Once upon a time, in the kingdom of Pork, where good king Phunding reigned, transportation was slow because everyone carried things upon their own backs. King Phunding was a curious king, and he thought to remedy the situation. He gathered all the wise men from his kingdom to his court, and bade them them dream of some marvelous invention or another to make transportation easier. One group of wise men were known as the Linguesses, because their method to discover new things was to make guesses. The chief of the Linguesses was Chumpsky, who made the most guesses and was the loudest about it.
"Gentlemen," said Chumpsky, "what we need is a Wheel." There was a silence of awe. No one had ever thought of a Wheel before. Chumpsky continued. "My guess is," said Chumpsky, "that a Wheel would be perfectly square, nature's perfect shape, and constructed of tinfoil and butterfly wings." The Linguesses thundered their approval. King Phunding was mighty pleased, and decreed that from then on, all the wise men should think day and night about the Wheel, to the exclusion of anything else. Butterflies were collected by the thousands. Men talked about Wheels, dreamed about Wheels, all of them with the perfect shape, nature's perfect shape, the square as decreed by Chumpsky. One radical proposed a pentagon or five-sided Wheel, but he was drummed out of the Linguesses, and sent to work in the stone quarries. "What, will you RE-INVENT THE WHEEL?" cried Chumpsky, as the Linguesses gathered around, berating, and drove the poor man from the court of Phunding.
In the stone quarries, there worked a man named Borne. He spent all day dragging a large load of stone from the quarry to the river, and the quarry to the river again. It was back-breaking work, grueling in the hot sun. At the quarry, Borne met the disgruntled Linguess, who told him of the five-sided Wheel, and his unfortunate lot. Borne laughed at first, but somehow could not forget the notion of the Wheel. One day as he labored, the sun hotter than ever, the way further than ever, Borne was faint and lay down beneath a tree. As he lay, he slipped in and out of fever, and a strange vision passed through his mind. He saw a man, with a larger load of stone than ever before, a strange apparatus behind him, and the man laughing and not straining at all, but having an easy time of it. And he thought he heard a voice say that this was a Cart.
Borne leapt up, and was possessed with a power and a strength. He left his load of stone, returned to the quarry, and took up hammer and chisel. He would create the strange round objects beneath the Cart. He labored night and day with hammer and chisel. But as Borne was no longer working, he soon ran out of food, and money to buy supplies. Borne's friend, the fallen Linguess, had a suggestion. "Borne, I have seen that King Phunding is fond of odd and curious things such as this Cart you build. You must go to court and there present your vision. King Phunding will understand, and give you help to finish this wondrous device."
Borne carefully packed his chiseled round stones, each with a hole in the middle to support an axle, and proceeded on the journey to the court of Phunding. There he was met at the first gate. "May I speak with King Phunding?" asked Borne. The guards laughed. "First you must study this book for five years," said one guard, and he slammed the pigeon-hole. Borne labored five years over the book, which explained the various types of butterflies, and how they migrate by the seasons. He entered the first gate.
"May I speak to the king now, I have something he may be very interested in," said Borne at the second gate. The Linguesses oversaw this gate. "And what is that?" asked the Linguess slyly. Borne was excited. He had waited five years. He opened his heavy bundle. "Do you see here? These round objects can be placed beneath a wooden frame, allowing a heay load to be carried. The round objects take the weight, so that a heavier load than ever before might be carried, faster and with less strain." Several Linguesses had gathered around. They didn't know what to say. Then one spoke. "Why, those are Wheels, are they not? But you've got it all wrong, you fool. Wheels must be square, nature's perfect shape. You have RE-INVENTED THE WHEEL!" The gate slammed shut, but not before two Linguess acolytes had snatched Borne's bundle and drawn it within. Another book was thrown out upon the hapless Borne. "Read this and come back in another five years," said a snarling voice.
A few days later, Chumpsky led a triumphant procession before King Phunding. "Why come you here?" asked the king. "Sire we have great news. We have discovered that Wheels may also be round, thus Wheels are both round and square at once, truly a mystery! We are now going to investigate the round square, a new discovery, which we think is something like a triangle. Great good tidings, sire, we have RE-INVENTED THE WHEEL!" Borne heard the celebrations and wine drinking that night, as he sat with his head buried deep within the book. "Perhaps this book is right, perhaps Carts are impossible," Borne sighed. And perhaps Borne can be found there today, surrounded by books, with a long gray beard, and sighing. Or was it Borne who returned to the quarry, built his Cart, which then became widespread in use, and the Linguesses were thrown out upon their ears when king Phunding realized their excessive greed and folly? Perhaps this story has not been told, and the ending is uncertain as is life, and mysterious indeed more so than even round squares.
MORAL: It is OK to re-invent the wheel, provided one knows Phunding.