We, as borderlines, are often confused and disturbed with issues regarding sexuality. Some of it may be due to early childhood molestation, or date rape later on in life, or simply a matter of having an unhealthy relationship with one's father, if you happen to be a woman, and one's mother if you are male. Now before everyone thinks, "Hey, this stuff belongs in WestHollywood, let me emphasize that I am not here to talk about homosexuality or bisexuality per se; rather, that I, personally, have grown up extremely disturbed that there was something "wrong" with me because I felt a strong attraction to my own sex.

I have never actually slept with a woman, but think about it. I know that if I was not borderline and did not have a very disturbed female babysitter molest me repeatedly as a small child, I would likely have married after university and had a bunch of children, as I love them dearly.

But that just wasn't in the cards for me. The reason I am NOT in West Hollywood is because I don't think the major symptom of my illness is a preference to women---simply, as Michael Stipe says, "I just love humans". One is missing out if afraid to be affectionate toward people of your own sexual persuasion.

I was date raped three different times since the age of eighteen and had a very close call at sixteen, so I must confess that my sexual feelings toward the male of the species are not entirely healthy. Therefore, I turn to women for warmth, love and cuddling. Although I have never "gone all the way", I would not hesitate to under the right circumstances. I just came out this year when I wrote my autobiography, and I must say that my family took it well. Mom was a bit uncomfortable at first, Dad says I should "go all the way and be a full-fledged lesbian instead of piddling around", and my brother, who lives in Vancouver, took it all in stride and said that after living there for seventeen years, he was used to the whole scene. You can imagine my relief when nobody disownd me or cast me out.

I repeat: This segment is NOT to be focused primarily on sexual preference, but rather, is here because it is an important facet of the borderline make-up.

You can imagine my ecstacy when I discovered my favourite rock star, Michael Stipe, felt the same way I did. Suddenly I didn't feel so alone, so ashamed. He has put up with a great deal of flak from boh the media and his so-called "fans" who seem to take some kind of twisted delight in making fun of him.

I've been called "you queer" and "dyke", among other epithets, but I take it all in stride. Living a lie for thirty years was a major source of my cutting, starvation and crashing depressions. Now I feel as though a great mountain were lifted miraculously from my stooped and tired shoulders.

If someone wants to give me a hard time about this segment of the page, saying it does not really belong in Athens/Delphi, I just want to say to you that the art of being borderline is more than bizarre symptoms and hospitalizations, of medication and electroshock therapy: It is about learning to love oneself for who and what we are; not what society dictates us to be.

To me, women are soft, sensitive, nurturing and warm. Why should guys get it all?

I am what I am, as Popeye would croak. And I make no apologies. For the fist time in my entire life, I feel as though I can really live.

If anyone reading this is going through a sexual identity crisis while battling mental illness, please, please do not hesitate to e-mail me. It's on the page and I will promise to respond to all who write.

Why sit there in the dark, possibly contemplating suicide because you cannot face your sexuality. It is NOT YOUR FAULT and you are NOT going to hell. To those reading this who have "walked through the fire" of emotional maelstroms, you have been here already. God isnt' about to send you back. Please be safe and write me.

Michael likely has his "dark nights of the soul" too. How else could he have written those incredible songs on "Automatic For the People"?

Here's a special haiku for all of you groping unhappliy in your sexual, borderline closets:

Knew she was "different". Feared locker sprayed with hatred. ....yet they embraced her.

Sometimes things turn out better than we'd envisioned them.

And I hope they accept you, too. Please, never lose hope. Life is sweet, no matter what your sexual persuasion.