened his bundle," said the Englishman. "It
doesn't matter, though. We've got the money, and he'll not dare complain.
Funny isn't it?"
Scream after scream and volleys of profane French came from the boat.
"It sounds to me," observed Allis, "as if Mister Gorilla had waked up.
I thought I felt him move a little when the sailors took him. That dope
wasn't strong enough."
A fair sized riot seemed to be going on in the boat; then we heard a
heavy splash, followed by sounds as of a paddle-wheel steamer coming
shoreward rapidly.
A minute or two later the gorilla, puffing strongly, scrambled ashore.
Of his many clothes there remained but one djellab hung about
his neck.
It did not impede his movements, however, for he skipped past us and
disappeared up the beach. We never saw him again.
The boat rowed on out to the yacht, and what the Frenchman thought we
never knew.
But we will never forget him, for when the bags were opened we
discovered the contents to be several pounds of best iron washers, and
absolutely nothing else. |