With the maturation of a recent year as it moved inexorably towards its ending, I began to understand clearly who I am and what my place is. Although there is much, yet, to learn, I know more today of the ancient role of Shaman in the tribes of our native American brothers and sisters and of many cultures through uncounted ages. I understand more thoroughly how that role reflects my work now; however, there are differences and a certain expansion into a new role as Shaman focused in the light of the teachings of Jesus Christ, who is the Christ, Emmanuel, God with us, for all people. There may be, perhaps, raised eyebrows and a certain lack of understanding with respect to how that can be. To many people there could be a distinct theological and philosophical dichotomy between the Shaman and a Christian prophet and healer of the spirit. However, there is so little difference in practice as to be inconsequential.

Sunday, on New Year's Eve at the end of that year, I scrambled down three-quarters of a mile of rocky, steep mountain to find a shaman's cave, one used for centuries by the Wintu tribe of northern California. I hardly noticed the narrowness of what little trail there was, although I recalled vividly the first steep climb I had made up Sunset Peak in the San Gabriels only fourteen months previously. This day seemed a lifetime away, and I realized no fear, no trepidation at my solitude, no uncertainty on the narrow, almost indistinguishable trail. That cave called me towards its discovery, into further understanding of how my role today differs from and, yet, is so similar to those shamans who ministered to their people in other days.

For the better part of a year, I had responded, more often than not, to many whose spirits meet with mine on a level apart from the physical, as Spirit Eagle. I am that soul whose work it is to carry the prayers, concerns, pain, questions and longings of many to the loving heart of Creator Spirit, Shekinah. Only a few weeks before my trek down the mountain to the cave, a Lakota Sioux, whose anonymity was broken only by a name I could not translate, gave me my name as Shaman. I felt a deep settling, a peaceful relaxation in my soul when the name appeared before me. The meaning does not change, for Wanbli Wakan, as I shall be known to many in the days to come, is still Spirit Eagle. My willingness to accept the burdens from others less capable of carrying their own pain will be, for the remainder of my life, a hallmark of who I am. It is my honor to accept such trust with loving compassion in gentleness and kindness, in understanding of the pain, the anguish and frequent loneliness of the human condition.

Over the many years I have walked this earth, through the long days of living and learning, of hurting and rejoicing, of laughter and in tears, I have come to understand how she who would be of most service is she who joins most completely with the lives of those with whom she shares this earth. There are many physicians, counselors, others in soul ministry who might still believe it is necessary to keep a distance, to maintain a level of objectivity, in order to offer the most reliable and effective means of assistance to those whose lives are marked by pain and confusion. To some degree that is true. It is entirely critical for any of us who minister to the hurts of our human sisters and brothers to keep our souls healthy, our spirits whole or we shall lose our ability to answer and live out the call to be present. However, separateness to a significant degree removes us from the intimacy of understanding, of shared living.

Perhaps, at this juncture it is of some benefit for me to speak from the days I have lived, from the perspective of the many encounters during which I have shared my experiences joining me with those whose lives I touch at any given moment. The pastor of a church where I worshipped in warmth of Christian faith community often quoted this thought: we gain spiritual authority through our experiences of the pain in living our lives. While I have heard some respond rather negatively to that idea, I find it of value and full of truth, particularly in light of the hours and moments I have shared with so many along my path. There is no answering argument to this statement in my mind because I have found it possible to be present most effectively to those whose pain I understand most clearly in the light of similar experience.

As Shaman, in keeping with ancient tradition, it is my work to touch the lives of those with whom I walk in ways that will open them to understanding the power within each of us to find our own wholeness and healing. Bringing this heritage into the Christian arena fills it with new richness, imbues it with a directed focus on the sacrificial love we see lived in Jesus the Christ. I have come to believe it is only through loving unconditionally, through freely accepting without demand those who come into my life I can touch their hearts in the hidden places where their agonies live. Each comes from a different place and sees the world around them as a different reality. Each has differing attitudes and beliefs, occasionally what appears highly contradictory creeds, yet all are one in the reality of human spirit.

There is a practicality to this attitude demanding my involvement with the lives of those with whom I walk the paths of living. As example, guide and teacher I have the person of Jesus himself, as well as the lives of such heroes as Mother Teresa of Calcutta, Gandhi, the Dalai Lama, and others in the same ilk. These are those guides who chose to live in a manner revealing how they shared the practical challenges of the people whose lives they changed. I read those words again in the gospel of John in which the call of sharing the life of generous, selfless love bespeaking who Christ is, "Greater love has no man but that he lays down his life for his friends." I examine more closely and recognize the hallmark of unconditional love and a manner of involved living expressed in healthy wholeness.

In choosing to live among us and to share fully our experiences, Jesus Christ celebrated the dignity and worth of those whom the society of his day designated as untouchable and unacceptable. He spoke the truths of his being, his mission among us first to women who were only a little more politically regarded than slaves and Gentiles. Indeed, one of his revelations of himself was to not only a woman, but a Samaritan woman who had been married five times and was living with another man even then, Samaritans being among some of the least acceptable creatures to the Jews of his day. He celebrated and brought into fellowship those whom others rejected and considered of less value: tax collectors, lepers, children, accused prostitutes and beggars.

To take the generosity of Christ's love a few steps further we can look more closely at what that gift says. In removing the global aspect of such unconditional acceptance and in bringing it to the personal level we can understand more clearly what his love is saying today. This is my place now: to offer insight and to shed a new brightness of joy and love. Those who love and who live that love recognize there is beauty even in what so many view as the ugly, dirty crevasses of their lives and in the lives of those whom they touch. Each of us carries the seeds of greed and larceny, sickness of soul in some form, occasional excessive desire for physical pleasures and comforts. We are all wanting and hungering for that which we do not have. We are all Shekinah's children, desiring most of all to loved and accepted. When we begin to accept the shadows in our souls, to love even those facets of ourselves that are not so lovely, we begin to understand how She, who creates us anew with each breath, loves us.

The aspect of the role as Shaman of the new day causing the most difficulty and challenge for me is that of prophet. While I do not hesitate to accept the responsibility of speaking the truth with as much compassion, prudence and wisdom as I can elicit, I am only too well aware of the discomfort, even pain, my words can cause. The apparent dichotomy of loving and of finding it necessary to open up the agonies many suffer to fresh pain is occasionally the source of significant struggle in my ministry.

A parallel I find from my past seeming to ease some of my difficulty is the memory of the aftermath of being injured during the course of an armed robbery. I experienced a nasty couple of wounds at very close range as a bullet traced its path across one leg, taking a large piece of muscle with it, and through a heel, shattering it. In that experience I learned how critical it is to clean out, to debride the burned, dead tissue in order to make healing and new growth possible. The orthopedic surgeon who cared for me certainly did not do his work to cause me more pain than I already was suffering. However, there was no way I could possibly have healed, rebuilt vascular supply and regained my ability to walk had he not done his work thoroughly. He was gentle and caring in the process. So, too, my words must occasionally bring to light the dark recesses of a wounded soul with as much gentleness and compassion as possible.

My visit to the Shaman's cave offered me insight I might not have found any other way. It was not unusual for the shaman of a tribe to go to the dark, secret places to practice the healing arts and to commune with the other worlds in order to gain insight and understanding, to prepare for ceremony. Indeed, the shaman is the bridge between the world of the spirit and the daily realities for those who do not reach into the spirit world. As I wandered in the large outer chamber of the cave, gazing at the surreal beauty of lavender, pink, beige and gray boulders, and as I listened to the melodious tinkle of dripping water and tiny rivulet along the cave floor; I realized the dimness and hiddenness of the old shaman's cave does not represent the manner in which my work must live.

While I must, at times, withdraw to the solitude of the mountains and forest for renewal and refreshing stillness to feed my soul, my place is on the heights, in the sky, singing in the sunshine, opening the deep shadows of people's lives to the radiance of the understanding and accepting Love who is Creator Spirit. Christ spoke of light often, his role to bring light to the darkness. He challenged his followers to be beacons on the hillsides, not shadowed candles under cover of baskets. I must let the light of Great Spirit shine through me in such freedom so those who see that glorious brightness do not see me but their own possibilities and promise.